Finally, the day you've all been waiting for! The day that... pizza becomes America's national food! (Just kidding, you all know what I'm really talking about. :P Scores!!! Yay!)

I apologize in advance if the comments on the entries aren't very helpful yet. I'm doing my best, but I'm trying to get used to this, and it may take a bit of practice. Also some comments were shorter and some were longer. This isn't because I'm trying to show that I like other people better, so please don't think that I'm trying to ignore you if I didn't comment on much with your entry. I loved every one of your entries, and it's honestly going to be difficult to choose any one person to sponsor. Hopefully though, if my comments don't help you, at least the other stuff I put in there will. ANYWAY, without further procrastination, I give you the scores for this task! :D 

Kian: 11.7

"...were put into the "fire and water" team..." (There should be a comma after 'into' and 'team', as this is an appositive phrase.)

"... sections if the mini-arena..." ('If' should be 'of'.)

"... where beating you down..." (should be were.)

"... Fire, this section..." (This is an awkward beginning and could have been worded better.)

"... was cruel for the flames..." (Comma after 'cruel'.)

"... hot of your feet..." (I don't know if you meant to put off or and here, but this whole sentence is a little odd.)

"That was the furthest you had ever gotten with the flag but as you fell you saw the opposing team duck into the last section of water for them." (First off, there should be a comma before 'but'. Secondly... how many times have they tried this? They way you worded it made it seem as though they've tried it several times and kept failing.)

"... to take to back to the start..." (I'm fairly sure the second 'to' was supposed to be a 'you'.)

Notes:

Okay, so first off, the way you wove together your words was amazing. I loved this entry, I really did, and it shows that you have talent. But what I would say is that to improve, you have to watch your sentence structure. If it would help, read your entries aloud before you send them in, just to catch any of those little mistake you may have missed (or ask someone else to read it to you). If you do that, you'll probably catch most of the sentence structure errors, and your grade will definitely improve. (Now that that part is finished...) Okay, on to character. I really loved what you did with Kian, and the way you showed his emotions and really brought me into the story. Even though it can be difficult to write things in second person, I really thing you did a great job, and I really did enjoy reading your entry. I look forward to seeing your character develop as you continue writing.

***

Cyrus Martin: 11.7

"... behind it however, you..." (There ought to be a comma after it.)

"... no one had expected to befall the..." (In this sentence, the word 'befall' sounds a bit strange and kind of takes away from the story a little.)

"... but you dove forward, the thing burned off as the fire consumed you." (You're holding the flag. Shouldn't it have been on fire when you came out again? I mean... unless you found some way to protect the burnable materials, it should be.)

Notes:

This entry was really fun to read, and I enjoyed the way you added in clever ways for other people to use their powers, along with your own different twists on your powers. Your method of getting the flag was interesting as well, and I liked the way you went about it, kind of showing your character's tendency to work alone, rather than teaming up and going for the brute force side of things. Not only that, but your descriptions were amazing, and I found very little that was wrong with this entry. Your character was interesting and the arena you built was well described. All in all, this entry was really well written and I found little wrong with it.

***

Aeryn Lowe: 11.7

"Dear Ana, and Gwen, and Oliver, and Thomas, and Elie, and Heart," (You never want to use this many ands in a sentence. It's awkward, and commas work much better.)

"... and funner, because now..." (Funner is not a word. I know you are writing this to young siblings, but still, funner is not a word, and should have been replaced with 'more fun'.)

"... as the hiders figured..." (Hiders isn't a word either. I'm not sure what other term you would use, but you probably want to avoid making up words here unless you're doing names or something.)

"I was sprinting as fast as I could, but since you've all grown up, I haven't had to watch you so closely, and most of the little ones were beating me." (This sentence is strange and I had to read it several times [and ask someone else] before I actually fully understood what it meant.)

Notes:

Wow. This entry was incredible! I loved how well Aeryn did with the younger kids, and how easily she can interact with them. This whole entry had an amazing sense of innocence to it, something that I really enjoyed. Your writing was so sweet, and it really made me want to meet your character in real life.

***

Shark Finn: 11.5

"... guard the flag, (no comma needed) because..."

"... let it carry you onto (should be 'on to' or 'to') the opposite..."

"... as if a missing piece in (should be 'of') a jigsaw..."

"... don't fall into anymore (should be 'any more') traps."

"A huge team from side has discovered the flag. (Sentence is confusing, could be worded better)"

Notes:

I love how you managed to trick the other team into thinking you were on their side by making it too dark to actually see properly, and the part with the other tributes was amazing. Your use of powers was amazing and the way you portrayed Shark's character was also nice. The only things I noted were the few grammar errors and wording problems. Other than that, this entry was perfect.

***

Chryss Cardinal: 11.5

"... exchanged surprise looks..." (Surprise should be surprised.)

"And it it's not?" (The first 'it' should be 'if'.)

"... loudly, and seemed..." (Unnessessary comma.)

"... in the end nothing..." (Needs a comma after 'end'.)

"... now she she was humming..." (I think you can see the problem here... :P)

"... Could it had affected..." (Had should be have.)

Notes:

I loved your entry, and I especially loved your character and how much you developed him even in the first task. Ash is a really interesting side of Chryss, and I liked his sarcastic side, even if he was violent. And Chryss himself is so different from Ash: he's kind, and smart, and inventive, as opposed to Ash, who would rather just jump into things. Also, your descriptions were really good, and I loved your ending. The whole thing was just amazing and I can tell you put a lot of work into it.

***

Tristan Starling: 11.4

"... hint of smile..." (should be 'of a smile')

"... he wandered if he..." (Wandered should be wondered.)

"...but eventually he was..." (Comma after eventually.)

"... he sa what..." (Typo.)

Notes:

Okay, this was really amazing, seriously. I loved your entry and the way you showed us so much about Tristan. I also liked your creative power usage and the way you got to the flag, getting past even the water elementals and grabbing the flag right out from under their noses. I also loved your descriptions, which made me feel like I was going through everything with Tristan. I know you worked hard on this and it showed through.

***

Apanie Leong Yue Ting: 11.4

"Picture this." I know it's literally at the beginning, but it's not a sentence. If it was a colon, I totally would have let it go, but sorry.

"...your home, then injected..." Grammar. Should be "and then".

"...others too. Others that..." This should be connected with a semicolon.

"...being extinct won't get you anywhere (as you'll probably be resurrected in a laboratory. Hooray.)" This is very wrong on many different grammatical levels but I'm too nice so there is only one 0.1 reduced.

"...a woman in the of the group of referees..." Woops. I don't think they meant that extra "of the".

"...flags look unimpressive, just the colour..." It took me a bit to understand what was happening, but there should have been a semicolon.

"nerves, "" I'm being picky but unwanted space. Commas/periods should be clingy with quotation marks XD

Notes:

This entry was perfect. The dinosaurs especially were an amazing addition, and I loved Apanie's sarcasm and wit through the entry. Your writing style is amazing, and although there were a few errors, all in all, this was a great entry.

***

Abraham Marcello: 11.3

"...trying to flez (flex) and bend and twist your mind INTO (should be in) ways..."

"You cried out, (doesn't need comma) and stormed..."

"At first (absence of comma) you thought..."

"Hopefully (absence of comma) she could get..."

"...100 pound (needs hyphen)..."

"There was an metal (should be 'a')..."

"A three foot (needs hyphen)..."

Notes:

Also, despite the grammar errors and the other mistake, this was extremely well written and I enjoyed reading it. Your descriptions were clear and the whole thing was easy to understand, as well as imagine. Overall, you did good, just make sure that you don't forget to read ALL of the instructions (this goes for everyone, not just you, so don't worry, I'm not picking on you, just mentioning it.) Other than that, I really can't think of much advice for you. You did amazing, and I look forward to reading more from you.

***

Blayke Alter: 11.3

"... took his friend's advice, and tried to..." (There shouldn't be a comma after advice.)

"... was even still there was that he did not want to have no backup." (This is a double negative and could have been phrased differently.)

"... oblivious to the fact that this is a stealth..." (This is written in the wrong tense.)

"... blonde girl would come along though..." (There ought to be a comma after along.)

"... did not recognize the voice from anyone he has saw..." (This sounds odd and should be 'had seen'.)

"... as if water was the mattress..." ('The' should be before water.)

"... caused the ground to shake slightly, and dust fly..." (Should be 'dust flew'.)

"... this array, this speckle... (I don't know if you messed up the wording here or not, but I'm pretty sure you meant to say spectacle.)

"... be the same, light hearted..." (There should be a hyphen between light and hearted.)

"... he could not prevent a tradegy..." (Tragedy is spelled wrong here.)

Notes:

Okay, so first off, your entry was downright AMAZING. I loved where you went with it, showing all of Blayke's emotions perfectly and adding in the ghosts... it was perfect. And your decision not to take the flag tying into the choice of love or hate? I loved all of it. There were some grammar errors and a typo, but other than that, this entry was perfect. Just watch for the grammar errors and commas and you'll do great.

***

Melina James: 11.1

"... there is only three other colors." (Is should be 'are'.)

"... too easy like taking..." (There should be a comma after easy.)

"Someone laughs and a few hold back smiles, you can practically see the lack of faith radiating off of them. In a way, it makes her want to take them on and be on the other team. They would probably do the same thing, and I hate it." (You switch between all three persons here, first going to second person, then third, and then back to your original first person POV.)

"... a dense trees that create..." (This sentence is odd, and could have been phrased better.)

"... to them in size, not well." (This sentence would have sounded better if you had ended it with a question mark at 'size' and then made 'Not well' a statement.)

"... enough.I intake..." (Space between enough and .)

"... slowly rise me..." (I think you meant raise.)

"Finally I am..." (You almost always want a comma after 'finally' when it starts a sentence, and sometimes even enclosing it in commas when it's in middle of a sentence too. This is no exception.)

"... one who helped me up, gives..." (No comma is needed here.)

"... proud feeling have built up..." (You need either 'has' or 'having' here, not 'have', since that doesn't sound right.)

"... how does the others..." ('Does' should be 'do'.)

"... it is one of the four elements, it is a necessity- it's one of the four elements!" (You don't need to repeat that phrase. It made its point the first time.)

"... the stipe on their..." (Misspelling- 'stipe' should be 'stripe'.)

"... didn't exhert myself..." (Misspelling- exert.)

"Quickly and powerfully, I feel exherted now." (Exherted has already been used once, not that long ago in the entry. Not only that, but it's spelled wrong again, and a different word, like 'exhausted' might work better.)

"... is whoozy and my..." (Whoozy is supposed to be spelled 'woozy'.)

"Its over like it never..." (Its should be a contraction, as you used it in the form of 'it is' and not the possesive. It should be replaced with 'it's'.)

Notes:

This entry was really good, and I enjoyed your character's spirit and determination. The end was interesting, and I loved when she finally found an outlet for her powers and just went all out. Your descriptions were great, and although there were a number of errors in the entry, hopefully my side notes will help you fix them so that you don't have that problem in the next task.

***

Troy Quillion: 11.1

"... gulping. There standing in front of me..." (There should be a new paragraph here.)

"... her hands controlled thousands of big..." (Controlled here makes sense, but isn't as smooth as it could be and takes away from the sentence.)

"... for a way out. All I could..." (There needs to be a new paragraph here.)

"... can't get out. "If you want me..." (New paragraph.)

"... towards the river. "You won't get away..." (New paragraph.)

"... making sure I couldn't get away. My feet were..." (New paragraph.)

"... started to get to work on freezing her..." (This is worded awkwardly, and could have been better.)

"... that was poking out. When I was done..." (New paragraph.)

""Bitch" I muttered to myself. (There should be a comma before I.)

"I willed my pouch that had somehow fallen..." (The beginning of this sentence is worded strangely.)

"... blowing in the wind. As my eyes..." (New paragraph.)

"I try to climb the tree, but I just ended up..." (This sentence uses two different tenses.)

"... up on the floor. Don't leaves..." (New paragraph.)

"... took in a deep breath as I summoned the whole lakes worth of water..." (This is cool, really, but at this point, shouldn't he be too exhausted to manage this? Also lakes should be lake's.)

"... of a cat. When my feet..." (New paragraph.)

Notes:

Okay, so first off, I loved the creativity when it came to using your powers. You did an amazing job and I can tell you really thought about this before you jumped into it. However, there were areas that seemed awkward, and you also failed to make a decision at the end about love or hate, which was necessary. Also, lakes are big, so the one point when you said that he summoned a whole lake to help him didn't really make all that much sense, as he had already been using his powers before hand too. Other than that, the only other advice I could give you is to watch your paragraphs. If the subject changes in the middle or there are different people speaking, there should be a new paragraph. For the most part however, your grammar was good, so if you pay attention the that, your grade should greatly improve.

***

Damon Ellis: 11.1

"... mocking all of you of your fate..." (This doesn't make much sense and could have been worded better.)

"... was a annoying habit..." (Should be an annoying habit.)

"... could see tints of brown..." (This is awkward and could have been worded better, as tints doesn't sound quite right.)

"... they haven't grown much feathers..." (Much sounds wierd here. You could try many instead, and it sounds smoother.)

"... to trudge pass the forest..." (Pass should have been replaced with either 'past' or 'through'.)

"... have a higher change of getting..." (There's a typo here: it should be chance, not change.)

"... Apanie, casted him..." (It should be 'cast' here.)

"... was quite fool proof..." (There ought to be a hyphen between 'fool' and 'proof'.)

"... balls that was on the tree..." (Was is the wrong word to use here, and should be changed to were.)

"... your sixth grade science..." (Sixth grade should have a hyphen between it.)

"... stopped at your tracks..." (At doesn't make sense here, and should be stopped in your tracks.)

Notes:

This entry, all in all, was a great read, however, I felt that it could have used more creativity. However, despite that, you wove emotion and description into the story quite well, and showed us a good deal about what drives your character to succeed. As a final note, I would suggest that you watch your punctuation more carefully and I'm sure you'll go far.

***

Ren Hewitt: 10.9

"... other tributes have (should be had) gone off..."

"... grins as he think (should be thinks) of all..."

"... other team don't (should be doesn't) get their..."

"But thats (should be that's) not..."

"... in fact (needs comma)..."

"... one that might make to (should be the) other team..."

"... and hopefully very scared, (should be end of sentence) I kinda wanna..."

"... are really high up, its (should be it's) not big..."

"... but its (should be it's) not small..."

"Crap.. (needs one less or one more period)"Ren (needs space btw Ren and quote) mutters..."

"...so deeply wrong with that." (should be comma, needs space between quote and Ren) Ren says..."

"...because i'm (needs capital 'I') totally down..."

(Used backwards instead of backward twice)

"Oh (needs comma)..."

"... he is in mid air (hypen between air and mid) for a..."

"... he feel (should be feels) more pain..."

"...again and Rean (should be Ren) manages to..."

"... and stats (should be starts) flailing..."

"... when a red headed (hyphen between red and headed) kid..."

Notes:

All in all, this was a very good entry, despite the grammar issues, which for me, didn't lessen the story-line at all. It was a good read, but I had to reduce points because of the many grammar errors. Your descriptions were perfect and it made me feel like I was going through everything with him, so honestly I would only say that you need to work on your grammar some and you'll do great.

***

Ashlynn Lyssa: 10.9

"... ice her veins, when the blood..." (Unnessesary comma.)

"... darkness, and seemed..." (Unnessesary comma.)

"... flag she seeked..." (Seeked is not a word, and should be replaced with 'sought'.)

"... ground elementalists..." (It's elementals.)

"... cried out as danger to her..." (I think you meant dangerous. Or something else. Danger doesn't make sense here.)

"... fall; and it was the fear..." (You should have a comma here, not a semi-colon.)

"Still she stroked..." (Comma after still.)

"... snap of a twig behind her, swallowed by the..." (Unnessesary comma.)

"... her; but an invisible..." (Comma, not semicolon.)

Notes:

Okay, so first of all, despite being short, this entry was amazing. You wove your words into some really amazing descriptions and despite limited interaction with others and almost no dialogue, you still managed to write a masterpiece. Secondly, can I just say that your description of fear is incredible? I loved it, and I especially loved how you ended your entry on such an interesting note. The only problems I noted with this was your punctuation. Everything else was amazing. xD

***

 Aviana Carson: 9.3

"... that everything is blury (should be blurry)."

"All weraing (should be wearing) the same..."

"... breeze hit your face (needs comma) causing you..."

"Scientist Arianna nodded and Scientist Greg Coleman (although I won't dock point for it, the repeat of 'Scientist' doesn't sound right here, and makes the sentence a bit awkward)..."

"Scintist (Should be Scientist) Greg ended..."

"... from the other team.The (needs space) air..."

"... and earth elemnts (should be elements) are teamed..."

"To (should be 'too') quiet."

"One of the members of the other tema (should be team) comes to each of you. A boy from the other team comes running straight towards you. (One of these sentences isn't necessary)"

"... had the elemnt (should be element) symbol..."

"... in the forest anymore. .You are (don't need extra periods)..."

Notes:

This was a great entry, but you had a lot of spelling errors and used very few commas. This is important, and will take away from your score. The way you portrayed your character and showed their strengths as well as their weaknesses was great, and I loved the cabin scene. If you pay a bit of attention to spelling and watch your grammar, I'm sure you'll go far with this. As a side note, I love how you incorporated your choice of love/hate in there, and didn't make it seem forced at all. It was interesting, and I look forward to reading more from you.

***

Rye Kingsley: 8.8

"...a time to settle in to your new..." (It should be 'into', not in to)

"... battle begun..." (Should be 'began')

"... your veins, and you..." (There doesn't need to be a comma here)

"Practice, made perfect." (The comma is unneccessary.)

"... you in anyway..." (Should be 'any way')

"... your watch, and realise..." (No comma.)

"... the full details however..." (There ought to be a comma after details.)

"It's affect..." (Should be its.)

"... and it's..." (You never finish this sentence.)

"... other teams flag..." (Teams should be possesive: team's.)

"... less one sided..." (there needs to be a hyphen between one and sided.)

"However the faces..." (There should be a comma after however.)

"You day to yourself..." (Typo.)

"...play any more..." (Any more should be one word.)

"... hold it up with the weight of your hands." (This sentence sounds a bit weird, and doesn't really makes sense.)

"... water hanging to the ceiling." (To the ceiling should be either off the ceiling or on the ceiling.)

"... a dancers weaving..." (Dancers should either be dancer or there shouldn't be an article before it.)

"... a dancers weaving pattern making its mark and..." (This sentence shows how good you are at description, it really does. You seem to have a knack for creative wording. However, this sentence also makes little or no sense and takes away from the story.)

"... the blizzard transfusions happening..." (I think you meant bizzare here, and autocorrect interfered.)

"Rainbows spiralling out..." (Spiralling should be spiraling.)

"... user appeared before you... to build itself up and appear before you." (You use the phrase 'appear before you' twice in the same sentence.)

(There are many examples in the entry where you switch the tense you are using to describe things.)

"... hanging on either all your might..." (either should probably be 'with')

(Although it isn't exactly an error, so to speak, you used the glass analogy a lot to describe things, and it got repetive, which took away from the entry some.)

"... the word ripping your ear itself to..." (this sentence is odd... I don't think you meant to have 'your ear' in it.)

"... if your had done..." (Your should be you.)

Notes:

I enjoyed your entry, I really did, and I would have loved to have given you a better score, but there were a lot of inconsistencies there. I could tell however, that you put a LOT of work into this, and I did enjoy the entry, despite the problems that (sadly) I had to address. (Being a judge sucks sometimes, I know.) Your descriptions for this were BEAUTIFUL, though. Honestly, I loved the way you got creative and just let yourself run wild with the arena and everything. The way it all got warped and everything and the environment changed... it was breathtaking, seriously. Not only that, but the brutality you showed through in Rye was amazing, especially since she didn't actually get to kill anyone. If you just watch your grammar and avoid those little things (I hate the little things, they always get me), then I can tell you'll do great.

***

Mitchie Carmichael: 0

Dropped out.

***

Dakota Castella: 0

Dropped out.

***

Melody Shimizu: 0

Dropped out.

***

Artemis Lieb: 0

No entry.

***

Junji Galaka: 0

No entry.

***

Nina Walford: 0

No entry.

***

Sodi Razon: 0

No entry.

***

Aurelie Gilland: 0

No entry.

A/N By Greg Coleman:

A big part of the reason these results are rather late is because of judge ZSB2000. This is her first time and she was really lazy. Like. Really lazy. She apologizes and hopes to do better next time. 

Here is a painting for said apology drawn by yours truly (the fire is weak, I know):