"You scare me," he says softly his eyes showing all his vulnerability.

"Why?" I ask feeling my own heart race.

"Because...I tell you things I can't even tell myself," he says stepping into my space causing my breath to hitch.

"You avoided me," I whisper and he frowns at my words.

"And then I met you. And slowly but really all at once, my whole world began to change, Zelda! I can't remember the exact moment your soul first whispered to mine, but I know you woke it and it hasn't been able to sleep since."

"It's not enough," I step back and his shoulders slump in defeat.

"Just because you think the timing is off, doesn't mean you and I aren't meant to be," he whispers before walking away from me.

I have never in my whole life felt so calm and yet so on fire all at the same time. I know he's right way down deep in my bones. He is who I've been waiting for all my life.

And still, at that moment, when I knew I should chase after him and tell him he was all I ever wanted, that I too knew he was my soulmate and that I would stop running, I did none of those things.

I let him walk away and the second he was out of sight I ran. I collected my belongings and disappeared hoping to never see him again.

》》》⊜ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ《《《

Let's back up a little.

My parents sure picked an appropriate name for me. My mom would always tell me how my name meant endless patience and that I would easily bear the problems life threw at me. I always hated the name Grizelda though, I'm pretty sure one of the sisters from Cinderella is named that so ever since I was young I insisted on being called Zelda.

I'm sure your heart is breaking for how I left him but, to be fair, I'd only met him a handful of times. Sure he was good-looking in that, like, he shouldn't even be real sense, and the way my soul connected with him right off the bat was crazy and scary in its own right. But I just feel like I didn't have to choose him just because the universe decided we were meant to be together.

I mean, what would you have done in my position?

I was all for the idea of finding my soulmate. The one I was destined to be with and grow old with. As soon as I hit 25 and stopped aging, I was actively looking for my other half.

True to my name I patiently waited for him or her to come to complete me and share that special connection. But you know what, they never showed up. I spent my first decade hoping we would magically find each other and have a happy life, kids, and probably a silly little dog like a corgi or maybe a Saint Bernard.

Either way that's all I had wanted until I realized four decades later that he was actively avoiding me. That stupid man decided the secret to eternal youth was just to stay single forever.

He knew who I was to him, apparently, he had stumbled upon me during my first decade of no aging and decided he didn't want to be tied down with a soulmate and grow old.

Knowing all of that, could you still blame me for running from him?

HELL NO, YOU COULDN'T!

Everyone thinks not aging is a blessing but no, it's terrible. I watched my parents die. My brother Nam and his partner and everyone else I held dear.

The hardest was when Tae finally passed. We had been best friends since we were teens and he vowed to never look for his soulmate until I found mine, so we could all grow old together and I wouldn't be alone.

However, a decade ago he met Jimin by accident and there was no way I could have kept them apart. They were beautiful together. The way they just fit perfectly, I thought I was the only one who could tolerate Tae's over-dramatic and quirky personality, but Jimin...man he was the perfect balance for him, he had a good head on his shoulders and was practical but had no problem being goofy with Tae.

He was the best partner Tae could have ever had offering the right amount of love and physical affection Tae needed. I thought it would be hard to lose Tae to Jimin but I never did. I only gained another lifelong friend. They always made sure I was part of their family, I never felt like a third wheel or an outsider. Sure the love they had for me was different, but it was love nonetheless.

Did you know you could die from a broken heart?

Takotsubo syndrome, that's what the doctor called it when he delivered the devastating news.

I rushed Tae to the hospital hours after Jimin's passing. He was complaining of chest pain but when the doctor scanned his heart there was no blood vessel blockage or death of cardiac muscle. Nonetheless, the apex of his heart paralyzed and I lost him before anything could be done.

I remember standing there in a daze as the doctor explained the shock of Jimin's sudden death was probably to blame, but I knew the truth.

Tae had been struggling with Jimin's dementia for a long time. Jimin hadn't been lucid for years and then I remember the day before Jimin passed he called me and invited me to have brunch with him and Tae.

It was an amazing day. We were the three musketeers again and I had not seen Tae that happy in such a long time. When I left that day I remember hearing Jimin apologize to Tae for being gone for so long and Tae promising to wait for him no matter how long it took.

I know now that it was just the calm before the storm. God had given Tae and Jimin one last good day before tearing them apart. Jimin had passed peacefully in his sleep with Tae holding him.

Jimin was more than his soulmate. He was a piece of his soul and the loss of it is what truly did him in.

After that, I spent hundreds of years alone, afraid to get close to someone again just to lose them. Until I had met him...

It was a chilly September and I had found myself at a local festival. There was a psychic there and I couldn't help but go into her tent and see what my future held. I mean, at this point it had been so long that maybe I was an anomaly and I had no soulmate.

But no, she said to continue having patience, which I obviously rolled my eyes at because how much patience was I meant to have? She said I would meet him soon but we would burn out, but always be tethered.

What a load of crap honestly. I left her tent more stressy depressy than I had arrived but quickly froze as I noticed a man standing right in front of me holding a soft serve.

It was just like you see in the movies. Our eyes connected and the world faded away, all I could see was him, my heart was racing and every fiber inside of me was telling me to run to him.

I held my breath and just as I went to step closer to him, he blinked his big doe eyes out of the trance we were in and he bolted so fast.

And that's how I met my soulmate. Jeon. Fucking. Jungkook.

At first, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Hell, I was just as shocked and scared to stumble upon him, I could understand wanting to bolt. Maybe he was shy?

But no he was just an ass.

I've aged a total of one year in the last decade. That's how many times I've been in his presence. Every single time I was with him I could see an ember that filled me with false hope.

He kept me holding on even though he was gone...

The year he stayed for a few months with me was probably the happiest I'd ever been. We fell into a real friendship, a love I thought I wouldn't ever have. We spent late nights talking about everything and anything, our days filled with laughs and adventures.

He was an active guy always wanting to try new things. We traveled a lot, anywhere we felt, honestly, just because I was just happy to be with him. I grew fond of his antics, we learned each other's secrets and he told me of his nightmares and I shared my insecurities. We made love and I shared with him all the pains of my past and he shared his hopes for the future...

But in the end, it didn't matter.

Despite our feelings, he still left, and, in the end, the less we were intertwined, the more I felt like I was healing. Although he left me broken and bleeding, it's too hard to let go. This damn connection never allowed me to move on or forget him.

So, I run. I avoid him because I cannot keep going through this with him. It's better to be apart than face the letdown he always leaves me with.

So, I wish him well. Hell, I wish him more than he truly deserves. I hope the next one doesn't hurt. I know one day he'll be able to face the things that turned his heart to stone. And then, I wish him the consequences of his actions.

》》》⊜ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ《《《

"Don't set me on fire then act like you're the one burning!" she shouts as I continue to pack my bag.

"I never meant to lead you on," I say coldly trying to keep all my feelings at bay.

I would have rather taken a knife to my skin than speak those words to her, but I spoke to her as if we were strangers when the past few nights we had been as close as possible for two people to be. I strike out because she has crossed an invisible line I had drawn in the sand.

She looks into my eyes as I say whatever will hurt her the most and, knowing her the way I do, it wasn't hard to think of things. I'm scum, I know it as I watch her cry and her heart break but I need to do this. It is only a matter of time before she realized I wasn't worth it. Worth her time and affection...

My mother never loved me and hers doted on her. My beginnings were so much worse than hers, I could never offer the love she deserved, I could not keep deceiving her, letting her believe I could make her happy and offer her the family she wanted.

At that moment I didn't even know who I was. I knew what I was doing would crush her but I couldn't stop. The pain was like a spider web, intricate but strong. I hoped time would let it pass but my heart never regained the joy it had when I was with her.

And now the weather's cold and I keep going places and she's right there where I left her. I can't cry or even grieve for her because she hid herself away. She took the love she used to offer me and locked it back inside the cage she calls a heart.

Can you feel me when I think about you?

My thoughts all revolve around her. I let her inside when I never meant to. Now my mind is running wild. It's too late...but I don't want to lose what's left of her.

How am I supposed to tell her I don't wanna see her with anyone but me? That no one gets me like she does. How am I supposed to let her go?

I'm not. And I won't.

"You can't love someone unless you love yourself first," Jin had said to me while we were having drinks.

"Bullshit, I say bitterly and Jin raises his eyebrow at me.

"I have never loved myself, but her?" I sigh and rub the side of my neck.

"Oh god, I love her so much I forget what hating myself is like," I said downing the rest of my drink as Jin continued to offer me advice.

I ran and avoided her because I was scared. I was scared of her seeing the real me. The man who was broken, not confident, who feared being alone more than anything in the world.

That's why I ran from her in the beginning. A soulmate wasn't for me, my mother never loved my father despite them being soulmates. She constantly cheated and belittled him. I found him when he finally decided to end it all and I remember being so angry that he took the easy way out and left me with her.

I vowed then and there to never be with my soulmate if I found her. I would stay as far away from her as I could, I would never be weak and let someone close enough to me that I would even consider ending it all.

But there was something about Zelda...

Maybe it was the way her eyes look like little islands in the light, all hazel and light green, or the way she would softly call my name and rub the wrinkles out of my forehead when I was thinking too hard.

No. It was the way she never once judged me when I shared my past, it was her holding me as I cried recalling the way I found my father and then just holding me in the bed running her hands through my hair as I drifted off to sleep peacefully with her as she whispered the 'I love you' that set my heart alive.

She had gotten too far under my skin and I was terrified. Terrified she would end up seeing me the way I see myself.

I love her.

The way her little nose scrunches when she's annoyed with something or how she actively hates cilantro because she says it tastes like soap but will still put it into food for me. The way she insists soft serve is a year-round snack and will happily eat it in the middle of winter.

I've tried for years to forget the taste of her lips, the feel of her touch on my skin and the way my soul is at peace when I am with her. I can't though, no matter what I do.

So I came back, I tried to speak with her and I had no one to blame but myself when she ran from me. So I'm giving her the space she wants but I'm never too far off.

I was there the night she got a little too drunk and stumbled out of the bar alone, I was there holding her up and driving her home to tuck her in. I remember pressing a soft kiss to her temple before I had to force myself out of her apartment.

I was there to celebrate the publication of her first book. I stood in the corner of her first book signing amazed at the woman she was, how she smiled brightly and talked to and thanked every single person who showed up for her.

I came around any time I could. All I wanted was for her to be happy, healthy and safe. Sometimes our eyes would meet and I would gather the courage to walk up to her only for her to turn and leave before a word had been said. Other times I was content to just watch and help from afar.

We would do this on her terms. I had messed up and I would wait for her to forgive me. I just wanted her to call out to me once, I swear I'd go running to her.

But she didn't.

》》》⊜Pause《《《

I gave him my heart and he gave it back missing a piece. Still, I felt like I was losing all my patience. He used to be someone I hated but now all I know is I don't know him anymore.

You can't lose something you never had but every time I forced myself to walk away from him, I felt like I was losing a piece of my soul all over again. No matter how many times I remind myself that he left me and that I shouldn't love him, I can't stop myself.

I love his dumb laugh that sounds exactly how you would type hahaha. I love the way he always wants to prove how strong he is by moving everything in one trip. I love the way he talks to small creatures when he thinks no one is watching.

Most of all I love how strong he is for not allowing his struggles to turn him into a bitter and hateful person. I love that he chose to share a part of himself that was so personal and hurtful with me.

The months have passed and I swear I feel my bones growing fatigued. He's near but almost always out of sight. I know he's trying and I'm the one keeping him at arm's length.

He leaves me lunches when he knows I'm busy at work. He walked me home the other day when I had forgotten my umbrella. He didn't push for anything just made polite conversation and then wished me a good night as he watched me make my way inside my apartment building.

My heart broke leaving his side and I almost went back down for him. I almost asked him to never leave again, I almost apologized for pushing him away and told him I forgave him for leaving as long as he promised to never do it again.

But I didn't.

I figured I was only being extra emotional because it was the anniversary of Tae and Jimin's death. So I did the only smart thing I could, I went inside, took a shower and cried, then ate a bowl of ice cream before falling into a fitful sleep.

Today, though, is a good day. The sun is shining, not a single cloud in the sky. There's a gentle breeze that carries the smell of the local flowers with it and I find myself smiling as I make my way toward the cemetery.

I see a figure up ahead clearing the stones but, as I get closer, I freeze and my mouth turns dry.

"What are you doing here?"

He jumps up spilling the small bucket of soap water he had with him. He groans and quickly crouches down to pick up the scrubber and flowers he had with him before the water sweeps them away.

"Oh, uh. You're early this year," he says nervously.

"Yeah, it's such a nice day I thought I should come spend it with them early," I say tilting my head as I notice the clippers and other gardening tools he has with him.

"I'll just go and let you have your time," as he starts to pack his items, I place my hand on his shoulder and feel him freeze.

"You can stay...I mean, if you want to," I say softly.

He gulps and nods gently before crouching down and dipping the scrub brush into what's left of the soapy water.

"You didn't have to do this," I say grabbing the cutters to remove the weeds growing around the stones.

"I do it every year, I don't mind," he says quietly.

"You do?" I ask and he nods his head not meeting my eyes.

"Yeah, they were important to you and, well, you are important to me."

My heart flutters but I don't say anything. We continue to work quietly until the stones are pristine and new flowers grace them.

"Well, uh, I'll leave you with your private time. It was good to see you, Zelda," he says as his eyes linger on me.

"Thanks," I say and he sighs turning to leave but then freezes dropping his items.

"Do you ever think of me?" he says suddenly and I bite my lip as I feel my eyes moisten. I nod and he steps closer.

"But you won't even talk to me."

"Just because we're not talking, it doesn't mean I don't miss you," I breathe out. "I try not to miss you, I try to let go, but in the end, you're always on my mind."

"If I had my life to live again, I'd find you sooner and I'd never leave," he says tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear and cupping my cheek.

"You knew exactly what you were doing, that's what hurts the most," I say around the lump in my throat turning my face away from him, trying to hide the tears that run down my face.

He drops his hand and my heart breaks as I realize he's about to leave. I shut my eyes not willing to witness him walk away from me again. I take a deep breath trying to keep the sobs threatening to leave my body at bay. And then, I feel his strong arms wrap around me and the smell of fresh linen envelops me.

"I don't want to see you cry anymore. I want to make you so happy, Zelda, so happy that you can't stop smiling. I want to make you feel really loved so you don't ever doubt my feelings for a second. And, as I learn new things about you, I want to show you how incredible I think you are," he says tightening his hold on me.

"Those are just words, Koo. What about when things get hard? Or things aren't interesting, what about when we fall back into domestication?"

"I want routine. With you. I want to wake up in the morning to the sun shining or the rain pouring. With you, I want home. With you, Zelda."

"Don't say those things if you don't mean them. My heart will hold on to every word," I cry and he turns me to face him.

"I want late-night tv and too much to drink, with you. I want slow dancing in our living room, in our house, in our home. With you. I want you, Zelda, I love you," he earnestly says and I feel my heart absorbing each word and healing.

He leans down and softly presses his lips to mine. I feel our souls connect, our two bodies fit together...there is nothing left for our hearts to do but fall.

》》》► play《《《

She was the love that came without a warning, she had my heart before I could say no.

I had believed for the longest that having your soulmate made you weak. That it wasn't worth growing old, but being with her made me strong. There wasn't a single day spent with her that felt like a waste.

Every day wasn't perfect, but they were real.

She made me whole in a way I could have never dreamed of. The life we spent together was full of ups and downs, laughs and tears, and so much love.

As our time comes near, I look back to the life we have lived and, if I could do anything over, it would be accepting her love from the start.

"Koo, come see what the grandkids have done!" she yells annoyed and I chuckle as I make my way to the backyard seeing the giant mud puddle the kids have made.

"I'm not cleaning this," she sighs out. "You taught them how to make the mud, you are in charge of cleaning this up."

"Yes, dear," I say as I wrap my arms around her pulling her close.

"You can't snuggle me to get out of this," she protests and I chuckle.

"Would never think of it,"

"Mhm, we all know you like to avoid things," she teases.

"I'll never avoid anything that has to do with you," I smile and connect our lips.

"EWWW" the kids scream and she laughs as she pulls away.

"If anything you are the one avoiding me," I whisper as I pull her flush against me so she can feel me through my pants.

"You dirty old man!" she hisses out slapping my arm playfully.

"The kids are getting picked up in an hour," she whispers. "I'll see you upstairs soon."

"ALL RIGHT, KIDS, TIME TO TAKE A HOSE BATH," I shout as she walks into the house laughing.

A lifetime has not been enough spent with her. My only wish is that in the next one we find each other sooner and spend even more time together.

》》》► play《《《