There's tough competition here, that's for sure. It was hard to grade without a lot of ties as everyone really brought their A-game with them. We were impressed by the quality of your entries and we cannot wait to see where your brilliant minds will take you throughout this competition! No matter your score, we are very excited for each and every character and we see a lot of potential for growth. Thank you to all who turned in and did your best.

Sappy stuff aside, let's get to what you want to hear.

First Entry-Bonus: Hitoka Kikuchi

Second Entry Bonus: Emilo Amor 

👻SCORES👻

Ryker Villegas 

👻SCORE: 12.3

Notes: We found that you overall had a pretty solid entry. The tension was high and you kept your pace tight, which was a nice change from what we had been expecting. There was a lot of good in your entry--your character was solid, your concept was good, and you not only completed the task but also left us wanting to know more about your character. Some issues that we found came in the form of a few misspelled words, misplaced commas (you have a few instances where you needed to add commas and others where you had comma splices), and a few of your lines read a bit choppy. While some of the choppiness can be associated with your style of writing for the entry, there were some lines that just felt out of place, even with the stylistic aesthetic. Overall, one thing we found when reading was that your entry was not all that impacting. Part of that comes from being thrown into the entry with no knowledge of who the character is or what they are doing, in so that you never say where they were, what that cart part was about, and why they are running, but another part comes from the fact that even though you threw us into the gist of their life right before death, we didn't really get to see the character do much. They are running, yes, but the stakes for which the tension is built off is missing to us. Adding that in would have helped us feel more for the character and understand the context of your entry. We can tell that you know these details, but the reader does not. Overall, we're excited to see more from you and hope to see more of your character in these next entries.

Joesph King

👻SCORE: 11.7

Notes: Overall, your entry had a really soothing tone to it that made it easy to read. We can tell that you put a lot of time into the development of Mr. King and it shows in your entry. You set up the story, the characters, and the setting in such a way that made everything understandable and good to read. One thing that stood out to us was that your entry had a lot of grammatical mistakes. You have some dialogue issues (if you message us we can give you pointers for punctuation in dialogue!) as well as some simple grammatical issues like it's vs its. Overall, an edit over your work would help you catch some of those issues. Another thing we noticed was that your entry was very dialogue focused and there was not a lot of description, which made your entry read a bit bare. Given as that may well be your style, that didn't cost you any points, though there does seem to be some balancing issues between parts of your entry being very descriptive and others having no description. You have a lot of talent in there and we are excited to see what you'll do next!

Chuckles

👻SCORE: 11.8

Notes: Overall, we see a lot of Chuckles in this entry. You definitely have created a complex character and you show a lot of emotion in your writing. One thing that we noticed in your entry, however, was that it seemed a little...off. It wasn't all that realistic, mainly because we felt you did not build enough of his emotional pain to justify him killing himself. He has just gone through a terrible accident, which itself was quite realistic, but him killing himself right after, on top of his wife, is a bit hard to swallow, especially because we did not get to see too much of his emotions as to why he was doing it, his reasoning for killing himself, or even any real hesitation, which would be expected in that circumstance. Everything else came across realistic, and you have a very creative death here, but we would like to see more thought put into the actions of the character. Beyond that, you had a few general grammatical errors, and we did notice that a lot of your sentences had repetitive sentence structure. Reading through your entry aloud before you send may help you notice when things start to sound repetitive and can help show more of that good writing that we can see there. You have a lot of raw talent and we're excited to see where that takes you.

Nicky De Santo 

👻SCORE: 12.0

Notes: Nicky is quite the character. You established a lot about him, as well as his sister and their connections, in this entry, which makes us excited to see where you'll be taking the rest of his story. While we quite enjoyed your take on his death, you did not exactly fulfill the task requirement of actually *killing* him in entry, which was sort of the point. There was a lot of emotion in your entry and you really explained how he was feeling and set up for suicide in a wonderfully written way. Your descriptions were really good and we really got the gist of your character and the emotional drama in this story. However, beyond emotion, the entry was lacking a bit. The plot was good, but it fell a bit flat, with it petering off towards the end instead of building up to a dramatic ending. The beginning and the middle were very solid, but we feel like you ran out of time when it came to the ending and we'd recommend a bit of time management when it comes to entries to avoid that happening again. Overall, this was a good entry and we look forward to more.

Avery Emerson

👻SCORE: 8.9

Notes: It is a bit hard to grade a task where there are less than two hundred words to read. Your entry was very brief and we didn't get a feel for your character, though you did detail the death and you fulfilled the task requirements just fine. We would like to see more effort put into your entries, as it is clear that you can write, but there just wasn't much to grade in your entry. Another thing we noticed was that we were uncertain as to what role the present and boyfriend played in her death, given that it was her walking down the street that led to it. The entry felt a bit disorganized, though we can see that you have a lot of creative abilities and did put effort into the play-by-play of the story.

Antonio Enriquez 

👻SCORE: 13.1

Notes: Your entry had some beautiful lines, some wonderful description, and really hits home in the realism department. There was a lot of telling in your entry, but it seemed to play a vital role in your narrative voice. Your narrative voice, by the way, came seeping out in your description and truly shows a lot of talent in the way that you form words and tell a story. You played on emotion and real life and really captured the intensity of war with a type of clarity that is often not seen. Overall, this was a really good entry. You had a few grammatical issues, though not much, and the only real thing we would like to see more of is your plot and description of your entry. We understand that you have a very powerful narrative voice, however, it seemed to overshadow the death itself and we didn't get to see exactly what was happening, which would have given us more insight to the death itself. However, we can piece together what you were trying to say and you did a wonderful job. Keep it up!

Gilgamesh

👻SCORE: 13.1

Notes: This entry was very creative--however brief it may have been--and displayed a lot of talent in writing. One thing that we noticed that could be improved is the balance between the old-fashioned (really, really old) writing of 'O, hail ye' to a more descriptive, detail-orientated style that seemed to conflict with one another. Your entry reads as though you couldn't decide which way to write it and we would love to see more cohesion in your entry. We would also like to see more of a plot in your entry, and more focus on the task as your seemed to flip-flop around a bit and it became hard to understand exactly where you were trying to take the entry to. There wasn't a build towards the end, and the death felt very sudden and not quite well-established, but overall you have a very creative style and quite an interesting way of writing that intrigues us. We are interested in seeing more and cannot wait to see how Gilgamesh has been in the afterlife.

Elly Joan Bradac

👻SCORE: 0

Notes: Please turn in next time if you would like a score or notes.

Emilo Amor  

👻SCORE: 13.7 [+.5] 14.2

Notes: Very creative. We loved the break between the story itself and the transcripts. There was a lot of talent for description shown in this entry and we really loved how detailed you were and how the emotions of both boys were played out very well. One thing we noticed was that you were very vague about the death itself, and the ending got a bit confusing in terms of who you were talking about, but overall you did a good job with your entry. We would like to see more focus put in on making certain that the story you're wanting to tell is shown alongside the beautiful description and stylistic choices. You're off to a wonderful start and we're excited to see what's next to come for this poor boy.

Lady Cavendish  

👻SCORE: 0

Notes:  Please turn in next time if you would like a score or notes.

Hitoka Kikuchi  

👻SCORE: 12.5 [+1] 13.5

Notes: You really set up for your story in a wonderful way that gave us a lot of insight to your character as well as the world around him. Because of that, we were able to feel for your character and the death they experienced. However, one thing we did notice was that your sentences were a bit clunky in places. You had some great description, especially at the end, but the beginning seemed as though you were uncertain. Your sentences are a bit repetitive in places and overall, we would love to see more of the description you had at the end in your writing. Your entry was good and we are excited to read more from you.

Sukio no Hana  

👻SCORE: 13

Notes: Your writing here, as with your other entry, was beautiful. The styles were different, but we quite enjoyed this entry and we can tell that you put a lot of research and time into each story as you go to tell them. We loved how you portrayed Sukio no Hana and how you established the characters and story around her. We could really see her life and how it would be played out. However, we were missing the shock factor that we feel you might have been going for with the ending. It was creative, yes, but the way it played out read a lot slower than we would have liked. Everything, quite like Sukio no Hana, was a bit plain about the ending, which is a shame as we would have really liked to have seen the death and character interactions in a more creative light. Overall, your entry was good and we're very excited for more--we got a taste for Sukio and her personality and it is very intriguing to us. We cannot wait to see what you will deliver next.

👻RANKINGS👻 

1. Emilo Amor: 14.2

2. Hitoka Kikuchi: 13.5

2. Sukio no Hana: 13.5

3. Antonio Enriquez: 13.1

3. Gilgamesh: 13.1

4. Ryker Villegas: 12.3

5. Nicky De Santo: 12

6. Chuckles: 11.8 

7. Joseph King: 11.7

7. Avery Emerson: 8.9

No score: Elly Joan Bradac

No score: Lady Cavendish 

👻***👻

Task Two will be posted at 11PM CST tonight, 12-21-2018. Be there or be squared off to an eturnity of nothing but death!