Who's Peter Parker? And Why Is He On Twitter?
A/N: an au where no one knows Peter is Spider-Man (because of course) and Peter is competent and hiding his secret identity.
..........
Yeeter @pbp
Y'all ever just like, want to die?
> Bitch @mjaay
Y'all? You're not southern, what's with the y'all?
>> Yeeter @pbp
Oh god, I've been hanging out with Tennessee too much.
>>> Bitch @mjaay
Wait until you actually meet him face to face.
>>>> Yeeter @pbp
Oof
Spider @Webslinger
I found out something interesting today! My dad wasn't my real dad!
> Spider @Webslinger
Wrong account. Doesn't matter anyways, dad's dead. Not my bio dad, but father?
>> Kiss my ass @Superherocult
That must've been a shock.
>>> Spider @Webslinger
It was. Because my real dad is still alive and like, my hero? You know. So, I will not be able to ever look him in the eye, ever.
>>>> Bleached eyes @Teasis
Oof, why?
>>>>> Spider @Webslinger
My pure innocent eyes laid witness to what I should have never laid witness to.
(Load 50k replies)
Spider @Webslinger
I almost called my dad "dad". Dodged a bullet there. I do not need anyone knowing my identity. Not even my dad.
> Gitc @Leeds
Oof. Does anyone know your identity?
>> Spider @Webslinger
My pet cat maybe. His name is Banner and i love him.
>>> 7 PHD's @Banner
You named a cat after me?
>>>> Spider @Webslinger
You and Mr. Stark are my scientific heroes. So of course! I have a kitten named after Mr. Stark.
>>>>> 7 PHD's @Banner
You are... so pure...
Yeeter @pbp
Hey, check out my latest project!
[ParkerProsthetics.Org]
[Video of very real looking arm on an amputee. The base seemed to be made to be removable. And it was. Peter demonstrates how it could be switched out easily and explained how it worked.]
> Gitc @Leeds
Duuude, what if @Stark saw this? This is amazing!
>> Yeeter @pbp
I wish.
> Bitch @mjaay
This is impressive Parker. How'd you fund it?
>> Yeeter @pbp
Uh... saving up and scrounging around for parts. I'm just glad it looks so real, synthetic skin would be so much better.
>>> Bitch @mjaay
Keep up the good work.
> Iron Man @Stark
This is fucking brilliant.
Yeeter @pbp
1) Tony freaking Stark retweeted me. 2) I gained a crap ton of followers. 3) anyone know a good funeral home because I'm gonna die from embarrassment!
> Yeeter @pbp
HE FOLLOWED ME!
>> Gitc @Leeds
holy shit!
Yeeter @pbp
Now that Tony Stark follows me, I have delete every thirst tweet I ever had about any avenger. No one can know.
> Potatogun @Keener
Look, everyone knows you want to be crushed by Thor's thighs.
>> Yeeter @pbp
SHHHHHHH
Spider @Webslinger
Flirting is fun and all, but it makes me very uncomfortable for many, many reasons. Reason 1) I'm taken. Reason 2) you guys are twice my age or older. AHHH.
> Marvelstan @steponme
Twice your age. Most of the avengers are barely over 30? Barely 40?
>> Spider @Webslinger
1) the ones I'm talking about are twice my age or over. 2) so?
>>> Marvelstan @steponme
How old are you?
>>>> Spider @Webslinger
Let me put it this way, I can't drink it rent a car, but I can smoke. Though I wouldn't, because gross.
>>>>> Iron man @Stark
Oh my god, you're a child. Oh god. Who was hitting on you?
Yeeter @pbp
I ran into Bruce Banner today and let me tell you, that man is one of the greatest people alive. Hands down.
> 7 PhD's @Banner
I'm very flattered. You seemed like a bright young man. Your prosthetic work is pretty amazing.
>> Yeeter @pbp
I-
Gitc @Leeds
Peter legit just passed out after getting a reply from Bruce Banner and that is a mood.
> Bitch @Mjaay
Weak
>> Gitc @Leeds
If it was Pepper Potts, you'd do the same.
>>> Bitch @Mjaay
Because she's Pepper Potts!
>>>> Yeeter @pbp
Pepper Potts is a Queen.
>>>>> Gitc @Leeds
I'm not even surprised anymore.
Stark >>> pbp
Stark: Kid, I've been looking more into your prosthetics project and I saw that all you're really lacking is finding and materials. Would be willing to partner with Starks Industries to develop a line a prosthetics?
pbp: I'd be honored!
Yeeter @pbp
I'm living a fan fic. There's no other explanation for this Y/N plot.
> Gitc @Leeds
What happened now?
>> Yeeter @pbp
I'll tell you soon. Too tired to do anything rn.
>>>Gitc @Leeds. Fair.
Spider @Webslinger
My life is very... ironic and strange .
> Spideystan @Marissa123
Care to elaborate?
>> Spider @Webslinger
No
>>> Spideystan @Marissa123
Valid
Yeeter @pbp
Don't you love it when your boyfriend is a solid 10 and you're a solid 1?
> Gitc @Leeds
Who is your boyfriend btw? And you are not a 1. You are an 11.
>> Yeeter @pbp
I'll tell you later. Not over Twitter.
>>> Gitc @Leeds
Fair
Spider @Webslinger
Whoever slapped my ass, please stop. Like seriously. Please.
> Iron Man @Stark
Someone did what now?
Iron Man @Stark
Whoever is harassing Spider-Man better stop or I will use every power I have to take you down. I do not care who you are. Unwanted touching is called sexual assault. So fuck off.
> Spider @Webslinger
🥺
>> Iron Man @Stark
I may not know who you are kid, but that behavior isn't tolerated. You should feel safe among friends and teammates.
SpideyStan @Melissa123
Tony Stark just defended Spidey because people were harassing him and I've never stanned two men harder.
Yeeter @pbp
I forgot I stayed at my boyfriends place last night and nearly had a fucking panic attack when his sister walked in to wake us up.
> Gitc @Leeds
Oof, sounds awkward
>> Yeeter @pbp
More awkward when his brother-in-law walks in as well. I was mortified. Fully clothed and mortified.
>>> Gitc @Leeds
Ha, only you.
Human Torch @JStorm
Guys, my boyfriend is smart and cute and I'd die for him.
> It's clobbering time @Thething
You have a boyfriend? Someone who doesn't find you annoying.
>> Human Torch @JStorm
:(
StarkIndustries @SI
We're realizing a new line of low cost prosthetics. Our lead designer was the young genius @pbp or Peter Parker. We look forward to working with him again in the future.
> Yeeter @pbp
It was a pleasure working with everyone! Joel to work with you soon!
>> Gitc @Leeds
Dude! That's awesome!
(Load 95k comments )
Spider @Webcrawler
I hate that the default is straight. Why is it? I'm bisexual and have a boyfriend and have friends who fall along the LGBT+ spectrum.
> Spider @Webcrawler
And screw ableism. I've got ADHD and PTSD and no one cares. I've got anxiety and I have panic attacks a lot. But because they're invisible illnesses, people don't believe they exist.
>> Birdguy @Hawkeye
Fuck ableism. Most people don't know I'm deaf and need hearing aids to hear.
>>> Birdguy @Hawkeye
And yeah, why is straight the default? I'm ace.
>>>> Spider @Webcrawler
Because straight cis people decided the rules.
Won't hesitate @trymebitch
Can i just say that I Stan Spidey and Hawkeye? Spidey being Bi and Hawkeye being Ace is the queer rep we needed.
> Won't hesitate @trymebitch
And like they said #fuckableism
>> 7 PhD's @Banner
Rt
>> Iron Man @Stark
Rt
>> Killer @Widow
Rt
>> Sparky @Thor
Rt
>> Snek @Loki
Rt
>> Army guy @Ironpatriot
Rt
>> Cooler bird @Falcon
Rt
>> Human Torch @JStorm
Rt
(Load 160 responses)
Spider @Webcrawler
I have made a mistake.
> Bitch @Mjaay
Interesting, elaborate.
>> Spider @Webcrawler
I left my work on my bio dad in his home. I was studying in his genes and how they affected mine involving my abilities and I LEFT THEM THERE
>>> Potatogun @Keener
Ha, nice.
Iron Man @Stark
I have no words.
> Killer @Widow
Wow, shocking.
>> Iron Man @Stark
I'm contemplating my life choices and word choices right now, this is not the time.
>>> Killer @Widow
Oh shit.
> SI CEO @Potts
Tony, what happened?
> Iron Man @Stark
This is better said in person.
>> SI CEO @Potts
On my way.
Spider @Webcrawler
You know that meme? The "I'm in danger" one? Yeah. Somebody end my suffering.
> Spider @Webcrawler
I'd like to add that I'm not in danger, I just am dealing with a stressful situation and that is the only thing that came to mind.
Iron man @Stark
So... @Webcrawler, is it true?
> Spider @Webcrawler
Yes.
>> IronDad @Stark
Why not tell me?
>>> Spider @Webcrawler
Wow, you were quick with that name change. And as for why? I like keeping my identity a secret. Bows not the time to reveal it to anyone. Sorry Mr. Stark.
>>>> IronDad @Stark
Is it going to be that for the end of days? Mr. Stark? Really?
>>>>> Spider @Webcrawler
Fight me.
SI CEO @Potts
In case you missed the press conference, while Spider-Man is remaining unknown, keeping his identity a secret, he has confirmed that he is Tony Stark's biological son. Multiple tests were run.
> Gitc @Leeds
That's so cool. @pbp did you see this?
>> Yeeter @pbp
So Tony Stark has a son? Oof.
>>> Gitc @Leeds
How smart do you think he is?
>>>> Yeeter @pbp
Probably extremely smart. Smarter than me for sure.
>>>>> 7 PhD's @Banner
You're extremely smart Peter, don't put yourself down.
>>>>>> Gitc @Leeds
I think he fainted again.
Spider @Webcrawler
People keep asking why I kept my bloodline a secret. I just don't want people to know my identity. I have a lot of people i care about and i don't want to put them in danger.
> IronDad @Stark
I respect that... but I do want to know who you are.
>> Spider @Webcrawler
We've met in my civilian form. That's all I'm saying.
Spidermanstan @Stuckyshipper
We Stan a superhero who stands for what he believes in, which is equality. And stand a superhero that want to protect his fans
Spider @Webcrawler
So I've been chilling at the tower more, just in my mask and everything, and Mr. Stark asked about if I've dated anyone and I almost blurted out my boyfriend's name like a fool.
> Spider @Webcrawler
So instead I said "j-just a few guys and girls." So yeah.
>> IronDad @Stark
You have a boyfriend and their name starts with J?
>>> Spider @Webcrawler
Ah, forgot you followed me.
>>>> Spdiermanstan @Stuckyshipper
We Stan a dumbass bisexual.
Superhero Watch @Superheronews
Super hero Johnny Storm, otherwise known as "the human torch" was spotted with intelligent college student Peter Parker. Is this the "alleged" boyfriend?
> Gitc @Leeds
WHAT? @pbp ???
>> Yeeter @pbp
Surprise?
>>> Gitc @Leeds
You're dating a superhero! And a model.
>>>> Yeeter @pbp
Sorry for not telling you, I honestly didn't know how to bring it up.
>>>>> Gitc @Leeds
I get it, I'm just shocked.
> Bitch @Mjaay
@pbp you have game.
> It's clobbering time @Thething
@JStorm how did this happen?
>> Human Torch @JStorm
He doused me with a fire extinguisher.
Yeeter @pbp
For those wondering, @JStorm and I started dating a couple of years ago. We met when he set himself on fire almost too close to my school project and I doused him with a extinguisher. We started dating about two months after that.
> Human Torch @JStorm
Love at first sight.
>> Yeeter @pbp
You're a dork.
Yeeter @pbp
The only reason we hid it was because we weren't sure we'd last and i didn't want media attention. It's a bit late for that now though.
> 7 PhD's @Banner
Are you okay with the attention?
>> Yeeter @pbp
Now I am. I wasn't back then. But I've had the chance to grow and mature, so I'm okay with it now. As long as people leave my friends and loved ones alone.
>>> 7 PhD's @Banner
Well, if you ever need any help, I'm sure Tony would be happy to. Me as well. You seem like a good kid.
>>>> Yeeter @Banner
Thank you Dr. Banner, I really appreciate it. :)
>>>>> 7 PhD's @Banner
You can call me Bruce, Peter.
>>>>>> Yeeter @pbp
Okay! Bruce.
Stark Industries @SI
We teamed up once again with Peter Parker @pbp . This time we developed low cost hearing aids for those in need and will be donating a pair for every pair bought.
> Gitc @Leeds
I didn't realize you were working on hearing aids @pbp
>> Yeeter @pbp
I was developing them for Hawkeye and well, brought the idea to Stark. He helped me develop them properly.
>>> IronDad @Stark
It was really mostly you.
>>>> Yeeter @pbp
It was a team effort Mr. Stark. Super glad to work with you again.
>>>>> IronDad @Stark
You can call me Tony kid.
>>>>>> Yeeter @pbp
Mr. Stark is more comfortable for me to say, sorry.
Spider @Webcrawler
The hardest part about owning pets it sharing them with your asshole friend who actually owns them. (He's not actually an asshole)
[ It's Peter, laying on the floor with two cats in him. One is a large brown Norwegian Forrest cat who was sitting on Peter's chest, and the other was a black kitten sitting on Peter's left leg]
> Yeeter @pbp
You're just upset because Banner and Stark like me more.
>> Spider @Webcrawler
Both the cats and the people.
>>> Yeeter @pbp
Just the cats dumbass. The people obviously like you more.
>>>> Spider @pbp
Don't make me throw hands
>>>>> Yeeter @pbp
Bet
Spider @Webcrawler
No @pbp does not know my identity. No one does. He helps me develop my web shooters and also takes in the cats I randomly find on the street.
> Yeeter @pbp
I bring them to the vet and help them find homes. Banner and Stark were rescues that Spider-Man saved as kittens that imprinted on me. So they stayed with me.
>> Gitc @Leeds
I should've known you knew Spider-Man when he mentioned the cats!
>>> Yeeter @pbp
I'm not the only one who named them that.
>>>> Gitc @Leeds
Still!
Potatogun @Keener
Yo @pbp I'm coming to New York! We can be chaos bros at last!
> Yeeter @pbp
Awesome!
>> IronDad @Stark
Wait, how do you two know each other?
>>> Potatogun @Keener
Tumblr. Mostly through his thirst page.
>>>> Yeeter @pbp
You had one too!
>>>>> Potatogun @Keener
Well yeah, but your looks don't match the blog.
>>>>>> Yeeter @pbp
Ugh, don't remind me.
I need sleep @Eyeswideopen
I don't know if it's ironic or hilarious that Peter Parker knows everyone. It's comical at this point.
> Kiss my ass @Superherocult
You just need Harry Osborn or something to really seal the deal.
>> Bleached eyes @teasis
But could you imagine? XD
>>> I need sleep @Eyeswideopen
Harry Osborn would be such a chaotic friend. Lol.
Suck my @Osdick
I saw someone mention Peter (@pbp) and got a Twitter to say something.
[ Picture of Peter and Harry arms wrapped around each other with big flags painted on their face while holding up peace signs. They're obviously at a pride parade. Johnny is in the the middle of them , shooting finger guns with a bi flag around his shoulders]
> Suck my Osdick
He's my best friend, along with @Leeds of course.
>> Kiss my ass @Superherocult
HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE @pbp !?!?
>>> Yeeter @pbp
Because... I am baby.
>>>> Kiss my ass @Superherocult
Ahhh, valid, have a nice day.
Spider @Webcrawler
I love my boyfriend a lot, but I know if i told him that I was Spider-Man, he'd talk about it. Because he's proud of every achievement I have.
> IronDad @Stark
I'm sure most people are proud of you kiddo.
>> Spider @Webcrawler
Yeah, but it's different when it's a boyfriend.
>>> IronDad @Stark
How is it different?
>>>> Spider @Webcrawler
My boyfriend showers me with kisses and praise and it's embarrassing. Always bragging about me.
>>>>> IronDad @Stark
The day I figure out your identity is the day your boyfriend gets the shovel talk.
Bitch @Mjaay
Honestly, @Webcrawler I don't even think you have bones. This is freaky.
[video of Spider-Man falling and hitting a pole, body contorting around it. Spider-Man is fine and all, but yeah, it looked like he had no bones]
> Spider @Webcrawler
Spiders don't have bones.
>> Bitch @Mjaay
Not many people can creep me out, but that is genuinely the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
>>> Spider @Webcrawler
Just saying it how it is.
IronDad @Stark
@Webcrawler you do have bones though, right?
> Spider @Webcrawler
Of course! They're just really light. So I'm a pretty light person. They're kinda like cartilage in nature, but tough like bones should be. But still bendy.
>> IronDad @Stark
The imagery made me want to puke, thanks.
>>> Spider @Webcrawler
Could be worse, they could be hollow.
>>>> IronDad @Stark
Kid, I love you an all, but please, stop.
>>>>> Spider @Webcrawler
You love me? Oh god, I'm going to have to call you dad now.
So CEO @Potts
If anyone heard screaming from the Stark tower, it was just tony being startled by his own son.
> IronDad @Stark
He flung himself in from the window. IN CIVILIAN CLOTHES. I don't know how he got here.
>> Spider @Webcrawler
Look, no one said I was smart.
>>> IronDad @Stark
Kid, you're extremely smart, you're just unique.
Spider @Webcrawler
Only Tony Stark knows my identity because I wanted a hug from him. And it was awkward to not call him dad.
> Yeeter @pbp
Didn't you Yeet yourself into the tower? What a mood.
>> Spider @Webcrawler
Look
Human Torch @JStorm
How is he so pretty?
[Peter is shirtless, body littered in pale scars and he has a very toned body. He's holding his cat Banner, who seems content. His hair is a mess and he looks tired, holding a cup of coffee in his free hand]
> Yeeter @pbp
I look on the verge of death, but thank you.
>> Killer @Widow
Do you fight? You have the build of a fighter.
>>> Yeeter @pbp
I like keeping in shape! Johnny and I spar a lot. He can't use his powers when we spar though. Obviously.
>>>> Human Torch @JStorm
You're a good fighter. <3
>>>>> Yeeter @pbp
<3
Spider @Webslinger
I regret telling @Stark my secret identity because he almost ousted me by accident five times in the past hour.
> IronDad @Stark
I understand why you didn't want to tell anyone. But you're so intelligent and kind and I want to brag about you.
>> Spider @Webslinger
You'll be able to soon.
Spider @Webslinger
Facts about me.
1) I'm Italian, partially.
2) I look like my dad
3) I go to MIT
4) I'm 19
Make some guesses
> Bleached eyes @teasis
Oh my god, oh my god.
> 7 PhD's @Banner
It will be interesting to find out who you are
> Killer @Widow
Once you're revealed. We should spar.
>> Spider @Webcrawler
We could spar now. You don't need to know my identity to spar.
>>> Killer @Widow
It would be more fun to know your name.
Webcrawler @Spidey
Is 19 too young to be engaged? I turn 20 soon anyways, but I need to know.
> IronDad @Stark
Well, before knowing your whole story, I would've said yes. But your relationship is very genuine and wonderful. So if you get engaged, I support you.
>> Spider @Webslinger
Everyone else's opinions don't matter, my dad said it's fine. :D
>>> IronDad @Stark
Does this mean that you plan to propose.
>>>> Spider @Webslinger
I don't know for sure yet. But I want to marry him, and have wanted to for quite a long time. If he won't take that jump, I will. We've talked about getting married so it's time to make that jump.
I need sleep @Eyeswideopen
Spider-Man getting married sounds adorable! Imagine Tony Stark walking him down the aisle!
> Kiss my ass @Superherocult
Can't wait to see what he looks like!
Yeeter @pbp
I don't know if i find it funny or ironic that this happened.
[video filmed by Harry, but you can't really tell. Peter and Johnny are with friends at a small gathering, all sitting outside, watching a meteor shower.
"Hey Johnny-"
"Hey Pete-"
They overlapped each other, both chuckling. Peter gestured you Johnny.
"You go first."
"Oh, okay," he started, looking a bit nervous. "So, we've been together for almost five years now, and I'm still in love with you."
"I love you too," Peter said kindly.
Johnny couldn't help but grin. "Lately I've been thinking, I like sharing a bed, waking up with you beside me. And I like the food you make and the way you snore and how you get so inspired you don't sleep for days. I want that everyday instead of some days. No siblings or family or friends barging in, just the two of us." Jonny reached for his pocket, pulling out a small box, "so, I don't want separate nights anymore. I want you, forever, u til death do us part. So will you Marry me Peter Parker?"
Peter looked shocked, before pulling out his own wedding ring that he was going to give to Johnny. They laughed together before putting the ring on, sealing their deal with a kiss. Their friends cheered around them]
> Spider @Webcrawler
Congrats!
> 7 PhD's @Banner
Congratulations Peter! This was a very heartwarming video.
> IronDad @pbp
Saw it coming a mile away. Didn't expect you both to have a ring though.
(Load 100k comments)
Spider @Webcrawler
The day my identity is revealed will be a fun one.
> IronDad @Stark
And I can brag about you to my hearts content.
>> Spider @Webcrawler
Never mind guys, reveal canceled.
>>> IronDad @Webcrawler
Wait
Spider @Webcrawler
They got to know first ;)
[Peter in the Spider costume went into a room from the window, landing in front of all his friends who were at the avengers tower. All the avengers were there as well.
"I bet you wondered why I gathered you here today."
The group looked at him curiously.
"Where's Peter?" Johnny asked.
Peter ripped off his mask, "I'm right here. Thought you guys should be the first to know."
"Holy sh-"
"You do not know how hard it was to keep it a secret, he's so smart!" Tony exclaimed.
"I'm surprised you kept a secret," Rhodey joked.
Tony frowned at him and Peter laughed a bit.
"It was hard to keep it secret. I decided I should reveal myself since I had a pretty good system set up. Everyone i love will be safe and I don't have to worry about my powers or me being a hero influencing where I work and all that."
"I offered him a job when he got out of college. Before i knew he was my son."
"About that," Bruce interrupted. "How did you not connect the dots earlier? I had assumptions they were the same person, then he said you two were related and he's the only person you know that looks like you."
Everyone looked at Bruce. "You knew?" Peter asked curiously.
"Seven PhD's for a reason."]
Yeeter @pbp
Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man signing out for the night.
.........
A/N: I enjoy these too much
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top