oh, i'm in paradise
show me a heartbreak a thousand times

i don't care to be or be caught
without sweet misery by my side

televised
hunny

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

". . . the number of possible states in which that the object can exist, with each universe containing a unique single possible state of that object."

Ms. Warren's words carried throughout the classroom and straight onto your paper, it written with vigor and barely legible in exchange to keep up with the lesson. Because finally did she agree to cover some light-work on Quantum Physics, and you'd be damned if you fell behind-

A crumbled piece of paper is launched into your side and bounces off onto the ground, stilling your writing.

With a heavy breath through your nose, you plucked the paper ball next to your foot, not even having to guess who it came from when you can see him in the corner of your eye making a fool of himself; making unneeded motions for your attention.

And just before you could make the move to smooth out its harsh edges, Ms. Warren turns her back to the board, clearing her throat with annoyance.

"Mr. Leeds," you both freeze, "is there any reason why you can't sit still in your seat?" Everyone turns around at her observation, Ned feeling himself tense under their full, undivided attention he had now.

He looks to you for help, begging with his eyes, for you only gave him a shrug; clearly amused at how this was playing out. "Uh, there's-" his eyes dart to you yet again, who was motioning for him to continue ". . . ants. In my pants."

You snort, quick to turn away from Ned to hide your laughter, but it didn't matter anyway when Ned saw the way you shoulders bounced with hilarity.

"You said there was ants in your pants?" Peter repeats ludicrously, looking to you for confirmation with heady amusement fixed on his features. You watched as he tried to fight off his grin for Ned's sake, but it all slipped out when he saw you do the same thing. "I froze, okay? I didn't know what else to say!" Ned says, throwing a chip at him.

It couldn't have been that funny. One of those 'you had to be there' moments for you to even laugh, but it was the fact that something similar had already happened that made it so much more richer than it seemed.

"Remember last year during homecoming? When you said you were watching—" it was hard to finish when you were too busy with catching your breath in between laughter. It was even harder when you heard Peter choke on his spit at the mention of Sophomore year.

Ned was just about ready to reach over the lunch table and strangle you, but it really wasn't all that serious. He knew that, you knew that, and Peter knew as well. That's why you didn't feel bad laughing at the expense of Ned's humility.

Your laughter comes to an abrupt end when a tray slams down, your little eye spying Michelle (more affectionately known as MJ) as she sat down at your shared table. "Heard there's an ant farm in your parents." She speaks. You look to Peter. Peter looks to you. Laughter ensues. 

No longer able to handle the sore feeling in your stomach from laughing it up, you fished out the paper from your back pocket, returning it to its sender. "What was so important you had to throw it at me during physics?" You asked, rehydrating yourself with the bottle of water Peter passed to you.

Ned's eyes narrow at you, debating about withholding the news from you as a little payback, but hell—something this good couldn't stop Ned from sharing. "Guess who has their hands on the 75128 Millennial Falcon set?"

Silence. Your eyes narrowing back at him. "You're lying." You look to Peter for confirmation, your eyes practically bulging out from your sockets when he nodded. "No way!"

"Yes, way!" Ned counters, not missing a beat.

"That thing is worth way more than our savings combined!" Which isn't much to begin with, but you get the point. "How?" You beckoned.

"That thing is worth more than our savings combined!" Which really isn't all that much to behind with, but you get the point. "How the hell did you manage to get it? It immediately sold out on its release date!"

"Aunt Jude." Peter and Ned answer in unison.

Ah, Aunt Jude. The crazy, rich auntie everyone wished they had. She, who sends gifts in gifts every month like it was Christmas. Ned says it's because she wasn't very good at remembering everyone's birthday.

"How could you miss a birthday if you send gifts every month?" She had said once. Ned calls it the 'Jude Logic' because no one else, besides herself, thinks that makes sense.

"God, I love Aunt Jude." You uttered, already losing yourself in a daydream about building the Falcon. But of course, you knew it would have to remain just that: a daydream. Because no longer did you have the free time to indulge in such luxuries these days.

"We were thinking about starting on it today at my place." Peter nudges your side, pulling you out of the war zone that was called your brain.

The urge to agree was strong, but there was always something happening out in the streets of Queens to attend to. So with a heavy heart, and great remorse, you rejected their invitation.

"I really wanna say yes, you all know this, but you also know why I can't say yes either." Your answer is vague, but they knew the reason for that, too.

"Don't you think it's about time you take time for yourself?" MJ chimes in, eyes non-wavering from her book but remaining well attentive to the conversation happening. "It's not like there aren't other capable beings out there to look out for the little guys." She adds, knowing where you'd take the argument if she hadn't said it for you.

They managed somehow before you, haven't they? Would it really be all that bad if you took a one day break from being Spider-Woman? It had been sucking the life out of you, leaving you little-to-no-room to live like a normal teen. Hanging out with friends, sleeping in, having a normal experience in high school. Isn't it about time you think about yourself for once?

"Fuck it. I'm in."

The three of them look at you in shock of your agreement, not really expecting it to be that easy to get you to take a break. "What? There's no way i'm missing out on this!"

The boys erupt with a loud cheer, connecting fists and performing their not-so-secret handshake. They wasted no time to delve into a plan leading up to the eventful building of the millennium falcon. "Which also means you're invited too, MJ." Peter extends the invitation to her.

"Pass. I'm not into the same nerd shit as you guys." She rejects, even though somewhere in that deep dark souls of hers she claims to have, she would accept the invite.

Her eyes evert to your eyes. "But. . . if there's going to be snacks and Y/n's going to be there, then I guess I'll stop by." She sighed heavily, making sure they heard how bothered she was by it before sticking her nose into her book once more. The boys silently bump their fists at her agreement.

You smugly ate the rest of your food, glancing to the girl hiding behind her book. You knew somewhere underneath that hard exterior she had a soft spot for these needs she so willingly surrounds herself with. She can't fool you.

"Hey." Peter calls for you. "You sure you're going to be okay not. . . patrolling today?" He whispers, mindful of the many students occupying the cafeteria.

You turn to look to him, startled by how close you were sitting, noses just inches away from accidentally touching. Dumbly, you lost your answer for a few seconds, clocking the warmth radiating from him, your leg pressed together with his.

'Damn, are we sitting that close?', you thought as you subconsciously slid down the bench to create some distance, face slightly heated. "I think so."

Okay. That was a weak answer, but there is some truth to it. Sure, you're a little nervous leaving Queens to itself for the day with the chance of something big happening in your absence. But you just have to remember that nothing major had happened since a year ago.

Missing one day of patrol couldn't possibly make you the worst friendly-neighborhood Spider, right? Especially since you're the only one. Shit, have you been staring long?

Clearing your throat, you gave him your best neutral smile as you stood up to throw your trash. "It's not the end of the world if I miss one patrol day." You said, before walking away from the table.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

It was an odd sight seeing your attention lying elsewhere other than Mrs. Ramos fervent words, her over the top excitement usually enough to keep you interested, but all you could pay attention to was the tick tick ticking minute hand on the clock.

It was the last class of the day and you were anxious. Anxious to hang out with your friends; anxious that something was going to happen to keep you from doing so. You believed any longer within these walls, something was going to happen, so can we please move on?

"The bell will be ringing soon, so take this time to turn in your reviews. There will be no late turn-ins, it's the weekend people."

You practically shot out of your seat at Mrs. Ramos' words, paper ready at hand as you slammed that bad boy down on her desk. "Sorry." You mumbled at her disapproving look, awkwardly walking back to your desk.

"Are you good?" MJ questions, who had seen your awkward display, watching as you shoved everything into your bag with little-to-none care

"If I don't make it tonight because I was dilly dallying here—"

"Don't ever say that again."

"—then I'll purposely throw myself into oncoming traffic." You huffed as you threw yourself into your seat, throwing her a warning glance for any more of her little comments.

"Would it really be the end of the world if you missed out on playing legos with nerds?"

"Yes! And they're my nerds, so back off." You say with a light kick to her leg, ignoring her stupid all knowing look as she mumbled,

"Right."

As soon as the bell rang, you left the classroom with a calmer demeanor than before, chatting up a storm with MJ as you weaved through the crowded hallways. "There's your dorks." MJ pointed out, tone flat as the two of you watched the two have a dramatic argument in front of your locker.

You furrowed your brows, fighting the urge to use your enhanced hearing to listen in on their conversation "They're your dorks just as much as mine. Come on." You pointedly say, grabbing the groaning girl's wrist as you dragged her forward to meet up with them.

"Hey!" You animatedly say, their conversation coming to an abrupt stop at your startling, sudden appearance. You were the tiniest bit offended that they were keeping something from you, but what the hell! You were finally getting a break!

"Hey, we were just talking about you!" Peter looks to him eyes wide, Ned catching on that his words weren't the smartest ones to choose in this situation. "I mean, we were! Just not in the way you're thinking and I'll just. . . stop talking." Ned sweats, avoiding the pressuring glare from Peter.

"We were just talking about how glad we are you're taking a break from everything." Peter says, effortlessly cleaning up the word vomit Ned managed to chuck up.

Clearly, this wasn't the case here, but you couldn't find it in yourself to put pressure on the topic. "Good, because it's definitely happening!" You exclaim, pulling open your locker to clean it out for the weekend. "Willow's* aware of my whereabouts, so if you want to pull an all-nighter, we can." You add for good measure, wanting to catch up on the missed out hang outs as much as you could before you had to return to your duties.

"Yeah! That's perfect!" Ned grins to Peter, amazed on how conventional that was when a painful wheeze wiggled its way through his excitement.

"I'm sure May wouldn't mind." Peter smiles innocently, as if he hadn't elbowed Ned in the ribs just now.

MJ, ever the observant one, narrows her eyes at the boys odd behavior. Although it isn't anything new, it was more than usual, and if there's anything she loves to do more, it's making them sweat by making it known. "What's up with you two? You're acting weirder than usual." She comments, crossing her arms as she enjoys the display of them panicking before her.

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." Peter answers, shifting his weight from one foot to another. There's totally something going on, and MJ's ready to get to the bottom of it.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

You couldn't remember the last time you stood in front of the Parker's residency. It was always through Peter's bedroom window, either out of uniform or bloodied and bruised; seeking comfort as he talked you through your adrenaline rush, trying his best to clean your wounds without hurting you too much.

Those moments never lasted longer than needed be.  You felt guilty enough for interrupting his sleep, but nothing compared to how ashamed you felt each time you found fear clouding his eyes as you crawled through his window with your tail between your legs. It was enough to run you off as soon as you were able.

You threw your head back in annoyance, reprehending yourself for dampening your mood so drastically. This was about having fun. Not about feeling bad for yourself. You're here for Peter—and Ned! Peter and Ned. And hopefully MJ if she withholds her end of her agreement.

"Here goes nothing." You muttered to yourself, raising a fist to knock on the door, but before your knuckle could come in contact, the faint sound of clicking heels approaching the door stopped you.

Oh.

The door opens before you could recollect yourself, heart quickening as her line of vision hikes up your person. "Y/n!" She exclaims in delight, immediately pulling you in for a hug. "It's so good to see you, sweetheart! Where have you been? I was starting to think Peter had done something to run you off." She says in all in one, impressive breath, her hold tightening around you in a comforting manner.

And suddenly, you were reminded Peter and her hug the same way; so warm, so soothing. It had almost made you cry on how welcoming May was being despite your long absence. Hell, you half-expected there to be a grudge between you two, but you were a fool to think May could ever be capable of such a thing.

"Hi, May!" You grinned, a relieved chuckle slipping past as you returned her hug. "And no. I've just been so caught up with everything. I guess I forgot to take a break once in awhile." The truth, but not the whole truth. It'll do for now.

"Well, I'm glad you're finally taking some time to relax. The boys are in Peter's room." She says, backing up to make room upon your entrance. Catching eye on her dress, you're assuming she has somewhere to be. Out with friends or on a hot date? God, you really hope you can speak with her soon, you missed all of her juicy gossip.

It wasn't long before she was out the door, this time successfully, and you were out to reign terror on the unsuspecting boys. Your heart was thrumming with excitement as you pushed open Peter's door, throwing your things down with no thought as you mused, "Shut up! Your favorite person has arrived!"

"You actually came!" Ned chuckles in shock as you waltzed into Peter's room as if you been here millions of times (which you practically had been), eyes what little space remained on Peter's bed.

You shrugged with a, "I told you so", shoving Peter's leg to the side to make more room as you sat.

"Took your sweet time getting here. You should have texted, Ned was getting worried you weren't gonna show." Peter says, moving his leg back to where it was, now onto of yours.

"Oh, I was worried?"

Peter cringes at the extent of Ned's response, throwing a pillow at him in retaliation—which only backfired when it came right back and hit him straight in the face.

You ignore the scene playing before you as if it had happened on numerous occasions (it has), reaching for the plastic bag you came in with. "Sorry. Was too busy buying snacks because I knew you would have failed me in that department." You teased.

"I wouldn't have!"

"You so would have."

The night was still young and yet, not a single Lego was snapped in place. The three of you had gotten lost in conversation, invested in the fact you were actually there. Having fun!

You did everything except the thing you showed up to do, but you weren't about to make that known. Not when you were finally acting your age, doing things kids your age were suppose to do. Being Dumb. Carefree. But, mostly dumb.

You were beyond grateful to the Universe for giving you this one moment to yourself, silently hoping she had something more in store for you out there.

And that she did.

note:

*willow - y/n's aunt on her dad's side. she assumed custody of y/n when her brother and his wife passed. she was seven at the time.

originally published on 10/27/21
edited on 1/23/25