warning: homophobia, mentions of suicide

♡ ˎˊ˗ LONELINESS IS AN odd thing. It comes quietly, sneaking up on a person, even when they somehow expect it. It's that strange state of emptiness that one feels when they finally lock their door at the end of a tiring day and face an empty house, an empty bed, an empty mind. One can fight it and fight it, but it's there, always there to hit where it hurts and when it hurts, in the middle of a meeting or while walking down the street.

Taehyung hasn't experienced loneliness that many times in his life. He was lonely when all his friends moved to the city and he stayed to help his mum with the farm. There was also the day his dad left and, no matter how close his mother held him that night to soothe both of their tears, a void inside him remained just that. An emptiness. A gap, one that he eventually learned to fill with unnecessary food, strong drinks and handsome strangers.

Truth be told, he hasn't experienced true solitude ever since he met Kim Seokjin. Seokjin has been by his side as long as Seoul has, has done everything from preparing breakfast in the morning when Taehyung can't, to wiping sticky glitter off of Taehyung's eyelids after exhausting events while Taehyung dozes off, perched atop their washing machine. He's by no means a ray of sunshine, with his explosive nature that can make Taehyung both laugh and cry (though never at the same time), but he has the softness of moonlight, the highlight of a dark, endless sky.

Taehyung hasn't seen Seokjin in a couple of weeks and it's taken a toll on him more than he'd like to admit. He returns from the company to a dark, vacant apartment every night. His days off are no longer reserved for cleaning because he does it every day, anyway. He comes out of his office once a day to reheat a meal and ends up forgetting about it, leaving it on the counter as he scrambles for a pen to sketch something out.

His last conversation with Seokjin happens on Friday, when Taehyung calls him to rant about a lot of things. Articles, posts, pretty boys with tattoos and no filter. As it turns out, Seokjin is having a crappy day and is not in the mood for Taehyung's shenanigans. Also, Taehyung's comments may be a little out of line.

"Tae, you can't expect me to diagnose him for you, you know that," is what Seokjin says then, after trying his best to be as patient and understanding as he always is, and Taehyung scrambles to explain that he didn't mean it like that, that he told Seokjin that as a friend, regardless of what Seokjin does for a living, and that he just wanted to tell someone, anyone. Seokjin then apologises and the conversation ends on an awkward note, resulting in the two of them only texting from that day forward.

Speaking of apologies, the first and last person who's come to ring his doorbell this month is Min Yoongi, the same Friday. He bows deeply as soon as Taehyung opens the door, red in the face, voice tense.

"I should have told you right away. I'm sorry you couldn't hear it from me first." Taehyung doesn't tell him how that would have been the less comforting option. Yoongi stays over for a beer and two packs of ramen because Taehyung doesn't feel like cooking --- or eating, for that matter --- and provides Taehyung with little to no explanation and possible solutions. Taehyung tells him he doesn't mind it. Everything will be alright, eventually. People will get over it soon enough.

The next morning, he replies to Choi Minho's text that he doesn't have to come to work if he isn't ready for it and checks his social media accounts to see that the number of his followers on Instagram has dropped from almost two and a half million to two million. He doesn't bother with the notifications, only turns the comments off and leaves the app. He already made the mistake of reading through them before bed last night, when he simply couldn't take his eyes off of the hateful words and frowning emojis, green in the face. He read one single text message, from his ex boyfriend who happened to have been the one to forward a few of their photographs together to whoever had outed them. It was a simple I'm sorry, to which Taehyung didn't reply.

He clings to Min Yoongi from that day forward, because Yoongi has a Thai drama to finish and pretty tattoos to look at --- not as pretty as Jeongguk's --- and Taehyung has a little too much free time. His sketchbook remains closed for the next few days, calls from Hoseok declined and from Namjoon ignored. He only replies to Seokjin, halfheartedly, because he's the only one who doesn't push him. He tries to offer comfort in his own way, and gives Taehyung enough space to decline it.

SEOKJINNIE HYUNG
Don't listen to them Tae whatever they say

You're beautiful and you've always been beautiful and you never cared what people said

You shouldn't care now either, doesn't matter how many people say you should

TAEHYUNG
Don't worry, I'll be fine.

Seokjin shouldn't have to worry about him right now, not when he's at work and Taehyung's cuddled up to his goddamn manager, drinking warm beer and discussing basketball and piercings and pain tolerance. That's why Taehyung leaves out most of it when they talk on the phone. He doesn't mention Jeongguk again. He doesn't mention the comments, either. The messages he's received, the threats, the fact that he had to wear a mask while taking out the trash this morning because a group of teenagers kept looking his way, snapping photos and saying nonsense.

The worst thing the world can conclude from the photographs will probably be his accidental layering of two patterned shirts one over the other, nothing truly interesting or important, but the fact that he hears his name being called out by strangers who ask questions and accuse him of ruining relationships leaves a bitter taste on his tongue.

As he told Jeongguk the other day, he knew it was a possibility when he applied for the internship at Choi Fashion. A homosexual Asian man, someone who plays with the spectrum of masculinity and femininity, bends the nonexistent rules of gender expression, simply can't make it in the fashion industry without everyone attempting to drag him down whatever he does, not if he has no influence. He's aware of this, he always has been, but in spite of how he attempted to comfort Jeongguk that day, to brush it off, none of it makes it any easier.

They haven't seen each other in a while, not since that evening, the hours they spent stuck in that goddamn elevator, asking each other stupid questions and playing games on their phones on airplane mode together until both of the batteries died. That night, none of it felt real. The hatred Taehyung was going to face, the weight it all carried, it was so far away back then, before Taehyung arrived home and charged his phone enough to turn it on, instantly receiving dozens of concerned texts and calls from Seokjin, alongside other less empathetic messages. He wishes he could go back to that elevator.

Jeongguk's more than a pretty face. Though Taehyung mostly focuses on the veins running down his muscular arms and decorating his hands or the way his hair curls over his forehead in pretty chocolate ringlets, he often catches those glimpses of warmth in his eyes, those flickers of something familiar, something that tells him that someone is out there, someone sees him, someone can relate to the way he's feeling.

Jeongguk seems to understand it. He seems to have realised, at some point recently, how much Taehyung is being affected by this, by all of this, but instead of letting it go like Taehyung insists he do, he presses further, more and more, and no matter how much Taehyung pushes back, fights it off, somewhere along the way, it snaps. When it does, there's no going back.

At some point, on a random Tuesday or Sunday, Taehyung assures Yoongi he's fine with being alone. He would prefer it, in fact. Yoongi is hesitant to leave, but Taehyung puts on his best smile and tries to appear collected and it seems to work because he's alone again after a day or five.

It's not easier. In fact, the noise coming from the TV is a little too loud and, when Taehyung turns it off, the ticking of the clock nails him in the head. Every sigh scrapes through him like gusts of cruel wind as he buries his face in the pillow and breathes, wondering what the weather's like back in Jipyeong.

The ping from his phone barely registers with him at first. That's when it happens again. And again and again. Quick, short messages, each one to either correct or further explain the previous one. He already knows who it is.

JAYKAYY
answer the door in like 10 mins

hope u like pork dumplings

if u don't lmk so i can order smth elsw

else*****

all paid for, don't let the delivery guy fool u !!!

not yelling

just exclamation marks !!! yk !!!

for exclamation !!! excitement !!!

and get some sleep

ok bye

TAEHYUNG
I love pork dumplings

Thank you, Jeongguk

JAYKAYY
np

!!!

The dumplings arrive and he eats a couple before the pork develops an odd metallic taste and he leaves them in the fridge, next to all the meals Seokjin made for him before departure, ready to be reheated and devoured. He doesn't feel like eating, though.

JAYKAYY
anything i can do for u?

like

u need anything else?

A hammer.

TAEHYUNG
No, but thank you

I should probably just try and get some rest if I can. It might help

JAYKAYY
oh okay!!

sorry i just

it's basically my fault yk??

so like,,, how do i fix it

TAEHYUNG
You don't. You're not responsible for me

I will probably just try and keep a low profile for a while. It's better than exposing myself to the public too early after this. People have been cruel enough already

JAYKAYY
right ok fair

anything else?

TAEHYUNG
Some peace and quiet, please

JAYKAYY
shit right

sorry

Taehyung can't believe the coincidence when his mother calls him to say that she's coming to Seoul tonight to pick up something and she might drop by, and asks her if he could return to Jipyeong with her. A few hours later, with nothing but a facemask a beanie and a backpack, Taehyung crosses the street and shuts the door of his mum's rusty green van behind himself with a heavy breath.

He takes off his loafers, lifts his feet up onto the seat and sits on them, slipping off his mask and stuffing it into his pocket. When he takes off the beanie, he shakes out his hair and considers washing it tonight. It's gotten oily. He shares a look with his mum through the mirror, and she's been watching him, waiting for him to remember her presence. His throat is dry. "Hi."

Before he can process it, the woman twists around, squeezes through the gap between the two front seats and throws her arms around his neck, suffocating him, in all her five-foot-something glory.

"My baby boy," she croaks out from where she has her freckled nose nuzzled in his hair. Her scent envelopes him, even stronger now that she's close, of strawberries and fresh grass, and he barely manages to hug her back before she's pulling away to inspect his face, eyes a little glassy.

The worry etched into her expression makes Taehyung's chest all tight and weird. Even with how long it's been since he last saw her face, those eyes still look at him with the same softness, the same patience only a mother can give.

Gently pressing a hand over hers, which is resting on his shoulder warmly, he cranes his neck to look at the woman still in the passenger seat. Hyejin's looking at the two of them, small lips pursed in worry, eyebrows furrowed and visible even beneath her messy fringe. She doesn't say anything, but sits there nonetheless, a hand on her lover's shoulder, ready to help if needed. Taehyung's heart does the thing again.

Here he is, a few hours away from the place he once called home, the place that always welcomes him and always will, with undeniable warmth, regardless of the news that comes with him, the chaos, the storm he brings wherever he goes. He'll be in his old room, in his old bed, with his mother and Hyejin and his dog, away from all of this. His eyes burn.

"My boy," his mum whispers. She presses a kiss to his forehead and, his face cradled in her hands, pulls away once more, voice weak. "Are you okay?"

And with the weight of it all on his weak, bony shoulders, Taehyung sighs, feeling himself break. "Not really, no."

♡ ˎˊ˗ TAEHYUNG'S OLD HOME has always been his sanctuary, so seeing it through the window as his mum's vehicle pulls up feels all kinds of magical and soothes his nerves slightly. The pastel blue painted wood and the white porch are but a little chapped, and he makes a mental note to paint it. Rose bushes line the narrow path he and Seokjin made two summers ago and little Yeontan's tail is wagging as soon as he lays eyes on Taehyung.

The puppy jumps into his arms as soon as he sits down in the garden, licking his hands and sniffing the fabric of his shirt. Taking walks down the dusty country road gets his mind off of things, and so does greeting the neighbours and helping Hyejin make breakfast when he comes back inside.

Taehyung's always enjoyed her sense of humour. She'll fix everything with a comment or a joke, and suggest they try out a new recipe together, although she does most of the work. She reminds him of Seokjin, just a little, without all the theatrics that his best friend brings. She's calmer, softer, and he supposes that's what made his mother fall in love with her in the first place.

They don't talk about it. They never have. About how she moved in months after his father's departure because his mother couldn't stand living alone, how the two women went from exchanging shy glances to subtle arms around the waist and gentle gazes that helped Taehyung figure it out. His mother, always the noisy one, used to get so flustered whenever he mentioned Hyejin, until he interrupted her rambling with a hug one day and she's carried herself with a little more life to her since then.

Hyejin is a few years younger than his mum, but she's a calm, stable presence in her life, there to bring comfort. She's quiet these days, probably trying not to interfere, but Taehyung occasionally wraps his arms around her and rests his chin on top of her head to let her know she's family, too.

Taehyung rips the posters off the walls the moment he first reaches his room. He piles them all up, finds old magazines and even that one overpriced photocard that he emptied his whole bank account for, a few years ago, and throws them all into the previously empty bin. He no longer has to stare at that face whenever he lies down, and so sleep comes easily every night, in hopes that it will all pass faster if he's too fucking unconscious to see it. He'll get back to his life soon enough.

It's a silly little flicker of hope, but it doesn't last.

One rainy morning, he wakes up to his phone ringing and reaches for it blindly, recognising Yoongi's voice as soon as he picks up. "Have you seen it?"

His eyes shoot open. He sits up and puts Yoongi on speaker, ready to see what he's talking about. "Have I seen what?"

"It's JK, again." Yoongi is vague as ever and Taehyung's mouth runs dry. He clutches the phone tighter and stares at the screen, contemplating whether to check his notifications at all or to straight up type in Jeongguk's name and see the most recent thing that comes up. He settles for the latter, searching up Jeongguk's name with shaky thumbs pressing against the keyboard, cringing at the ridiculous 'showing results for Jungkook; search instead for jwngkkoo', that mocks him from where it lies at the top of the screen, right below all the results that come in after almost a minute of wait. He'll have to get his mum better Wi-fi.

FRIENDS STICK TOGETHER: Jungkook speaks up about Kim Taehyung's sexuality

OSAKA, GET READY! Jungkook promises unforgettable concerts in Japan and discusses Kim Taehyung

"I REALLY HOPE YOU'RE ASHAMED!" Jeon Jungkook FURIOUS at fans for bashing Kim Taehyung

Jungkook opens up about Kim Taehyung, talks break-up, upcoming Japanese tour dates and Fashion Week

Every thumbnail looks the same and he realises they're all screenshots of a video, so instead of reading any more actual news, he hangs up on Yoongi, taps the link and is taken to Jeongguk's official YouTube channel, where he waits for the replay of the live stream to load. As he does, there's a nagging little feeling in his gut, almost as if rushing to the bathroom and emptying his already empty stomach is the best option. Still, when the video starts, all thoughts of throwing up are immediately forgotten.

Jeongguk doesn't appear all that different. His hair is still long and whispy and his glasses still look way too good on his face. He's breathtaking even with no make-up, sitting down in his living room with quiet, but oddly Bam-like sounds filling the silence. Taehyung notices the hollow cheeks, the restless gaze, anywhere except on the camera, but watches carefully as Jeongguk finally focuses and clears his throat.

He starts out slow, replying to some comments here and adding a fun fact there. He mentions Rêveuse and compliments his ex fiancée's work and brings up his upcoming Japanese tour. Completely relaxed. Certain. As if he isn't about to say something huge.

"I will be attending Paris and Tokyo Fashion Week this year, too," he brings up. "I'm really interested in fashion these days---" Sure he is. "---so I'm looking forward to it. I had so much fun the last time and I don't doubt that it'll be just as fun now."

There's an air of nonchalance to him. His idol persona or whatever it is, it's present, alive, there to entertain, to fit in, as he sips on his beer and interacts with fans. He reacts to videos, sings a song or two and cuddles Bam when the dog climbs onto the couch. Bam is much like his dad, a dark, big figure with sweet eyes and cute tilts of his head, and he melts into the couch soon enough, dozing off next to Jeongguk.

That's when Jeongguk presses a delicate kiss to the top of his dog's head, one that oddly tugs at something in Taehyung's chest, and leans closer to the camera, voice low.

"Just a heads-up, I'm sure they'll stop the live without warning 'cause I'm not supposed to do this in the first place." The chuckle he lets out is strained. This is it. "I'm here because I decided to address an issue concerning a friend of mine. The invasion of his privacy."

There's something different about the way he speaks now. Something Taehyung's never seen in any of his lives or interviews, but has only witnessed personally. It's peeking through the cracks in this perfect little façade that Jeongguk's been trying so hard to keep together. This perfect, collected persona that has everything under control and in perfect order. This content and confident mask concealing someone who's simply trying, trying so hard, to do what's right, to keep it together no matter how much chaos threatens to rip it all apart.

Jeongguk's composure is crumbling clumsily, the expectations he's supposed to meet by sitting there, all pretty, saying something an employee has written for him to memorise, all of them gone and forgotten because this isn't in the script. Jeongguk isn't pretending, he isn't acting --- he's trying to fix a mistake that isn't his to fix.

"You guys all know about Taehyung," Jeongguk continues. "Someone, a very selfish and thoughtless person, thought it would be cool to dig up some stories about Taehyung's past and release them without permission, to say things about his family and the people he sees." Taehyung sees the way his lips press together, the way his jaw clenches. "It's really not. Trying to control me and to keep tabs on me is scary enough, but it's my life and I chose this. I already know some people forget I'm human."

Taehyung replays those five seconds, focuses on the glassiness in Jeongguk's eyes and the bob of his throat before he tilts his head.

"But doing this to someone else just because they're connected to me somehow? That's inconsiderate and it's cruel and I---" He lets out a breath and shakes his head, tongue poking out of his mouth to lick the lip ring, to play with it. Another nervous habit, Taehyung dumbly notices. Jeongguk isn't sober, he notices again. "I feel horrible knowing that there are people out there who do things like this and call themselves my fans. I really do."

He's not supposed to say this. Jeongguk definitely knows that, by the guilty glances he throws at the door, probably praying no one walks in on him, and the disappointment colouring his eyes a muddy brown.

Jeongguk's risking it now. Apologies have happened, made-up or improvised, prepared or completely winged, but no one's tried to go this far. Calling fans --- or not really fans, according to Jeongguk himself --- cruel and thoughtless and standing up for someone like this, it's not what people do. In K-Pop, fans are the one true priority. As long as fans are happy, it doesn't matter who has to hide who they are, to hurt and leave the people they love because it's too dangerous, doesn't matter which group member gets left behind to satisfy the controlling, jealous maniacs who try to decide who is worthy of that life and who isn't, it doesn't matter who slits their wrists to escape the pressure of being the target of constant judgement and hatred.

But Jeongguk's chosen the truth over all of this. He may not be able to come out himself and say this, but he'll say it for Taehyung, for them both. He'll defend someone who's no different than him if he can't speak up for himself alone. And it's dangerous.

Taehyung can only imagine the reaction of Jeon Jaehwan and Kim Namjoon, of everyone else trying to help Jeongguk by keeping him in line, making him follow the rules that were set out for him the moment he chose to live like this, by letting him do this because it helps his own reputation to stand up for someone like Taehyung as much as it endangers it.

"And lastly, I wanna tell Taehyung I'm sorry," Jeongguk finalises. His glasses slip down his nose and he fixes them, eyes on the camera. Taehyung swallows. "I know I already apologised, but I needed you to hear it again, if you're watching. And to those who did this, I really hope you're ashamed."

Taehyung reaches up to his face to find it wet, tears running down his cheeks, clumped in his eyelashes, salty on his lips. He coughs and sets his phone onto the bed, covering his eyes. Pressing his cold fingers against his eyelids to soothe them, he inhales slowly, trying not to hiccup.

"Oh, my sweet, naïve Jeongguk," he whispers to no one in particular. The room is empty. His voice ricochets off the walls. "This is not how you fix it."

The comments are as he suspects. People are people, they will always be people and they will always miss a point where there's a point to see.

97gggvkkkk: oppa is so nice and supportive of everyone <333

jkbabyjk: we stan the right person y'all!! great job kook. a pro idol!

j30nj30n: didn't expect jk to still support him after this, especially not publicly. kinda hoped he would just stop talking to him. i don't like taehyung around jk... it's too controversial, it could result in more drama....

goldenjjjjkk: CAN'T WAIT FOR THE TOUR OMGSFJLKSJ!! I'M SEEING HIM IN TOKYO!
But Jungkookie :((( why would you side with him? I don't like thisss. What if you become like that too? I liked Victoire better :(

And then he sees more of it. A pack of cigarettes showing in one of the lives. Drinking beer after beer in front of millions of eyes. A photo of him with a beautiful woman, one arm around her waist as he kisses her on the mouth at that same café he took Eunchae to.

Jeongguk feels guilty. Taehyung has realised it already, knew it the day Jeongguk told him the truth on the rooftop and spent the rest of the day all sweet. Apologetic. He's realised Taehyung needs space, but has constantly tried to check up on him in every way possible. Whether he's terrified of Taehyung badmouthing him or truly cares, Taehyung still can't tell.

He noticed it that day, the way Jeongguk was hyperaware of his every reaction, the way he complied and did everything Taehyung told him to, even if he'd already expressed his disagreement. For some inexplicable reason, he didn't want to disappoint Taehyung. He still doesn't --- so he attempts to stay in touch as much as he possibly can, sends food and drinks until Taehyung explains he's not at home, and reminds Taehyung to eat, to take breaks from work (even though Taehyung hasn't been working at all), informs him about everything and anything, and to draw all the attention to himself and away from Taehyung's situation.

Taehyung doesn't function like that. He can't just move on and chat with Jeongguk whenever the latter pleases. He can't go on with his life as if nothing were going on. The confines of his four walls are as comforting as they are isolating.

He's told Jeongguk that already. He's told him to give him space, some time to think things through and get back on track. There's a project to finish. There's work, his actual work at Choi Fashion. There's Tokyo. He can't just give it all up. Still, in order to collect himself, he needs time. Not too much time, but some.

But Jeongguk keeps pushing and pushing and now he's pushed too far, done something for no reason other than to help Taehyung when Taehyung stated that he didn't want to be helped. Especially not when it jeopardised Jeongguk's career, as well.

When Taehyung's phone rings once again, it's Jeongguk calling. Taehyung considers letting it ring, considers turning off his phone, but ultimately decides to simply swipe and answer it, pressing it to his ear. He doesn't say anything, not at first, but then Jeongguk calls out, "Taehyung?" and Taehyung's eyes burn again.

"You shouldn't have done that," he says, voice thick. He clears his throat. "They already hate me. You're just making it worse."

"How am I making it worse? What are you--- Are you crying? Shit, what'd I do---?"

"Have you seen what they're saying about me?" Taehyung asks. "Have you seen their reaction?"

"No, I don't read those---"

"You should. This was a mistake, Jeongguk." His grip on the phone tightens. He's shivering, but he's not cold. His ears must be red and his face must be red and his neck and--- "All you did was make yourself look good."

Jeongguk's silent, processing. There's a crack on his side, then a sigh. "I don't understand."

"I know that wasn't your intention," Taehyung replies, surprised at the certainty in his own voice. He lifts his hand to his face, swipes a finger over his chapped bottom lip. "I know you wanted to help, but that wasn't the way. They love you and they'll always love you because they're your fans. Not mine. They can be respectful, certainly, but they respect you. You can't have expected to see them respect me, as well. I can't see how you did." He laughs. "These people, Jeongguk, they're talking about how kind and accepting you are. They're fucking worried about you."

"Worried?"

"Yes. Worried. They're afraid I'll make you become like me."

There's only silence on Jeongguk's end. Indefinite, uncertain silence. Taehyung has a piece of dry skin of his lips between his two fingernails. He finds a proper angle and pulls. The skin rips and his lips are wet. His mouth tastes weird when he closes it. Red smudges over his fingertips.

"I just wanted you to feel better."

And God, does it burn. It burns and seeps through his clothes, scorches his skin until his flesh melts with it, rotten and dead. It burns because Taehyung's being harsh, he's being mean, evil, to a person whose voice sounds so fragile and small as they explain why they've done what they've done. It burns because Taehyung won't stop.

"I understand. I truly do. But I told you how I felt. I didn't need you to go and apologise to me in front of millions of viewers. You'd already apologised, way too many times, and doing it publicly didn't fix it. It can't fix it." He swallows. "And do not consider me foolish enough to believe all your... outbursts have been purely for your own amusement, entirely random. I know what you're doing and I don't want you doing it. You're risking a lot by resuming this project as is. Spreading false rumours and letting yourself get caught by paparazzi is simply ridiculous."

"I'm taking full responsibility for that. I can live my life however I want to."

"Do you, really?"

"What?"

"Want to." Taehyung specifies. "Do you really want to live it this way? I find that hard to believe. That freedom you so desperately want to achieve --- you know that's not the way to do it. By hiring fake girlfriends and showing them off for your own paid photographers to capture or doing something else risky enough to cover up my mess. It's unsafe."

"It's my mistake, though," Jeongguk insists, voice a lot firmer now. "I did this to you. I exposed you to all these people and let them dig up shit so you'd be outed. Don't tell me not to do something about it because I can't just sit and-"

"You can and you fucking will, because that's what I want you to do." Taehyung clamps his mouth shut and feels his heartbeat in his throat as Jeongguk doesn't say anything back. There's a knock on his door and he clears his throat. "I'm sorry. I would like it if you didn't get involved in my problems from now on. It's not your fight."

He doesn't wait for Jeongguk's response. He hangs up the phone, turns it off and throws it somewhere beside him before going to open the door.

It's his mum, here to let him know dinner is ready. As Taehyung chews on his dinner lifelessly, ignoring the urge to fill the undeniable void in his chest with more food until he's sick, she and Hyejin chat about the weather and all the work that needs to be done in the morning. Taehyung offers to help them out tomorrow and, when they agree, he excuses himself to his bedroom. Before going to bed, he turns his phone back on, ignoring every notification that comes in and finding the right name in his contacts.

"Hello," he greets after the other person does. "I'm sorry if I'm calling a little late, but I was wondering if you would like to meet up with me, one of these days. There are some things I wish to talk about if that's alright with you. I don't want you to be uncomfortable," he confesses.

The voice, soft as ever, eases his nerves but a little. "I would love that. I was thinking about contacting you first, but I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate." She pauses. "How are you doing, mon chéri?"

Taehyung chuckles, the sound a little weak, and doesn't know where to begin.

a/n:
okayyy so yeah! here it finally is!

i'm so sorry i'm barely updating sjksjdksdjsjs. i'm a mess these days, writing is just too complicated for my tired mind rn

this chapter was pretty weird. it doesn't feel real. it revolves fully around taehyung, his own sense of self and the loneliness he feels. everyone comes and goes and he's still alone, no matter what. i hope you guys understand his actions, but i hope you get jungkook too! he's doing what he thinks is best

jungkook's whole situation is getting pretty serious too! he's hell-bent on making it right, on fixing something that tae doesn't want him to fix. it's important for jk to help taehyung, but he doesn't realise what taehyung needs is space because the way tae says it, he simply assumes tae blames him

it's a mess. we get it. be patient ;)

i love y'all and take care of yourselves!!