Well, that was an exciting first task, wasn't it? We hope you all had fun and enjoyed the first prize you receive by competing in this competition! The name banners will stay for as long as you're still writing tasks, and once the competition is over we'll spruce them up a bit and send them to you with all the other prizes you collect! In the meantime, why don't we take a look at how your lovely entries did this round:

♔BONUS♔

First Entry Bonus: Florian Hawthorne [+1]

Second Entry Bonus: Constance Softeyes [+.5]

♔Florian Hawthorne♔

SCORE: 11.9 [+1] 12.9

NOTES: You have a very nice style of writing, and Florian seems to be a very confused, easily overstimulated, very sensual person. I love that, and there's something very nice about the way you describe how his senses work. However, a few of your sentences get a bit awkward, even clunky, because of how they're arranged. Look at word order before you send out your entry, see if there's another way to arrange something to allow it to flow better. One thing that really stood out to me was that you made a lot of generalizations but rarely gave any true detail to anything around Florian. In taste and touch you did great, but when it came to visuals, try to be more imaginative and allow yourself to describe them as well. I'm excited to see where you plan to take Florian, and what more may come. One thing I do want to add in, lastly, is that we'd like to see more than just the task. While the beginning part definitely aided to this, when writing the task itself, that part of your entry felt bare. He attended, greeted the royals, even spoke to another person...but there was nothing more than that, no special something to really add to the overall mood and opinion of the event itself (other than Florian's obsession with the Prince, it looks like). In terms of worldbuilding, however, it was wonderful to see the touch of flowers added to your entries. That was very creative.

♔Mavary Valls♔

DROPPED

♔Aurora Gordon♔

SCORE: 11.4

NOTES: How you write a character that lives and breathes so entirely is absolutely beyond me. Every word of your entry was full of Aurora's personality and energy. You do very well with your characterization I found myself loathing those guards and their treatment of not only Aurora but also her friends. In addition, you balanced your sentence structure very well. However, you do seem to have a tendency to lean on unnecessary verb modifiers like suddenly or just. In some instances, these can be useful tools for a writer to have. However, too many can lose the energy of the action being described which causes your pacing to slow down and your sentence to read as heavier than it needs to be. Writing in the first person might also have something to do with this since you're inclined to write it the way Aurora would say it. But, other than that it was a solid entry and we thoroughly enjoyed it. 

♔Sana Auxiliari♔

SCORE: 10.5

NOTES: I enjoy her character, though there seems to be something a little off. I'd like to see more of Sana's personality beyond the quiet, thoughtful nature she seems to hold. Your entry was nice, and I like how you gave it a place and truly thought about what the banquet would be there for. I also enjoy how you pulled in other characters to the conversation, though you do seem to have a tendency to 'head hop' a little bit. One thing I wanted to point out was that you had a dialogue tag that wasn't actually a dialogue tag. "laughs Mavary Valls" isn't a dialogue tag as one cannot actually laugh a word. He can definitely talk and laugh at the same time, though. Your conversations were delightful, and I like how you detail what people are doing during them. A final thing I want to mention is that it would work a little better to give more details in places--and instead of telling those details, as you have a tendency to do, to show more of them. Describe how their conversation is going instead of just saying they were talking. GIve flavor to the descriptions. Instead of giving just the context, try to add to the context to create three-dimensional writing. When describing, you certainly are very creative, and we would just like to see more of this talent you have for words in other places in your entries.

♔Josias O'Hannagain♔

SCORE: 10.9

NOTES: The inclusion of Josias's lessons was a wonderful touch and immediately pulled us into his story. Am I wrong in assuming that there's an alliance blooming between Ansel, Aurora, and Josias? Because the combination seems like a powerful trio that compliments each other well and will definitely go far together. The only real problem we ended up having with your entry is that it was a little shorter than we anticipated. This could very well be because you were rushed for time, but we're hoping to see more from Josias in the future that will give us a better glimpse into him, his lessons, and where he decides to go in this story. 

♔Tedric North♔

SCORE: 11.4

NOTES: Right off the bat, we have to say that your imagery and character voice are spot-on. We'd expect nothing less from you, of course, but you never fail to impress us with how you can weave your words to create this setting that we can almost feel all around us. The inclusion of the cat and Tedric's solitary lifestyle were excellent touches and provided us with a good look at his character and how he views the choices of those around him. However, we did have to take off points because there was very little of the task in the entry itself. The banquet and his actions there received very little attention, and we would have liked to see more of his reaction to it. Even if it was a description of distaste and the desire to leave as soon as possible, we would have accepted that as close enough to the task to be counted for full points. 

♔Charlotte Blackwood♔

SCORE: 10.4

NOTES: Charlotte is an interesting girl--I enjoy how she's shy but also wants to mingle with the others. I look forward to seeing more from her, as it looks like you've created quite the character. You write very timidly, meaning that your sentences seem shy, as though you're afraid to break them. While you have some great lines, you tend to use a lot more words than you need to get your point across. Another thing I've noticed is that you have a lot of similar sentence structure, and breaking that up by using various types sentences (mainly by changing where the sentence begins) can allow your writing to breathe a little more. While it has some good flow to the pacing, it can get stiff and awkward, which may tie into the timid writing. Don't be afraid to use more of your voice, as in the parts it comes through the most it has a nice style and ring to it! Beyond that, you need to work a bit on grammar, as you that brought you down a bit. Dialogue tags seem to be an issue there--if you'd like to know more about how to do dialogue tags, message us and we can explain that! I want to say that I loved your description of the food--it was very detailed and had a lot of textural feel to it. That's very good, though remember that sometimes describing with senses other than sight can help aid the overall scene and description.

♔Constance Softeyes♔

SCORE: 10.4 [+.5] 10.9

NOTES: Your description of the boat and Constance's skill and confidence around it was a wonderful addition to the entry, and gave us a really nice look at what her average life is like. Her character really came through in these scenes, and your transition between them was almost like watching it on a movie. When she blinks on the dock, it's like she opens her eyes in the banquet which is a delightful touch. Although many of your scenes are very vivid and descriptive, there are other places where they feel very bare. There were a few instances where it was almost like Constance was standing in a void with nothing else going on around her. Don't forget to use her senses to set the stage for where you want to write. In addition, you seem to rely very heavily on the use of adverbs or words that end in -ly. While in moderation these can be useful, in some places they slow the pacing of the entry and could be cut out or reworded to make your sentences stronger. For instance, when you say "Constance growled and swiped the annoying strands viciously off her face" the word viciously is unnecessary because your verb swiped already does the job of showing us her annoyance. 

♔Lark Soren♔

SCORE: 10.3

NOTES: You have a lot of great lines, and some wonderful description. I enjoy seeing your comparisons and you have some great word choices in there. One thing that really stood out to me was that your sentence structure was very repetitive--after the first line in the entry, the next six lines all resemble one another and begin the exact same way. This goes on throughout the entry in various points, so try to change that up. If two of your sentences begin the same way in a row, try to make the third a different one, and so on. Variety will allow the writing to flow a little bit more, which in turn makes it read stronger. One thing I also want to mention is that it doesn't seem to make sense for the Prince and Adelaide to suddenly deem her not good enough, considering the fact that she was hand-chosen to attend and be a part of the desired group of knights. You've got a neat way of describing the event itself, though it seemed rather short. You gave a lot of detail to Lark and the dress, but not hardly any detail to the actual event of the task, which was a bit of a downfall. I'm interested to see where you're taking Lark.

♔Ansel Ellis♔

SCORE: 11.2

NOTES: Already we're in love with this quiet, light-fingered boy who not only stole a few pearls but the keys to our hearts as well. You did a great job describing the banquet and his interaction with Josias. Their conversation and meeting the prince together was a unique and delightful take on the task requirements. Your descriptions were very well organized and strayed just enough off the beaten path to make us use our imaginations in a way that really pulled us into the story. There were a few places we noticed where your use of dialogue tags were a little off, but those are easy mistakes to make and nothing a quick run-through before sending wouldn't catch. Other than that, keep up the good work and we hope to see more from you soon!

♔Shahin Hashemi♔

SCORE: 13

NOTES: Honestly, your characterization is wonderful. You've got a way with words and people--both of which really shown in this entry. That aside, while I enjoyed seeing Shahin's personality here, I would have liked to see a little more of him. What beyond his anger and distaste for certain people is there? What makes a man like him tick? There's so much potential to be explored. Alongside that exploration, I liked how you did the task, as well as giving more than just the task alone. You had a specific goal at the ending and it was definitely achieved--the tone came through wonderful! That said, I would have liked to see a bit more description, even if it's just a little 'telling' sentence here or there to show more of where they're at. The atmosphere beyond Shahin seemed to be a blank void. Was no one else there? Try to give more than just a spotlight effect on your character, as sometimes those little background details can really make an entry shine.

♔Cassius Dandylock♔

SCORE: 12.9

NOTES: You have a wonderful way of writing--the words seem to almost leap off the page. I like how you describe Cassius, and gave him such a doubtful edge. Very creative. Your descriptions of the food were by far my favorite--there's something almost hilarious, and realistic, about the way you have them slurping and digging into the food. That said, it can get confusing when you have a lot of 'he's or 'she's without the name attached, especially with more than one person of that gender both having a 'he' in the same paragraph without a name shown to either. I'd like to see where you're headed with Cassius, and how he will respond to the oncoming tasks. There's something very striking about him and your diction within the entry.

♔Vere Lebriole♔

SCORE: 12.8

NOTES: I really enjoy Vere--his character is very bold, and the voice stands out. It pairs well with him and honestly you did a great job with that. However, you tend to use more words than necessary when you're writing. Try to read through and cut words that aren't necessary to make the writing stronger and to stand out against the rest. It would also be good to read through and catch some mistakes, as you had a few sentences in there that seemed a tad confusing, as though part of it had tethered off or you missed a word or two. Your drunk writing was very endearing, and the way he talked was realistic and I could all but hear it in my head as I read. The second to last paragraph picked up pace very suddenly, then died out mid-paragraph, which ruined (a bit) the illusion of panic he had there. I'm not certain where you just ran out of words, or if it were a pacing issue, but it certainly left me curious. I'm excited to see what you've got in plan for this old man.

♔Satrix Moonglory♔

DROPPED

♔Andrea Novak♔

SCORE: 11.9 [-1 for lateness] 10.9

NOTES: One thing I really enjoy is your descriptions. You have a way with words that can make something very beautiful, really painting a picture for the reader. That said, try to avoid telling when you're describing. If you have to say 'he looked like a wounded animal' just go for the kicker. Grab it by the tits and just go with the, 'He licked his wounds like a wounded animal as she slid back in to walk in step with him'. Using the words 'looked', 'felt', and other such descriptors are signs of telling. While it is definitely good to tell, it often is not when you're giving a description. Telling works best when used to drive the rest of the narrative along. Alongside that, try not to use too many generalizations, as they can weaken the writing. Instead of breathing in multiple smells, try describing a few of the smells by name, or say the type of smell it is. Beyond that, I'm excited to read more from Andrea, as she seems to be quite the character!

♔Meric Ophelen♔

SCORE: 13.1

NOTES: We always expect such amazing things from you, and you never fail to deliver. All of your sentences seemed to breathe with Meric's personality and your descriptions were both beautiful and very well balanced. This was a great entry and we're more than a little excited to see what else you have in store for Meric. However, you do tend to rely heavily on adverb usage which can make your sentences a little heavier than they really have to be. In small moderation, they can be excellent descriptors but you're walking a fine line with them and you have to be careful or else they'll make your words move slow. In addition, you may want to try varying your sentence length a little more to help with your pacing. While you have some beautiful sentences, many of them stray on the longer side and do good to keep our attention, but for later scenes you may run into trouble trying to pick up the pace. 

♔Solaria Meriden♔

SCORE: 12.4

NOTES:  I adore how you write Solaria. There's something whimsical and cute about the writing--it's got a very defined, unique voice. That said, you switch up your tenses a bit, and it gets confusing how the narrative voice goes from "I" to third-person close to Solaria, giving such things as her thoughts and memories. One thing that does fall a bit in this entry is the terms of where it is and what is going on. Beyond Solaria, and those immediate to her, the world seems to be fuzzy, and there's no setting or anything to provide more insight to the world. I'd like to see more from Solaria, as well as what's going on around her. Beyond that, you've got a very joyful set up, but no other tones there. Are they simply happy, as though not going into war? We look forward to seeing where this bright girl will go.

♔Sancta Nampeyo♔

SCORE: 11.9

NOTES: From the get go, Sancta has a voice that is undeniably drawing. One thing that stands out to me a lot is that while you've got a great handle on words, you tell a lot of things. Try to show just a little bit more, to even it out some, as it seems almost overbearing in places where the differences stand out. I enjoy how she interacts with everyone, though there seems to be something that removes her from the rest of the conversation, as though it's an afterthought that she's a part of it, or that the conversation itself is the afterthought. If anything, it leaves me excited to see more of Sancta, while still being a little scared of her character, however enchanting she is.

♔Calder Thorson♔

SCORE: 10.4

NOTES: Calder seems to be a very interesting character, though I'd like to see more from him, more emotions and opinions. You have a good way of writing, and your voice is nice, but be sure to read through and check for grammatical mistakes and missing words, as you had a few of those. Your descriptions are nice, but they seem to have a lot of similar sentence structure, with everything starting with 'noun verb', which can make the writing read repetitive and flat in places. You had a nice use of others in the entry, showing their personalities alongside Calders, though the conversations didn't seem to add all too much to the overall entry itself. Why are they important? If you can remove a scene or conversation, it hasn't affected your entry, so try to show more of why you included those specific characters and moments to aid the overall entry itself and really root them in. Calder looks to be an exciting knight so far, full of hope and promise.