Judged by Intricist

1st Place goes to SuVida777

Vomon Paradox by SuVida777

Title: 5/5 interesting title

Cover: 5/5 good design

Blurb: 4/5- interesting sounding plot but needs more of a hook to draw attention.

Presentation: 4/5 - relatively good presentation, still missing a few elements that are important for drawing a reader in. I feel it would be best to include the Tokyo Ghoul reference at the bottom, instead of the top. Keep the blurb as the first thing to be mentioned in the description, and everything else at the bottom, which is a typical structure.

Opening Chapter: 8/10. Written very well! Good sentence structure. It doesn’t start with a cliche. I can see why it would be listed as a horror, but it’s missing the emotional element of horror. Also, it’s important to recognize when flowery language is useful and when it isn’t. Sometimes it gets difficult to slog through endless beautiful language. It’s incredibly fun to write, but to read, it can be difficult. It’s important to introduce variation between simple sentences and complex sentences.

Plot: 17/20. For a story on the shorter side, the succession is logical and easy to follow. Interestingly written. Couple points taken off because the horror element is missing some tension than it is with depth. The antagonist is missing a few elements important for creating someone that is real and tangible, rather than evil just to be evil. Even though the writing is good, it’s important to make sure all elements like theme, tone, and voice are taken into account. The theme is a bit shaky and hard to garner due to the length. There’s not much learned or much to take away besides it just being generally well-written.

Grammar: 9/10. Written well, with just a few issues with syntax and structure.

Vocabulary: 9/10. Would be 10/10 if not for the never-ending complex language. As stated earlier, it’s important to recognize when flowery language should be cut and more precise. This doesn’t happen endlessly, as there are a few shorter sentences, but it is generally difficult to sit through the important parts when I have to re-read them over and over to get to the point.

Dialogues: 8/10. Generally a good progression with a few cliches here and there. Nothing to fret over. Some quick edits would make it stand out.

Characters: 8/10. Antagonists need a bit more work, but all else is nicely developed. I wish I had some more time with these characters. Internal dialogue is also important to note, as it can help make or break a character. There needs to be some more, just to get a firm understanding of the dynamic development of characters that are supposed to learn and grow from the conflict.

Story Development: 9/10. Develops well. Just a point off because there’s not much to take away from it besides it just being well-written. Not as impactful as it could be.

Total: 86/100

2nd Place goes to pennedbyroses

Hell Is Empty by pennedbyroses

Title: 5/5, but unable to see too many comparisons to the plot

Cover: 5/5, very pretty
Blurb: 4/5 because it’s almost too much information. It needs to be more short and succinct, that way it doesn’t reveal important narratives. Let the story speak for itself!

Presentation: 4/5 one point because of the blurb. So far the characters look good. I can’t wait to read more.

Opening Chapter: 3/10 -- I just want to mention that having a synopsis at the beginning of the book with a large info dump is just not a very compelling way to begin a story. There’s not much that's left up to the imagination, and a big turn off for a reader. Let the information come naturally, do not ever just dump everything in a single chapter and hope that the readers will remember for the rest of the book. You could include things like important vocabulary or maps, but generally not a good thing to include a synopsis to start out. As for the first chapter, it’s written well, but missing a lot. The synopsis was a bad idea, because now it feels like the characters aren’t naturally progressing with the readers. It’s hard to connect to them in a way that feels impactful when introduced in the way that they were introduced. Cut the synopsis! Let the information flow through the characters! The paragraphs are a bit long and hard to sit through, with a large level of information dumping still present. It’s important to remember to recognize when to show and not tell, and tell and not show.

Plot: 10/20. The vision is there, but it’s simply missing the writing it needs to be impactful. The writing is good, yes, but there’s no recognizable voice. Each character feels flat and hard to connect with. There is no sustenance. It’s missing very important elements, and feels as though it isn’t written to be read by others.

Grammar: 8/10, despite a few long-winded paragraphs, not very many spelling errors are present. The diction needs help and there are a few run-on sentences.

Vocabulary: 6/10. There’s complex words in sentences that do not need to be complex. Keep action sentences simple and succinct. Leave descriptive sentences to descriptions. That way the action doesn’t feel weighed down and muddled by complex word choice. It’s also important to understand why “suddenly” should be used for very certain circumstances, because it’s a tell-word and not a show-word. The paragraphs are generally hard to sift through. There’s too many filler words. The sentences are much too long.

Dialogues: 7/10. Generally easy to read through, but points off because of the length of the paragraphs between dialogues.

Characters: 7/10. They feel very static rather than dynamic. It’s a difficult thing to pinpoint when writing a romance as well as a horror. So I can understand. This author would greatly improve by reading a horror novel such as “The Ritual” due to its sheer level of character development, and its ability to refrain from using long-winded sentences while also using complex, beautiful imagery. The Ritual is a very good book to look at when wanting to develop an immersive horror.

Story Development: 4/10. The synopsis really tells you all you need to know about the development, but I read all of it just to see if there was anything that stood out. It’s very static. There’s just not much going for it. Needs to undergo a lot of editing to reach its full potential as a romantic horror.

Total: 63/100

3rd Place goes to Sharma_Drishti

THE CHOSEN ONE AND THE CURSED WITCH by Sharma_Drishti

Title: 3/5- a bit lengthy, could be chopped. Would also prefer it to be grammatically natural “The Chosen One and The Cursed Witch” is more impactful than ALL CAPS. Could even be “The Chosen and The Cursed” which adds more mystery.

Cover: 3/5 design lacks anything that really stands out. You can tell it’s a horror book, but it’s not very eye-catching. It doesn’t stand out against the other horror books with similar “spooky” backgrounds.

Blurb: 3/5 , there’s misspellings and too many “questions” asked of the readers. Needs to be cut in some areas to make it more impactful and mysterious. Some of the questions reveal things about the plot that you don’t want to reveal. Let the story speak for itself. Only ask questions of the readers if the questions are absolutely imperative for creating mystery and thrills.

Presentation: 4/5 generally presented as a horror story, and I like that there’s more elements to it than just plain horror. I can see that there’s a story that needs to be told.

Opening Chapter: 6/10, prologue starts with a general cliche. A few redundancies in every paragraph that could be cut to create a more compelling narrative. The repetition of words in a few opening paragraphs is clunky, but nothing that can’t be fixed with edits. As for the first chapter, it also starts with dialogue, which is generally not recommended for any story. The general voice is missing tension. There’s also a lot of filler words that need to be cut.

Plot: 15/20. The vision is there, the writing just needs some work to achieve the sense of emotional depth that the author is trying to compel the readers with. The chapters are a bit clunky altogether, and need a more natural progression of action. A lot of them are filled with more dialogue than action, which was hard to sit through. Action builds tension, and for the horror genre, it’s incredibly important to let your characters suffer through it without overly compensating with unnecessary dialogue.

Grammar: 6/10. Very simple sentences. The syntax needs work as well as the word choice. It’s important to recognize how to start and end a sentence in a way that is natural, rather than choppy. Very, very many filler words like “almost” and “just.” CUT THEM OUT. They do nothing for your story and only worsen the tone of the sentences.

Vocabulary: 6/10. Word choice and diction needs some work. Word choice is extremely important when building tension and fear.

Dialogues: 3/10. There is simply way too much dialogue, and it is not written in a way that is natural when developing a character’s general voice. Let the actions speak for your characters, do not overcompensate with dialogue.

Characters: 7/10. Very meaningful characters, but the dialogue is not letting them shine. The dialogue should be personal to each character, but the voice remains the same throughout. I can tell that they have depth, they’re just missing the action necessary for a compelling character growth.

Story Development: 5/10. The story has poor development due to the amount of dialogue in the way of progression. If the author could cut 50% of the dialogue, it would progress more naturally. It’s missing a lot of elements that are important for creating a compelling narrative. There is not much to take away from the story. The elements feel rather surface level, but I know that this story does have potential to be good if the writing is improved.

Total: 61/100

Congratulations to the winners!

🎉🎉🎉🥇🥈🥉🎉🎉🎉