Maybe like this you can finally understand what I've been trying to tell you all this time. Leave the misconceptions behind and listen to her.

Bel, xx

-:-:-

Misunderstood
Mare Johnson

My name is Ursula Mare Johnson. My mother is Mare Drennan. She is a nice woman and I love her unconditionally but she's not very bright, I'm afraid. I mean, what kind of woman names her daughter like the villain of a movie? I know she didn't name me after the Sea Witch but she should've been more careful. All my life it's been a series of bad memories because of that name. I grew up with kids laughing at me, judging me without even getting to know me, just because they knew my name. They thought they knew me, but they never bothered giving me a chance.

Am I not worth the benefit of doubt?

Primary school and secondary school were terrible. I would come home and cry because no one liked me, because I had no friends. Mum used to tell me it was their loss, I didn't need people like them who could judge someone so easily. I deserved better. I was better than them. But I still cried because I was lonely, so she told me to prove them wrong.

I did my best to show them I was nice and I would never hurt someone intentionally. But even if it was an accident they blamed me. Even if I had nothing to do with it, they blamed me. I was the fat octopus, I was the one to blame.

During secondary school I had to pretend. I smiled and brushed them off like I didn't care. I accepted by then that people judge you for what they think they know, not for who you are. They don't care about the person under the skin, they only care about what they can see.

It's sad how a name made me so miserable. I grew to hate my name and even resent my mother for what she did to me. That's why I went with my father when they got divorced.

My father is a lawyer and he always told me 'people will betray you if you give them the chance. Be one step ahead, don't let then take advantage of you. The game must be even.' He also told me that you can fool people. You can make them see what you want and you can be whoever you want. I am the person I want to be, not the person other people think they see.

In sixth form when I went to college I decided to quit my first name. It was a new start for me, a chance to make it different. Now I know all those kids bullied me because they were immature, but when I was 16 I didn't know that so I started using my middle name: Mare. And things changed. Sadly, that's what happened. People didn't misjudge me, they gave me a chance because my name didn't carry any misconception. I was free of that burden and I made friends for the first time. I had fun and I even forgave my mother. She didn't mean any of this to happen, kids can be really cruel sometimes.

Being accepted and loved was all what I wanted and that's why being a star is so important for me. It's a chance for people to accept me and love me for what I do and not my name. I can even come up with a pseudonym if I want. I can be an actress and play the role whoever I want. I can be a singer and make people love me with a song. I just want people to like me.

But I'm not good enough. I've gone to castings and got some small roles, but I haven't got anything important and my voice is not special enough. I don't have the talent to suddenly open doors and magically become a star.

But I have contacts. Kind of.

When my mum told me about the retreat that my uncle started had change after his death to a celebrity retreat centre under the care of my new aunt, I knew it was the place for me. It was my chance to meet the right people.

I always thought I was gonna meet a businessman when I finally got the job, instead I met a girl so shy she can't can't dare to speak to people. But this girl is so talented and her talent is going to waste. How can I allow that?

'The game must be even.'

You can't do things for people without expecting them to do something for you, too. If you just go offering your help people will take advantage of it and step on you. Don't give them the chance. Do something for them but they must do something for you in return. That's why I offered this deal to Ariel. I want to help her, she needs my help, but she also needs to help me. That's fair, even.

I don't want to steal her voice, I want the two of us to work together. It seems I can't do this alone and neither can she, then why not help each other? And I know the contract must look like too much, but Father always said 'get it signed. It'll stop them from stabbing you in the back. Remember, one step ahead.' I honestly doubt Ariel would ever be able to hurt someone but I was raised to be weary of everyone. Better safe than sorry, right? I just want things to be crystal clear so there won't me misunderstandings at the end.

Ariel is a nice girl and she just needs a push for her to do what she wants: overcome her shyness. I know she can do it, she's the only one who stops herself and puts herself down. But I know she's capable of more. She'll get more once she realises it's worse in her head; realty is never as bad.

Besides, I understand her. When I was a kid I was never given the chance to speak up and I know how lonely that feels, I know what it feels wanting to bond with someone so badly that it physically hurts. I know why she wants to be able to talk to others, to let them know her. I have to help her and in the process she helps me. It's the best we can do with the things we have. We have each other now and I have the confidence we'll make it. We are a team now.