trigger warning: homophobia

♡ ˎˊ˗ DAEGU HIDES HIS head in Taehyung's lap and Taehyung considers it progress.

He's somehow still not fully awake, his eyes a little lazy, eyelids a little heavy, but he blames it on the gloomy weather and the purring cat. He keeps rubbing his face in an attempt to wake himself up because it's already fucking noon and he's not at home and he has work in a few hours.

"How many hours a night do you even sleep?" Eunchae questions from across the room as she walks in with her phone in her hand.

"Usually, six or so." Taehyung promptly yawns. "Still, I happened to fall asleep a little late last night, which makes it three."

The woman curses in French, a little too quickly, and Taehyung can't French today, so he ignores it and only raises his eyebrows to make her continue. "That's unhealthy."

"As unhealthy as everything else I've been up to lately." Taehyung grins and she rolls her eyes, but says nothing when an elegant looking man walks in carrying their elegant looking coffee on an elegant looking tray. She thanks him (in French) and he leaves them alone.

"So, how are you holding up? I can't imagine how tough it must be right now."

Taehyung shakes his head. "I'm glad I've had time to think about all of it on my own terms. I have bills to pay, so a week off work has been enough for me to clear my head a little." He pauses. "I visited my mother, helped her a little bit, did all the things I used to do before... everything. I wish I had stayed longer, but there are important matters to take care of here, as well."

"Such as?" She raises her eyebrows. She already knows the answer.

"Work, side projects, Jeon Jeongguk. The usual."

"Right." Eunchae sighs. "Try not to give him a hard time for this, alright? He had good intentions."

"I know he did," he agrees with a nod. "But he didn't respect my decision. I had told him to let it go, but he wouldn't. His strange plan worked. I'm grateful, I truly am, and I must say I'm almost touched by the gesture, by all that effort."

"That's Jeongguk for you," Eunchae says, a small smile gracing her lips as she brings her cup closer to them. She seems to burn herself, however, her pretty features contorting into a grimace. Taehyung chuckles as she puts the cup down --- it's odd how such perfection is human, too. "If you're important to him, he's ready to do anything to make you feel okay."

Taehyung still doesn't fully understand why he's important to Jeongguk. What else is there aside from the visible physical attraction?

"I understand that, too. I just wish he'd taken my word for it and dropped it before things escalated into what they are now. That's all."

Eunchae opens her mouth, almost as though to protest, but doesn't say anything else. Daegu watches her from beside Taehyung, blinking, before he jumps off and walks over to her, jumping into her lap.

Taehyung watches the frown on her face, oddly grateful he decided to come to her. Although she doesn't fully understand his actions, she advises him softly, ready to accept his opinion and consider it just as valid as her own.

Hearing her opinion on this isn't the only reason he's here. "I wanted to apologise for complicating your arrangement with Jeongguk," he says. "I wanted to help, that's all. I just didn't like the way you seemed to be treated."

"I suppose I do owe you an explanation for... well, everything." She lets out a light chuckle. "You have nothing to apologise for. I know why you did everything you did. The truth is, this arrangement was a matter of trust and mutual benefit between two friends who had no other choice."

"Jeongguk keeps saying that," Taehyung mumbles. "No other choice. How come?"

"Our families have known each other for so long. Jeongguk and I, we've been friends our whole lives and it only made sense to do this together." She explains it before Taehyung can ask. "To get married and bring the two families together."

Taehyung almost laughs out loud. The Hwang family has been in this business for so long now and has enough capital to be completely satisfied with life and not to lift a finger ever again. Jeongguk's family is the same --- the company is stable, the money keeps rolling in and neither of the families needs this. They're already powerful individually and they don't need to force their children into marriage in order to grow.

"And you were ready to do that? You two were both fully prepared to commit to such a thing to make your families happy?" Taehyung shakes his head. "How?"

Eunchae purses her lips. They're a soft coral red today, matching her silky bathrobe. The lip gloss is the only trace of make-up on her face and she still looks fucking perfect. Taehyung wants to be her.

"As I've said, Jeongguk is my friend. If all I have to do to help my family is hold his hand in public, it's not that bad. He's understanding and kind and..." She trails off, her gaze unfocused. Her nose scrunches and Taehyung recognises that habit from the very person she's talking about. It's endearing. "He's probably the most genuine person I've ever met and if I had to choose one person to settle down with, to have a family and grow old with, it would be him."

There's a lump in Taehyung's throat and he isn't entirely sure about its origin. All he knows is, he's staring at her with his mouth open and all he can think about is the way she and Jeongguk look at each other. The love that is nowhere near romantic, but love nonetheless, and the way he ruined their plans.

"But don't you want to marry someone you're in love with?"

She looks at him the way Jeongguk does when he knows something that Taehyung doesn't. "Not all of us feel that kind of love, mon chéri."

And Taehyung is so, so stupid. "Oh."

"Right." She smiles, eyes oddly soft. "And being with Jeongguk, it was the closest I'd ever feel to wanting to spend the rest of my life with somebody. It was fake, of course, but if it had to be someone, I'm glad it was my best friend. I've had my fair share of people who didn't understand my feelings and needs and tried to force me into things I was not comfortable with. At least, with him, there was no such thing."

"But he says he sees you as a friend, too," Taehyung says.

Eunchae nods. "That's true. Unlike me, he's able to experience romantic feelings and sexual attraction, and he feels neither of those towards me." Taehyung attempts to reply, but she answers the question for him even without being asked. "As he told you already, not all of us are able to pick and choose. That's why he accepted it in the first place. And he and I agreed to end it, too, because he didn't respect our deal. I may not be in love with him, but I don't enjoy having my partner keep things from me."

Taehyung sighs. It makes very little sense. Jeongguk is attractive. He's so attractive, it's ridiculous. He's talented, rich and successful, and on top of it all, he's not a bad person. The cheating was never real cheating. The two weren't romantically involved, not really, and there were no broken hearts, although Eunchae deserved to be told what her best friend was doing behind her back. Taehyung's had his phases with Jeongguk, from that admiration he felt at first, over the hatred, and now, this odd kind of feeling that's in between understanding and respect, and he can confirm that, overall, Jeongguk is a good man.

What's stopping him from finding what he's looking for? Is his company that controling, even to its own child? Is Jeon Jaehwan really monstrous enough to disregard the happiness of his own son just to get richer and richer with every second that's ruining Jeongguk's life, sucking him dry of all the talent, all the potential, all the motivation to do what he loves most?

"It's Jeon Jaehwan, is it not?" he asks. "The one forcing him to marry?"

"Among other factors." Taehyung raises his eyebrows, but she only clicks her tongue. "He wasn't forced into any of it, not in the traditional sense. I suppose he just didn't see another option. I can't really blame him for it, to be honest. But that's something you'll have to ask him yourself."

Taehyung leaves her home that day thinking about doing just that.

He picks up coffee on his way back home and receives curious looks from the barista. A boy, no older than sixteen, comes up to him afterwards with a smile. "You're so cool for going on despite everything," the boy says and Taehyung's heart feels a little lighter.

He tells Seokjin about the boy and his conversation with Eunchae as he heats up some chicken in the kitchen. The phone almost slips from where it's clutched in between his shoulder and ear because he can't touch it to put it on speaker with his hands all gross.

"I'm thinking about going to Jeongguk," he brings up at some point.

"That's good. That's really good. You're gonna have to pretend to be able to stand him in studios and conference rooms pretty soon. Might as well be decent and sort things out so you two don't bite each other's heads off."

Taehyung raises an eyebrow. "You're saying I'm not being decent, are you not?"

"You can always do better, Tae. This thing became such a mess overnight because you two are shit at communicating---"

"That's not true."

"It is," Seokjin says with a laugh. "You shut down and gave him room to overthink everything. He did what he thought was right."

"He made it all public," Taehyung fires back. "Of course, people had known already, but he deliberately recorded himself saying all that, and only gained more fans from it. He shouldn't have gotten involved."

Seokjin asks, "And did you tell him not to?"

"I did. A few times already."

"He feels guilty, Tae. I get that you are taking your time away from everyone, but maybe you're not doing enough to assure him that he isn't responsible." Taehyung opens his mouth to protest, ready to say that Jeongguk is ensuring that his fans know that he's straight, that he's not simply doing it for Taehyung, but Seokjin doesn't let him. "You are allowed to have your boundaries, Taehyung, but he's doing so much to help you, even if you tell him not to. Maybe he needs you to clarify that you're not simply angry and want him away. Show that you need time to deal with it on your own and that it has nothing to do with how you feel about him."

Taehyung frowns. He's told Jeongguk, quite a few times, that none of it was his fault and that he should not feel any kind of guilt about any of it because one can't control an entire fanbase. "What do you mean?"

"You told me what he's like," Seokjin reminds him. "Maybe he just needs more reassurance that you're simply better off being alone right now."

"But I am. I told him."

"Are you, really?" Seokjin falls quiet and Taehyung wonders if he's supposed to speak, to give him a reply. But no, Seokjin seems to be giving him just enough time to think, but not to voice it. "Because last I checked, you spent days locked in that stinky apartment with Min Yoongi---" Days? "---and went off to your mum and to Hwang Eunchae right after. You texted Park Jimin of all people and you keep talking to me. Why is Jeongguk an exception?"

Taehyung bites the inside of his cheek, mind going back to the text message Jimin sent the night before. People find out we're different and keep looking for a way to bring us down. Keep your pretty head up, or something else just as cheesy that sounds like those motivational quotes from eight years ago that Hyejin finds on Pinterest and prints out to hang in her kitchen. Taehyung thanked him simply, but didn't fail to mention it to his big brother.

He can't answer the question. Why does he leave Jeongguk out? Why doesn't he want him here?

Jeongguk's done nothing but try to help. Naturally, he's taken the opportunity to secure his own position because there have been speculations regarding his own sexuality now that Taehyung's in the picture, but he's helped. He cares enough to reach out, to speak up, to feel responsible.

Taehyung doesn't want him to. That's Taehyung's own choice and the way he himself feels, but he's done nothing to show Jeongguk shouldn't feel bad. He says it's okay, but then he snaps at him. He tells him he isn't to blame, but then avoids him at any cost.

Something about having Jeongguk around makes Taehyung feel like a victim. Also his pretty face affects Taehyung's focus. That much is clear.

"Why are you refusing his help?" Seokjin adds and Taehyung purses his lips.

"I don't know." His voice feels small. Seokjin doesn't interrupt him. "But I think I should give him another chance. One final chance."

And he does. He calls, suggests they go out and do something fun. Jeongguk accepts because he always does, says he's picking the location and that it's a surprise. Taehyung doesn't protest. They agree to see each other next Monday.

This time, there's absolutely no way to get home after his shift to get ready, but Taehyung can't exactly do anything about it because it was his idea in the first place. He asked Jeongguk out and he is to make it work any way he can. And so, he brings a change of clothes with him to work and glares at where it's been put up on a hanger, hoping the pale pink shirt sets itself on fire or that the slacks suddenly rip so that he can cancel with a reasonable excuse.

The phone in his pocket buzzes and he answers without a thought, without checking. "Hello?"

"You gonna stand there and gawk at those clothes or you gonna put them on and come out? I have practice later."

Taehyung feels himself pale at the familiar deep drawl, his head snapping to the glass wall separating him from the heart of Seoul, eyes raking over the faces of the strangers on the streets. "You have this particular gift for making people uneasy, you know that?"

"I've been told," Jeongguk replies. "I'm waving at you, you menace."

The movement catches Taehyung's eye and he spots Jeongguk by a lamppost, one hand holding his phone to his ear and the other held up, fingers wiggling at him in a lazy greeting. In his all black outfit, he's hard to miss. He's small from way up here, but Taehyung can tell he's smiling by the crinkled eyes. He can also tell he should get himself an office on the twentieth floor or something. "I'll be right there."

"Good."

Taehyung's incredibly grateful for the friendly personality he's been gifted and the relationships he's developed at work when he enters the HR manager's office as if it were his own, passing right by her and into her fancy personal bathroom to freshen up and change.

"Jesus, someone's excited to go home," he hears her comment. "Your boyfriend picking you up or something?"

He peels off his sweaty shirt. "I can't believe how many times I've had to tell you this, but Seokjin's not my boyfriend, Jisoo. But someone is picking me up."

Park Jisoo storms right in, not bothering to knock, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "Who is it?"

"A friend." He shrugs.

"A friend friend or a friend friend?"

"It's Jeon Jeongguk and he's a friend, can I not have friends?" he asks with a little too much bite to it. "I'm not interested in him that way."

Jisoo doesn't seem too convinced, resting against the doorframe with eyebrows lost somewhere high up in her glossy fringe. She doesn't say anything about the articles. She hasn't brought them up. She won't. Taehyung appreciates that.

"Okay," she mumbles. "Whatever you say."

Jeongguk's right outside when he leaves the building and Taehyung almost walks right by him, but in that dramatic Jeongguk manner, he's grabbed by the wrist and turned around and facing him fully for the first time in so long.

And God, is it odd. Seeing the furrow between Jeongguk's eyebrows as he gives Taehyung a quick once-over, probably examining him, searching for any sign of an upcoming mental breakdown, seeing those round eyes up close for the first time since they showed all that warmth, so much of it that it appeared too much for one person to handle --- maybe that's why Jeongguk can't. It burns him.

"You look like a criminal," Taehyung blurts out right away, tugging his wrist out of the man's grip as he eyes the black attire.

"How'd you guess?" Jeongguk's smirk is back, the façade is up again, the warmth is gone, replaced. Even with his mask on, he makes it perfectly visible how much he loves to mock Taehyung for no reason other than to get a reaction. Taehyung knows because they're not all that different, the two of them. "It's actually what I do in my free time."

"I figured," Taehyung fires back, forcing a smile for prying eyes to latch onto. "Now give your friend a nice hug, won't you, darling? We have an audience."

"Of course we do." Jeongguk's a good actor, too, because he chuckles on cue and pulls him in by the shoulder, casually wrapping one arm around him to bring him closer.

Definitely vanilla.

As they walk down the sidewalk, Jeongguk in the front with his big, confident strides, people watch. They stop in their tracks, mouths agape and phones out, pushing and nudging to get each others' attention. They point at the two men obnoxiously, calling out their names or just straight-out screaming and Taehyung regrets ever seeing Jeongguk's fans as respectful.

Taehyung clenches his teeth when he's pushed back by a few flustered teens who flutter their lashes at Jeongguk, faces red. Two girls pause right in front of him, expressions unreadable, and Taehyung wishes for Jimin's intimidating presence beside him when one of them mumbles, "Oh, my God, that's the queer, right?"

Taehyung's breath gets stuck somewhere in his throat at the words and he opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. Can anyone else hear this?

The other girl looks familiar, and she laughs, no real amusement in the action, and glares at him with what seems to him like disappointment, and he can't speak, he can't move, he can't fucking escape because why the fuck does no one else react---?

"Everything alright, Tae?"

Tae.

Jeongguk has stopped walking at one point and he's now right next to the girls, who freeze up and take a few steps back, faces red. He waits for Taehyung to gather himself, those big eyes on him in a manner surprisingly gentle, and continues walking, this time taking smaller steps. His feet are planted with each of them, his back straight, carrying the golden weight of him as he stands tall, hair combed by the sunlight.

It doesn't affect him at all, Taehyung can't help but see. He's used to this, born for this, born into this, thanks to his accomplished parents and their parents before them, thanks to the sheer talent he constantly shows and develops by working so fucking hard. The fame must taste like freedom on his tongue. Like the very air he breathes.

Taehyung stops himself. What Eunchae told him doesn't sound like freedom at all.

Jeongguk opens the door to his SUV for Taehyung and lets him get inside before walking around it to enter. His door shuts loudly and he takes off his mask and breathes out, letting the silence swallow them as it drowns out the voices coming from the outside.

"You good, Kim?"

The question is low, muttered in a way secrets are, things not to be repeated under any circumstances because they mean sentiment. They mean interest and care and the look Jeongguk's giving him now. Everything else that's forbidden, everything else that he's kept to himself ever since everything about Taehyung's private life was released to the public, that he's fought hard not to ask because he needs to know. That's how Jeongguk is.

They're simple, those words. Nothing like the arm around him when there are cameras watching or the whisper of Tae slipping off his lips to cause a reaction. They're flat and plain, yet they mean what they mean and Taehyung's heart is somewhere in his throat right now and he can't comprehend it.

"Good. I'm... good, yes." Taehyung clears his throat and looks down, busying himself with the seatbelt long enough to gather his thoughts into a reasonable sentence. But shit, the goddamn thing is stuck or something because he can't put it on, his hands are trembling, he's--- Jeongguk slaps his hand away, the movement surprisingly soft, and puts on Taehyung's seatbelt for him. "I should have gotten used to all the people by now. I should have expected this. They're a lot."

There's a sharpness in Jeongguk's eyes now as he stares at Taehyung, hand still brushing against the fucking seatbelt, and then the moment's over. He looks ahead as the car finally moves and all the fans are left behind.

Though they've been spending a lot of time together --- had been, before the articles --- Taehyung still avoids looking directly at Jeongguk. Still, it's a struggle. A true struggle. Finding someone beautiful for years and spending a solid amount of time staring at photos of them makes it extremely difficult not to look when they're finally close. In spite of all their differences and bitter disagreements, Taehyung has no energy to fight it, no ability to deny that Jeongguk is captivating.

His make-up is minimal today, only concealer brightening up his complexion and giving him the kind of freshness his few hours of sleep take away. His teeth would sometimes tug at his bottom lip, reminding Taehyung that he wouldn't really mind feeling them against his own skin: against his neck, his jaw, but never against his own lips because that's something he won't allow.

Jeongguk also looks way too good driving with only one hand on the wheel; it looks effortless, like he could drive while doing something else if he wanted to. The other one's on his thigh, playing with the fabric of his ripped jeans.

Right. The goddamn ripped jeans. Golden skin and blue denim. Taehyung can't believe this is a real, living person. A person with a honey voice, long, skilled fingers made to strum guitar strings, a pretty smile and scarily firm-looking thighs. A person who needs glasses to read a big font, drinks a little too much, whines to his manager, cheats on his fake fiancée and releases photos of himself with his tongue down a random woman's throat to cover up the drama following someone he's just met and isn't meant to care about. Doesn't care about.

What has Taehyung gotten himself into?

The entire ride, he tries to calm down. He's supposed to have the upper hand here, to be the flirtatious one with smart comebacks up his sleeve, yet here he is, completely frozen and quiet and probably a little awkward and Jeongguk will see how miserable---

"We're going to the movies, by the way."

Taehyung isn't sure why Jeongguk says that. Maybe he's waiting for Taehyung to protest. To suggest something else. A less reasonable part of him hopes it's the last bit of humanity in him seeing the discomfort, starting a conversation, any kind of conversation.

"What are we watching?" Taehyung asks, smooth as ever.

"They're screening old movies on weekdays. Wasn't sure what you liked so I got tickets for The Talented Mr Ripley and Home Alone. They're both at seven."

Taehyung chuckles. "Home Alone in summer? I'll have to pass, sorry." He shrugs. "Nothing like some Italy and murder to spice up a Thursday evening, isn't that right?"

Surprisingly, Jeongguk has nothing to say to that. He tuts, as though completely done with anything Taehyung has to say, yet nods his head without a comment.

As they near the cinema and Jeongguk slows down, looking for a place to park, Taehyung can see teenagers eyeing the fancy car suspiciously, pausing to see who comes out, and he's thankful for the tinted windows because he's sure the furrow of his brows doesn't look good in the slightest. He inhales through his nose and exhales sharply, rolling his shoulders to relieve the tension, and it seems to kind of work.

There's nothing to worry about. These people don't care about him anyway. They'll see only Jeongguk.

He's a breath away from opening the door when Jeongguk touches his arm. It's sudden and not that gentle, but when Taehyung turns to look at him, he realises why. Jeongguk's holding a pair of sunglasses. Offering them.

"Don't look at them and you won't feel like they're looking at you," he says. Before Taehyung can thank him or say anything at all, the glasses are in his lap and Jeongguk leaves the car.

Taehyung remains still, hand clasped over the accessory, but eyes on Jeongguk who takes a few steps towards the building, slow, waiting for him to leave the car so he can lock it.

It fucking works. The people grow loud and buzz with excitement at the realisation that Jeon Jeongguk, of all people, is there, near them, doing mundane, human things. As Jeongguk finally starts walking, with Taehyung following, they call out Jeongguk's name, call him handsome, ask for pictures. Taehyung doesn't tear his eyes off the back of his head, the sunglasses providing enough darkness for the people not to see him squeeze his eyes shut when his name is screamed all of a sudden.

"It's Kim Taehyung!"

"Taehyung, hi!"

"Stay away from him!"

He almost collides with Jeongguk's back when Jeongguk stops walking and Taehyung's feet keep moving for some goddamn reason, but Jeongguk doesn't let it affect him, turning around to usher Taehyung inside.

"Hurry up." Taehyung can feel Jeongguk's hand on his back, gentle for the cameras and the eyes of those who'd die to be in Taehyung's shoes.

This world is still brand new. Taehyung thought he had it figured out before, the secrets and affairs and lies, but out here, there's none of it that matters. Out here, it's him and the people. People who either love him or hate him, who scream for him or scream at him, who try and express their love in any way they can, even if it means scaring him to death or truly wish he died a tragic death for being around their idol.

Jeongguk's lived like this all his life. He owns it, striding confidently through the crowd of people who dare not intrude or bother him in any way. They let him pass, awe and wonder written across their faces as they show him how much he's adored. With Jeongguk in the lead, Taehyung's untouchable.

Yet when he falls behind, they chew him up. They will because they can. It's the only thing they can do because Taehyung's a threat. He's a threat to them and, in their eyes, a threat to Jeongguk.

But they don't know Jeongguk. Sure, they're fans. They know his favourite brand of skincare when he blurts it out during a live and makes it sell out in a matter of minutes, the best song on his latest album in his opinion, they know he's idolised Taemin since forever and that he's cuddly when he's sleepy, but do they know him?

Do they know how he draws little stars in the corners of his pages when he takes notes or how his nose scrunches up when he looks at his best friend? What about the way he's both firm and gentle when he presses someone against a wall, and that someone is Taehyung, the very person they're all so desperately defending him from? Do they know the way he looks at Taehyung when he thinks Taehyung can't see it, eyes a little lost and chewing on his tongue to prove his mind is elsewhere?

Because Taehyung knows. He knows because it's true. Not Taehyung corrupting Jeongguk. Not Eunchae breaking his heart. It's Jeongguk being Jeongguk, being who he's always been, but tried so hard to hide. Taehyung's just giving him a means to do it.

When the movie ends and the two of them leave the otherwise empty theatre (because Jeongguk rented out the whole thing, as expected), two guys come up to Taehyung, all apologetic and shy, and ask for an autograph. One of them grabs the other's hand as they leave. Outside, a little girl drags her mum by the hand to reach Taehyung, to say how much she liked his view on 'boys wearing clothes for girls' when the photos came out in that one magazine and Taehyung almost misses the way Jeongguk smiles. The two of them are by the car when a person approaches, all silly earrings and graphic eyeliner, and says how proud they are and how inspired and motivated they feel, how seen and heard, and it takes Taehyung a moment to realise they were talking in plural form.

"They're right," Jeongguk says when the two of them are finally in the car. "You inspire people like them. People who feel unsafe, who feel alone, they find... comfort, I guess, in you."

Taehyung reaches up and realises he's forgotten to put the sunglasses back on. "I think they weren't addressing only me."

He watches Jeongguk's eyes alight with that familiar glow before averting somewhere lower, darting over random items in the car as to not have to meet Taehyung's own gaze.

"You were right," he says at some point. "About the fans, about the articles, about what I said. Didn't mean to hurt you."

The last sentence is barely a whisper. Like the words he said in this very car before the movie, like the words spoken on the rooftop, embraced by the wind. It's humiliation and regret and hope and everything else that's vulnerable and beautiful.

Taehyung should have said it first. He should have apologised first, should have started the conversation about it since he was the one who initiated the meeting in the first place. Maybe Jeongguk feels obligated to say it now, maybe he thinks that's why Taehyung asked him out. To have him apologise.

"I know you didn't," Taehyung admits. "And I understand why you did what you did. I'm sorry that I was harsh, that I couldn't understand your point of view. I should not have shut you out the way I did, that was my biggest mistake."

"You had every right to shut me out, honestly." Jeongguk chuckles. "You don't owe me any kind of explanation. It's your own shit and I just--- I guess I felt bad and I still do and---"

"Your apology has been very much accepted for quite some time now. You've apologised enough. I knew what I was risking when I started working and I knew it even better when I signed the contract with you that day."

Jeongguk shakes his head with a small, tired sigh. "Yeah, the industry's tough. Not an excuse for me to do shit, though."

"Be honest," Taehyung blurts out before Jeongguk can even start the car. "Is it Jeon Jaehwan?"

The second the name leaves his lips, Jeongguk's knuckles tighten around the wheel. He purses his lips the way he does when he's trying to keep his mouth shut, but it doesn't work. "What?"

"Is it your father, forcing you to get married, to settle down and start a family?" Taehyung explains. "He wants you to inherit everything he owns. I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted you settled down. Is that why you and Eunchae faked it?"

Jeongguk's lips remain pressed together as he furrows his eyebrows and lowers his gaze to his own lap. The silence stretches out until Taehyung almost opens his mouth to either ask more questions or tell Jeongguk he isn't obligated to answer any, he isn't sure which one it is, but then Jeongguk does speak up.

"He doesn't think I'm capable. He knows I will never be good enough to be CEO, that he'll have to help me even after he retires, but he doesn't have any other choice." His fingers drum against the steering wheel, starting out slow, and Taehyung twists to the side in his seat to face him properly as he wonders what the fuck is wrong with Jeongguk's self-esteem. "You see, the woman he's seeing, Ayami... she's great. She might be, like, not even seven or so years older than me, but she's still cool, she... Daisuke and Daichi, they're like brothers to me." Taehyung knows. He knows Jeongguk's never once called them Ayami's children or his future stepsiblings, never separated them from his biological sister, always just called all of them siblings. "She raised them well, but not well enough for my father."

"How so?"

"They're not his," Jeongguk simplifies with a smile that's nothing if not disappointed. He looks down for a second and a strand of hair, loose from his ponytail, slips right out and covers the side of his face. Taehyung freezes. "My little sister, Haneul, she's in Busan, with mum, she doesn't wanna be a part of any of this. I'm the oldest, the first, I'm his flesh and blood, the son, whatever. He'll marry Ayami, I know he will, because she'll inherit Nakamoto Studios."

Taehyung's mouth falls open. Pieces fall into place because Jaehwan, that smug bastard, always surrounds himself with great people for a reason. "You mean the---?"

"She's Nakamoto Kabe's daughter, Nakamoto Yuta's sister, that's right. She and Yuta are both pretty private, that's why you probably didn't know." Jeongguk laughs and Taehyung's eyes widen --- he used to follow all of Nakamoto Kabe's work, back in college. It's not about his designs themselves, it's mostly just his career, overall. His designs are bland, but his strategy is brilliant. His children, however, Taehyung isn't particularly familiar with. "My dad will marry her 'cause her dad's important, 'cause he needs her, just like he married my mother. But he doesn't love her. He'll never love anyone the way he loves his fucking money."

The bitterness in his voice almost physically hurts. There's that sinking feeling in Taehyung's chest again as he watches Jeongguk's fingers pick up their pace against the wheel before he slams his hands down once and drops them into his own lap with a sigh.

Jeon Jaehwan let his son pursue his dreams because he knew he was talented enough to attract attention. He let him get big, let him be celebrated and loved, let him earn him money. He exposed him to the industry at such a young age, let it suck him in, and now, for some reason, he wants him out. He wants Jeongguk to get married and start a family, to get to that turning point where so many idols get much later and risk ruining their career, for the sake of having an ordinary life because they cherish it and think it's worth it.

"Do you think it's worth it?" Taehyung asks. "Do you even wish to get married or is it just to please him?"

Jeongguk finally turns to look at him. His eyes are unreadable and when he smiles, Taehyung doesn't know what to think. "If I ever find the right person, sure. But with Eunchae, honestly, I just wanted to get it over with." He sighs. "I honestly don't know if I'm relieved or disappointed that it didn't happen, she... If I had to choose one person to settle down with, it would be her."

"She said that, too." Taehyung chuckles. "About you."

Yet, Jeongguk doesn't want marriage now. He was going to marry Eunchae just to get it over with. To please Jaehwan. To be relieved is understandable. He's managed to fight his father's influence and end a fake relationship that would imprison him in a marriage without romantic love.

"Listen, there's stuff happening that you won't understand---"

"Try me," Taehyung says.

"I mean it, Kim. I wanna tell you, but I can't talk about it now." Jeongguk sighs. "You have to give me some time, 'cause it's complicated and it's fucked up and I have no fucking clue how to explain it all, just--- Kim, trust me."

Jeongguk's disappointed, too. He's disappointed that he found someone fitting, despite the lack of romantic feelings or sexual attraction, that he found a friend who would go through it with him, and that he had to leave her in the end.

Taehyung tilts his head to the side to knock his temple softly against the seat. He notices the confusion in Jeongguk's gaze and decides to confess. "You're just so interesting to me."

Jeongguk snorts, looking away. He seems to fumble with his words for a moment or so, but then he meets Taehyung's eyes again with a small smile. "How so?"

"You're quite literally the biggest thing that's happened to the K-pop industry. To South Korea, overall. You're talented, really fucking talented, you're successful, you're rich, you're adored by so many. Completely objectively, you're also very attractive." He doesn't bother looking away, not even when Jeongguk raises an eyebrow at him with an incomprehensible curiosity flickering in his eyes. "Oh, unlike what you might assume, this little monologue does have a conclusion, which is --- there's nothing wrong with you."

It's vague and it's blunt and it's hanging out in the open with no further explanation, but Jeongguk seems to understand it nonetheless.

Taehyung wants to know how someone so perfect turns into someone so insecure. How does he decide that he's not fit to inherit the company? How does he just know that he'll need everyone else to guide him?

Jeon Jaehwan has really done a number on him.

Jeongguk smiles once more, not genuinely, with his nose scrunched and those pretty eyes crinkled, but with a tension that cannot be explained, not yet. "Then I'm sorry to say you don't know me as well as you wanna believe you do."

And fuck it, this is proof. Taehyung's right. Jeongguk's fucking lost. So lost he doesn't separate the good from the bad, the things he does. They're all just wrong to him. He sees himself as a mistake, just altogether.

There's so much more to him than Taehyung could have known back when he hid away those posters in his room and hoped to run into his idol someday to express his gratitude. There's something unfiltered and untamed, something that's sizzling right beneath the firm, tense exterior, something that Jeongguk doesn't necessarily hide, but that takes time to be found.

Without too much thought, Taehyung reaches out and pushes back that wild strand of hair that's been making his fingertips tingle for a few minutes now. The hitch of Jeongguk's breath pushes him, and he traces a finger down his jaw, very lightly, barely there, as he moves his hand away. Jeongguk's eyes flutter shut, mouth parting in a small gasp, and Taehyung follows the motion with his eyes.

"I only now realise who you are."

He thought it at first, thought it when they first met, that Jeongguk was real. Then, he was disappointed, let down by the man who didn't even know he'd had Taehyung in the palm of his hand. And oddly enough, the thought comes to him again as he watches Jeongguk's nervous gaze shift, that everything Jeongguk's been through, everything he keeps buried somewhere deep beneath the charming smiles and sharp retorts, it's made him true.

And Taehyung hopes that he himself will stay true.

a/n:
our tae is eating again!! he's getting better. he's thinking, he's learning, noticing that there are still people in this world who care, who are proud of him and inspired by him

also taekook in this chapter are my everything because their scene was written months ago. this is how their first 'date' was supposed to go, a few chapters ago. i liked that scene when i wrote it but needed to keep it for something else. now i just changed it up a little, added the car conversation at the end, made them closer than then and bam!! a scene!!

jk asking tae if he's good and tae being so upset and zoned out that he just says "i'm good" instead of "i'm fine/well" is my roman empire istg. when that boy makes a mistake you know he's Stressed™

they're learning about each other. they're making it work. it's been quite some time so you guys might have forgotten, but this is an enemies to FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS to lovers, so don't be surprised if things become physical really quickly. doesn't make it any less of a slowburn :D

seokjin and eunchae own my heart

i hope this chapter was okay!! it was a bit longer, but not as eventful as my other chapters are, it took quite a while because my finals and entrance exams are coming up, but i'll try and update as soon as i can. take care <3
p.s. yeah yuta (loml) is aged up, don't mind a dilf ;)