I just...kinda felt like apologizing today...

If I'm kinda quiet on here, I'm still here.

If I seem upset or anything, it's probably cuz my exams are one month later and I'm preparing for it because I feel like I'm not ready enough.

I'm usually not all happy and stuff when I'm studying for things. I'm more serious or frustrated or negative when it comes to studying...

I feel like such an idiot.

I probably failed my math quiz today (which was only 3 word problems)

I put 18 for the answer of one of the questions but the teacher revealed that the answer was 3.

I studied for this quiz. Why can't I ever get anything right?

I feel like I've upset some of you for forgetting Mattie's birthday. I don't usually check the countries' birthdays, and I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot as to not know about this...

This sour mood had started ever since I got outta bed. I didn't even feel like getting out of bed today. I tried eating one of my favorite snacks: a pack of pop tarts. That didn't really help. I tried finding happy music to listen to. I couldn't find any. The only time today where I laughed was in English when my group and I read a scene from Twelfth Night in a Chinese accent, but that's not the point. 

That was the only time. I just can't feel happy today. I don't know why.

No, I'm not sinking into depression. There is a difference between being in depression and just simply feeling unhappy. 

I don't know why I'm feeling like this. Like, not even the hat-wearing dinosaurs in the fashion magazine website can make me laugh right now. They usually do.

And I can't even keep my grades above 85%. The highest score of all my core subjects (the more important subjects: English, Socials, Science, and Math) is 83%, which I got in English. 

That hasn't even gotten to the worst part yet.

My classmate, whom I thought was my best friend in this school, is actually talking behind my back and saying stuff about me. She doesn't know that I know about her talking about me, but well, I've had some reliable sources tell me. 

I didn't do anything to her and she literally said this about me: "Samantha is a b**** like Rowan and she tries hard to blend in with the g9 girls but no one likes her. She fits in with Rowan cuz they both are beaches" 

Well okay, then. That actually stung a bit. 

She acts so fakely in real life, where I can just look at her being nice to the people she gossips about and say, "Psh. You're totally not like that." She's a huge hypocrite too. I'm not going into detail. Because. 

In fact, the classmate is the one who gossips about many people. Even about my other friend, even though she's in a grade lower than me, but she's one of the closest friends I have in school. 

I'm not going to point fingers and tell you who this classmate is, because I'm a nice person. I'll just say that she has Wattpad too. 

But enough of that.

I feel like there's this burden weighing me down on my back, but I don't know what it is. 

I feel like I can't do anything right, and I'm a huge troublemaker and I'm just...different from everybody else. I feel like I've upset so many people, including myself. I can't even keep myself happy... It just feels like no one seems to care. Probably because no one knows about my non-happy side and probably cuz I rarely post these kind of stuff on Wattpad. 

I feel so...dull. 

And it's not lack of sleep! I've been sleeping at 10:30 once or twice, which is great for me. 

(I'm used to sleeping at 11. This is normal for me. )

I just really want a hug or something. idk. 

Maybe today just isn't one of my happy days. 

If any of you are mad at me, I'm sorry, okay? I'm so sorry. 

If anyone wants to talk to me, I'm here. 

I'll see you around.