the moment you truly try to recover,
the moment you really want to recover,
the moment you understand why recovery is worth it,
the moment you give your whole damn heart and energy in recovery is the moment you realise how fucking hard it is.
it's the first time I actually try to recover.
I didn't want to recover. I really didn't until I has this one talk. I spend almost two years destroying my fucking body until some actually made me wanting to recover.
And now my whole damn body is covered in scars. I loved them. I fucking fell in love with them. I wanted the biggest and worsed scars you could have. But it's an addiction and you'll never get enough. I loved my scars, it was the only self love I had. But know I just don't know. I hate them. I want them to go away. But they'll stay for my whole life. And sure I could get tatoos over them, but I would have to get tatoos over my whole damn body.  These scars make it so hard not to relapse.

Anyways I'm 10 days clean and it's fucking hard.