It started off slow. Like small deprecating thoughts.

Then it became a regular thing to just degrade myself whenever I fucked up like the useless garbage I am.

Now I just don't see a point in anything anymore.

Why care? Why try? Why?

Stopped going to school again. Of course, they set up a meeting to find out why I missed over 20 days of school.

Was able to go one day but... I was just so tired after.

It was hard and tiring to pretend to care. It was tiring to hold up a mask for 2 hours.

I haven't seen my friends in... who knows by this point?

They probably don't care.

I mean, I would neither if I suddenly stopped showing up to school.

I almost want to end it all.

Despite the hurt, I would cause from that...

I'm just so tired. I don't want to do this anymore.

People keep telling me to try but they never considered that I am too exhausted to even try.

Slowly I am slipping back into dark thoughts of hanging myself and writing suicide notes for those I care about.

I was going to tell this girl I like how I felt on valentines day...

Then I missed that day of school because I had the flu.

Once I came back I found out another girl did it on the same day before me, and they are dating.

hah... Isn't that hilarious? Somehow through everything... I can still feel that painful throb in my heart at just the thought.

This is hell, isn't it?

Every time I try... the world puts me back down... 

why do I even get up in the morning?

Why am I even still alive?

I SHOULD BE DEAD.

 I SHOULDN'T BE ALIVE.

I THOUGHT AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF PILLS WOULD WORK.

IM SO STUPID!

I hate this feeling. Why is life doing this to me?

Why did I have to fall for her?

Why do I have to feel the pain of caring... 

Of course, I still have to smile at her and pretend everything is fine.

I have to pretend to be happy of course!

that's how my life works.

I give up my happiness to others because I know I don't deserve it.

hah.....

I really am the scum of the earth, aren't I?

I was planning out a suicide quest in my head last night. I kept thinking until morning.

Who needs sleep anyway?

I just want to stop... 

Why is everything so terrible?