The avengers were taking a road trip to one of Tony's private beaches and it is currently 11:30 pm.

"is that a UFO" Tony asks looking into the night sky "pull over maybe they need directions" Clint says and everyone looks at Clint like he's crazy "what" he asks like he didn't just suggest they stop and go give someone who might be evil directions. "you need help and lots of it" Natasha deadpans and Clint just shrugs.

Another half hour into the drive Clint decides to ask a question "are oranges called oranges because there orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange" everyone looks at Clint except Natasha who's driving "did you just say orange 7 times in one sentence and have it still make sense" Bruce asks "yeah" Clint responds "I still stand by my earlier statement, you need help and lots of it" Natasha says and Clint shrugs again.

In the morning around 8am they are pulling into the driveway as Clint parks everyone starts to unbuckle.

As they get in the house Steve asks the question everyone's been asking themselves "why were you saying weird things while you weren't driving" Clint pauses what he doing "lots of reasons" Clint answers going upstairs and Wanda follows him.

"What's wrong" she asks once she knows they're away from prying eyes and ears "I miss Phil" he answers. "who's Phil" she asks and Clint sighs "he was my husband and handler at SHIELD he died during the attack of Loki, and I guess now that there's no constant threat or search for something or missions, I have nothing else to focus on" he tells Wanda and she nods in understanding. "I get it but Clint, you need to allow yourself to feel that pain, and go through the grief" she tells him "Yeah, I guess, can you send Nat up please" he asks and Wanda nods.

A few seconds later the door opens and Natasha comes in with his bag "hey" she says softly. "I miss him" he says looking up at her with big tearful eyes "I know" she sets his bag down beside the bed and sits down beside him. She pulls Clint into her and runs her hands through his hair. "Cry if you need, yell if you want, break something if you think it'll help, I don't care, I'm here for you and will help you get better" she promises.

"I don't know, what'll help" he answers as his voice cracks "do you want to yell" she asks and he sniffles "no" he answers "do you need to cry" she asks and he nods "than cry, I'll be here" she tell him as he finally lets the tears run down his face with the occasional sniffle. "He was my everything" Clint chokes on his sobs "I love him so much" he says "I know" she responds petting his hair.

Clint falls asleep that night with tears running down his face and clinging to Natasha tightly as if she's his life line, and right now she's almost certain she is.

'I'm going back to the tower with Clint tomorrow' -Natasha
'Do you want us to go with you' -Steve
'No, and if you can all be out or in your rooms that'd be great'-Natasha
'Ok'-Steve

Natasha holds Clint tighter as she falls asleep.

"Clint, wake up" Natasha whispers "mph" he mumbles into her side "we have to get going" she tells him and he looks up "where" he asks "we're gonna go back to the apartment" she answers truthfully.

After a couple minutes of convincing Natasha managed to get Clint out of bed and into clean clothes "don't worry, I told Steve to keep them all in their rooms so the only one we have to worry about is Tony" she tells him as they walk down the stairs.

Much to Natasha's surprise the whole team is there even Sam and Bucky who must of driven up last night. "What the hell Steve" Natasha yells "we'll to be fair you didn't say when you were leaving" Steve counters, "cmon Clint get your shoes on, Sam I'm taking your car" Natasha states with a glare at everyone daring them to say something, they don't.

"Bye James it was nice to see you" Natasha says as she walks out the door with Clint following numbly behind her as everyone stares at the broken archer.

"What's wrong with him" Tony breaks the silence "his husband is dead" Wanda tells them and everyone gasps "I didn't even know he was married" Tony states "no one except Natasha, Hill and Fury did" Wanda tells them "now let's enjoy our vacation" Bucky says "how can you still wanna be on vacation after finding that out" Steve gasps "because if we don't, Natasha will kill us" Bucky tells them and they all nod moving slowly.

"Clint" Natasha says as she hears soft sniffles "yeah" his voice cracks and it hurts Natasha's heart "he loves you so much" Natasha grabs his hand and feels the scars and his ring finger that she's grown accustomed to feeling when they're out in the field "it hurts Tasha it hurts so much" Clint gasps as he chokes around his tears "I know" she whispers.

They spend the rest of the drive relatively quiet aside from Clint's sobs and as she pulls into the driveway of Phil and Clint's apartment she sits there for a minute and lets her own emotions flow because she knows Clint will need her. After about twenty minutes she wakes him up with a soft smile that contradicts her red eyes and the matching tear tracks that they both have.

The slowly make their way into the building and the guard looks at them "hi, we forgot our key can you let us up" she asks supporting a lot of Clint's weight. "name" the guard asks "Coulson" Natasha chokes out as more tears run down Clint's face. "follow me" the guard says and leads the through the doors where the regular doorman is and he frowns at the sight of them.

"What happened" he asks and Clint looks up "he's gone" Clint manages to choke out and more tears make themselves known. "oh" the doorman says, before slowly gathering Clint and Natasha into the elevator and making sure they get into the apartment ok.

Natasha slowly sets Clint on the couch and kneels in front of him, "what do you want to eat" she asks and he shakes his head. "ok" she slowly climbs back onto the couch and lies down pulling Clint on top of her as he cries and cries, each one more pain filled than the last, until he wears himself out.

"Director" Natasha says into the phone "Romanov, what is it" Fury asks "Barton and I will not be able to make it to work for at least a week" she tells him "why" he asks "because Barton is a mess without him and is on suicide watch until further notice. We knew this would happen if he was killed in the line of duty" Natasha tells Fury "it's been hard on everyone, you have 2 weeks off and if Barton isn't better I expect you to bring him in for psych evaluation" Fury tells her and she makes a noise of agreement before hanging up. She kisses Clint's head and scratches his scalp.

Wake up, cry, eat the minimum of food, cry, bathroom, cry, shower, change, cry, sleep, wake up, cry, sleep, that's how a week and a half was spent on the couch in the apartment, before Clint ran out of tears and was just making choked off noises when no tears came out, Natasha beside him rubbing his back and taking care of him as he went through his grief.

On a Wednesday of the second week both their phones lit up with an avengers level threat and Natasha knew neither of them were in a state to fight but they still went, when the doorman saw them he tried to stop them but after a few minutes he let them go. When the team saw them they all tried to get them to go back to the tower or the apartment but they kept fighting. When the villain saw them, they started retreating before the villain was out of ears reach he called "feel better soon" and Clint just cried because he couldn't feel better no matter how hard he tried.

A day later Natasha woke Clint up and instead of the crying she expected he got up, changed, showered and asked her if she was ready to go to work and she nodded slowly. They made their way to SHIELD and when they came in the director had come to check on them but didn't say anything about their looks, no one did. So they went on with their days and avoided anywhere that Phil and them would always go to which included, conference rooms, the gym, the break room, and any of their offices.

Clint and Natasha basically just sat in a hallway and did their work as people walked by and looked at the two wrecked assassins who never showed emotion but now everyone could see the pain and loss they were going through.

"Hey guys, what are you doing here" it was Pepper, probably there for a meeting. "work" Clint's answer was short and clipped with his scratchy voice "I knew that but I mean in the hallway and not your offices" she said tilting her head and Clint made a sound but otherwise didn't react. "I'll tell you later" Natasha nodded and Pepper walked away.

"Do you think it'll ever stop hurting" Clint asked "no but I think the pain will dull so it's only a small throb instead of a big stabbing pain" Natasha answered. "if there is a heaven do you think Phil's there" Clint asked looking up as a sharp stab of pain went through his heart "yeah, he's definitely there if there is" Natasha gives a sad smile "I agree" Clint murmurs looking back at his paperwork.

"I think I want to go see Phil's office" Clint said one day as they were walking into SHIELD. It's been a week since they came back to SHIELD. "Ok, do you wanna do it now" Natasha asks and he nods, so they slowly walk through the specialist bullpen and to Phil's office and as they get their they notice that theirs a light on inside, so they slowly open the door and see an agent they don't know in there putting stuff in boxes.

"Oh, um, who are you" Clint asks swallowing the lump in his throat "I'm agent garrison, I'm taking over Phil's role" garrison says cheerily and Clint stumbles into the doorway for support. "it's senior agent Coulson" Natasha says "what" garrison asks "his name wasn't Phil to you it was senior agent Coulson" her glare is only something that could be called deadly. "Oh I'm sorry were you close with him" garrison asks "we were his team" she says looking over to Clint who was clutching the wall for support. "oh strike team DELTA" the guy realizes "yeah, are you taking over the team" she asks skeptically "yes, I'm so glad you're here actually, we can go over a few things for the team" garrison tells them sitting in the chair.

Clint shakes his head multiple times and garrison has yet to notice something is clearly wrong and continues talking. "You are an incompetent agent and an asshole if you haven't noticed my partner is clearly not having this conversation right now and something is wrong, you should not even be working at SHIELD you are worse than the baby agents who at least know when to shut up unlike you, you half priced fucking douchebag" Natasha cuts him off and pulls Clint into herself and gently sets them on the ground.

She sees the man pick up the phone but is to busy calming Clint down and a few minutes later Fury is there. "Romanov, you yelled at a superior agent, why" Fury asks "because, I know an incompetent agent when I see one" she glares at Fury as if daring him to prove her wrong "garrison what happened" Fury questions "I was packing up Phil's things and these two came in and started telling me what to do, and when I told them I would be their new handler and started telling them some other things about how it would work she called me incompetent, an asshole and a douchebag" garrison tells Fury "oh and don't forget that you didn't notice my partner having a panic attack right in front of you and I told you his name is senior agent Coulson to you" Natasha says through gritted teeth. Fury had garrison fired and let Natasha and Clint run their own missions on an open line with him or Hill.

A few years later Clint and Natasha had gotten better, they still missed Phil but now they could talk about him and would only feel a dull throb of pain in there hearts, sure they cried on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries but they were better and they were living.

Phil was proud of them, he knew he might never get to see them again but the least he could do was watch out for them as they did their jobs and protected the earth.