"PLEASE READ AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER".

⚠ DO NOT IGNORE ! 🙂☺

• Neil •

She left ...

She left leaving me shattered and heartbroken.

She left leaving me all alone with the immense guilt.

She said I'm monster. Am I? 

She said I'm heartless. Am I?

I had never been a cold hearted child. I used to be chirpy bubbly  boy who helped everyone when they are in need. I used to make everyone laugh with my natural talent humor.

But now " What happened to the boy who loved to see other people smile?"

"What happened to that boy who used to be selfless , whether it's about money or any other thing?  then Let me tell you. That cheerful boy dead along with the human emotions long time back and he had become a stone hearted monster who burned a girl dignity and marked her as character less infront of everyone.

Is it true I'm a monster ? yes I'm. coz the things that I have done is more thank worse  that off. But the question is what made me to do all this? Well that is my darkest secret only few close people knew and I even don't want to imagine those days of mine which turned my human emotions off  completely.

Avni..

She is innocent, beautiful girl I have ever met and that was my first impression when I have seen her on road when we fought. Later the unique blend of coincidence made us classmates and from where I started to spent more time with her.

Being with her felt so peaceful for my soul . Her smile.. Her cute words.. Everything made my heart flutter with immense joy .Yes, she brought my orgininality which I never thought I would bring out after my horrific past. And I could feel myself happier in front of her.

But why did she do that?

Why did she broke the trust which I have builded breaking all my walls on her ?

Why did she awoke my inner pain which I have hid behind my heart secretly ?

Why?

That day , her prank still reminds me of the horrific betrayal I had. And the rage that hissed out of my body led me to do all the possible wrost things. I didn't knew I was that much blindfolded with the revenge that I have already crosses all limits of decency. And I made the dirty dead.

I can see the  pain...I can see the
Familiar pain in her eyes which I carried in my orbs a year back. I can feel the hollowness of betrayal in her body.

I can feel she is broken and shattered who wouldn't she? I have made her character loose infront of everyone. I behaved like a  monster.

A human monster.

The thing I did for my selfishness , I haven't released that would be the beginning for my sorrow.

Sadness...

Suddenly sadness drowned in my brain as Now I have realized what I have done. I have committed the sin which would never fade away.

I could never rectify that mistake of mine. Chahe kuch bhi Karlu. I would never bring the joy in her eyes and I would never erase the stamp that I have created in people minds about avni.

Guilt...

The guilt drained through out by body making my heart turn more vulnerable than ever. It travelled through each and every cell of my body to make me feel the pain.

The guilt of making Avni's life destroy. The guilt of taking Avni's first kiss. The guilt of making avni to humiliate in front of everyone.

My sadness is a hollowness. I can't tell you that's worse. I can feel my brain getting numb only with the mere thinking of the pain I have given to avni. Just coz I have suffered it doesn't mean I would make others cry. But I did. And that sadness, guilt will get tattooed in my heart forever unless avni forgives me. Which would be last thing I would even imagine .

Who will even talk with me after all this?

And again I'm feeling that suffocation.

" Again I'm feeling alone".

" Again I'm feeling the emptiness inside of my body"

"Again"....

My Emptiness is a shell, holding in a million oceans of tears. I don't cry and Im capable of burying my emotions inside.

That's the pain.
Not showing your pain outside Is the actual pain

when I had my first kiss, kissing that beautiful girl I tasted something like heaven but I shrugged all those lovely thoughts as I was drowned in anger and on that time no one listens to the mercy and cries ; people only listens to anger. The anger has always been loud and the humanity has always been deaf to me.

I don't know when sadness will leave.. But I'll try...

Tears rolled out of my eyes like a stream when I think all this. When I remember what I have done.. When I realize there's no forgiveness for my mistake.

"Ahhhh " I screamed as I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

"Oh my God. What I have done.. Oh God " I shouted like a mad person and punched the wooden bench beside me coz of the sudden force all the contents of bench fell down making clicking sounds, but I care less.

My breath felt heavy as soon as I remember the video that's been viral among college.

"No.. No..i have to stop... I have to stop  video being viral..or else.. Shit! " Thinking all this I called my old friend Arjun, who is professional hacker.

I wiped my tears and nose to make my voice normal. But it turned out horse anyways.

"Hello.. Arjun " I spoke as soon as he reverted the call.

"Hey.. Neil what's up! Long time huh!"
He says with excitement.

"Arjun.. I need your help " I asked.

"Hey Neil. What happened. Your voice look dull.Anything serious?" he questioned worriedly.

"Arjun.. Alot happened ! All I want you is to hack our college website and remove the video that's been viral. And I want you to remove that in all phones who downloaded it .is it even possible? " I said in hurry manner ,my heart thumped so hard and fast that I could even hear my own heartbeats.

"It's possible but what's the video dude. Wait! I'll check " he said and I even can't stop him from seeing that video.

Shit ! 

I squished my eyes tight with shame and a lone tear escaped down my cheek slowly.

"Neil... What is this? " he screamed as expected. "Oh God. Who the heck recorded your video. shit! " He adds.

"I don't know " I lied. My voice looked calm.

"Then,Lemme tell you who uploaded it. I can hack it easily " he says.

"No.. " I suddenly blurted out .

"Not required I know who uploaded it but don't know who recorded!. But please do something fast " I said ,my voice cracked at the end as a small cry left my mouth.

"Neil don't cry and I'll try to do fast as possible but please go and be with your girlfriend. How low she would be feeling after all this and yeah don't leave that bastrad who did this! " He said and I could feel the anger behind his voice.

I sighed when I heard "girlfriend". He thought we are lovers &have kissed but the truth is I forced her.

"Thanks. But do it fast " I hang off the call before saying.

I rubbed my forehead as Suddenly It started aching like hell. I knew I have done alot of mistakes and now it's time to rectify the mistakes.

"It's time to beg for forgivenessFrom Avni"

The girl who is the victim of my revenge. The girl who took every pain I have given to her. The girl who suffered more than me.

"Avni... I'll take your forgiveness. I'll make everything perfect again. I promise. " I swore and walked out of the lab to find her.

I ran through the corridors and asked many students about her avoiding their burning stares. But didn't find her.

"Oh lord.. Avni.. Where are you! I need to talk with you. " I mumbled to myself.

Wait what if she left college. No...!

Should I go to her apartment? 

What will she Think of me? I thought and started to walk towards the main entrance but before I could have gone in between something caught my attention. I kneely observed and realised it is avni Who is standing in middle and she is surrounded by rohan, Rahul and Pari.

I immediately hid myself behind the pillar so that they could not see me. I stood there watching their actions Coz I couldn't hear anything what they are speaking. All I could see is avni. Who is crying and rohan he is standing in front of her. His face was red and puffy by this I can conclude he must have cried.

Did she told him about me? I don't know if she did or not but I would never forgive myself for the deed I committed.

Rohan..

My bestie.. Not only bestie, he is my brother from another mother. I used to share my every problem with him and he used to help me. He used to make me smile when I felt low and whenever I had temper issues he controlled me. But this time.. I even didn't share anything with him. How I felt after that incident. I wish I could've. I wish, I could go back and erase all the  party memories. I wish avni didn't do that prank. I could only wish as everything destroyed and their is even no chance of recovery.

I was so much blindfolded in my anger and revenge that I even fought with rohan.I feel disgusted on myself for saying those nasty things to him. I remember what I have told him. I wish I could take my word's back. Alas, it's not possible. Just coz he didn't took my side I...

I wiped a lone tear that passed from my eyes as soon as I remember that horrific night.

Shrugging all those thoughts, I focused on them and saw they all were hugging. I don't know what has happened between them but I could see slight smile on Avni's face.

I felt so happy seeing her like that. But something pricked my heart. I know what it is.. " Loneliness "

I'm alone now.. Alone myself. No one will talk to me especially after this incident. The only friend I have would hate me like anything. But I can't do anything as this was only the beginning, the beginning of the pain, the suffering and the endless congo line of emotions that were in store for me and this is my beginning of the agony which I have to face.

I sighed as I realized there is no use of thinking all this coz regret will eat me like pest from inside. Already I'm suffocated with the endless feeling of guilt and all this thoughts are making worse. So, I calmed my nerves and focused on avni.

"Wait what? Where's she going? She should be with her friends right". I thought as soon as I saw her going towards the entrance of our college gate.

I walked behind her slowly so that she should not aware of. I badly wanted to talk with her as I want  to apologize for my deeds and want to beg for forgiveness. But I don't know how to approach her.

I scratched my hairs due to the frustration and lately signed and started to follow her from behind.
After sometime she stood in front of temple.

My eyes widened as soon as I see temple coz its been one and half year that I lost faith on God. I used to pray God everyday  but not now. I even hate to see the face of God after what happened to me. That's why I have strictly warned my mom to not to do any puja in home or else I'll leave the house. But right now avni stood in front of temple. I know why she is here to pray or something?
I hid behind the tree and looked at her. She even not entered the temple .she was speaking to herself.

" What!? "

I want to go to her now coz the place seems to empty but what if she slaps me? I would never forget her slaps in my life coz " Dikti patli hai " but her slap is more painful than that of anything and I have full experience of it.

I placed my hand on right cheek and rubbed it , but immediately I hissed as it felt raw coz hour's ago she hit me like an animal. I just  chuckled remembering her red angry face. It looked exact like a tomato.

"What the hell is even I'm thinking I should talk with her "

But at sudden it strated raining. Fu*k what a great timing? I hissed. I tried to look for shelter as the tree I hid is of no use but avni she even didn't move form her place. She just sat there in rain.

Pagal ladki! Kya kar rahi hai ye? Dimag nhi hai kya iske pass?

I thought to help her but before I could have gone, she stood up.

"Okay dimag hai ismae! Uff"

I sighed in relief. But that was only temporary what I saw next  made my heart beats stop at that instant.

She collapsed on ground.

"OH GOD.. " I screamed and directly ran towards her. She was on ground laying lifeless. Her eyes were half closed and her breathing felt so heavy.

"Avni... Get up...! Oh my God! What happened to you! I'm so sorry please wake up " I shouted , panic crawled through out my body watching her like that.

There was no response. Not even a whimper was uttered from her mouth. She laid there, still. Life less. Her face turned more pale white. Which made me scare like hell. Her pink lips trembled and her body shivered due to the  coldness of rain.

"oh God " I again screamed and patted her cheeks so softly. Her mouth open - closed like a fish to speak something. I checked her pulse thankfully it looked normal.

"Nothing will Happen to you avni. I promise. You will be fine " I said and
Then lifted her in a in bridal style. I wish I could've wore jacket today so that she could have some warmth. I cursed myself for being irresponsible.

"Nothing will happen to you . I'll take you to hospital avni. Please open your eyes "I whispered as I felt her snuggle more towards me.

I walked towards the road so that I could seek some help from car coz I couldn't go back to college  as it's little far away. I know we are drenching wet yet I couldn't do anything.

After waiting for couple of minutes thankfully a car approached us.

"Please stop the car! " I shouted so that the driver would listen to me and he stopped in front of us.

"Sir.. Please..give us lift to hospital please .." I practically begged. My voice was already broken and hurried.

Neil Khanna never begs! And not even says "sir".. But what happened now?

"Get in man! Hurry " person says as he observes Avni's bad condition and opens the back door.

I sit inside and gently lay avni on my lap. I rubbed her palms to produce warmth.

"kuch nhi hoga tumhe.. "I looked at her face. Her eyes were closed. I tapped her cheeks but there no response which made me shiver. I could see how my mistake costed on Avni's life.

"You will be fine! Avni " I mumbled. A lone tear escaped from my eyes which I wiped it off immediately. But soon an unusual thought entered inside of my brain.

"Why do I care for her? "

____________________________________

I know it's just Pov of Neil as someone requested me to write. And yeah from next chapter it would be interesting to see how Neil pacifies avni 😝.

I hope you haven't skipped the whole chapter to read author's note 😳.

AUTHOR'S NOTE - I wanna clarify few things so...

1. Earlier, I have written that avni should clear her depts to vidyut within 3 months. But now I want to extend that date to 6 months. So, Six months time avni will have to clear her debts in her village.

2. Next and important thing. This book is all about avneil and their love story but in  addiction to that their would be importance given to side characters as well.. Especially like vidyut and rohan ,Rahul . So, if you find any chapter without avneil moments please don't kill me.🤣😪

3. I won't exaggerate the story but there will be slow budding love btw avneil  Coz you can't just love a person who made you suffer like hell. Will you? So avneil love story will start soon but I want you all to be patient .

4. You may ask why I'm saying all this now it's bcoz I want to clarify about this so that you people would never get disinterest in story and yeah I don't wanna disappoint you all.

5 . Important - I want to do major editing coz the first few chapters of this book suck. Coz I have written them when I even don't have a slightest idea about how to narrate the story. So.. I may edit grammar not now but in future.

That's all I wanted to say and if you have any doubts regarding please comment down here 💞.

Do follow me to get notifications of when I'll update my stories, as I post them on my message board ..
Its 318 now will you all make it 325!!☺ I hope I'm not asking much.

I'll update next chapter after I give update of my other story from friends to lover's . So, readers of that ff stay tuned 😆.