Thank you all for handing in this round. I'm incredibly pleased with the turnout, and it will be difficult to put some of you up for votes considering the quality we've reached and your impressive performances. I apologize for the delay in posting these scores and notes; as I mentioned in a message to all of you, I've been traveling. If there are any typos or miscalculations in this chapter, please let me know, as the majority of these notes were written on mobile, and autocorrect is both a blessing and a curse.

Because it is an odd round, ballots do count against scores, subtracting 0.5 points each.

Bonus Points:

Congratulations to Rhea Charon for submitting the first entry! You will have 0.5 points added to your final score, in addition to the bonus below. I have also provided extended feedback on your entry.

Even with the deadline at a time I thought all of you would benefit from, I was disappointed in the lack of punctuality exhibited by all of you- once again. It was very disappointing to still have extensions even when I purposely situated this deadline at a time I thought would be optimal for the majority of you. Because of this, I've decided to award an additional 0.5 points to all tributes who handed in more than one hour before the deadline- Rhea Charon, Train Wreck, Elm Woods, Aroma Fastner, and Mason Falkov. My sincerest thanks to all of you for such promptness in submitting.

<><><>

District 1 Female: Aroma Fastner

Score: 7.75

7.75 (+0.5) = 8.25

Feedback~ Again, I feel like I need to address your punctuation and grammar. Though I know this is a continuing issue that you're working toward fixing, I just want to remind you once more that there are programs on the internet- even just spell check- that can easily fix a number of your errors. Personally, I use the application Grammarly to double check that I have everything right. You don't need to have issues as simple as "memory's", which would mean that a memory would possess something, where you are referring to the plural "memories"- these can be easily fixed. You may also want to read your entry over to make sure that there aren't any errors that a computer can't pick up because they're actual words, such as when you used "corps" instead of "corpse", and "grim" instead of "grime". You also need to be careful about incomplete sentences- though you may have verbs in your sentences, sometimes they don't directly apply to the noun; I'm not going to go very deep into this, as you can easily fix it with some simple research, but if you need me to elaborate on it at all or refer you to websites, don't be afraid to PM. Additionally, work towards combining your related sentences into paragraphs- this makes it easier and more comprehensible for the reader, because a new paragraph signifies a longer pause than when there is another sentence directly after it- most of the time, this reads better as related ideas aren't split up. On another note, I did like your description in this entry- the contraction of hot and cold that you included near the beginning of your entry was artfully performed, and you did a nice job of painting the scene of the changed hospital room. I liked the pacing of your entry. One thing you could've improved on was the variety of your sentences and words- what especially stood out here was the repeated use of Aroma's name, which you may want to swap out for 'she' if you use it multiple sentences in a row. I liked how you described the boy Aroma spoke to and how his illness afflicted him, and her actions were logical to go to someone for clarification. I would've liked a little more expansion on the idea of Aroma's brother, though, and how he was killed by birds. It was mentioned very briefly, and I think you would've benefited from honing in on a recollection/memory of her brother, or at least a few more thoughts about him. Using this to motivate her or cause her to do something would definitely strengthen the purpose of the little details you have everywhere. Also, try to make sure your similes make sense if you use them- flowers generally don't wither in rain, considering they require water to survive. The idea of the leeches was creative, though, and I also enjoyed the conversation that took place between Aroma and her dying self. It was very emotional- you did a great job of portraying both of the girls' emotions through the dialogue, and I thought Aroma's desperate measures definitely developed her character in an interesting way.

<><><>

District 2 Male: Mason Falkov

Score: 9.5

9.5 (+0.5) = 10

Feedback~ Something I noticed right at the beginning of your entry was a redundancy, in the phrase "following behind Kaya". To follow someone automatically implies that they're behind them, so try to avoid repetitive words. I thought your first paragraph moved very quickly, and that you could've stretched out Mason's thoughts on the things he'd woken up with, and perhaps a link to the last task to smoothen the transition, and then followed by the jump into the action. Also, try to be careful of your wordings in the future. The sentence "Redness covered cheeks, their noses running and coughs filled the air." doesn't quite have the ring to it that many of your other sentences do because of the difference between 'running' and 'filled'. I'd recommend separating these two different kinds of presenting a verb, or modifying them to be the same and still have a complete sentence. Also, though all of your sentences have proper punctuation, there are some that could benefit from a comma even if it doesn't need to be there- it just helps the reader process the sentence better by forcing them to pause at appropriate times in their reading. For example, in the sentence "Other people, dressed much like he and Kaya were walking around." the reader would benefit from a comma after 'Kaya', because this sentence could also be read in a way where the voice falls as 'dressed as he and Kaya were', because that still makes sense until the rest of the sentence is read. Moving on- I liked the way you again brought in Mason's lack of an arm from the hospital, and I thought the dialogue you included was very reflective of both Mason's and Kaya's personalities, and the inclusion of the line reflecting his disappointment was appropriately included and definitely a strong advancement. Your description of the sick Mason and how you led up to the revelation was well executed, along with your character's logical initial reaction. I noticed you used the word 'curled' twice in one paragraph, though- even if these were in different contexts, it's best to use a variety of synonyms to enhance your description and the images you create. The interaction with the clone was well done, as well- you were missing a couple commas in the dialogue, but it was informative of Mason's character. The change at the end in his attitude towards killing was definitely a surprise, and I like where you're going with this- I do think you could've expanded on why Mason said 'no' a little more, and what was running through his mind as he said that; I'm hoping you'll pick up with it next task. Overall, though, this was very nicely done, and what I was looking for in this task.

<><><>

District 2 Female: Aemilia Cassius

Score: 9.25

9.25 (-2) = 7.25

Feedback~ Used extension.

<><><>

District 3 Female: Kaya Maldoran

Score: 10.5

10.5 (-2.5) = 8

Feedback~ Used automatic score.

<><><>

District 6 Male: Train Wreck

Score: 7.75

7.75 (+0.5) (-0.5) = 7.75

Feedback~ Your first sentence was metaphorical, and yet still related to the task, which I liked. However, there was a comma splice right in the third sentence, which broke the flow of the piece. A simple search of the interwebs can usually inform you on what these are, how to fix them, and how to avoid them in the first place, but if you have any questions on comma splices, feel free to ask. I also appreciate that you did some additional research on the workings of the plague mask that were not mentioned in the task. In the first part of your entry, I was missing Train's emotions- mostly, the typical reactions a person has to waking up somewhere new and with new attire. He didn't seem surprised or confused, and there was no explanation for this. I also found his thoughts a bit scattered- the mention of his parents' death seemed disconnected, and though I do like how you keep weaving it in, it really needs to fit with where you lead the entry. Though the sight of the dead bodies could have reminded Train of his parents, it was unclear what your purpose was in including the line, or where it was leading. Train's realization of his role was also very sudden, and I think you could have expanded considerably more on just about everything in your entry; you were missing a lot of detail, and though it was nice that you linked your ending line to the beginning, I think it could have been explained in more detail. Overall, I think you just needed to stretch out this entry a lot more for it to have the effectiveness it needed.

<><><>

District 7 Male: Elm Woods

Score: 9.75

9.75 (+0.5) (-1) = 9.25

Feedback~ This was lovely. Compared to what I've seen from you before regarding unnecessary description, you did a great job cutting back this round. At some points, your entry remained a little thick, but I think you're on the way to maintaining an engaging entry that a reader won't get lost in. There were a few times where you almost slipped back into it, such as when you mentioned the whites of Elm's teeth, but other than that, I didn't catch much. The problem with mentioning his teeth was only that there was nothing else mentioned about them, and no action occurring to go along with it. I talked to you about purpose in your Task Three notes, and I think this is again where that comes in- why the teeth are mentioned even if there's nothing special about them. The reader can infer that there are teeth behind Elm's lips- what would be noticeable was if there weren't. There was one spot where I think you missed a word that would've made the sentence more concise ("It's (a) feeling of loss that overwhelms his heart."), but other that that, I didn't spot any grammatical errors. There were a few spots where you could've varied your word choice a little more ("all that's wet drying until all that remains" was a little iffy with two 'all that's) but other than that, you were good. The thoughts of Aspen were well-portrayed, and I like how you're advancing with her character through Elm; the line about her not being there was very effective. Your pacing was a little slow at some points with all the crying, but it wasn't agonizingly. You portrayed the boy in the bed nicely, but I do think that at some points, it was slightly confusing when you used 'he' which one- Elm or the boy- you were referring to, such as in the paragraph where you initially described the boy and then jumped to Elm dropping the cane. I liked how you twisted your ending to be relevant to where you had been going with the rest of the entry, and you modified the task appropriately to serve your purpose. I think there was potential to expand a little more on the questions Elm asked himself at the end, but I think it also suited your entry that they were fleeting because of the last line. One thing that did get me about the last line was that there was no punctuation except for the period at the end- I really think you could have used punctuation to your advantage here so that the line wouldn't have read just as one phrase. Wording it is "He doesn't care- it's worth it" would have made the reader pause, which is more effective than just reading it as one.

<><><>

District 7 Female: Kaelyn 'Kaylee' Menorr

Score: 9

9 = 9

Feedback~ This entry- in my mind, at least- didn't seem to follow the task. Though I do appreciate a use of creative freedom and twisting the assignment in a way that benefits the development of a character, it struck me as odd that you only included a few paragraphs in the beginning on the fresh environment and attire, choosing to jump right into when Kaylee encountered her own self. I noticed you missed a period in one of your sentences, and you also resorted to talking directly to the reader at one point. Try to avoid speaking in second person- not only does it break the flow of your entry, but it detached from your character. Referring directly to Kaylee and putting her in the situation will help the reader grasp a better and more connected picture of what you're trying to convey. I thought the ending of your entry was intriguing and coincided with your character's emotions based on what was going on in the rest of the entry, but overall, I thought the entire thing was sudden and vaguely confusing. What happened to Kaelyn? Why is Kaylee remembering all this? I'm not sure if it was your metaphor for the bullets that threw me off track and was the reason I didn't fully grasp the reasoning behind this, or if you just didn't provide an explanation- either way, I was looking for more reason behind all of this, and overall, more development of the task itself.

<><><>

District 8 Female: Rhea Charon

Score: 9.25

9.25 (+1) (-2) = 8.25

Feedback~ One of your main issues here was that there were a great number of unnecessary words. In the future, I would recommend reviewing your entry before sending on whether each word has a purpose, or could be replaced with something more concise. For example, right in your second sentence, you say "Rhea had awoken". The phrase "had awoken" can easily be shortened to "awoke". The sentence "Looking closer around the room, Rhea abruptly gasped, dissipating the silence that had once been." can be converted to "Glancing around, Rhea [abruptly] gasped, breaking the silence." (Note: the abruptly is inside brackets because it would still fit, but isn't completely necessary.) See how the sentence gets to the point, but still has the same meaning? Also, try to avoid redundancies. When you say "The barren hospital room she was in before had morphed into a graveyard of some sort; it was filled with the dead.", the last part of "it was filled with the dead" doesn't need to be said again, because we know what a graveyard is- it's filled with the dead. Even if it lengthens your word count or sounds ornate, the reader already got that point- especially when you continue to talk about the corpses. Word choice is very important all throughout your entry, and you'll want to also be mindful not to repeat words. There was an instance in your writing where you included the word "mind" twice in two consecutive sentences, and then did the same thing with the word "bodies" just afterwards, along with variations of "moan" later on. Using these multiple times can be redundant and lose the effectiveness the word has. Also, even if you don't use words in the same area, obscure ones, like "encapsulated", stand out. Because you used "encapsulated" twice throughout your entry, it was repetitive. Most words, you could get away with it, but because it was so uncommon, the reader remembers it. I know it can be difficult to tell which words are okay to repeat and which ones aren't, but look for the ones that stand out to you. There were also a few words you missed that made your sentences read awkwardly, such as in the phrase "She was also now wearing thick, black overcoat". This would have read better if you included an 'a' after wearing. I also feel like some parts of your entry were rushed. In the beginning, you mentioned Rhea's panic, but it only lasted for a moment. Though it is plausible that this panic only lasted for a second, the way you described it slamming into her chest' made it seem as though the panic would be serious. This is really only a matter of word choice; use words that coincide with how briefly and dramatically things impact your character. Instead of "Rhea felt a wave of panic slam into her chest", try something more like, "Rhea felt a brief flit of panic" to show that this isn't something you need to expand on. There was also a point in your entry where you began to talk directly to the reader. Unless your entire entry consistently speaks to the reader, you'll want to keep second person out of the picture in order to be consistent with your point of view. Say "creep into her nightmares and leach its way into her mind" instead of "creep into your nightmares and leach its way into your mind" so that another perspective never enters the picture. Another thing that struck me was that your description of Rhea's new outfit was very straightforward. She wears this, she wears that, she has the other thing. Describing things either on or around your character can be much more effective if you put them into the scene. Have Rhea discover the objects on herself. Though you probably can't do much for the mask right on her face, have the hat fall from her head, or have her reach up and touch it. Maybe the fabric of her coat brushes against the bed. Find ways that your character can interact with these things instead of just describing them as though she stands in front of a mirror. Something I did like about your entry, though, were Rhea's first interactions with the man who informed her she was a plague doctor. Your dialogue between the characters was realistic, informative, and even strengthened Rhea's character by showing that "confidence" she tried to portray. At the second encounter, where she learned more about the plague, I do feel as though you spiraled into description, despite that your previous dialogue had been nice and straightforward. Look, the average person, even in the time of the plague, generally doesn't use the word 'succumb'. Try to keep it more realistic in the future.

<><><>

District 12 Male: Blaze Orion

Score: 4.25

4.25 = 4.25

Feedback~ Used extension.

<><><>

District 12 Female: Edelina Renova

Score: 9.75

9.75 (-0.5) = 9.25

Feedback~ Used extension.

<><><>

District 13 Male: Xander McColl

Score: 9.5

9.5 (-1.5) = 8

Feedback~ Used extension.

<><><>

Capitol Female: Carmine Valerius

Score: 9.75

9.75 (-2) = 7.75

Feedback~ I noticed you missed a letter at one point in your entry, and you had a few uses of a comma that would've read better had it been a semicolon or had 'and' right after it. Also, try to avoid repeating words in the same sentence- at one point, you used the word 'completely' twice, followed by two uses of the word 'looked' in the following paragraph- both of which felt repetitive. Unless you're repeating a phrase for effect, it's best to use a variety of synonyms in order to vary your writing. I liked your reflection on the previous tasks, and how you described the new sickness Carmine feels- it was an incredibly effective way of portraying how she feels about what's she's done without saying how she feels about what she's done. I appreciated the incorporation of Carmine's lipstick once more, and her thought process was sound- especially with the recognition of the masks. The pacing of your entry was lovely, and the ending was both unexpected and powerful, especially considering that it linked to the beginning of your entry. Very nice job this round.

<><><>