Now it's time to get to what all of you have undoubtedly been biting your nails awaiting: the scores. But before we get to that, we'd like to clarify a few things.

We've scored each of you on a scale of 12 and then averaged our scores to give you a final score out of 12 as well. Since this is an odd numbered round, ballots do subtract points, so if you see points subtracted from your score, you've been balloted. Each ballot subtracts half a point. Formatting didn't lose you any points this time around, but we'd appreciate it if you followed those rules next time so it's easier on us.

Please note that notes were also written in order of submission, so earlier entries might have received longer notes than later ones. Additionally, entries that needed a little more help but came later may be slightly more lengthy than those where we could say little but praise.

Since all that's out of the way, let's get straight to it, yeah?

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First Entry Bonus (+0.5): For sending in their entry just a little over a week before the deadline, we'd like to give Nerrezza Diana Archeli a little token of our appreciation.

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500 BCE - Alba Minor

Score: 0

No entry received.

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250 BCE - Ishani Pemmaraju

Paella's Score: 10.5

Moon's Score: 10.5

10.5 [-1] = 9.5

Feedback: Used extension.

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80s - Bella Fiore

Paella's Score: 9

Moon's Score: 9

9 [-1] = 8

Feedback: Used extension.

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1060s - Jorrvaskr

Paella's Score: 7.5

Moon's Score: 8

7.75 = 7.75

Feedback: It was obvious that you put considerable effort into this, and we enjoyed your characterization of Jorrvaskr's loved ones. However, we have a few things you could improve upon, as well. Despite that the Norwegian phrases you included are a part of Jorrvaskr's culture, we would prefer that in the future, you stick to English consistently, as it was a little confusing when you bounced back and forth with the children and adults and cumbersome to have to look everything up in the index you provided. Beyond that, try to smoothen your transitions. Find a way to link your scenes with words instead of a page break for a smoother read. We also noticed that you did a considerable amount of telling instead of showing, such as when you described the village Jorrvaskr landed in. Instead of just saying there is a market and a mountain, have something attract your character's eyes to each important landmark. Another example is when you mentioned that "Eric is tall with long yellow hair and green eyes". Try to show that instead of simply straight out telling us- maybe Eric runs his hand through his hair, or he and Jorrvaskr meet eyes. Use all five senses to paint a true picture for the reader (you did this at some points, such as the smell of gooseberry pie, but integrate it more for better results). You can also try to include some of Jorrvaskr's reactions to these senses- does he feel nostalgic with the smell of gooseberry? Happy to be home? What are the memories Jorrvaskr associates with this smell? We'd also recommend going through and editing your writing- the number of comma splices that were scattered about detracted from the quality of your entry (if you don't know what these are, a quick internet search will do the trick!). Fixing these in the future could definitely bring up your score.

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1700s - Erelyn Laverna

Paella's Score: 10.5

Moon's Score: 10

10.25 = 10.25

Feedback: This was far from a bad entry, but let's start off with some negatives because that's what first popped up in our minds. The judges disagreed on whether or not your amount of description was appropriate- if you would like to consult with either of us for further details you are welcome to do so. Beyond that, we liked the mysterious tone that was set to the entry, and the Hathornes were a nice touch. As far as character, we've got a good idea of Erelyn's feelings from the flashbacks and all, but we'd recommend smoothening out the transitions between the past and the present. The entry was, at times, slightly confusing due to the changes. Otherwise, it was fairly good. There were few grammatical errors, and it's nice to see that you gave us not only a "day in the life" but also more of a backstory to her character.

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1770s - Paige Leroy

Paella's Score: 8.5

Moon's Score: 9

8.75 = 8.75

Feedback: What we most want from Paige is more depth, more character, and more uniqueness, because her stifled story has been told a thousand times before. We've heard of the oppressive parents and the yearning for adventure, and it struck us as illogical that your character would only think of exploring the city now, at age nineteen. We needed more emotion and conflict when Paige escaped- her father had just checked in on her, and she didn't seem scared at all when she attempted leaving. Though you focused on the joy and exhilaration of discovery, which certainly came through, your entry lacked suspense, and that scene would have provided some of that tension necessary. Because your entry was so focused on Paige's euphoria, it was a little boring. Paige's father could also have been a bit less of a two-dimensional character, and you could've used that conversation with him to further develop Paige. That conversation itself also felt immature and unfitting for someone of Paige's age, so try to keep the maturity levels matching. That being said, your entry has few grammatical errors, and your description is vivid- just try to work on adding a climax.

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1770s - William Young

Score: 0

No entry received.

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1780s - Martha Harrison

Score: 0

No entry received.

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1800s - Nerezza Diana Archeli

Paella's Score: 5

Moon's Score: 6

5.5 [+0.5] = 6

Feedback: You have succeeded in creating the world around Nerezza, revealing her lifestyle and current state of mind, but many things could be improved upon throughout your entry. There were a number of typos and punctuation errors throughout your entry- so many that at times, it distracted from the writing. These can be fixed by using the spellcheck feature in whatever program you write in, and a quick run through of editing. We liked your dialogue, but it is vital that in the future, you create a new paragraph whenever a new person speaks - that's just grammar. Additionally, dialogue is structured so that the comma at the conclusion of the phrase is inside the quotations, not outside, so be wary of this in the future. Another thing we noticed was that you did a lot of telling instead of showing, and that your scenes moved very quickly. Try describing what's going on around Nerezza in greater detail; use her five senses to create an image in the reader's mind. Also, try to integrate more of your character's emotions. We want to know what's going on inside Nerezza's head while the events occurring take place.

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1890s - Kaden Larke

Paella's Score: 8.5

Moon's Score: 9

8.75 = 8.75

Feedback: You start off your entry with a lot of backstory about how Kaden's part of the mafia, which we would have liked to see you reveal through his actions and words instead of just stating outright, along with the setting in which he is in. Instead of just saying "they stood alone in a dark alley", have Kaden's five senses tell the reader where he's located. You can also use other characters to reveal vital information, like the boss. It would have been intriguing if the boss had said to Kaden most of the contents of your fourth paragraph, instead of the reader just being told this, and it would have brought out more about your character. We were also missing a lot of Kaden's emotions in the beginning. You had a paragraph in there about a slight uneasiness, but we would have rathered it be spread out and told earlier on. Your entry almost seemed like it progressed in blocks- blocks of backstory, blocks of emotion, etc. Integration is key. All this being said, you described the killing very well, and we liked the uniqueness of Kaden's mafia ties.

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1910s - Maurice Zellin

Dropped out.

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1910s - Cecil Stephens

Paella's Score: 10

Moon's Score: 10

10 = 10

Feedback: Your entry hooked us from the start- your description was very intriguing, and we enjoyed the exchange that Cecil listened in to and how you connected it to him, along with the playful dialogue exchange between him and Mary- it gave a great picture of his day-to-day life. One criticism we have was that the transition was a little odd between lunch and the evening. We loved how spooked Cecil was when the pan fell, as it gave a clear image of how the war has scarred him, and we too felt his joy in having a new companion. The central theme of the cat really tied your entry together. Overall, your dialogue and characterization were superb, and we enjoyed reading this entry.

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1920s - Alex Moretti

Score: 0

No entry received.

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1920s - Leroy Flatt

Dropped out.

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1930s - Edith Burke

Paella's Score: 8

Moon's Score: 8

8 = 8

Feedback: You were missing some commas throughout your entry, so try to read through it and see where your voice naturally pauses- add commas there. Additionally, try to smoothen out your transitions- find a way to link your scenes with words instead of a page break for a smoother read. That being said, you didn't really need all of the separate scenes you included in this entry- it would have been suitable and you could've brought out the same amount of character if you'd only included one, and it would have been less choppy. Stretch using description, emotions, and internal thoughts for effective scenes. Overall, our main issue here was that Edith doesn't strike us as a nine-year-old, both in her sophisticated dialogue and internal thoughts. Children learn from the people around them that they are closest to, and it doesn't make sense that Edith would have such conflicting views as her family unless she had a connection to someone Jewish. We also think you need to include a coping mechanism- if Edith's living with people she dislikes so strongly, she needs something to get her through each day. Right now, it strikes us as though she's continuously miserable. Our last advice would be to end on a more final note- the entry felt as though it was left hanging.

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1940s - Asa Swan

Paella's Score: 11.5

Moon's Score: 11

11.25 = 11.25

Feedback: Used extension.

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1940s - Amelia Baumann

Dropped out.

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1980s - Aurora Fernandez

Score: 0

No entry received.

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Be sure to keep an eye out for Task Two!