I hate myself.

So much.

I just can't do this anymore.

BUT I HAVE TO.

I keep telling myself that if I can't do it for myself, then I have to do it for them.

That is a promise I can't break!

Yet here I am, giving up again.

Why do people even care about me? Don't they know that it just hurts. To have somebody care hurts so much.

They are hurting me... Punishing me for not being dead already.

I just want to be left alone with nobody. I want to be alone with my computer and phone. That's all I need. Electronics don't care, books and drawings don't care, that's why I stick to them.

If nobody ever cared... Then that promise would never be broken. I could cry and show emotion. Nobody would care so... I could be myself.

I could die and it wouldn't matter.

That sounds amazing.

That's what I want but I can never have it.

I just want to never be bothered and to be able to live in a home with food, and be able to just enjoy the internet. I want to have no responsibilities and just be free.

Of course, I don't deserve that.

I'm just an attention whore.

I pretend that I want to die, when really I don't. It's just the only way out, I can't help but reach for it.

I am manipulative.

I am disgusting.

I am worthless.

I deserve to die.

I am nothing but a dirty liar and a disgusting attention seeker. I deserve the death penalty just for that.

People always talk about having dreams and dream jobs. They even ask me sometimes. Thing is, I don't have a realistic dream, so I am left with nothing. I have no happy future. What do I wish for then? What do...

I want my dreams to come true. Can somebody please tell me I can live one day with a house, no job, no responsibility, and happy friends? That's all I want in life. I just want to be free... If I can't have that then what is the point of living?

I need some kind of hope. Even if it is from some random person on wattpad.

Please.

Help me.

Please.