yes, Sheep to the Slaughter AU.
the reason Box won't(can't) go back.

since the nature of Players are very very vague, imma go ham with my headcanons lol. enjoyy :]]

CW: implied Gore . slight Unreality?

When you think of a Steve Realm, what do you see?
A bunch of colours Steves in little villages, hiding from a threat, like all the stories told from most Survivors that escaped the Realm?

Yeah, that's what Box was expecting too. But that wasn't what happened.

⠀

Everyone by this point knew that different Servers contains different versions of Steve Realms, and different ways to enter it. And different ways to leave it.

Some only have colour steves, some have elemental steves, some have biome steves.. it's possible that there's an infinite amount of different versions. And honestly, with the amount of people making series on them (and it constantly growing), he wouldn't be too surprised if they've already found all the Realm variants already.

He's pretty sure the one he found isn't on the discovery list, though.

Nor does he want it discovered.

⠀
He would go on and on about how he first got here, what it was like.
But that's not what you want.
Right, Lava?

You want to know why he can't go back. Why everytime he enters the Server, it only shows an "Avatar Error" message, that doesn't nor should exist, Right?

Sure. He'll unpack that onto you.
He won't like doing it, but he will.

⠀

⠀
He was with Balance and the Yellow Leader. Balance because he was the first person he met and stuck around, and the Yellow Leader because he was the first Leader who didn't immediately attack Balance or himself at first sight.

Balance is, well, a Balancer. Possibly one of the first, that legends say that they're not something to mess with. All Box saw was a scared and confused steve who was just created.
Might be why when he first met Box, he didn't know that he wasn't supposed to be there either.

Either way, he stuck around. Box didn't even knew he was a Balancer when he first met him, he just thought that this Realm is a new variant and this was a normal species here.
Boy was he so wrong.

⠀
If he remembered correctly, they were out finding supplies. He was using Chat at the time, since Butterz wanted to do something in his room and he wanted to chat with Box while he does so. He didn't remember what they were talking about, something about building though.

He didn't use Chat all the time, he just does so whenever someone was in his room so he doesn't have to awkwardly avoid questions about the background noise. Plus he can turn off his mic whenever, so it was fairly easy to switch around.

He didn't think the steves would notice a difference. They've never mentioned anything about it before.
So when the Yellow Leader asked him if he was tired out of nowhere, Box was confused.

⠀
BoxcarAssassin: im not

YellowLeader: you stopped talking the way you usually do. are you sure?

BoxcarAssassin: what are u talkinf about

YellowLeader: you don't know?

BoxcarAssassin: wait

BoxcarAssassin: hold on

⠀
"Butterz shush."

His friend gave him a confused look but stopped talking, curiously looking over at the World he's playing in.
The boy turned on his microphone before leaning into it.

"You can hear me?"

⠀
YellowLeader: of course i do?

YellowLeader: it's really hard not too

"...Please elaborate?"

YellowLeader: your voice normally is.. loud. otherworldly

YellowLeader: i don't know how to explain it

YellowLeader: it's like you're speaking through something

YellowLeader: like you're far away then you actually are

YellowLeader: it's odd

⠀
Balance confusedly looked between Box and the Yellow Leader, almost looking like he's snapping his neck with how quickly he looked between them.

Balance: what??

The Leader turned towards the Balancer. He seemed.. almost uncomfortable. Maybe it was the neck thing, Box doesn't know.
Even though they were on good terms, the Yellow Leader was still weary of Balance.

With what he learned about Balancers, he doesn't blame him.

YellowLeader: you hear it too don't you?

Balance: no

Balance: what are you talking about?

"Really? Like, no difference? I'm not slightly louder or anything?"

⠀
Yeah, Balance turned around fast.
He doesn't know what look the steve is giving him, but he could feel that he's receiving one.
It's.. uncomfortable.

Even with what he is, he could never see the expressions that the steves make, nor will he ever. Best he could work with was with how their text is displayed, general body movement, and their Vibes.

After all, they're pixels on a screen. He can't really do much about that.
He's not that kind of Player.

⠀
Balance: no

Balance: stop messing with me

YellowLeader: we're not

YellowLeader: how can you not tell?

YellowLeader: it's so clear

The Balancer moved left to right on repeat in his spot, causing the Yellow Leader to back away a little.

Balance: its not!

⠀
Box and Butterz looked at eachother, a little nervous about where this might be heading, before Box returned his attention to the screen. He moved his character closer to Balance to try and calm him down,

YellowLeader: how?

YellowLeader: just listen to him

YellowLeader: its obvious he doesnt talk like us

Balance: yes he does!

Balance: there isn't A difference.

Balance: stop it

"Okay uh, guys- Leader. Let's just drop it."

Balance hit the air around Box in a circle, before looking back at the Leader. He feels like Balance is gesturing him to the Leader.

Balance: see? no difference!

YellowLeader: no, this can't be dropped

Balance: why are you still on about this??

Balance: i'll even show you

"Wait wha-"

⠀
The Player suddenly felt himself be pushed into his chair, his arms being stuck in place by something. Actually, his whole body is stuck in place. He couldn't move anything but his head. He couldn't move.

Yet, he looked back at the screen.
He doesn't hear Butterz asking if he's alright.

⠀
"ugh.. huh?"

Balance was on his avatar's body. He's in Third Person somehow, but that didn't really matter much since he's hitting but his avatar isn't taking damage. At least, his health wasn't going down, but..

"Balance?"

The microphone turned off.

⠀
Something was clawing at his chest.
Something was digging into his chest.
It didn't hurt. It should've, but it didn't.
Something was going through his chest.
He wanted to scream.
He couldn't.
He struggled instead.
Anything.
Anything to make it stop.

⠀
yet he still couldn't look away.

⠀
The Balancer (that is not his friend he's not being ripped apart by his friend) kept punching for.. he doesn't know how long. The feeling gets worse then it already was. He thinks his vision is getting fizzy, is he crying? Someone is holding him but it feels distant. He faintly registers that he might be having a panic attack. Probably.

The feeling finally stopped when the Balancer stopped punching, leaving only an empty feeling behind. Why can't he scream?

It's holding something in its hands. It looks like a Speaker? The Speaker disappears.
The Balancer spoke.

"See? No difference!"

[Error: BoxcarAssassin_Avatar not Found]
He was kicked out.

----------

So.. yeah. That's why.

Butterz told him that throughout the whole thing, he was completely mute and unresponsive. He did confirm that as soon as he was kicked out of the Server, he had a panic attack. Probably why he didn't remember much of what happened after.

After all of that, he was apparently more talkative then he already was? Something about him feeling as through if he stopped talking, he won't be able to talk anymore.
Sometimes he still feels that way.

Maybe he should've went to therapy instead of almost destroying his computer.
.. Then again, he would've probably just got sent to an Asylum. People are still not really believing the whole.. Player thing.

Welp, can't change the past.
Not like he needs it anymore.
(shut up Butterz).

⠀
⠀
... You good, Lava?
I told you it'll be a lot.

(1342 words.. woah...)