I think back to the day of The Accident, my most predominant memory and the terrible day that shattered me and everything I stood for. My parents don't care about me, so when the most important person in my life was broken, of course they whatevered it. "You act like it's the end of your life. No one's lost their life. Get over it," was what they said. I was disgusted with them. Get over it? What could you possibly understand? She may just be "that girl" to you, but she is my life, and that's what you can never understand! In this messed-up world, what happiness was I supposed to find? The one in my homework? Just like the workaholics that they are. Screw you! I wanted to scream at them. Screw you and everything you are! Not everyone is like you! Screw you!

The Accident started out simply. A trip to the local grocery store. Rin had wanted some hot cocoa mix because she, quite simply put, sucks at cooking and anything in the kitchen. She went with her mom to get some because apparently you need the right kind in order to make good tasting hot cocoa, so she was making sure she didn't end up drinking the nasty cardboardy stuff.

At the town's main intersection, some idiot car decided to speed and rush a red light.

Bam.

I didn't find out until 8:oo PM. Rin and I have a little ritual at calling each other at that time, and when she didn't pick up, I started panicking slightly. Maybe she's just late, I think. I can understand that. Maybe her phone is dead. Maybe she doesn't have it on her. I decided to call her home phone. Please pick up, I pleaded silently. Please, please, please. The phone kept ringing. And ringing, the rings growing more and more ominous. The voicemail message came up, and I felt defeat starting to creep on me. She just left her phone at home, that's all. She forgot it at home. I called her mom's cell. Voicemail. I kept panicking, and the defeat creeped up a bit more. I called her dad. Don't go to voicemail, I asked, as if my pleas could turn into truth. Don't you dare go to voicemail. It went to voicemail.

I flat-out panicked. Where are you? You've never missed before. This isn't right. Something happened, no doubt. But what? What happened?

An ambulance raced past my house then, the red sirens wailing like it was the end of the world. An idea formed within my head in that instant, and it was chillingly realistic. No. This couldn't be right. I force myself to laugh at the idea, dismiss it as nonsense. My gut is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Dead wrong. I'm wrong. Rin is perfectly all right. I'll see her tomorrow, bright and smiling. I'll walk her to Science, her first class. Tomorrow, everything will be normal.

The devil within my mind just has to speak up. Then why isn't she picking up?

Shut up, I told it. Shut up.

My parents were in the living room, watching TV. They always watched CNN, all day long if they were home. I heard a news reporter, calm as ever, announce a car wreck.

A car crash.

Hot chocolate.

No.

This can't be possible.

"From what has been seen, there are sadly only two survivors from the three people that were involved."

No.

This can't be right.

"Rin!" I race out the door. This can't be real. That can't be Rin. When I finally get to the scene about twenty minutes later, I see a scene that must be too terrible to be real. Two cars, a silver Camry and a scratched red pickup truck are smashed together, the driver's side of the Camry crumpled in on itself, and the front of the truck looked as if it was driven into a wall, the hood like large, red Lays Ruffles chips.

Only two survivors.

From three people.

Someone died.

The scene, taken in with agonizing slowness, showed a female of a slender frame being lifted into the ambulance, still blaring its loud sirens though they are unheard. Rin? Is that you? Are you going into that ambulance? Don't go! I need you!

How could fate throw her into the hospital? How it hurt her so badly that she needed so much medical attention? What did she ever do to deserve such terrible treatment? I didn't understand.

I watched the rest of the incident happen, but I can't remember any of it. Maybe the other driver was a guy, maybe it was a girl. Maybe they were old, maybe they were young. I didn't comprehend anything. My mind was only focused on Riliane. Please let her be okay, I pleaded internally. What did she ever do? Nothing to deserve this, that's for sure! Maybe she would walk out the hospital the next day, completely fine, but I knew that was delusional. Rin never sat in the front of the car because she thought it made her out to be mature, but she never wanted to grow up. "I'll never have fun anymore," she always said. "Being a kid is always fun."

Realizing that I had dropped to my knees at the scene--when did that happen?--I picked myself up and biked home, breathless. My parents, still watching TV, turned around to look at the door.

My dad, disapproval clear on his face, said, "Did you overreact again? That car crash could have been anybody! Do you have to race out the door every time you hear something bad that happened? Really!"

I just looked at him. Well, thanks for the support, Dad. I love you too.

My mom just turned her eyes towards me, shook her head, and rolled her eyes. I could hear her thoughts: Just like your dad said. Why do you have to do this stupid stuff every time?

Well, not like I expected much from them.

I walked up the stairs, a dead spirit in the body of the tired. My mind was racing, though. Is she okay? Is she okay? Will she live? She has to live. She can't possibly be dead. So she's alive. Right? She must be. It only makes sense that she is. But is she okay?

As I climbed into my bed, my body sank into the soft cushioning, but my mind was alive with energy and refused to shut down. Sick with worry, my mind's thought eventually blurred together and confused me, finally allowing me to ignore my thoughts and slip into sleep.

Later, I was told that Rin's mother died in the crash, and that Rin had been knocked unconscious from a serious head injury. Rin's dad told me that the doctors hoped for her to wake up again, but the only thing they knew for sure right now was that she was going to live.

I remember blowing up at him, yelling at Rin's dad, screaming, "That's it? That's all you know? Wow. That's amazing. Thanks for all the useful information. Thank you so much." I stalked away from his house, venom flowing from my tongue and my mind ready to turn on anyone who didn't agree with me.

I stormed towards the hospital, my eyes shooting daggers at everyone I looked at. I went around, searching for the doctors in the ER that I could complain to. When I finally did, I went up to them but found I didn't have the words to shout. How could... no. I know why they didn't say more. Why they didn't answer the questions I wanted answered. It's because they're their questions, too. We all want to know if she's going to wake up, but nobody knows for sure, and they don't want to give us false hope. Doctors aren't liars. I may need to know, but I can't know. It sickened my heart slightly to come to the realization that I would not know what nobody knew, but I tried my best to cope with it. I look up into the doctor's face, hoping that he'd forgive me for wasting his time, and said, "I'm sorry for bothering you." I turned around and walked home, fighting within my mind.

A week later, when Rin became well enough to be visited, I went right to her. It didn't matter to me that I was skipping school, or that I wasn't family when the visiting rules were "family only." None of that mattered. I was intent on seeing Rin, and that was that. Nothing was getting in my way that day. I lied my way past everybody just to make sure that I would get to see Rin. Even when the lady at the desk didn't believe that I was part of Rin's family, I managed to get Rin's dad to say that I was, just so I could get in.

That was the first day that I visited her.