I'm clean,
The longest time I ever been.
I stopped self-harming
But apparently that's alarming.
They ask "How do you cope"
Cause I lost all my hope
I won't scream or fight,
and actually Sleep at night
They say "it works to good",
But thats what it should.
I won't cry,
or try to Die
Everything's fine,
That's a good sign.
But you don't believe me,
And secretly I agree
Cause maybe I don't slit my wrist,
But everything has a twist
I skip meal, after meal,
Cause I think, that's how I could heal
Yet the numbers on the scale,
And my Face so pale
Makes me scream in my head.
But I'm clean, that's what I said.
So I happy skip this Meal,
Until I don't feel real,
With no thoughts in my mind.
So I walk into the darkness blind.
Flying when the numbers go down,
When they go up, I drown.
In this ocean of hate,
Controlling my weight
Won't love my reflection,
Searching for perfection
I really need this control,
Or I'm lost in this hole
But eating is fun,
Until I'm done
But I won't reach out,
Until I black-out
But it makes me loose my mind
In this prison I designed
I can't stand me anymore,
Completely lost in this war.
But it keeps me alive,
And stops the knife.
I can choose between
Not eating or staying clean.