Peter: we need to lure them out...

Bucky: Okay, so we're setting the tower on fire. Let's do it.

-------

Bucky: your toes sink into the sands. it is quiet here. it is soft. you are safe, in the embrace of the waves.

Harley: bro. bro, no. bro, that's quicksand.

Bucky, neck deep in sand: what, no. the beach is giving me a hug.

--------

Bucky: *slaps Steve*

Steve: oW, HEY! wHAT WAS THAT FOR???!

Bucky: YOU DYING, STUPID.

Steve: wha...?

Bucky: DID YA EVEN TRY T' LAND THE FUCKIN' PLANE? NO, YA DIDNT. I'M GONE FOR TWO WEEKS AND YA TAKE A NOSEDIVE IN THE ARCTIC.

Steve: Buuck...

Bucky: *starts dragging Steve by the collar of his shirt* NO. We're getting someone to teach yer dumb ass how to fly a fUCKIN' PLANE.

Shuri: and that, folks, is how you punish your dumbass boyfriend for nosediving a plane into ice.

--------

Steve: why do you drink so much coffee, Buck???

Bucky: coffee cures depression.

Loki and Bucky(in unison): more espresso, less depresso. *clink coffee pots together*

Shuri: that's totally how that works...

---------

Bucky: heyyyyyyy...

Peter: w'sa, dude?

Bucky: I'm gonna try using Steve's shield as a sled...wanna join me?

Peter: ehhhh...sure. I have nothing better to do.

*later*

Bucky: oH SHIT, FUCK, OH MY GOD!!!! SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!! I FUCKED UP!!!

Peter: *films silently as Shuri is laughing her brains out next to him*

Harley: HEY, CAN I TRY IT NEXT?!

----------

Steve: bUCK, I HAVE TO BE AT WORK IN FIVE MINUTES, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GET ME THERE IN TIME!!!

Bucky: *screams*

*after the supposedly ten-minute, two-minute drive*

Steve: ok, ok, ok, ok, straight home, buck, go straight home.

Bucky: Straight isn't a thing. Hell no, Steve, Wendy's first!

Harley, from behind the counter at Stark Tower: yep.

--------

Steve: buck have you seen my shield???

Bucky: *slowly sips Lucky Charms out of the shield*

Bucky: no.

Steve:

Bucky:

Shuri: Steve, there's no way Bucky's gonna give it back to you for a few weeks because he discovered that it makes a great cereal bowl.

-------

Steve: just...don't do anything reckless or crazy.

Bucky: *backflips off a car in the middle of the road, nearly smashing his head on the asphalt right in front of Steve* fucking hippocrite.

The Meme Squad: I think we can all agree that Bucky does what he wants.

A/N: Part 2?