chapter four

       LIANA WALKED THROUGH the halls of the Eligius building. It'd been three months since three had left the planet. They were making good progress. Liana would call Josephine in her spare time, and it felt like it was really helping Liana with her mental health. She hadn't yet moved in with Chris, but she had gotten a night's rest, wrapped in his arms. It had only been the one time, but still. Progress. 

       Jake had sent for her, leaving out all of the details. She didn't have a clue as to what he wanted. She sighed as she pulled open the door. Jake sat alone behind his desk, his head bent down as he looked over some papers. He looked up at Liana when she entered and smiled at her. 

"Please, have a seat, Liana," He said. 

       Liana sat down in the chair, brushing her hair out of her face. 

"You know nothing of why I asked you here, I believe," Liana shook her head. "Becca enjoyed working with you. She even asked if you could come work on a project with her. She needs a spacewalker." 

"Did she tell you why?" Liana asked. 

"No, she didn't," Jake replied. "I told her I'd get back to her. It's your decision Liana. I'll give you some time to think about it." 

"That isn't necessary, Jake. I'll go," Liana said, earning an eye from calling him by his first name, though she did that all the time. "Space is pretty fun." 

"Alright, I'll give her a call," Jake said. 

       Liana took that as her cue to leave, standing and leaving the room. Becca needed a spacewalker. The last time Liana spacewalked for her, it was to bond the serum for the colonists new blood. Liana had been the first to be inoculated with the blood serum. It was something she loved to think about sometimes. It'd been a pretty amazing moment in her lifetime. Liana walked to the hangar bay. Miles was in there, practicing with the controls for four. He spent most of his time on the ship. It wasn't even finished and he was already calling it his. 

       The hangar bay was loud, hundreds of thousands of workers rushing around. Four was way behind schedule. It should've been almost completely done by then, but it was only half way. Two hadn't been a success. Not enough manpower. Four would have hundreds of prisoners on it. People who murdered countless people. Liana felt like she was part of those. She was supposed to be going on the ship as backup Captain, but also to help keep the prisoners in line. Lord knew they'd try to take over and kill everyone on the ship. 

       Liana was only going because she had specialty in that. Lots of army did. Four would still be mining hythylodium, but was instead using prison labour. She didn't really agree with it, but they were all mass murderers and terrorists. Not a single one of them felt bad for what they'd done. Of course, they were sending a few non-violent offenders. Only about six. 

       She was going to talk to Miles, but then she didn't feel like it. Instead she decided to go to the shooting range. It was a great time to think and try to collect herself. Sure, the sound of gunfire brought something back, but she tried to ignore it. It didn't bother her enough to really do anything. All her memories and trauma were tied to her torture, the murder of her CO, and the murders.  The many, many, many murders she committed in the name of the US. 

       Using the US and the army to justify what she did only made her feel worse, and made her feel guilty. Miles didn't really get it, even though he was a former SEAL. He hadn't done the things Liana had. She loaded her gun and stood in the correct stance. She then shot off every bullet until the gun was empty. She didn't even bother looking at the target before she took out the magazine and loaded in another, shooting off another eight rounds.

       Liana kept shooting, emptying one mag after another. She didn't stop for another hour. When she was done, she pulled up the target. There was a bullet hole almost everywhere, but mostly around the heart and the head. Liana sighed and took the down the target. She cleaned up the range and then left, not knowing where she was going. Liana glanced at her watch, seeing the time. 

       Work was over. She could go home. Liana sighed and decided she would. She was tired. She wanted to just go home and relax. So she opted to do that, taking her things and leaving the building. A quick ride in her car and she was home. Liana didn't get out of her car right away. Instead, she waited there for a second, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. She counted to calm herself, keeping her breathing steady as flashbacks of her time in the army started. 

       Shouting. Yelling. Running. Screaming. Gunfire. Bombs. Pain. 

       She opened her eyes, her breathing considerably faster after just a moment. She blinked and shakily left her car. She felt like she was going to fall, or throw up. Both, really. Whichever came first. She kept her left hand against the wall, trying to steady herself as she went to her apartment. The people in the entry and along the way cast sideway glances at her, but otherwise paid her no mind. Liana made it to her apartment door, fumbling with her keys to find the right one. Her vision was blurring and she felt terrible. Finally she opened the door. She rushed inside, closing and locking it behind her.

       Liana walked to the couch, dropping all her things on the floor and collapsed. Her vision continued to blur and she couldn't move. Her eyes began rolling into the back of her head, and she could see black around the corners of her vision. It slowly began to grow, taking over her sight. Liana could barely feel anything except the pain and the memories. So many memories, connected to so much pain. 

       Her vision continued to blacken, and yet she was still awake. At least, that's something of how it felt. She felt herself falling, all the memories coming back.