So as you know yesterday was one of my favorite holidays, st patrick's day. I even put a excited post when I first woke up and got on my computer... It started out great! Sure.... but....

Ever since my dad left, I never really got the same uh.... tradition? that we always did. We would wear as much green as we could, and eat an awesome st patrick's day meal. It was always one of the best days of my life. My dad was never the richest man ever, we usually scraped the bowl for money, but we could still manage a st patrick's day.

But ever since he left? Well I am now living fully at my mothers house. I don't ever see him anymore, we only chat in letters and phone calls its.... something.

Ever since he left I have never gotten a st patrick's day meal. It seems almost like my mother never even gave it a second thought. I don't hate her for it, I know she trys. She has school and work, I can understand. 

But after year after year of never even a LATE st patrick's day meal? (Oh god i'm starting to cry again....) It just gets so tiring... 

Yesterday I tried to keep up hope, I still hoped all day. The laundry was never done so I was only able to wear earrings and a green ring but that didn't stop me. I was home alone all day so nobody probably even knew I was trying to be be as green as possible, but that didn't stop me. It didn't sink in until I was on facebook... I saw a post from my aunt that made me start crying. She was going out to dinner with family for st patrick's day.....

I must of cried in my room alone for... I don't even know. Once I finally left though, I knew I had to try to make it look like I wasn't crying. My mother already has enough worries, she couldn't see me that way. I did everything I could, to make it look like I never was crying. It was... kinda believable. Even though I did all that, nobody came home in time to see me before I went to bed anyways....

Even this morning I started to cry about it again and I knew... I had to do something. So here I am! Writing this feely shit to you guys! 

Honestly even if I get a late st patrick's day meal, I will be very happy. Let's be honest though... every year my mother said she would have a late st patrick's day meal... NEVER HAPPENED.

So read this crap if you really wanna. I'm going to try to calm down and try to not think about it. I can't start crying again... I already starting tearing up multiple times while writing this... So I hope you all are happy and had an amazing day! I wish good smiles to all of you! goodbye....

~ <3 your author