"Your father always called him Snivellus. I tried to be respectful until I figured out he had been calling Lily a mudblood for years. We were both chosen as prefects, so Lily and I were fairly close."

I'm laying on the floor of Remus' study, going through a box of muggle chocolate that has mixed flavors.

"Coconut," I call out as I bite into the chocolate.

Moony always had a thing for chocolate. I think it had to do with the chemical compounds in it causing us to release endorphins, making us feel just a fraction better.

"You know you are incredibly intelligent. I would have pegged you for a Ravenclaw," Moony says.

"Yes, except I'm overly ambitious and a bitch. I keep telling people. Not all Slytherins have a superiority complex; although, I may have a fragment of one engrained in my system because of my father's side."

"You know, James and your father would always get up to trouble because we had this map and an invisibility cloak. Created the map ourselves, we did."

"Did you say invisibility cloak?"

"Yeah, Harry probably got it by now."

"So that's how they've gotten away with sneaking out all the time."

"Harry Potter, sneaking out? Oh heaven's! God forbid James hear that," he laughs loudly.

"He almost got himself killed last year and the year before! Beat Slytherin in the House Cup both years in a row because of it. You know, I worked my ass off to win that House Cup. Sucked up to every teacher known to man, answered every question. It's never enough to Dumbledore."

"Sometimes, points mean nothing. If Dumbledore wants to hand out points like candy, that's his problem."

"He's fucking biased. He was a Gryffindor!"

"Ok, I could see why your temper would spike. You know you are worthy of the House Cup, and that's all that matters."

I started to cry at this point.

"I can't do anything right. Harry, Ron, and Hermione don't like me, and I didn't even do anything to them. I say hi to them in the hall, and it's like I'm invisible. I didn't do anything..."

"Have you asked?"

"Fred and George told me someone told them I slept with an older year on my thirteenth birthday last year, which never happened. Someone told Mione they heard me call her a Mudblood, which I would never dream of saying. There's so many rumors!"

"I'm sorry I can't help, but I will help if it goes on in my classroom, ok?"

"Do you ever feel like you're drowning, Remus?"

"Uh, no. Not particularly."

"Today, on the train... I felt like I was reaching for something or someone, but the weight of my lungs being filled was pulling me down."

"I couldn't imagine that. That's horrible. I'm sorry."

"The crazy thing is... the agony and desperate clinging and reaching is how I feel all the time. I just have chosen to ignore it. Wear a mask and move on. I'm never in my dorm to sleep anymore: not since last year. Tom Riddle, some form of him, was in the Chamber of Secrets. He took Ginny. When Ginny started disappearing, I lost my temper with people. I decided I was going to expand my knowledge of everything so that I could save her if I could."

"What did you learn?"

"Almost everything. I can name any star and constellation. Give me a potion, I've probably analyzed the hell out of it. I know politics, such as Grindewald and Dumbledore wasn't just a superiority of blood fight. It was a superiority of birth. I can play any position in a quidditch game, but absolutely hate the feeling of being hurt or sick. I can do anything I want and yet I feel like I'm drowning."

"There's the overly ambitious Slytherin."

"I'm taking divination."

"Hate that class. Trelawney teach it? She got hired almost straight out of school."

"Yeah. I'm actually really good at tarot cards. I practiced over the summer out of boredom because all I did was read and go to my job at the book store coffee shop down the street."

"You are unlike your father yet very like him. His brain was a sponge when it wanted to be and sometimes he'd ring the sponge out. That's what I like to consider his betrayal. He rung out the sponge and burned it."

"Hm. Caramel."

I hand him the other half of the chocolate for him to finish. I push my glasses up my nose, seeing him wince for a second.

"I know that face," I comment.

"Yeah?"

"You loved my father, in more than a friend way."

"How would you know?"

"So we both have our secrets. Now don't tell anyone, or I will castrate you with a pretty pink butterfly knife."

"Ok, ok. Maybe I did. Doesn't change anything. He betrayed the most true friend you could ever have."

"Mum always talked highly of you all. She was just some transfer Ravenclaw, and you all welcomed her."

"Yeah, we were kind of the shit back then."

"Oh I couldn't imagine the Marauders any other way."

"You know who you remind me of? Marlene McKinnon. One of many gay people in the Order, but she was more open about it. She was filled with chaos that she was able to control until she was with us or on the quidditch pitch."

"Sounds similar to me. Speaking of gay, was Dumbledore just completely ok with it?"

"You don't know?" I shake my head, "But I thought you knew everything."

"I get your point! Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"Dumbledore and Grindewald were gay. They were together."

"No way!"

"I was shocked as well. Not that I didn't get gay waves from him, I just wasn't expecting Grindelwald."

"Grindewald? I'm not saying he wasn't hot, but he was a mass murderer."

"Please don't ever call Grindewald hot."

"He is!"

"I swear, Avalon!"

"Ok, ok! He's not hot!"

"Wait a minute... what's on your shoulder?"

"What shoulder? I don't have shoulders."

"Shoulder blade specifically... Is that a tattoo?"

"No!"

He walks over to me licking his finger, rubbing it on my shoulder blade.

"Not even a temporary one! That's a real archer tattoo!"

"Yeah because I'm a Sagittarius."

"Your mother let you do that?"

"You've met my mother. You know how she is about tattoos."

"There's a reason there's magic, yes I know what she says."

"Ok, then it doesn't matter."

"Snivellus is gonna shit himself."

"Oh, I know. No forgiving someone like him. I love to piss him off."

"Maybe all your potion knowledge feeds his ego though. He was always incredible at it."

"That's too bad because I know for a fact Regulus is better than him."

"How?"

"Superlatives in the yearbook before he left."

"You spend time in the library?"

"Muggle, wizard, you name it, I've read it. Well not everything, but you get my point."

"Are you isolating yourself?"

"Just not confident in myself. I could speak up and tell the trio that I'm not what they say I am. It's for the better I don't."

"It's getting late. I'll walk you to your dorm?"

"No. I have another place I stay now. Safer, even with Pads out there."

"Pads... That's a nickname I haven't even thought in years. Guess time flies."

"Oh, uh. Here is my Ziggy Stardust vinyl. Thought you'd might like it while you are here."

"Of course. Thank you. Get some sleep."

"Will do. Goodnight."

I head down to the extra potions classroom again. I start a cauldron, preparing ingredients for a Wideye Potion. I already had a vile or two in my bag, but I need more.

I crush the snake fangs and standard ingredient in a mortar. I added Billywig Stings into my cauldron. I left it to heat for thirty seconds before adding four measures of the crushed ingredients. I stir 3 times clockwise, and my trick for a stronger potion is one counter clockwise stir. I wave my wand across, allowing the mixture to boil. Well that's 8 hours of my life until I can complete it.

Tomorrow I need to add two sprigs of wolfsbane, stir three times counter clockwise, and then wave my wand again.

I sit down in the corner, breaking open the sealed mixture. Mum technically made it because I couldn't wave my wand but the rest was my expertise.

I instantly felt the rush go through my veins to my eyes.

"Go to bed, Avalon," the double voices say.

"Holy fuck! How did you find me?"

"Our map, of course."

I furrow my eyebrows at the mention. Map. That's what Remus said.

"Do you mind if I see it?"

"Nah, take a look. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," George says.

My eyes widen at the words Marauders Map.

"Oh my Merlin... This means a lot to me you two. I just wanted to see it... Wait."

I saw Peter Pettigrew's name come up. Confirms that he is in fact Scabbers. That son of a bitch.

"What are you making?" Fred asks.

"Nothing: just a dreamless sleep potion."

Good lie, Avalon. My days of sleeping from 9 to 5 are over.

"Nightmares?" George asks.

"Yeah, loads. You know with my father out and stuff."

"Right, well, off we go. Just don't leave within the next couple hours because Filch is headed this way."

"And you two?"

"We have the map, plus the kitchens are right by our getaway."

"Ok, be careful. Goodnight!"

The twins leave out the door as I grab the Defense Against the Dark Arts book and the one Hagrid assigned us. I look at the blinking eyes of the book.

"Oh you're just a little baby, aren't you?"

I lightly stroke the entire book, almost forgetting the binding. I stroke the binding, hearing it pur and opening up.

I skim through the whole textbook as fast as I can. Care of Magical Creatures could be one of my favorite classes. That is if DADA and Divination end up being awful.

I change into the clothes I packed yesterday: my uniform and a pearl necklace under my shirt. I finish the Wideye potion bottling it up. It made about three doses sometimes, and this was one of those times.

"You look like you haven't slept," Fred and George say, coming up behind me.

"I did," I say in a sing song like voice.

"So you wouldn't mind giving us one of those dreamless sleep potions, right?"

"No! I mean... you know how long they take, and I just would have to make more starting now. I have potions today with Ravenclaw, so I need my cauldron."

I kept walking towards the Great Hall.

"Fine, you win this time."

"Thank you."

I go to sit with Daphne Greengrass, who is usually the nicest and is up the earliest from the third year Slytherin lot.

"How do you manage to look so good in these clothes?" she questions.

"I buy the skirt a size too big and roll up the waistband so that it's short. I also switch out the shoes for Doc Martens. Snivellus stopped saying anything about it after Christmas last year."

"What happened Christmas last year?"

"I wore a Mrs. Clause outfit that caused me a detention."

"Bitch, I know you're joking!"

"Nope. I just have very progressive parents."

"You alright? You didn't come back last night."

"I'm perfect."

I take a coffee and a croissant. Eating delicately and sipping slowly.

"Where'd you learn these beautiful manners?" Pansy asks, stealing a piece of my croissant.

"My job over the summer? Remember the muggle book and coffee shop?"

"Tried to forget about the muggle part."

I furrow my eyebrows in disappointment, charming my coffee cold, chugging it, and leaving.

I make my way to my first class, potions with Ravenclaw. Just when I thought this day could get any worst, Harry gives me a side eye as I leave.

I take my copper cauldron out from my bag. I put my wand next to my cauldron and put my hair up into a claw clip. They were Mum's favorite accessory about a year ago.

"Early, Miss Black?"

"Of course! Why would I not want to see my favorite professor?" I sarcastically say to the greasy haired man.

"Tell me, what were you doing making Wideye potion?"

"How would you know that's what I made?"

"I'm missing specifically six snake fangs."

"Ok, I'll get you more once I go to Hogsmeade. I'm sorry."

"Not mad at you for experimenting, but tell me what you need it for."

"With what's happening, I'd rather stay awake than be dead."

"Understandable, although your father seems to always get into trouble. Welcome everyone to your first day of class."

"Good morning, Professor," the class groans.

"Today you will be making the Wideye potion."

My face drops as I become uncomfortable.

"You ok, cherry?" Theo asks.

I nod in response.

"Oh, and we have a volunteer to teach it. Miss Black?"

I squirm a bit, grabbing my cauldron. I moved it over the burner in front of the classroom, next to Snape's personal burner.

"Professor, I make it my own way. I can't teach these people that."

"You can and you will. Plus if they follow the book, they should be alright."

I replicate the recipe I did last night doing the same steps and all for the first brewing.

"You messed up!" Wayne Hopkins yells.

"I never mess up when it comes to potions," I say nonchalantly.

"She's correct actually. She just made a more potent potion."

"How would she know that?" Hannah Abbott questions.

"I study my arse off, that's what," I snap.

The class all looks at me as they continue making theirs. It's become routine for me to know how to make it, taking it if I couldn't sleep.

I fidget with my skirt, reaching for my bag. I grab a dropper and take a bit of the anxiety potion Mum made for me. Snape looks at me questioningly.

"It's not like drugs or anything. I just have crippling anxiety."

"I believe you. Everyone finished? Yes, well, class dismissed. These need to brew until we come back tomorrow."

I ran out of the class, the other Slytherins trying to catch up to me.

"What's wrong with you?" Draco mutters.

"Nothing! I'm ok, alright?"

They all back off letting me walk ahead as I make my way to Hagrid's hut.

"Hey, Aval-"

"Not now, Neville.

"Sorry."

I stop my fast walking, turning to him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm just in a bad mood," I say, holding onto his hand.

He looks down at our hands. I pull mine away quickly.

"Sorry, physical touch is my love language."

That made his red cheeks even worse.

"I'm just going to head down," I finally say in embarrassment.

I release my hair from the clip to feel the breeze in my scalp.

"How does she manage to always look good?" Eloise Midgen tells Parvati Patil.

"You wouldn't believe she's only thirteen," Parvati says.

"I can hear you, ladies," I call over my shoulder.

I take my robe off, feeling over heated.

"Can you see it too?" I hear Hermione.

"See what?" Ron asks, confused tone evident.

"She has a tattoo," Harry whispers.

"An archer. It must be fake. There's no way Nicola would let her have one yet."

I rub my shoulder blade in retaliation showing no smudging through the see through white top, which reminds me what bra I'm wearing.

"Blimey, you're wearing an all lace bra," Pansy whisper yells with a tinge of pink on her cheeks.

"Maybe if you are good, you can see it without the shirt," I whisper softly.

"Merlin, what have you done to me?"

I smirk down at the slightly smaller girl.

"It's Chanel. Mum loves to take me to muggle designer stores. I have developed muses, such as Kate Moss and Cindy Crawford."

"Interesting. I didn't realize muggles actually had style."

"You don't even know what the muggle world is like, P."

"Yes, but I assume they don't have magic, they can't understand beauty."

"That's just cruel."

I start stroking the spine of my book, Draco looking at me weird. The book falls open for me landing on the hippogriff page.

"You gotta stroke the binding o' course!" Hagrid booms in laughter.

Poor Neville is half consumed by the book in a premature attempt to open it. Everyone else had a successful attempt once told how to open it.

"How'd you know that?" Ron asks.

"He just needed a good scratch, didn't you love?"

The book growls happily.

"See."

The trio looks at me stunned with amusement and confusion.

"I spent a lot of my summer studying, seeing as I worked almost all summer. Worked on most of the potions we are doing this year out of boredom."

I nod sincerely at them.

"Brilliant," Harry whispers.

"Potter! Dementor! Dementor!" Draco yells.

Harry turns around freaked out. Draco pulls his robe hood over his head making swooning noise.

"What the bloody hell is your problem, Draco?" I yell.

Hagrid starts leading a hippogriff out. I start freaking out in excitement and awe of its beauty. A dozen of them were not too far behind.

"Isn't he beau'iful? This is Buckbeak!" Hagrid excitedly introduces the creature.

"Oh he is beautiful, Hagrid!" I gasp.

"Beautiful? That's what you call it these days?" Draco laughs.

I smack his arm.

"Don't be a git."

"No one wanna go first?"

"I-" I was cut off.

"I'll do it," Harry says, wincing once it's out.

"Alright, Harry. Let's see how yeh get on with Buckbeak! Maintain eye contact, try not ter blink. Tha's it... now bow, Harry."

The hippogriff continued to stare at him, questioningly yet full of pride.

"Ok, just back a way a bit, easy does it..."

The hippogriff bows once Harry is slightly back. I let out an impressed giggle.

"That was disgusting," Pansy sneers.

"Too bad, I don't care," I sneer back.

I watched as Harry starts climbing on top of Buckbeak, fear and worry crawling through my veins. He takes off into the air, soaring across the paddock. I lost sight of him for a second until he came back landing back on the ground.

"Well done, Harry!" Hagrid applauds as do I, "Who else wants to go?"

"You're not dangerous at all are you? You great ugly brute?"

"Draco!" I call.

I was too late. His arm had been slashed by the hippogriffs talons. He started screaming on the floor, and my ears started to ring. I suppose it is a side effect of the potion after all.

I snap out of my daze, class dismissed. Hagrid was carrying Draco to the hospital, as everyone headed back to the school.

"Avalon, do you want to sit with us at lunch?" Hermione asks, slightly wincing.

"Uh, sure. Yeah, I'd love that."

I walk with them up to the school listening to their bickering about Draco.

"He never learns," I say.

The trio turns to look at me.

"I spend every day with him, and unfortunately, he is always like that. Hot headed. He absolutely hates when I'm right."

"I assume you are right most of the time?" Ron asks.

"Yes, especially in potions. Today I did a counter clockwise stir to the already clockwise stirs, which with certain potions creates a higher potency. Everyone in the class thought I was bloody mad until Snape told them I was right."

"What potion?" Mione asks.

"It's Wideye potion. I just learned how to make it with Mum over the summer."

"To know that already is advanced," Hermione says.

"Yeah. I mean, you lot know how to make polyjuice potion. That's very advanced."

"It was mostly Hermione," Ron comments.

"Plus how do you know that?" Harry asks.

"Snape held his wand to our throats as we said we didn't take the ingredients."

"Is that allowed?" Ron asks.

"No, not really, but it seems most didn't mind."

"What else have you learned potions wise?" Mione asks in curiosity.

"Dreamless sleep, sleep potion in general, Skele-gro, pepperup, and I'm still getting a hang of the calming potion. Mum gave me some until I can make it the perfect potency for myself."

"Bloody hell," Ron whimpers.

"Did you sleep last night?" Mione asks, looking at my face.

"Of course, I slept. I never sleep in the dorm anymore though. Got tired of hearing the word Mudblood all the time. Never Daphne Greengrass or Theo Nott though. Respectful people."

"Huh?" Mione questions.

"I started losing my voice last year, screaming at everyone who uttered the word 'Mudblood.' Snape made me a potion and everything," I honestly talk.

"That's nice of you," Mione whispers.

"It's a requirement. It's like calling a gay person either the p word or f word. Another example is calling black people the n word. It's not right in any context at any given moment."

"We always just assumed you were, you know," Harry starts.

"Like them? Not like my father either."

I run a hand through my hair, the red glimmering in the sunlight. My red lipstick is probably smudged by now and my mascara is probably slowly marking my already dark under eyes.

"Sorry, Harry about whatever my father claims he's trying to do to you. I can't control a man I've never really known."

"It's not your fault," he says solemnly.

"Any of you going to Hogsmeade? I'd rather divert from my Slytherin colleagues as much as possible since our views don't quite align."

"Harry cannot, but we are going," Mione says pointing to Ron.

"The twins will probably join," Ron adds.

"Hm... Pumpkin juice?" I ask holding an extra goblet at the Gryffindor table.

"I'll take it," Harry lightly smiles.

I slip some of the calming potion drops into my cup, taking a gulp of the sickly sweet juice. I need to drink more water.

My eyes start wavering, causing me to
summon a coffee.

"Coffee? At 13?" Hermione asks.

"Yeah, I have Divination next. I would not like to fall asleep at the hands of Sybill Trelawney."

"Don't even get me started with her!" Mione smacks her sandwich down on her plate.

"She gave Harry the grim today," Ron laughs.

I whip my head to Harry, seeing his mouth scrunch and nose crinkle.

"What the actual fuck!" I say.

"I'm sure she's just being over dramatic!" Mione insists.

"Well, hate to say it, but divination almost never lies. Don't worry though, Harry. We've got you covered, don't we?"

Mione and Ron nod in agreement.

"Well, now that that's settled, I'll see you lot later. Library, 6:30?"

"I'll at least already be there. Harry's got quidditch practice and Ron will probably end up coming anyways," Hermione smiles.

"Good."

I smile and walk my way out heading to the North Tower to the top. I roamed around last year and ended up here. On the other hand, Theo and Pansy come stumbling in almost late.

"You aren't with Draco?" I ask them.

"Nah, Pomfrey threw us out. Where were you? Lucius was livid you let Hagrid bring him up," Pansy sassily tells me.

"Hagrid is harmless. Lucius can suck my dick."

"I always loved how much of a lady you were," Theo sarcastically says.

"Aw, don't go falling in love with me," I say as I kiss his cheek.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"You two are disgusting!" Pansy yells, throwing her book on the table.

"Jealous?" Theo asks.

"Yes! Ok! She hasn't spent any of the day with me! I'm her best friend, and everybody is stealing her away from me!"

"P, I didn't mean to..."

"Save it. Make up for it after class."

I just raise my eyebrows, turning to Trelawney.

"We will be practicing the art of Tessomancy," Trelawney says mystically.

"Great more caffeine," I whisper in happiness.

Trelawney explains the directions to us: let the tea steep, drink the tea, read the leaves and grounds. Easy enough.

"Skull, club, and a cross," Theo reads out to me.

"Well, fuck. I'm practically going to die," I say in disgust.

"Me?" Pansy asks.

"Sun and an acorn. The future looks bright for you, love," I say, "And Theo?"

"Sun, acorn, and skull."

"Wonder what my danger is. It'd be funny if it was going to Azkaban!" I smack Theo's arm.

"Not funny! Besides, you of all people could not handle prison."

"Why thank you. I take pride in that statement."

"It's because you would get scared someone was looking at your dick while you peed," I add.

"Oh fuck off."

The class ends soon, everyone taking note of their observation. Pansy pulls me into an empty broom closet, kissing me on her tiptoes.

"I'm sorry," I say, nuzzling my nose into her hair.

"It's ok. I just missed you, and you stood me up. Then the flirting with Theo and Potter... I just wanted your attention."

"I know, love. I know."

I kiss her again, deepening the kiss with my hands cupping her cheeks and jaw. She rubs her nose against mine.

"We are done with classes for today, but remember we need to prepare for DADA. Your uncle being the professor and all."

"Yeah, but let's stay here for a moment."

I kiss her again, pulling her close as she whines. I kiss her neck a bit as she kisses mine.

"Remember, you can't tell anyone about this," Pansy says, reminding me of the constant closeting.

"I know. Nobody knows, really. Remus assumes I'm some form of gay. He doesn't know I'm seeing someone though."

"Good. My mum and dad might kill me."

"I understand. Now, let's go up. I'm going to the library at 6:30, which gives us about three hours together."

"Ok, are you hungry at all?"

"No, I don't think I'll be hungry for a while."

We walk to the abandoned astronomy tower. At least it's always abandoned at this time. We sat at the ledge, feet dangling.

"Explain all the muggle books you read at the coffee shop," Pansy starts.

"I read this one book called 'Wuthering Heights,' which I absolutely hated. 'The Crucible' is personally my favorite. You would like it too. It's about this girl claiming she saw the devil, which leads to this whole 'witch hunt' thing because in muggle times, if you were smart, you were a witch. She really just wanted to bang a guy the whole time. She ended up getting him in trouble as well."

"That actually doesn't seem awful."

"So what did you do all summer?"

"I was at the beach in Spain with some distant relatives for a month. I came back and went to Diagon Alley a lot. Studied a little bit."

"That's fun. I didn't know you liked the beach."

"I don't, but I do like drinking sangria in Spain."

"Ah..."

She kisses my cheek, staring at me.

"I can't keep this going if you keep agreeing with Draco when he calls Hermione a Mudblood."

"I'm not agreeing!"

"Look, I understand, but I'm tired of always correcting Draco and the other boys."

"Then don't correct them."

"If I do that, I'm automatically agreeing with them. I'm friends with Hermione no matter how much she doesn't want us to be."

"Well who are you meeting in the library at 6:30?!"

"Hermione and Ron."

She scoffs, standing up.

"You don't love me."

"What?! That's so stupid! Of course I love you."

"I want you to stay with me tonight."

"Like...?"

"Yes. Like spend the night with me."

"I can't yet. I just can't. I also can't stand them up. I just got back in their good graces."

"Why won't you stay with me?!"

She's sobbing at this point, shaking vigorously.

"It's nothing to do with you. I just have a lot going on right now, love."

I start going through my bag, finding a bottle of pumpkin juice and add a couple drops of calming potion.

"Here."

She fall to her feet, bending her knees, hiccuping against the bottle as her sobs started to die.

"You always take care of me. I'm sorry for blowing up on you."

Her sniffles surround the open room. I hold her against me. She's younger than me by a couple months, which usually doesn't show except for times like this.

"We'll wait until Halloween. Ok, love. We need to be patient. My father out on the loose, the dementors, the change in teachers. I know you don't handle change well, so let's just wait until we are both used to it."

She nods into my chest. I rub circles on her back, hoping to soothe her.

I show up at the library a couple minutes early, seeing Ron and Mione bickering outside the entrance.

"There you are! Tell Ron Crookshanks is not trying to kill Scabbers."

"I actually do not lie, but I will say Crookshanks doesn't want to kill Scabbers, although, maybe severely injure is an appropriate term," I laugh, as Ron and Mione give each other angry faces.

"See!"

"Oh, please. I'm simply here for chaos. Those two bring the most chaos out in me. I want Crookshanks to win this battle though. Sorry, Ron."

"You're a menace."

"Correct. I love that compliment."

"Well, what shall we study?"