Numb - Natasha Romanoff

- 607 words -
- I came up with the basic idea for this on the 18th of November, the anniversary of my dads death, and I would just like to say that this is dedicated to my dad -

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I couldn't help but stare into space. My heart was shattered and I was barely keeping it together. Every year Time helped me heal but Life tore me apart again. 4 years. 4 years and nothing had become easier.

I held my breath and kept the tears inside. I knew I couldn't bottle all my emotions, yet I continued to do so. I was slowly destroying myself.

"Layla?" My eyes flicked from the wall to Natasha. I didn't have the energy to smile.
"Layla, are you okay?" I took a deep breath but it didn't help; tears began to fall down my cheeks. Natasha sat besides me and pulled me close.
"Layla, what's wrong?" I shook my head and placed it into the crook of her neck. Her hand went up and down my spine.
"Layla, you're one of the strongest people I know. You don't cry for no reason, can you please tell me what's wrong." I pulled away from Natasha.
"I'm not strong, I'm really not." My words came out broken and my body shuddered with every sob. "If I was really strong I wouldn't have started this whole self destructing cycle. I'd've kept my word." I couldn't continue what I was saying and I held onto Natasha, she was all that I had to keep me grounded. She was my link to reality.
"I don't understand." Worry was in Nat's voice. I felt bad for making her worry. I stayed silent.

Natasha kept her hand on my back. I couldn't tell whether it was for me or for her but I didn't care, I think we both needed some support.

"What word was it you had to keep?" My breath left my body. I was unsure, should I tell Nat?
"About 4 years ago my dad... my dad died. I promised him that I'd never keep everything inside. Not only have I broken that promise, but I've also began to self destruct. Its come to the point where I don't know what to do with life anymore. My life has become nothing and I'm becoming increasingly scared of the people I love dying, their oblivion." I pulled away from Natasha and looked her in the eyes. "It really fucking sucks. I'm made of paper and I'm broken."

Natasha held my head in her hands, her eyes bore into my soul.

"The only good thing about being made of paper is the knowledge that we all tear at some point, but that's why we all come with a needle and thread; so we can mean ourselves when we do. But sometimes the needle breaks, or the tread runs out, or we simply tear too easily and we spend all our time trying to keep ourselves together but it's not enough and we just want to give up. In times like this we shouldn't forget that we're not alone and that if we reach out, no matter how long it takes, nothing is unmendable." Natasha tilted her head and a few tears cascaded down her cheeks. "Yes we may be paper people living in a paper house in a paper town with a paper family. But if we're lucky we have paper friends, some more worn than others but that shows us - as long as we aren't the only ones made of paper than we can be anything we want to be, we don't have to be made of paper." She pressed her forehead against mine. "We're both broken Layla. That's why we have each other, so that we have someone to fix us - someone who can make us their universe. So let me fix you."