Chapter 9
I decided to go back home after the interview. I called my boss, Jae Hyun to inform him and he gave me permission. Only Joon Young and Sun Hee will continue their journey to the next assignment. I'm glad that they understand the situation that I'm going through right now.
Even during the interview, Sun Hee was professional enough to handle the awkward situation especially when Hoseok keeps on glaring at Joon Young. Why? Remember when he says I left him for another guy? He meant Joon Young.
Back when I was in Busan, I spend more time with Joon Young while Hoseok was busy with his trainee life and Sun Hee was with us too because she was my housemate. But she was with a different division while Joon Young and I were partners. I ask myself why do I always end up being paired with a guy instead of a girl. And I realized Joon Young was a lot like Yongguk. He was calm, a very good listener and sometimes can be considered as a crackhead. His voice is very deep and did I tell you that he was a good singer too?
Hoseok felt threatened whenever I mention Joon Young's name. When I first introduced them both, I can sensed that Hoseok didn't like him but he didn't want to admit. His possessive side started to show up and he gets mad at me over petty things like why I didn't pick up his call or why didn't I answer his text message.
Like how am I supposed to do that when I was busy concentrating with my task? The internship was the key to my future back then and if I didn't do well, it would have ruined everything that I worked hard for.
And we would end up fighting even though I've explained everything to him. I'm getting tired and stressed with almost everything. Sun Hee will be the one who witness me crying until I fell asleep and woke up the next day with puffy eyes. All those fights makes me emotionally unstable and it started to affect my everyday life. I didn't have the appetite to eat, I'm losing my sleep and I became very quiet. Sun Hee and Joon Young was so worried about me.
Until one day, Hoseok caught me in the arms of Joon Young. He thought I was cheating on him but he didn't know that I actually fainted while we were walking back home from the office after a long week of deadlines and Joon Young was holding me while Sun Hee was looking for help. I was extremely sick that time but of course Hoseok didn't know anything about my illness since I keep it a secret from him. After being discharged from the hospital, Hoseok and I decided we should just end everything.
Because of that, I pursue my career as a writer and the company sent the three of us abroad for further training. At the same time, I want to be far away after the breakup. I just couldn't take it anymore.
Nothing hurts more when the person you love turns out hurting you the most. I'm glad Joon Young and Sun Hee never left my side when I'm at my darkest moment. Friendship isn't about who you've known longest, it's about who came and never left your side.
Yoongi on the other hand, when he found out what happened between me and Hoseok, obviously he was pretty mad and upset. He even threatened to beat the shit out of the guy but I told him not to lay a finger on him. And he didn't even had the chance to meet Hoseok in person. So he had a lot of things to be upset too.
When Yoongi was selected as a trainee, he came over to my old apartment and live there for a few days before moving to the dorm with his group members. On his last day, he stumbles upon a box that I left inside my closet. He decided to take a look and he couldn't believe that my ex-boyfriend was one of his group members. Small world huh? But until now, Yoongi still keep his identity from Hoseok just to protect me.
God my head hurts so much when I remembered what happened in the past. But Yoongi always told me this.
"Don't cry over the past, it's gone. Don't stress about the future, it hasn't arrived. Live in the present and make it beautiful."
Maybe I should start listening to their new album. Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa - The Most Beautiful Moment in Life.
When I reached home, I took a long shower, put on my comfortable clothes and I decided to listen to their albums.
I fell asleep while listening to their album. Honestly, I can relate to most of their songs. They have a perfect song for every mood. The boys are really talented. But when I look at the lyrics, especially Hoseok's part, I couldn't help but feel hurt, sad and I just had a feeling that he wrote his part based on himself. I studied his lyrics and it does gives me chill especially in these 3 songs.
I Need You.
You can't do this to me
All of the things you said are like a mask
It hides the truth and rips me apart
It pierces me, I'm going crazy, I hate this
Take it all away, I hate you
Hold Me Tight
Your arms, your warmth, your heart
I want to see it all, I beg you
This moment, even the warm flower scented wind
Even the sky without a single cloud
Everything feels cold
and I'm even scared of the clear sky
If you're not here, I'm just a corpse,
so how can I breathe?
It hurts, I'm always cry cry cry
I'm going crazy, exhausted without you
I think of you without stopping
I hate it all, I hate every single day
It makes me cry, ring ding dong
If there's a chance, I'll catch you
I'm running, it's starting, countdown
I'm ready to be cut by your rose-like embrace
as I hold you again
Butterfly
It's like a wind that gently strokes me
It's like a dust that gently drifts along
You're there but for some reason, I can't reach you, stop
You, who's like a dream is a butterfly high to me.
After listening to the songs, I pick up their album and suddenly, something fell out from the CD cover.
"What is this?" I pick it up from the floor and it turns out to be a letter written by one of the members. Judging from the handwriting, I knew who wrote it. None other than Hoseok.
Carefully, I unfold the letter and began to read it
Dear Y/N,
There is no word that could describe how much I miss you. I'm still not over you. I know you don't care anymore but I just want you that you're still all I ever think about. I know I've hurt you and there is no way you could ever forgive me but believe me, I still love you. I really do. I made a mistake in the past by not letting you explained to me what really happen between you and Joon Young.
I really hope you gave me a chance because I'm willing to make it up to you. I don't care for how long does it take for me to win your heart and earn your trust. I just want you back in my life. I can't stop thinking about you. Every time my phone vibrates, I hope it's you. I want to be with you. Everyday. I want you today, tomorrow, next week, and for the rest of my life. I care about you more than you think. I never want to lose you. I want you. I want us. Please give me a chance. Here is my number. Call me. I'll be waiting for you.
I love you. Don't ever question that.
-Hoseok-
I lay in my bed with Hoseok's letter in my hand. I keep on re-reading, trying to digest every single word to my mentally unstable brain. This is so fucking messed up! Why is it so hard for me to move on? I'm doing perfectly fine. I have stopped missing him or thinking about him but why is it today in less than 24 hours after seeing him again, the walls that I've built around my heart easily crumbled? Why? Why?
The answer is simple, I still love him. My feelings at him didn't fade away. I've been living in denial for the longest time by pretending it isn't there. Yoongi knew I wasn't strong enough to face this. He had warned me but I didn't listen to him.
Now I'm stuck with my own miserable feelings and even my brain and my heart wasn't synchronized. My head keep saying don't call him but my heart told me to give him a chance. Like seriously, can you guys work together and help me with a solution? Stop making things complicated for me! As crazy as it sounds, I'm having a war within myself right now.
I need a break for now. Nothing can be done if I'm like this. So I decided to order a takeout. While trying to decide what to order, I heard my phone ringing. It was Sun Hee, saying that she's on her way to my apartment with pizza. My stomach grumbles after hearing she's bringing some food.
She's A TOTAL LIFESAVER!
I prepared the plates, cups and make some drinks. She sure knows pizza is our comfort food whenever we're having a rough day. Just like the old days when we're too tired to cook anything and we always settled for pizza.
As soon as I'm done with the drink, I heard the doorbell. I wipe my hands with the kitchen towel and went straight to the door. Thinking it was Sun Hee, I didn't even peek at the small hole. When I opened the door, I almost had a heart attack because it was Yoongi. He was wearing a black sweater with a mask covering his face.
"Oppa! What the hell are you doing here?" I panicked because I didn't expect him to come home.
"Wow! Is that a way you say hello to your brother who was worried sick about you?"
Yoongi invited himself in the house without waiting for my permission. Ohh my god! Sun Hee is on her way here! I'm gonna have a hard time explaining to her. She'll definitely freak out! Or probably go crazy fangirling right after she freaks out.
"Are you expecting a guest?" Yoongi question me when he saw the plates and cups were nicely set on the table.
"Well..yeah..Sun Hee is coming over with pizza. I haven't eaten anything since I got back from the interview."
My brother glare at me upon hearing my words. Oh Shoot! He's gonna kill me! Or yelled at me! Or both!
"Do you really wanna die at a very young age? You should be aware of your condition. What if you collapse in the middle of the road? When will you learn to be responsible towards yourself?"
His lecture sure makes me speechless for a while. In case you're wondering what is wrong with me, I'm having a low blood pressure or some might call it Anemia and my condition wasn't as bad as before. The last time I fainted because of my sickness is when I was in Busan, on the day I was having a huge fight with Hoseok and I lost my appetite. If it wasn't for Joon Young and Sun Hee, I have no idea what will happen to me. I never told Hoseok about my condition. He never knew about it.
"I'm fine okay? It will never happen again. I can assure you." I tried to sound convincing but Yoongi is not an easy person. He can read me like an open book. Duhh! Obviously he can because he was my brother.
"How are you dealing with everything after the interview?" Yoongi changed the topic as he motioned me to sit beside him. Without saying much, I took a seat beside him and lay my head on his shoulder. He was a bit surprised by my sudden body contact because I'm not usually clingy but today, I really need his support.
"I don't know what to do. I thought I was strong enough to face him but..I don't know. My heart skips faster than a bullet train the minute I saw him. I can't breathe. I was doing fine without him. He gave me a letter, asking for another chance. What should I do? What is wrong with me oppa? I feel like I'm going crazy." I started to cry as I was pouring my heart out at Yoongi. I don't care if I'm wetting or ruining his favorite sweater but since he didn't push me away, I'm taking as he's fine with me. After all, I haven't cried in front of him for the longest time.
"Y/N, you're like this because you love him. When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and nobody can keep them apart. Trust me Y/N, you will always end up forgiving the people you love." He stroked my hair gently as he continues his wise words.
"Hoseok is like a brother to me. And you are my sister. I've seen the both of you suffer. Here you are pretending you're alright and Hoseok is no different from you. He puts on a smile for his fans, he was very upbeat and cheerful in front of the camera but when he was alone, I've seen him crying himself to sleep. I'm sure you're the same."
I cried even more after listening to Yoongi's story. Hoseok was suffering too?
"Love is life. So if you miss love, you're missing part of your life. A person who truly loves you will never let you go or give up on you, no matter how hard the situation is. From the way I see it, Hoseok is trying his best to fix his mistakes. I can see it from the way he answers the question during the interview this morning. The rest is all up to you. I can only advice you. Okay?" he wipes away the tears from my eyes and gently kissed my forehead.
"For a swag rapper, you sure knows how to give cheesy life advice." I cracked a joke, trying to lighten up the atmosphere between us.
"This is what I get for trying to help you out? How ungrateful can you be?" he pinched both of my cheek causing me to yelp in pain. I keep on hitting his hands but he wouldn't let go until I apologized to him.
"Oppa! I'm sorry! Goshh!! It hurts!"
"Try being a brat again and I'm gonna cut your tongue. Arasseo?"
"Okay! Okay! I promise!"
Finally he let go of me and I can tell both of my cheek are swollen, thanks to my asshole brother. We continue chatting and of course, I keep on teasing him and occasionally, he will flick my nose if I crossed the line.
"Y/N! I'm here with the food! Sorry I was a bit late!"
Sun Hee marched in the living room happily, without knowing I was having a guest. Her arrival was totally unexpected and I didn't have enough time to ask Yoongi to hide himself. The minute she saw Yoongi, her face was as pale as a zombie, her expression totally changed and she accidentally dropped the plastic bag of pizza on the floor.
"OMG Y/N- what is Suga..from BTS.. doing.. in..your..house?" She was stuttering while pointing at Yoongi. I gave Yoongi a look and Sun Hee was still in a state of shock.
" I am Y/N's brother. Nice to meet you, Sun Hee-ssi."
Her eyes grew wider and I can tell Sun Hee is freaking out after Yoongi's introduction.
"HOLY SHIT! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME MIN YOONGI IS YOUR BROTHER???"
The both of us smile awkwardly at her. Looks like I'm gonna have a lot of explaining to do and Yoongi also didn't have a choice but to help me calm Sun Hee down. Long night ahead. Please pray that Sun Hee would not kill me.
Author note:
If you're in the situation, what will you do? Should you give him a call? Are you willing to give him a chance?
Anyway I'm at the airport now. Waiting for my flight back.
Hope you enjoy this chapter.
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