I meant to upload this on mental health day, which was 10/10/19. But today is 10/12/19.

Anyways and update on me as an individual.

So let's start with physical wise.

So physically I've been doing well, I've been going to bed earlier than I usually do, I have been eating five meals a day, which is incredible coming from someone who only eats two meals a day. I've also be snacking in between. My goal is to gain some weight before 2019 ends. And so far it has been working out for me. I've gained 5 pounds I believe in two weeks. So I'm so fucking happy for that. I'm going to start working out again and toning my body I'm doing so great.

Now onto mental wise:

As you all now I ranted my whole feelings out previously about how I was so down and I just really hated myself to gore guts deep inside well four month update.

I haven't had a breakdown yet, I've been feeling happier than ever, I'm no longer letting my guilt get in the way of my life goals. I'm now leaving the past in the past.

Old friends I really don't care about because if they were real they would talk it out to me you know? Instead of blocking and being shady and petty. Yes I can be petty but there is a reason I'm petty you know? I get petty when I'm trying to talk to you and you know I am but your pride don't wanna talk until you are ready. And then that's when I get petty and mad.

But mental me had been so good since the last four months, I haven't really cared about what happened between a friend and I , I haven't really checked up on them, I've kinda ghosted them the way they've ghosted me.

I've been lighting candles and drawing, painting , planning for my webtoon, ive been doing so much this past month that the pain hasn't affected me anymore, I don't feel that depressive numbness anymore. The bandaids have ripped off and I feel like a new woman.

Because I've learned a new word: selfish.

I am becoming a little selfish, I'm taking control now, I'm not begging for anything in life anymore. I'm going by the motto "it is what it is" and I'm just pushing forward.

Year 2020 is coming around and that's year of vision, I need to see things through my lens not trying to help someone else's lenses all the time. I gotta focus on me and love me.

And for the next two months of 2019 that is what I'm doing. I'm leaving the negative energy here. I started off 2019 great and I'm ending it great 🖤✨ thank you for coming to my ted talk I love you all so much and please be the best version of you, because someone whom isn't will need someone like you