Damson in Distress

It was great to be alive, on a beautiful spring day

The world was overflowing with moonshine, on the first day of May

I have sat alone, watching the bank of a swollen river, begin to slow

Enjoying the life-giving blood of April's showers ebb and flow

My mind was free to roam, and I began dozing

Where I had gone, it seems like time was retreating

I was awakened by a young woman screaming

It echoed from the ancient stone archway, the river bridging

Leapfrogging to my feet, I spy the source of the scream

All I saw at first, was a pilotless punt swirling downstream

As it approached, I observed that it carried alone damson in distress

She wore a floral bonnet and what appeared to be a hysterical dress

I had no time to think, she was approaching the weir, my normal level of hero is zero

But in a matter of moments, she would radish-like magic over an ebullient cascade

So, without thought, I had tiptoed into the freezing water and fought like a flounder to guide her ashore

She clung to me like a limpet, as I lifted her from the punt, I'd never been hugged so mightily, that's for sure

I tried to plaice her on my wet blanket, but she held me tighter than an octopus

With tentacles tangled, we tumbled like circus clowns, stumbled, and fell to the ground, it must have been a funny sight

She was clearly scared and would not let go, Lemming eyes wide, full of danger

I lay face to face with a pretty young woman, whose only trust was in a complete stranger

It's okay to relax, you are safely on the shore, and there's nothing more to fear

But weirdly she was more interested in the sound of my voice, that much was clear

She asked if I came from Devon

Because it sounds to me like you come from heaven

Yes, I was born not ten miles from here, in 1951

She laughed, you are silly, don't you mean 1851

Then she noticed my skid lid, lavishly painted in flowers

And enquired, isn't that rather unusual camouflage for a soldier's helmet

Now it's my turn to laugh, are you bloody kidding me

She was puzzled and replied, what had soldiering got to do with bleeding goats, pray, tell me

Perhaps you're a shepherd or a farmer, that might explain your earthy tone of voice

This is so much fun, we aren't normally allowed to mix with, you common folk

I laughed, that would be difficult, folk are very common around here

Take a good look, there are commoners here, there, and everywhere

This conversation was getting weird, and we were still nestled together

Not that I cared, it was nice to be at the center of such a delightful fumble

I hadn't noticed, other than just before diving

That she wore, what looked like something from a Downtown Manor soap opera plot

As nice as it is to be up close and personal

It might be a suitable time to set your willing prisoner free

If I don't, soon dry off

I might catch a cough

And I definitely don't want to catch a cold

Oh, I don't think that will happen, you are much too bald

So, how about you let me go, before the arrival of the winter season

I'll show you my helmet, you might like to try it on for size

Only if you promise, not to leave me alone in this strange place

Not a chance of that, you got me, hook line, and sinker

As we sat up, a couple of girls in miniskirts walked by

Listening to a transistor radio, they look at us and giggle

Oh, my goodness, how shameless

They are nearly naked, and what is the source of that odd musical jingle

I couldn't believe it, the penny finally began to drop

Perhaps she really was a Victorian or from another time, not just a movie prop

Maybe my chosen degree should have been history

I would have been better equipped as a Historian

Don't you think it's time we were introduced

I'm Simple Simon

I'm the son of a Pie Man and was fishing for a whale

It seems I'm always happy and wear a great big smile

It's nice to make your acquaintance

I'm Briar Rose

I don't know where I am but have spent a lot of time asleep in the woods

But I do know you, I saw you once upon a dream

I'm beginning to doubt my sanity

Mummy said things would get strange after I'd passed through puberty

But surely you have your own insecurity

If you think this is the twentieth century