A/N: inspiration comes from miss you by the rolling stones (probably one of my fav rolling stones songs!!) and dont let me be misunderstood by the animals (also a personal classic rock fav). hope u guys enjoy bc this one took me a long time for me to get into and finish, i'm not a big fan of writing angst or sad shit unless im REALLY deep into that emotion but yeth please enjoy and leave feedback!! :o

warnings: angst, drunk tony (don't worry, i made the angst a lil funny and there's a happy, sappy cute lil ending lmao i'm not an asshole.)
word count: 3700+

———

No matter how many times you had shrugged off all the warnings, Steve had definitely warned you about it since the very beginning. Before all of this unnecessary bullshit had happened.

God, you felt fucking crazy and dumb now that the reality had sunken in. You haven't left the Manhattan apartment you were staying at for nearly a month now since you had broken up with Tony. You've admittedly turned into a fucking hot mess without him but you felt like you desperately needed this break. "(Y/N).. You good, sweetpea?"

You looked over your shoulder to see your best friend and fellow teammate, Bucky Barnes standing at the frame of his bedroom door with a concerned look on his face. No words can describe how grateful you were to have friends like the avengers, especially Steve and Buck. After you had broken up with Tony for what he did, you immediately ran to Steve for comfort and without hesitation he had taken you in with open arms alongside with Bucky. They had let you stay with them at the Manhattan apartment they shared, knowing they'd be able to keep Tony away from you until you were ready for closure. Wiping away the few tears that ran down your cheeks with the blanket wrapped around you, you shook your head, signaling to Bucky that you needed his comfort.

———

"What kinda mess you get yourself into this time, Stark?"

It's been years since Tony had hit up the bar he'd go to back when he'd have panic attacks and had to drown himself in alcohol just to make it all go away.  This was just one of those times where he just needed to release somehow. "Let's just say the situation is cutting me a little deeper than anything else." Tony breathed out after downing down a glass of hard whiskey. Everyone used to worry and think that Tony would be the one to break your heart and leave you like a lost puppy, but this was different. This was the complete opposite because he was so in love with you, shit, Tony knew for a fact that he one day wanted to press his lips onto yours, slip that gorgeous shiny ring he had been eyeing for awhile now onto your ring finger and tell you he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you by his side. "Is it your lovely lady? You know, she's truly something. I saw her on the news that one day, you know it's real love if she's willing to defend you so fiercely like that. Especially after all the chaos you and your posse make." The bartender let out a raspy chuckle as he poured Stark another two drinks, on the house of course. "Jones, I miss the hell out of her you know? I don't know what to do." Tony looked up at the bartender he knew for so long with a desperate look in his eyes. He was desperate for an answer, a solution and for once he was at a dead end. "Christ, Anthony you look like you're driving yourself batshit insane. What the hell did you do?" Jones slowly passed Tony his drink, all while giving him a pitying look.

He smokes his expensive cigars to remember, but he drinks to forget, yet in a vulnerable moment like this it was absolutely impossible to not remember what he had done.

"Stark, all I want is you. I've waited long enough for a moment like this. Let me numb your pain and help you forget." She had long auburn ringlets in her hair that went down to her hips, her eyes green like emeralds and her eyelashes would bat wildly at him. He definitely felt guilt wash over him at that moment, under all those layers of "confidence" was insecurity and the fear of never being truly loved or accepted. He was well aware that you were his and he was yours, but he doubted himself so so much behind the curtain on the stage he'd always be put on. It didn't take long until it got to him, he was all over her. From her lips to her ankles, he was blind and let his deepest insecurities take control.

Bruce was the first to walk in after the damage had been done, "Anthony Edward Stark, put your damn clothes on. Now." Banner then looked over at the woman and pointed towards the door, "And you, get the fuck out of my lab, you're fired." Tony was about to call for her to intervene and stop Banner from being so harsh but was soon met with those familiar disappointed blue eyes from his other teammate, after just a few seconds his world came crashing down.

"She saw everything Tony."

The Captain finally hit him with the news. Tony couldn't do anything but react, he ran towards the door in an attempt to try and find you, only to be harshly stopped and pushed away by Steve. "Leave her alone, she'll come to you at her own time Tony." And that broke him. He knelt down at Steve's feet and stared down. As if things couldn't get worse, Steve's phone rang. After several moments of quiet mumbling, Steve pressed the phone to Tony's ear, and there it was. The sound of your choked up sobs along with those words that stung more than all the bullet wounds he had taken.

"I should've listened to Steve when he had warned me about you. I'm done Tony. Bucky's taking my things tomorrow. Don't you fucking dare try to explain yourself. And don't you dare try to tell me that I don't know what happened."

And with that final blow, you had torn him to shreds. For once he didn't think "What would the news say?" or "What do I tell the reporters?" all he wanted was to not sink.

"Sir, I believe the timer you set for the simulation has now expired. Would you like me to restart?" F.R.I.D.A.Y suddenly brought him back to his semi-alcohol buzzed state.

"I think it's time for him to head to bed Friday."

The simulation, along with Jones fizzled out only to reveal Steve walking towards an obviously drunk and broken Tony Stark in the middle of the dark common room. Steve sighed, putting his hands over Tony's shoulders to steady his poor posture. "We're all worried about you. She might not be here to tell you herself but i'm sure she's worried about you too." The blue-eyed captain slowly spoke, Tony only looked up to see that Steve's eyes weren't as bright as they normally were. "Cap-Capsicle, Listen. I love you but please, just fuck off. It's over, i'm fuckin' done for. It's always been my damn fault!" Tony pushed Steve away, and drunkenly swayed towards the kitchen, only to have Steve following right behind him. Steve normally didn't put up with Tony's vulnerable moments but this was a much different story. After several moments of silence and letting Tony retrieve a glass of water to sober up, Steve suddenly spoke, "You love her right? If you loved her why would you give up this easily? I know you've still got some fight in ya, Tones."

"Fight? All I ever do is fight nowadays Steve. I love her but damnit, she doesn't love me anymore, after that-that stupid stunt I pulled. I swear I was in a dark place, it felt like I couldn't control myself. God, why the hell am I like this, this wasn't supposed to happen." Tony sighed and pressed his hands against the kitchen counter and looked straight down. "This is a different kind of fight, Tony. I don't know everything that goes on in that head of yours but please, just think about it. You have no clue how much (Y/N) loves you still. I know that you know what to do, all it takes is a little faith." Steve gave Tony one final nod, then walked back to where he had came from. Tony was a damaged, broken man and his way to cope with it was to always dig his head deep into his work, or drown it out using his money. (That wasn't the case after he had opted for cheating of course.) He loves you, he was fully aware of it but he had yet mustered up the courage to open up about his insecurities, all those little damn things in his mind that would prod and poke at him endlessly. "Well well well, why didn't anyone tell me the plan was to get shitfaced at 3 in the morning?" Clint's sudden sarcastic remark brought him out of his late night drunken thoughts. "Uhh, How long have you been there bird man?" Tony sighed and pressed a hand against his face, the fatigue was beginning to sink in due to his messy predicament. "Not important, but listen." Clint cleared his throat as he was now walking over to the fridge, pulling out a gallon of milk and drinking straight from it. "I'll start listening to you once you stop drinking straight from the damn gallon. You're digusting Barton." Tony slightly slurred as he attempted to extend the sound of that last sentence. "Yeah okay, don't give me shit for this when you're talking to me drunk." Clint chuckled, putting the milk back and finally faced the iconic Tony Stark, who was now a broken mess in the kitchen at 3AM. "You here to try to give me a pep talk too huh? I've accepted the fact that i've fucked up and ruined the chances of me spending the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams." Tony scoffed at himself and the pathetic jumble of words coming out of his mouth, he knew he was going through a vulnerable moment but what's the point of hiding it anymore? "Nope. Not a pep talk. More of a bitch slap across the face because for heaven's sakes, have you listened to yourself Stark?" Clint crossed his arms, only to receive a smug look from Stark. "Bitch slap? Alright big guy, unleash this 'bitch slap' on me. Show me what ya got." Tony was about to release one of his obnoxious drunk laughs only to be stopped by Clint, quite literally, bitch slapping him across the face.

"What the hell kinda freaky shit y'all doing up at this god forsaken hour?"

Both men (more like dumb children at this point) suddenly looked over to see Sam padding over to them from the open common room area with his eyes narrowed at the bizarre interaction he had just witnessed. "Hey don't look at me, Stark told me to bitch slap him." The archer put his hands up innocently and shrugged. "Okaaay first of all Clint Francis Bart-On," Tony started, putting quite a large emphasis on Clint's last name, "You said you were gonna bitch slap me and I wanted to test you so then I could have a good excuse to kick your ass." Tony finished, slamming his fist on the marble counter for emphasis, only to have it backfire when pain shot through his hand and onto his arm as he hissed and began pacing the pain away through the kitchen. "Dumbass." Barton began wheeze laughing and slapping his hand on his thigh while using his other hand to keep himself steadied near the counter. Sam shook his head, the look of disappointment painted over his face as he shoved both grown men into a small group huddle. "You both need to tone it the fuck down, you're acting like children! And it's 3AM! Go to bed damnit!" Sam hissed through his teeth, now looking at both of the idiot teammates in front of him. "Yes, you're right but Tony needs a wake up call. He hasn't left his room in weeks and when he does it's today, at 3am and he's a drunk mess, it's pretty pathetic." Clint rolled his eyes and sighed, now beginning to get impatient with how ridiculous this situation was getting. "You're both assholes, I just got dumped by the love of my life and now I may have to get an x-ray of my hand." Tony grunted, now annoyed as he held onto his forearm. "Ugh fine! Clint, get the arrows out of your ass, go to bed and stop being a dick to little baby man Tony here. And Stark, if you love (Y/N) so god damn much, get your head out of the gutter and run to her damnit! There's only so much time we have on this earth you never know when it'll be the last time you see someone you love, so go out there, get her some damn flowers and tell her you love her with your whole stupid baby man heart!" Sam gritted his teeth, now angry that he had to be the one to get both of these men to get it together. "Oh my god, you're right." Tony seemed to have sobered up as he gasped, his eyes widening as panic began to settle in.

"You've got to be kidding me, I literally was trying to tell him that just 30 minutes ago!" Steve whined as he passed by the kitchen and suddenly stood near the front door with keys in his hand.

"Shut up snow cone! I've got a woman to go to and tell her I love her with my whole  freakin' baby man heart!" Tony slid in his socks as he scrambled to get out of the kitchen and ran towards his bedroom to get dressed as quick as he could.

———

"Hey Buck, is it raining outside?" You looked up from the tv to look over at him with a brow raised. "(Y/N), it's been raining for hours now. You must be really into this show if this is the first time you're hearin' the rain." Bucky chuckled as he stood up from his seat next to you and stretched his legs out. "I'm kinda craving something to snack on, want anything?" Bucky raised a thumb over to the kitchen, a yawn escaping his lips. "I'm weirdly still a bit hungry after those two pizzas, wanna cook something up with me? I'm thinkin' pasta." You smiled up at the soldier who nodded and smiled back at you. As you stood up you shrugged off the blanket that was over you and made your way towards the kitchen with Bucky who was now bringing out ingredients onto the counter. "Chicken alfredo sound good to you darlin'?" Bucky hummed, you hummed back in approval of his pasta choice and began mixing up a few ingredients into a pan and heated up the stove to make the sauce. "Never thought that i'd ever see you step foot in the kitchen to cook, most of the time I see you either eating or talking to Stevie. I'm not complaining though." Bucky chuckled as he watched you stir the pan and subtly sway as you thought of a song in your head. "I may be going through some shit right now but honestly, cooking is a good distraction, especially with you helping me out here." You grinned cheekily at your metal armed pal who was cutting up the chicken on the counter next to you.

The distraction didn't last very long when you heard several quick knocks on the front door. "I'll get that." Bucky was about to set down the knife when you stopped him and handed him the spoon you were using to stir the pan. "Not so fast soldier, i'll get it. It's probably Steve, I just hope to the gods that he brought back some dessert or something." You chuckled and calmly waltzed out to the living room and towards the front door. From the door came more fast knocks, except this time they were a lot heavier. "Chill out and don't get your panties in a wad Steve, i'm coming." You huffed and rolled your eyes as you reached for the handle and twisted it.

You couldn't believe your eyes at the sight in front of you as your jaw dropped and your eyes widened.

There stood a soaking wet Tony Stark: with pajama pants, wet socks, an unbuttoned suit jacket while he was shirtless underneath, a large red hand mark on his cheek, an arm cast, and some wilted bouquet in the other.

You had absolutely no words to say at that moment, you were feeling all sorts of emotions at the sight of your cheating, lying, playboy ex being at your front step in such a vulnerable moment. You felt hurt, betrayed, backstabbed, angry, absolutely fucking livid, and definitely confused. It's been almost a whole month and he had the nerve, the damn nerve to show up at your door, soaking wet with dead flowers? God he's such an idiot.

"(Y/N), you okay? What's goin' o- ohh hell no." Bucky's heavy footsteps behind you suddenly brought you out of your thoughts. "James, I swear i'm only here to explain myself and say a few things." Tony suddenly began to look slightly anxious and uncomfortable once he saw Bucky over your shoulder ready to protect you and attack the playboy himself. "What the hell do you want? How'd you get here and what's with the stupid mark on your face? You've done enough damage and now you're out here ruining our porch you idiot." Bucky scoffed at how pathetically embarrassing Tony Stark had looked right about now. Boy, he was one hell of a hot mess. Suddenly the Captain appeared behind Tony, with of course an umbrella over his head. "Bucky, I drove him here just to talk to (Y/N) for a few minutes. I promise it won't take long. But errr also, Clint slapped him and it was a pretty funny sight." Steve assured Buck with a quiet chuckle and his free hand in his pocket as he towered over Stark. Tony looked over and did a double take and noticed there was now a Steve Rogers behind him holding an umbrella over his and Steve's head. "Seriously? After i've gotten wet from getting flowers and running to the porch? You've got to be kidding me." Tony sighed and closed his eyes as he realized how stupid he was to not ask for an umbrella. "Hey man, you kinda deserve it after what you did to (Y/N)." Steve shrugged it off and gestured Tony to continue onto his little embarrassing moment. "Right. Anyway, uh, (Y/N)." Tony turned over to you and locked his eyes with yours, his brows were slightly raised as his face was now looking remorseful.

"(Y/N) I love you, I really do. I know you basically told me to screw off and never come back but god fucking damnit, if only you knew that even if the god of thunder himself tried to push me away from you, it wouldn't stop me." Tony looked down for a second, mentally putting his thoughts into sentences and finally looking back up to look into your deep-set (E/C) eyes. "I miss you, shit, i've been missing you since the day I first laid eyes on you. I wish I would've been more honest and open with you, I wanted to tell you about how scared and insecure I really am on the inside, it absolutely pains me everyday having to have these little invasive thoughts poke at me every second of the day. Ever since you and I became a thing I was so determined to not tell you any of my fucking problems because I didn't want to scare you away, I always thought that me opening up would make you break up with me and find someone else better like, shit I don't know, Bucky? I mean look at him, he's always ready to throw his thoughts and life away to protect you like a real man." Tony sighed and gestured over to Barnes who was now wide eyed at the remark coming from Tony Stark himself. Bucky was flattered but he empathized with the pain Tony was going through since he himself shared similar insecurities.

"(Y/N), I'm fucking nothing, absolutely shit without you. Fuck, Sam and Clint-"

"And me!" Steve raised his hand, which only got stares from everyone; Steve slowly lowered his hand and looked down sheepishly. "A-and Capsicle here, had to slap me around and help me get my shit together in order for me to come here and tell you myself that what I did was a huge mistake. I hurt you, I fucked up, I really did. But honey, I'd go to the corners of the earth to make you happy and even though this isn't exactly a perfect attempt to get you back, I love you with my whole god damn baby man heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and grow old with you until we shrivel up like raisins and shit ourse-"

"Anthony, that's enough." You sighed and pressed your fingers against the bridge of your nose. "Too much? I mean we don't have to shit ourselves i'll probably be ten times richer when i'm old and dying, i'll get us maids that'll wipe our a-"

"I love you too Tony. God you're so stupid but I love you and your stupid baby man antics." While chuckling, you looked up at him and gestured both the captain and Tony into the house. Once Bucky had closed the front door, Tony ran to you and showered you with frantic, desperate kisses all over your face while he held onto you tightly with his free arm, "Honey babe, I missed you so so much oh my god I felt like I was dying and I couldn't breathe or get on with my day without crying or feeling like I was about to pass out and-"

"Anthony Edward Stark, you have 2 seconds to get your sopping wet body away from me before I beat the living shit out of you with a spoon."