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CHAPTER SEVENTY SEVEN - 🍂୧ a world...
without you ও🦌

OVER THE NEXT SEVERAL DAYS, Autumn found herself haunted by a growing number of visions, ranging from mildly disturbing to nightmarish. It became harder to distinguish between reality and these unsettling scenes.

The constant barrage of imagery started to affect her mentally, leaving her feeling disoriented and drained. Her nights were filled with more and more vivid dreams that left her feeling exhausted in the morning.

Her friends noticed a change in her behaviour. She was often quiet and distant, lost in her own thoughts. The bags under her eyes from lack of sleep grew more prominent, and her once vibrant spirit seemed to fade.

James, in particular, was deeply concerned about her well-being. He tried his best to offer comfort and support, but he struggled to understand the extent of what she was experiencing.

The fact that Autumn's mental health was in a volatile state during her pregnancy only increased James' concern. Despite eating properly and sleeping adequately, her mental well-being threatened the health of their unborn child.

He tried everything he could to help. He held her when she woke up from yet another nightmare, reassuring her that he was there for her. He made sure she stayed hydrated and ate right, and he even tried to cheer her up by engaging her in light conversations or watching her favourite movie together.

One night, however, as they lay in bed after another restless night, James couldn't hold it in any longer.  He gently stroked her hair and spoke softly. "Autumn, you can't go on like this. It's not good for you or the baby."

Autumn nestled closer to him, her eyes still weary and distant. "I know," she murmured, her voice quiet. "But I can't control it. It's like...it's like I'm being forced to witness these things, and they just keep coming, one after another."

James pulled her closer, his hold protective yet tender. "I understand," he whispered, his voice filled with empathy. "But you need to rest, love. You look exhausted."

Autumn was quiet for a moment, her mind wrestling with the thoughts. "I try," she said finally. "I really do. But when I close my eyes, they're still there, playing in my head like a never-ending film."

She buried her face in his chest, her voice muffling as she spoke again. "It's like I'm drowning, and I can't catch a breath."

James felt a sharp pang in his heart as he listened to her. The helplessness in her voice pained him deeply. He gently tilted her face up so he could see her eyes. "You're not alone in this," he reassured her. "I'm here with you, no matter what."

She looked into his eyes, her own eyes glossy with unshed tears. "But I feel so helpless," she confessed. "It's like I'm losing control, and I'm afraid of what these visions might do to me or...or to our baby."

James wiped away the tear that escaped from her eye. "We'll figure this out," he said firmly. "I promise. But right now, you need to rest. Just let go, and I'll be right here with you."

Autumn nodded, her body weary and exhausted. She closed her eyes and surrendered herself to the comfort of his embrace. The sound of his steady breathing and the feel of his strong arms around her helped to soothe her troubled mind.

As she started to drift off to sleep, James continued to hold her, his hand gently stroking her hair. "I love you," he whispered into the quiet room. "And we're going to get through this together."

In her half-asleep state, Autumn's lips curled into a small smile. "I love you too," she mumbled, her voice laced with both exhaustion and comfort.

As she finally slipped into a deep, albeit troubled, sleep, James held her tighter, silently promising himself that he would do everything in his power to help her through this.

It seemed like a prayer answered when James assured Autumn that he'd do anything to help her, but it also hinted at a nightmare.

When James shut his eyes to rest, he felt a heavy weight on his chest, and his heart constricted as a sense of dread washed over him. Suddenly, it felt like his very essence was being snatched away.

In an instant, James opened his eyes with a gasp and sat up in his bed, his breath catching in his throat.

James' heart raced heavily in his chest as he sat there, drenched in cold sweat, the remnants of the nightmare still clinging to the edges of his mind. He could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins as he took ragged breaths, attempting to collect himself.

He glanced over at Autumn, who still slept peacefully beside him, her breathing steady and calm. James' hands trembled slightly as he reached out to touch her as if to reassure himself that she was indeed there and unharmed.

But the moment his hand grazed Autumn's warm skin, a searing pain flared in James's head, and his vision became blurry. He grimaced in agony, and when his vision cleared, he found himself face-to-face with Sirius, Peter, and Remus, all dressed in their Hogwarts uniforms.

Sirius, the first to speak, cocked an eyebrow, concern evident in his voice as he asked, "Are you all right, James?"

James blinked a few times, his mind momentarily bewildered, but the recent experience faded into the background. He rubbed his head, feeling a little dazed. "Yeah," he replied, standing up, "I had a strange headache out of nowhere."

Remus stepped closer, scrutinising James's demeanour. He studied his face, a pang of worry etched on his own features. "You look a little pale," he noted, his voice a mix of concern and curiosity.

Peter chimed in, mirroring Remus' concern, "Yeah, you do look a bit off."

James smiled faintly, brushing off their worry. "I'm fine, lads. Just a weird headache, nothing to worry about."

He stood up and glanced at his hand for a moment, feeling as if he was missing something important. However, he dismissed the feeling and focused on the conversation," What are we doing today?"

Peter laughed and said, "You've got a memory like a sieve, mate. Today's Evan's birthday, and you always go all out to try to impress her. You know, win her heart and all that."

James furrowed his brow for a brief moment as if the statement didn't sit right with him. But he shook off the thought and nodded with a smile.

Sirius clapped him on the back. "Yeah, you're already late for your usual grand gesture, mate," he said amusedly.

James rubbed the back of his neck and nodded, "Right, right. Can't keep her waiting then, can I?"

Remus rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, right, as if Evans is secretly waiting for you to make a move. She's most likely attempting to dodge you."

James chuckled in response. "No chance. Lily flower is just playing hard to get. She's secretly into me, I know it."

Peter snickered at James's cockiness, "Right, and the sun rises in the west."

James feigned offence, placing his hand on his chest dramatically, "You doubt me, Wormtail?"

"With your track record? Absolutely," Remus replied, smirking. "You've had more failed attempts to woo Evans than there are stars in the sky."

Sirius chuckled, joining in the banter. "Yeah, Prongs. You're like a broken record, trying over and over again with the same cheesy lines and hopeless pranks."

James grinned, refusing to accept defeat. "You just wait and see, lads. One of these days, Lily Evans will walk right into my arms, and then you'll be the ones eating your words."

As James uttered those words, he felt a sharp pain in his chest, as if something was amiss. Those words felt wrong even as they left his lips, but he seemed to be on autopilot at that moment. It was as if his true thoughts were trapped somewhere deep in his consciousness.

Peter raised an eyebrow, his gaze fixed on James. "That's a bold statement, Prongs. But honestly, I doubt Evans would give you the time of day."

Remus chuckled. "And even if she did, she'd probably hex you into next week."

James laughed a mischievous glint in his eyes. "You're all just jealous of my impeccable charm."

Peter rolled his eyes, while Remus retorted, "Jealous of your inflated ego, maybe."

"Jealous of all this charisma," James declared, his hands gesturing at his entire body. "But fear not, lads. Even you can learn to be as charming as me one day."

As they ventured out of their dormitory, James remained unable to join in the playful banter among Remus, Peter, and Sirius. A haunting sensation enveloped him as they continued on their way, each turn and step bringing a spine-tingling feeling that he couldn't quite explain. He found himself looking over his shoulder repeatedly, believing he glimpsed fleeting moments—moments that seemed like memories but remained just beyond his grasp. James felt a nagging sense of something missing, something crucial that eluded him.

James's growing unease didn't go unnoticed by his friends. Sensing a change in his demeanour, Sirius turned towards him, a perplexed expression on his face. "Mate, you okay?" he asked, his usual teasing tone replaced with genuine concern.

James attempted a forced grin and replied, "Yeah, all good. Just got a bit of a funny feeling, is all. Must be something I ate."

Remus, his sharp senses alert, observed James. "You look a a lot paler than earlier, James," he commented, his voice laced with concern. "Are you feeling well?"

James gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "Nah, don't worry about it, guys. Just a bit of nerves before the big Lily-sweeping plan, is all."

Remus and Sirius exchanged a sceptical look but chose not to push the matter further. They knew James had a habit of downplaying his feelings, preferring to maintain the facade of a carefree and nonchalant demeanour.

Peter, who had initially been caught up in the excitement, suddenly paused mid-step. He let out a gasp and began frantically searching his pockets. "Oh no, no, no," he muttered, panic lacing his voice. "I left my Transfiguration homework in the common room. I'll be right back!"

The others looked at him with a mix of amusement and confusion, watching as Peter raced back towards their dormitory.

James chuckled despite his unease, "Peter, you're a walking disaster. No wonder you're in detention more than the rest of us."

Remus smiled, the amusement momentarily distracting him from the tension surrounding James. "Well, at least he's consistent. We can rely on Peter to mess something up, can't we?"

Sirius nodded, a crooked smile forming on his face. "True that. If Peter's not making a fool of himself, it's not a normal day"

James was about to add another comment, but something about Peter's expression stopped him in his tracks. He furrowed his brows, confused by the feeling of disconnect from their usual playful banter. The nagging sense of unease grew stronger, and he realized that instead of causing further hurt to Peter, he chose to hold back. James waved his hand and said, "You guys go ahead. I'll wait for Peter."

Both Remus and Sirius seemed to notice James's subdued response to Peter's mistake, sharing a subtle look before nodding in agreement.

"Alright," Sirius said with a reassuring smile, his voice gentle. "We'll go on ahead then. We really shouldn't keep Evans waiting on her birthday, should we?" His words were filled with jest and encouragement, trying to lift James's spirits, but he didn't respond as they expected he would.

To James' surprise, Sirius, Remus, and even Peter turned to look at him with a puzzled expression. It was out of character for him not to go and pester Lily, let alone voluntarily wait for Peter. In addition, there was a noticeable absence of enthusiasm that James usually exhibited whenever Lily was mentioned.

Remus spoke up, his voice laced with concern, "James, what's going on? You seem oddly subdued today, mate. It's Lily's birthday, and you're not your usual... enthusiastic self."

Sirius and Peter exchanged anxious glances, realizing that something was indeed amiss.

James ran his hand through his hair, clearly uncomfortable with the spotlight now focused on him. "I just don't feel like pulling a grand gesture today, that's all," he stated rather flatly, his eyes avoiding everyone's gaze. "I'm sure Lily will be just fine without my usual theatrics."

Sirius, not entirely convinced, raised an eyebrow. "You've been talking about sweeping Lily off her feet since we were first years," he said, a mixture of amusement and disbelief in his voice. "And now you're just going to give it a miss? Something's not adding up."

Remus leaned closer, his voice lowering to a whisper. "James, if something's bothering you, you can tell us. We're here for you, no matter what."

Peter chimed in, his voice tinged with worry. "Yeah, mate. We all know you've got a massive crush on Lily. It's not like you to just... give up like this."

James found himself rubbing his temple, feeling an inexplicable rage building up within him. He was confused about the source of his anger, but he couldn't shake the feeling that the mention of Lily was causing pain in his chest, like a knife digging into his very being.

Seeing James's distress, Remus stepped closer, his voice gentle yet firm. "Hey, mate," he said, concern etched on his face. "You've been acting strange since the moment we woke up this morning. We're here for you, whatever it is that's bothering you. Just talk to us."

James, his temper still simmering beneath the surface, clenched his fists, struggling to maintain his composure.

Sirius attempted to lighten the mood, trying to alleviate the tension. "James, mate, you're acting like we're about to duel a horde of giant spiders or something. Let's talk this out, yeah?" His voice held a teasing undertone, hoping to draw James back to his cheerful self, even just a little bit.

Peter, sensing the unease, placed a cautious hand on James's shoulder. "Mate, you know we won't judge you. Please, share what's on your mind."

James couldn't contain his frustration, sighing in defeat as he shared his feelings. "Something isn't right... There's something missing, and I just can't put my finger on it."

The others listened attentively, their concern growing with each word James spoke. Remus exchanged a worried look with Sirius and Peter before turning back to James. "Mate, what do you mean? What's missing?"

James's frustration was palpable as he struggled to find the right words. "There's this sinking feeling I can't shake, especially when Lily is mentioned. It's like a part of me is resisting, protesting, but I can't understand why."

Sirius, determined to help, spoke up. "Well, maybe that's your intuition telling you something. You've always been in tune with things on a deeper level."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "I agree. Maybe you should listen to that feeling and see where it leads. Trust your instincts, James."

Peter, now fully captivated by the unfolding conversation, chimed in. "Yeah, James. Your gut has never led you astray before. Perhaps there's something we're missing, something that's causing this discomfort. Don't ignore it."

James pondered on their words, a glimmer of hope rekindling within him. Perhaps they were right. He needed to listen to this newfound intuition that he couldn't ignore.

"You're right," he said, his voice a mix of determination and uncertainty. "There's a nagging feeling that won't go away, and we should explore it. Maybe it'll reveal why my reaction to Lily feels off."

...

As time passed, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, James continued to experience a nagging sense of something missing. No matter how much he racked his brain trying to figure out what it was, he remained lost in this strange feeling of emptiness.

Despite this nagging feeling, James' day-to-day life continued as usual. He attended classes, played Quidditch, and hung out with his friends, trying to distract himself from the unease that lingered within him.

However, the feeling continued to linger in the back of his mind, like a persistent reminder of an unsolved puzzle. He found himself wondering if perhaps he needed to delve deeper into his emotions to uncover what he was missing.

During this time, James began to experience an increase in intense, vivid dreams, filled with strange and unsettling scenarios. He saw events that seemed to blur the line between reality and fantasy, events that seemed familiar yet out of place. Each dream seemed to reveal a deeper connection to this sense of loss or emptiness within him.

James was haunted by a memory of a girl—her red hair reminiscent of Lily's, but it no longer held the same meaning. He could not remember her face, yet he was certain he was missing something. Despite his efforts to find her within the walls of Hogwarts, he could never locate the girl whose face he yearned to remember.

His search through the halls of Hogwarts was futile, leaving James even more disheartened. He began to wonder if the girl from his dreams was just a figment of his imagination, a product of his subconscious mind.

It was during these moments of confusion and loneliness that James found solace in writing down his thoughts and feelings in a journal. He hoped that by putting his feelings into words, he might gain some clarity on the emotions that plagued him.

His days became a monotonous cycle - classes, Quidditch practice, meals, and more classes. James tried to pour himself into his studies, hoping the distraction would help. But even during his free time, he found himself restless, unable to shake off the feeling of something missing.

As much as James wanted to confide in his friends, he couldn't quite put his turmoil into words. The dreams and the sense of loss seemed too personal, almost as if there were a piece of himself he had lost that he couldn't explain to anyone else.

James grew more closed off, becoming distant from his usual vibrant self. Despite his attempts to hide his unease from his friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter still sensed something amiss. They noticed his diminished laughter and his lack of enthusiasm for pranks, things that were so integral to their days at Hogwarts. They tried to coax him into sharing what was troubling him, but James remained tight-lipped, insisting that everything was fine.

They didn't press him, knowing that James would open up when he was ready, but the worry for their friend grew with each passing day. Sirius, Remus, and Peter tried their best to cheer James up, to bring back the spark of life that seemed to have faded. But the darkness in James' eyes persisted, a haunting reminder that something was deeply wrong.

It was on one fateful day that something unexpected happened—James bumped into a female Ravenclaw who had the misfortune of colliding with a preoccupied James who was walking with his eyes glued to the ground, lost in his usual solitary thoughts.

The Ravenclaw girl, caught by surprise, stumbled and fell, landing with a painful thump on the stone-cold floor. She winced, rubbing her bottom, just as the sound of James' quick steps came to a halt as he processed what had just transpired.

"Oh, bloody hell, I'm so sorry," James blurted out, suddenly present and focused. He extended his hand towards the girl, helping her to her feet.

James found himself confronted by a female Ravenclaw with a disapproving glare as she forcefully brushed off his hand and stood up on her own, dusting off her skirt with annoyance. He stood there, feeling awkward, as she continued to glare at him, her expression betraying her annoyance at the disruption.

She crossed her arms, her expression still stern, and said, "Watch where you're going next time!" Her voice carried a touch of indignation. "Some of us are actually trying to get somewhere."

James nodded, his expression guilty. "You're right. I wasn't looking where I was going, and that's my fault. Can I make it up to you?" He hoped his apology would at least thaw her icy attitude a bit.

The girl seemed slightly taken aback, not expecting such a genuine response. Her expression softened momentarily, but she quickly collected herself. "You know what, it's fine," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "Just be more careful next time. Some of us have stuff to do."

James nodded again, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Understood. No more bumping into unsuspecting Ravenclaws. You'll have a quiet stroll through these corridors, I promise."

The girl made an irritated expression before rolling her eyes. "Well, I can't really be angry. You've been occupied, Potter," she remarked.

James furrowed his brows and asked, "You know me?"

The girl raised an eyebrow and replied sarcastically, "Of course, who doesn't? You're practically a celebrity at this point—Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, not to mention that you're practically infamous for chasing after Lily Evans. Everyone knows you around here, you know."

James chuckled. "So, I've become well-known, huh? Guess my reputation precedes me." He had to admit he was surprised that someone outside of his immediate circle of friends recognized him, but he didn't let it show. He decided to keep up with the light-hearted mood, flashing a grin at the girl.

The girl rolled her eyes playfully and said, "Just don't let it get to your head, Potter. The celebrity status doesn't make you immune to common courtesy, you know."

James grinned, a glint in his eye. "Oh, so I still need to meet basic civil standards? Noted. I'll make sure not to step on anyone's toes again, literally or metaphorically." He chuckled, appreciating the girl's straightforwardness—it reminded him a bit of Remus.

The girl's lips curled into a half-smile, her annoyance momentarily fading. "There you go! Not so difficult, is it? Just keep that in mind next time you decide to barrel down the hallway."

James chuckled, feeling a connection with the girl's witty and candid nature. "You've got a sharp tongue, Does anyone ever tell you that?" He grinned, finding amusement in their banter. Perhaps this unexpected encounter wasn't all bad after all.

The girl smirked a hint of amusement in her eyes. "Oh, I get that a lot. It's a talent, you know. Being able to put people in their place with just the right words." Her voice carried a playful tone, the sharpness of her initial interaction now fading into a more relaxed and even teasing atmosphere.

James chuckled and then extended his hand to the girl. "Well, since you already know me, allow me to introduce myself properly; I am James Potter," he said.

The girl raised an eyebrow with a smirk and shook his hand. "Raven Summers, it's a pleasure to meet you," she replied.

James couldn't help but find Raven's sarcasm and wit strangely endearing. "Ah, a pleasure to finally know who I've been conversing with. Raven Summers, you've certainly made quite an impression on me," he responded, a grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

The girl chuckled and playfully rolled her eyes, but before she could fully comprehend, James suddenly glanced behind her, causing his brow to furrow. He then uttered, "Aren't you usually accompanied by someone?"

Raven couldn't help but make a puzzled expression in response, replying, "Excuse me?"

Realizing his mistake, James scratched his head in embarrassment, saying, "Sorry, I don't even know why I mentioned that..."

Raven raised an eyebrow, amused by James's confusion. "Usually accompanied by someone?" she asked, a note of curiosity in her voice. "Are you perhaps suggesting that I'm not capable of being perfectly fine on my own?"

James quickly tried to backtrack, realizing his misstep. "No, of course not! That's not what I meant at all. It's just that I could've sworn I saw you with someone the other day," he lied, a faint blush creeping up his cheeks. "I must be mistaken. My apologies."

Raven crossed her arms and shook her head, responding, "Well, it's definitely not me. I am always by myself."

James couldn't help but give a subtle look of astonishment in response to her words, despite not knowing her and initially lying about seeing her with someone. Yet, there was something about her words that seemed off to him, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of certainty.

James's curiosity piqued even more as he studied Raven. He tilted his head and asked, "Always by yourself? Don't you get lonely?" There was a flicker of genuine concern in his eyes, despite their short acquaintance.

Raven paused for a moment, caught off guard by James' genuine concern. "I suppose I do, sometimes," she replied truthfully, a hint of vulnerability creeping into her tone. She took a moment to regain her composure, quickly brushing off the momentary vulnerability. "But I'm always too busy with studies. I don't have time for many people, you know."

James hesitated momentarily before deciding to be bold and asked, "Listen, I realize this may sound strange, but do you feel a sense of emptiness, or do you feel like you're missing someone?"

His eyes widened in surprise as he watched Raven make a troubled expression, and he quickly raised a hand to stop himself, "I didn't mean to say anything weird at all..."

Raven interrupted, "No, it wasn't weird at all. It's true, I've been feeling unsettled about this, but I have this sense that I'm missing someone incredibly important to me." She brought her hand to her chest as she spoke, conveying her sincerity.

James was momentarily taken aback by the sincerity of Raven's answer. He hadn't expected such a candid response, especially after their somewhat rocky initial encounter. He paused for a moment before speaking softly, "Me too. I've been feeling like I'm missing a crucial piece, but I can't figure out what it is or why."

Raven's eyes widened in surprise at James' admission, her curiosity now fully piqued. "So you feel it too!" she exclaimed, her tone filled with both disbelief and intrigue. "You feel like you're missing a piece as well, that something important isn't quite in place?"

James nodded a sense of hope in his eyes. "Yes, exactly! It's been haunting me lately, but I couldn't explain it. It's not just a physical absence, but a deeper, emotional one. Something integral to me feels amiss, and I can't shake the feeling."

Raven's eyes lit up. "That's exactly it! It's like this void inside me, a longing for someone or something vital to my being. It's been driving me insane!" She exclaimed, her words echoing her deep desperation to uncover the truth.

James felt a sudden urge to delve deeper into this connection they shared. The nagging sense of loss now had a companion, someone who understood the feeling. "Raven, I think we're onto something here. This feeling we share, there must be a reason behind it," he said, the excitement evident in his words.

Out of nowhere, James felt a sudden wave of pain, causing his vision to blur. When everything cleared up, he found himself in the present, his hand touching Autumn's skin. He released a breath he didn't even realize he was holding, and he experienced a chill running down his spine.

James was conflicted as he looked around, trying not to wake his sleeping wife. He then inhaled deeply to compose himself, but despite his attempts to dismiss it as a mere bad dream, he couldn't shake the feeling that this was one of Autumn's realities, and he despised it deeply.

Living without Autumn in his life was James's worst nightmare, but even the reality she had mentioned, where he was with Lily instead, felt equally wrong to him.

James felt an increasing sense of unease. The vividness of the dream and the uncanny way it tied into his deepest fears left him feeling unsettled. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss, that this vision was more than a mere dream. Was his subconscious trying to tell him something? Or was it merely a manifestation of his insecurities and fears?

James sighed, running a hand through his hair as he glanced back at Autumn's still form, her peaceful breathing a stark contrast to his internal turmoil.

He considered waking her up, sharing his dream and seeking her insight. But the late hour and his reluctance to bother her sleep made him decide against it. Instead, he decided to keep this new unsettling development to himself, chalking it up to an overactive imagination. James took a deep breath, shaking his head to clear his thoughts before laying back down, and pulling the covers around him. He closed his eyes, hoping to find some rest despite the uneasy feeling still hanging over him.