CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

When Aurelio opened his eyes, Matt and Leslie's faces were hovering above him, their expressions twisted with worry, and then relief, a few seconds later.

Matt's brows finally dropped into a frown. "Dude. Second time you scare the shit out of us."

Aurelio sat up, his chest tight. "Hi..."

"Hey," Leslie said, plopping down next to him. "How are you feeling?"

For a moment, Aurelio just looked at Leslie, studying her face, and he cursed the water already welling in his eyes.

"Elio?" A hint of panic echoed in Leslie's voice. "Why are you...?"

Matt observed Aurelio's face, recoiling at the tears in his eyes. Then he let out a breathy chuckle. "Hey, Leslie," he said, "get away from him. You stink so bad you're making his eyes water."

Leslie huffed. Aurelio laughed, and that made Matt smile. Silence fell over them. Aurelio looked at his lap, unsure how to explain the situation. Unsure if it was necessary to explain it at all.

"Guys."

Matt and Leslie perked up. "Yeah?" they mouthed, wide-eyed.

Aurelio tilted his head, smiling at them. "I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I wouldn't trade this for anything."

"We're grateful for you too," Leslie said, and Matt being Matt, only nodded skeptically, unfamiliar with direct appreciation like that. "But what made you think about this?"

"When my mom picked me up after that whole situation about my therapist, you two came with me. And then my parents disappeared, and then Matt was driving. And then we crashed, and you two died."

The silence was so loud. The staring was too obvious. And Aurelio didn't give a shit. It was the truth.

"Um...What are you talking about?" Matt asked. "Your parents picked you and drove you home, and then me and Leslie followed you guys. You were already asleep when we arrived, so we just waited for you to wake up."

"Matt," Aurelio said, gesturing him closer. "Come here."

Matt froze at first, startled by the command, then he tentatively approached and bent closer to Aurelio.

Aurelio flicked his forehead. "You don't get to tell me what happened and what didn't happen inside my own mind, Matt." Matt silently held his forehead, too confused to even react. Aurelio turned to Leslie. "All the stuff that I told you happened, it actually happened. I really was dating Blair. We really kissed at the lake. My dad actually smoked for a little while. I didn't hallucinate anything. These were all just warped memories. As in, my real memories, but with the details mixed up. But then I saw the car crash on the news, and it connected me to reality. To what actually happened. Ever since then, I started noticing all the wrong, mixed-up details in my life. I acknowledged the problem. I opened up to you. I started unknowingly going against the reality my own brain made up for me, so the memories went back to normal for everyone. That's why everything 'changed' again."

"The reality your own brain made for you?" Leslie said.

"Yup. It's the same reality I ended up fighting against, because it couldn't make sense. It was wrong, but I accepted it and lived in it because I was in denial and I was willing to sacrifice my friends and relationships to make that denial feel real."

"Hold up," Matt said. "I'm really not following here. Did you just say we died?"

"You didn't." Aurelio shook his head. "Not you two." He let out a shaky breath. "I'm...I'm sick. Really sick in the head. I don't think I can forgive myself for the thoughts I'm having right now."

"What thoughts?"

That Aurelio would rather accept reality than have the alternative be true. That in the most sickening, gut-wrenching, dizzying way, he realized he would rather lose his parents than lose Matt and Leslie. He'd never thought about this until the three of them crashed together. Until he carried their dying bodies. Aurelio's subconscious mind had tried to drag him out of denial, and it worked.

Perhaps this was what it felt like to accept tragedy as God gave it to him.

"God didn't make me choose my tragedy," Aurelio continued. Matt and Leslie's expressions were as confused as confused could be--brows furrowed, mouths pressed into tight lines, occasionally exchanging worried glances. "He didn't make me choose who I'd lose. If it was you two, or my parents. He just did that to me, and my job was to accept it and move on. But I didn't, because I'm a dumbass. And last night, when you died, and when I realized I've been in denial the whole time...It was eye-opening."

"I still don't understand a single shit of what you've said," Matt said. "I understand what you mean, but I don't understand how it relates to what's been happening."

Aurelio sighed. "I know it's hard to understand. We'll talk about this in real life." Craning his neck, he looked around his room until his eyes fell upon his violin case. "Oh." He laughed softly. "Look," he said as he got up and walked over to his violin. After opening the case, he picked it up and showed it to Matt and Leslie. "This isn't the violin I have in real life. I just realized it." He stroked the edge. "This is a professional violin, and there's no way on earth I could have afforded that. It costs like thousands of dollars. That's why it sounds better! I thought I improved or something at first. Its case is different and more expensive too, that's also why I couldn't remember it looking like this."

"...Then why do you have it?"

"Because this is all my subconscious mind. My dream violin must've been mixed somewhere in there," Aurelio said, then he frowned and hummed. "I think my consciousness is returning right now, since I figured it out. I don't have a lot of time left."

So Aurelio smiled at Leslie, then gently cradled her face with one hand, leaning closer to kiss her cheek. She gasped, turning red with shock, and in the heat of the moment, she gently, weakly pushed him away.

"E-Elio," she stammered. "What the hell was that?"

"We're past this stage in real life, Leslie," Aurelio said, unfazed. "You figured it out before me, by the way. Maybe your psychology wants to heal on its own. That kinda sums up the situation here."

Then, Aurelio turned to Matt. Matt tilted his head while Aurelio approached him, and then stiffened as he hugged him. "You're a good friend, Matt." Aurelio pulled back just enough so he could give him a smile too. Matt stared back and blinked. "I'm hugging you right now 'cause I feel like you'd claw my eyes out if I did it in real life. Might as well take advantage of the situation."

"I wouldn't claw your eyes out," Matt mumbled.

"So," Aurelio breathed. "I still have time to talk to you when I wake up, so I have to go give my farewell to the people I won't be seeing ever again."

Leaving them there, silent and motionless and confused, Aurelio bounded down the staircase and looked around for his parents.

The ones who really died in the car crash on Fifth Street, three years ago.

He found them in the living room, and when he stepped in, his mom jumped to her feet, while his dad slowly rose. Before they could say anything, Aurelio hugged his mom. He was taller than her. He hadn't realized it before. When he pulled back, he looked into her eyes, and he looked at her face, and he tried to memorize the expression. He tried to memorize the feeling of warmth around her.

"Elio?" she said, wiping the tear running down his cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Shit." Aurelio roughly rubbed his eyes, hoping to stop the waterworks. "I haven't stopped crying for like the past four hours. Just ignore that." He aligned their gazes again. "You know, it was PTSD this whole time. It wasn't a phobia, at least not only a phobia. That's why the therapists here couldn't help me. That's why nothing they were doing worked."

His mom tilted her head.

"I'm better now," Aurelio said. "I will be better. I won't make the same mistake over and over again. And Uncle Ian changed, you know that? He doesn't isolate himself anymore. He's great. He actually dealt with me being in denial for three whole years, which I can imagine must've been exhausting, especially since he lost his sister and bestfriend. It will be hard to forgive myself for what I did to myself, to him, to Matt and Leslie. But there's no point wallowing in that, right?"

Behind his mom, the world was starting to blacken.

Starting to end.

Aurelio's heart skipped a beat.

He was waking up now. His consciousness was returning fully.

He hugged his mom desperately one last time, then his dad, and he watched the world rise into black ash and smoke. Disintegrating. He hung tighter onto his dad, terrified, and with one hand he held his mom's hand. Tears welled along his lower lids.

No, Aurelio thought. I want to talk to them a little longer.

Darkness was edging closer.

Closer.

Closer.

No.

Aurelio squeezed his eyes shut. "I love you," he quickly told them. "I love you so much and I'm so sorry."

There was no time left for his parents to say it back.

A sheet of black enveloped them, and this terrible, beautiful world ended.

• • •

The situation is so much easier to explain in my head lmao 💀your thoughts?? I was absolutely terrified of posting this chapter lol.

Next chapter is the final one!

Thank you for reading/voting/commenting❤️❤️