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CHAPTER NINETEEN - 🍂 ୧ learning about . . .
himself ও🦌

JAMES POTTER NOT ONLY shared a lot about Autumn Rivers with his family but also, inadvertently, brought her up in conversations with Sirius. Since Sirius had been staying with the Potters for several months, he was unfortunately subjected to these discussions.

James enthusiastically shared his thoughts with his parents about Autumn Rivers, which they found delightful. However, his best friend, Sirius, found himself growing increasingly frustrated every time the conversation turned to her. It was a stark contrast from how he felt when James talked about Lily Evans; this time, he felt a different emotion that he couldn't quite explain.

In the past, James would constantly brag to Sirius about how beautiful Lily Evans was, or how he was confident he'd win her over someday. Even if Lily insulted him, James would shrug it off, saying it was just her way of concealing her feelings for him. However, it was clear that these interactions were predominantly one-sided, as James harboured deeper emotions towards her.

The difference between James's current situation with Autumn Rivers and his past interactions with Lily Evans was the depth of his infatuation. With Autumn, his interest ran much deeper. He shared not only his knowledge, his thirst for new information, but also his plans for her. Unlike with Lily, his focus was not just on her appearance, but on her entire being, as he was captivated by her completely.

Autumn was definitely more than James could have ever anticipated. The witch who he hadn't really noticed until they began to get acquainted had captured his attention. It was different from how he felt about Lily Evans in the past. With Autumn, he wasn't just focused on getting her attention; he was genuinely smitten by her personality, not just her looks.

James' biggest concern among many was how to handle his feelings for Autumn Rivers. Upon returning to the compartment with his friends, his words spoke volumes, as he admitted, "I think I'm falling for Autumn Rivers."

James' friends knew all too well about the emotions he was grappling with. This time, though, they didn't comment on how obvious it was, as they were well acquainted with Autumn and her friends. They had spent plenty of time with them over the year and had gotten to know them quite well.

Compared to his previous approach with Lily, James' feelings for Autumn were drastically different. Unlike before, when he tried to impress Lily, he now took a more subtle approach in dealing with Autumn.

James feared confiding his feelings to Autumn until the time was right. The reason for his hesitation was his uncertainty about whether she would return his affections or not. He worried about the outcome if she rejected his proposal. Not only did he dread losing their conversations but also the possibility of losing her as a friend.

For a while, he considered keeping his interest in her hidden and staying strictly as friends. However, this option did not satisfy him, as his desire had grown too deep. He longed for a more intimate relationship with her, imagining holding her hand and engaging in physical touch.

His thoughts even extended to contemplating their future there was a sense, of nervousness, within his being, that he would rather not, speak of. The fear, of rejection, from someone, he sincerely admired, was a feeling, he had never quite encountered, before. He felt as if, his heart, was constantly engaged, in a race and the anxiety, of the outcome, was always, present.

Autumn's presence had made a significant difference in James's life, even if they had only recently met. She had brought about change in him, making him take an interest not only in his best mates but their lives as well, which he had previously found perplexing.

His friends were intrigued when they noticed his transformation, as he started asking questions about topics he usually wouldn't have engaged with.

James found a unique quality in each of his best friends, something he treasured deeply.

James was well aware of Remus's love for reading; however, he was taken aback when he discovered the specific type of literature the latter enjoyed. Remus had a unique fondness for muggle folklore, which shocked James. During the week they spent corresponding, James gained a considerable amount of knowledge about folklore from non-magical civilizations.

James had previously underestimated Peter and thought of him as not very academically inclined. He also assumed that his friend appeared disengaged in some classes. However, he would soon learn that there was more to Peter than just those qualities. Peter harbored a deep-seated insecurity about himself and the person he wanted to be.

Despite being one of the closest friends in the group, James discovered that he still didn't know much about Sirius. Even though Sirius was living with him, he continued to learn more about his friend each day. The most notable thing he learned was that Sirius longed to travel the world, craving a sense of freedom and the desire to experience new things daily.

As James reflected upon his actions and personality, he came to a significant realization. Despite being intelligent and generally friendly, he had always lacked a certain level of self-reflection to truly understand himself. Even when Autumn asked him about his favorite color, he found it difficult to decide. He had never thought about such a simple question before.

Dear Autumn Willow Rivers,

I hope your summer has been going well. I know we chat every day, but something has been weighing on my mind, and I'd like to discuss it with you because I know you won't laugh at me... well, the guys probably won't either, but I feel more comfortable talking to you about it.

Anyway, I learned some fascinating things about the guys during our conversations.

Remus, as you probably already knew from your conversations with Raven, loves reading muggle folklore! I discovered this during our discussions and it was quite intriguing. We wrote some letters back and forth, and I learned a lot of interesting things from him.

I also exchanged a few letters with Peter, but we decided to save our more personal conversations for when we see each other in person. Since he's currently traveling with his family, I'm looking forward to chatting with him soon, once he returns home.

I found out that Sirius dreams of traveling the world, without the use of magic. He explained that it's more exciting to go out and discover things firsthand, rather than read about it in books or newspapers.

Reflecting on what I learned about the guys made me think a lot about myself. I realized that I didn't seem to have any worries or aspirations of my own, and that realization made me feel quite down. Sure, I love Quidditch and would love to go professional, but what if that doesn't work out? I didn't have a backup plan. Pulling pranks is hardly a career path.

When you asked me about my favorite color, it made me realize I hadn't put any effort into figuring myself out. I feel like it's too late to start now, but Autumn, I trust you can help me. I know you can't answer the question about who I am, but I believe you could offer me the words I need to hear. I apologize if it seems like I'm putting too much pressure on you...

Anyway, before I write a whole novel, I'll stop here.

sincerely, James Fleamont Potter

...

Dear James Fleamont Potter,

The rest of the summer has been rather uneventful, besides the things we've already talked about. I mostly spent my time with my parents, as the others have been quite busy this month. Raven, Lily, and Elliot have traveled to America with Elliot's family, and they invited me to join, but I wasn't feeling up for a trip abroad, so I decided to stay home instead.

That's fantastic to hear, James! It's great that you're learning more about the guys, and I knew about Remus because of the familiar book he was enjoying. I'm so happy you're taking an interest in muggles; would you like to learn more about them? I swear I won't go on and on about it. I'll be careful and make sure not to bore you with endless stories.

Remus definitely knows a lot, given that his mum is a muggle, Raven and Lily are both familiar with them, and Elliot enjoys it, although sometimes he tends to fall asleep in the middle.

OK, let's change gears a bit until I know your answer.

As for Peter, I hope you two have a productive conversation. My advice: when discussing something important with him, use your heart to respond. It seems like he wants to talk about it in person, which means it's something serious.

Sirius wanting to travel the world sounds like a real adventure! It's quite surprising that he hasn't mentioned it before. If he doesn't mind us knowing, maybe we can suggest some ideas to help him explore. Even though he wants to discover things on his own, having our input might prove helpful if he finds himself at a standstill.

And James, I sincerely wish I could give you a hug right now. It's not because I pity you, but rather because I genuinely believe you could use a good hug in this moment. Trust me, it's not out of pity.

Anyway, enough about hugs. Let me be straight with you, James. It's never too late, there is no time limit to when you want to find things about yourself. You know, everyone finds something about themselves at any time in their lives. Just allow yourself to try new things or experience things you never thought you'd try. I am not going to just say it's easy, because it's not. And that is okay, because really, the harder things come to you, the more impact it has.

So, James, if I can help, I will. I will show you a lot of things and hey, along the way we can both learn a lot of things together. So don't fret James Potter, I will be with you every step of the way! Let's make the best of it. Whether it's fun, sad, frustrating or even stupid things.

sincerely, Autumn Willow Rivers

When James received Autumn's response to his letter, his happiness was beyond measure. He couldn't help but grin broadly, overwhelmed by joy.

Despite lingering worries, James' anxiety had faded, replaced by a sense of contentment. The mere thought of Autumn brought a smile to his face, and he eagerly anticipated being embraced by her. Though nothing would prevent him from requesting a meeting before the return to Hogwarts, James chose to remain patient. The idea of reuniting with her at the train station filled him with an incredible amount of anticipation and excitement, and he wanted to wait for the special moment.

James Potter was utterly captivated by Autumn Rivers, and his heart wholly belonged to her. Every time he thought about how she was interested in exploring new ideas with him, a flood of joy coursed through him. The idea that he would now have the opportunity to experience various, exciting novelties with the Ravenclaw filled him with keen anticipation.

James began to imagine various scenarios of activities that he and Autumn could explore together. He envisioned them attending various sporting events, particularly Quidditch matches. Perhaps they could even try out a Muggle sport, like football or basketball. He even pictured them exploring magical creatures or experimenting with magic. The possibilities seemed endless.

In his mind, James could see himself and Autumn learning various magical skills or even taking up a new hobby together. He thought about exploring the library, studying together, or even writing stories as a team. The thought of having her by his side filled him with a sense of happiness and contentment.

As James lost himself in his daydreams, he envisioned them on adventures, both magical and Muggle. He imagined them traveling to magical locations, attending concerts of different music genres, or even simply going for a walk in the park. He longed to experience all these things with Autumn by his side, feeling that with her, everything would be more enjoyable.