Everything went downhill after Jungkook had simply left. For four weeks he had just disappeared and the path to the old library, which I had always known by heart, I simply couldn't find it anymore.
The sleepless nights were seriously not good for my health. Every night those voices in my head, which I couldn't figure out where they came from, told me to do bad things. Very bad things. Things I didn't want to do and it was so hard to fight against it.
I started crying in the middle of the nights and I knew something was wrong when I started crying during a lecture.

My roommates wanted to help me, cheer me up. They told me those things were normal going through a heartbreak. If I only had known how bad love hurts I would have never fallen in love with Jungkook.
I hated him but I needed him.

People were trying to talk to me but I blocked them all. It was a hot Thursday in the end of June as I was strolling through the library. I felt scared walking through the bookshelves. I was scared someone would come to me and talk to me. With my blue dress I kept on walking and walking and walking through the library, when I was suddenly stopped by a hand grabbing my shoulder.

"What's up, are you okay?", I recognised Hoseok's voice.

Without thinking I just turned around and slapped him. Immediately he stroked his cheek, his mouth wide open. Shocked at what I had done, I took a step back.

"That's right, you deserve it!", Veronica walked up behind me, looking furious.

I rose my eyebrows staring at her in confusion.

"What?", Hoseok gasped.

Not wanting to be with them I walked away, but I still could clearly hear Veronica yelling:"Can't you see what you've done to her? Breaking her heart like that, you're such an asshole!"

In one of those many sleepless nights I decided to go outside for a walk. The air was warm and I enjoyed the smell of this summer night. For a very short second I felt free when I suddenly found myself standing in front of the forest. Confused at what I was seeing I stepped closer. There was a building, I had seen light coming from a window. My feet started running and my breathing got unsteady. Tears were forming in my eyes when I finally stood in front of the old library again. Exhausted I looked around, finding every tree on its usual spot. Why wasn't I able to find it in the past weeks?

With quick steps I ran upstairs. With shaky fingers I ringed the bell, desperately hoping for Jungkook to open the door. Steps were coming closer from inside and I felt my head starting to spin. Sweat formed on my forehead when finally the door was opened.

In his black shirt and tight ripped jeans he stood in front of me, Jungkook. He hadn't changed at all. He still wore his hair the same way and his eyes still had the same spark.

In a matter of seconds his arms were wrapped tightly around me and I couldn't prevent myself from sobbing. We were hugging for what felt like ages and I simply couldn't calm down. Softly he caressed my back.

"Don't cry.", he whined, hugging me even tighter, "I'm so sorry."

After a few more moments I was finally able to speak. I took a step back with his arms still around me as I stared into his eyes.

"Where have you been?", I whispered, my voice still extremely exhausted.

"I wish I could tell you.", he replied sadly making me confused.

"What do you mean?"

He took my head and took me inside. With heavy steps I followed him. As I was walking behind him I noticed that he had changed the furniture. The hall wasn't empty anymore but instead he had built a little home. Our steps were echoing through the hall.
With a nod he showed me to sit down on the sofa. I obeyed him, watching him walk up and down.

"You need an explanation.", he mumbled rather talking to himself.

Weakly I nodded.

"I'm not allowed to tell you.", he sat down in front of me and grabbed my hands, "But I will tell you because I love and trust you."

So he started telling me everything. Jungkook was the son of a company owner. They used to have a lot of money but ever since a gang started blackmailing his father and the company they basically had nothing. Ever since then, Jungkook was forced to move away since his father didn't want to risk his safety. But what his father didn't know was that the gang had already found Jungkook ages ago. Not wanting to worry his father, Jungkook didn't tell his father that Jungkook had to do illegal things for the gang. Such as in the past weeks, in which he had been forced to leave.

"Are you scared of me now?", Jungkook asked when he was finished.

I could clearly hear his nervousness. Even though I was a little scared I shook my head.

"I'm so sorry that I can't be this normal boyfriend next door for you!", he whined,"But I swear to you, soon it's all going to be over. I'm working on it."

"I'm worried.", I confessed to him.

"You don't have to be. I got everything under control. I just want you to trust me and not stop loving me, okay? Even when things get hard."

A little chuckle escaped from my lips.

"You should've seen me in the past weeks, I was literally going crazy because of heartache."

His expression changed from calm to extremely uncomfortable. Immediately he grabbed my hands and stood up to get closer to me.

"I hate myself hearing that. Babe, I'm so freaking sorry-", I caught him off chuckling.

Softly I caressed his cheek as he sat down beside me. His heartbeat was pounding so loudly that I felt like I could hear it. Strangely this feeling was soothing me.

◇

Back at home my roommates immediately noticed my mood change. For the first time in weeks I wore a smile on my face again.

"Cinder, what happened? Why are you smiling?", Krystal sat uncomfortable on her chair.

"I met Jungkook again.", I smiled.

Krystal narrowed her eyebrows as she exchanged eye contact with the others. It was an awkward atmosphere in the room which I couldn't stand.

"Why didn't you stop me earlier? I totally embarrassed myself in front of Hoseok...", Veronica shook her head.

"I don't know how you got the idea he was my boyfriend. He's uncomparable with Jungkook.", I laughed out loud as I walked towards my bedroom.

"No need to be so harsh.", Mina eyed me down.

"Excuse me? It's you guys who are acting so weird.", I shook my head and closed the door to my room.

"I think it's you who's been acting weird lately.", his low voice caught me off guard.

My mouth dropped open when I saw Jimin leaning against my window.

"What the hell are you doing here? Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?", I screamed at him and tried my hardest to ignore the crazy heart pumping.

"In this state I can't leave you alone.", his voice sounded very bitter but still he showed no sign of sadness because of my rejection.

I fake laughed as I stepped closer to him, wanting to push him against the wall.

"I don't need you to babysit me.", I tried to calm down.

"I'm not here to babysit you.", he still remained calm.

"So why are you here?"

Ignoring my question Jimin walked towards the wall to look at the pictures. Seeing that there was a picture with him too, I felt my cheeks turn red. From the side I could see him smirking as he spotted the picture of us two. He put his fingers on the photo, maybe trying to soak in the feelings we've had in the moment.
It had been his birthday surprise party which Chaelin and I had organised. On the photo Jimin had his arm tightly around my shoulder. Our cheeks were almost touching. His face was covered with whipped cream and on this photo he was trying to put some on my face too. It was a beautiful memory, but I didn't want to get too deep into the nostalgia.

"I miss it.", Jimin smiled as he noticed that I was thinking about his birthday too.

"Why are you here, Jimin?", I shook my head.

A heavy sigh came from his lips as he stared at the picture. But it didn't matter, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't revive this moment.

"I'm here because I care about you and I wanted to see how you're doing.", his eyes finally met mine and I could swear that I had never felt such desperation before.

"I'm good. So now that your check up is done, you can go home.", I opened the door.

Krystal, Veronica and Mina were still sitting on the sofa. As I opened the door they all immediately looked into our direction.

"I can't go home.", Jimin came closer and ignored the girls watching us.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I can't."

"Jimin!", I screamed at him as he was exhausting me.

"He transferred!", Veronica yelled.

My expression softened and for a second I forgot how to breathe. Jimin was walking towards the door and it was hard for me to catch up. I felt as if this wasn't real, this wasn't really happening.

"Jimin- what?", I grabbed his arm.

"What what?", he forced a smile onto his lips as he stared at me in disbelief.

"You moved here? You're now in the same university... as me?", I still wasn't able to catch my breath.

A tear fell onto his cheek and my eyes didn't leave the spot where the tear had fallen onto, even though Jimin had wiped it away in the speed of light.

"I wish you were just a little happy but...", Jimin's voice was unstable and everyone could tell that he was trying his hardest not to break down in front of me, "I have to do this. I have to be close to you because you're not okay. Your friends called me, they were worried. And I can see why. You'll thank me later, I'm sure of that."

"Cut the bullshit! I'm okay, I'm doing very good to be exact. Stop it, just forget me and go back to Chaelin!", I turned around, ready to leave him standing alone.

"We broke up."