A/N: You ever get into an angsty mood that causes you to reopen an old one shot book you haven't worked on in about two or more years and start writing?

Anyway, no way home spoilers! You have been warned!

..............

Cold.

God, winters in New York were always the worst, and it was when Peter sat by the window that he really felt the cold take it's toll on him. He'd been studying all day, his hands cramped from the note taking. And with his desk pushed right up against the wall, right by the window, the cold hit him like a truck.

And he had his job later to worry about. With a sigh, he glanced towards the edge of the desk, where an envelope laid, a camera resting on top of it.

Working for the enemy....

At least it paid well enough. That's all he really needed. Just enough the keep his head above the water so he didn't fall into the abyss.

That thought out of his head, he set down his own, leaning back in his chair, hearing his bones crack against the ridge of the chair. After all the fighting last night, the awful release was better than none.

He needed a chiropractor.

Without that extra armor, some things hurt more than he remembered, which was definitely evident from the purpling bruises that blistered his skin. At the very least, they'd be fine soon enough. 'Perks' of super-human healing.

When he came back down from the stretch, his phone buzzed from the desk corner, and he reached for it to see if there was anything on the police radar.

Nothing.

Instead there was a notification from Instagram, telling him Ned had posted. God. Peter opened the app, sinking in on himself a bit as he looked through his feed. Faces of people he once knew flashed by him, all of which would never recognize him.

And then there was Ned's post. Just a photo of him in college, posing with Mj in front of a robot the two had worked together on for a club or whatever.

They looked happy.

An ache spread through Peter's chest as his finger hovered over the like button. Even after everything, to the people he cared about most, he was simply a ghost, a person passing through their lives without stopping. To Peter, they'd remain everything. And so that ached burned, consuming him slowly, tearing apart at his resolve.

But they were happy.

God, that's all he wished. The wounds MJ had received helping Spider-Man had healed, and she looked excited to share her college life with her best friend. The necklace from Peter still around her neck, one of the few things that made Peter sane.

Whatever happened, he'd be alright, as long as they were. He shouldn't had let them be involved anyway, so having the slate wiped cleared him of all the burden in his shoulders. If Mj knew he didn't push for them to remember, she'd be pissed, but he couldn't let them get hurt again.

Enough people suffered because he was reckless. No one would have to go through it again.

There's only so many gravestones you can visit before the loneliness and guilt stick with your every waking moment...

He needed a walk.

Stuffing his phone in his pocket, Peter went to grab some heavy jackets and scarves he got secondhand, with bunches of fuzzies and frayed strings. His things were worn, but they offered enough warmth to survive the chill. Parting his pockets, Peter grabbed his keys and left his apartment.

Maybe he'd make a visit to Mj'a coffee shop. She probably wasn't working that day, but Peter had made it a habit to go there to a point it felt natural to go out of his way for it. He'd become a regular that a few of the workers remembered his order. So did MJ, but she still let him prattle it off. Not that Peter minded.

The elevator was broken again, so he had to take the stairs out of the apartment. Each step groaning under his weight, reminding him that the building was one of the older ones in New York, and definitely had the heating to match. Most of the older buildings in New York had shit heating. And Peter had to soundproof his place because the walls were so thin that he could hear his neighbors watching tv when he was trying to shower.

And yet, it was home. He used to put together whatever random things he could find in his old place, so this wasn't the biggest of changes for him. Aspects of his life he'd rely on what was easy, but adapting back to how it was before ended up not being as difficult as he feared. He lived his whole life that way, applying for scholarship after scholarship, helping out with odd jobs and chores, being extremely frugal and getting the cheapest version of anything needed. This was just another day.

He reached the bottom floor of the building, pushing the door out, met with an immediate blast of snow that blew off nearby snow piles. He shivered as he pressed onward, embracing the icy chill that seeped into his bones.

New York was as alive as ever, with people along the sidewalks and streets, almost asking to be hit by cars that didn't care they were there. Plenty of tourists on the buses that traveled all across the city. The gentle snowfall that caught in lashes and on clothes. Everyone unbothered as they went about their days.

This was home.

This city where nothing was really left for him except memories, Peter found home in. He loved the city and how hectic it can be. No matter what changed about it, he could watch each step happily.

Of course there'd be moments where he missed  what used to be, but the grief wouldn't hold him back. Peter Parker was starting fresh.

Spider-Man's identity would be secret this time. Truly.

As he rounded the corner of the shop, seeing plenty of new and familiar faces, he smiled. Things were good right now. His sacrifice would be worth it if smiles like theirs existed.

Peter entered the store, the little bell ringing upon his entrance.

Start from scratch.

"Oh, it's you again? I suppose you want the same thing as always?"

"You have me pegged, a coffee and a scone," Peter replied.

"For... Peter, right?" Mj questioned. And that simple question made Peter glad that she was working, even though he fully expected she wouldn't be.

"For Peter."

"Coming right up." And she turned away. Obviously she still didn't know him, but now she knew his name. Remembered it even.

That was enough.

.............

A/N: just a short thing I came up with. I fell asleep in the middle of writing.

Happy pride month by the way! In LGBTQ+ I'm the B & the T. And this is the first pride month since I came out to my family. A full year of being accepted for who I am.

Sorry for getting all sentimental, but a lot about me has changed, and my writing has changed with it since I last posted.

Maybe you'll see more updates in the future.