Judged by Intricist

Gunpoint Avenue by Jkaloko

Title: 5/5; interesting and eye-catching, gets you thinking

Cover: 5/5, well made

Blurb: 2/5 - no hook, doesn’t stand out, tells you the entire plot. Leaves nothing to really think or wonder about. Hints at mystery but generally lack-luster.

Presentation: 3/5 - points off for the blurb. I would read just for the title and the cover, but the blurb turns me off completely. It needs to let the story speak for itself. Needs more mystery, and definitely needs a hook.

Opening Chapter: 5/10, points off for grammar, structure, and issues with tenses.

Plot: 15/20. The idea is good, it feels like with the right kind of editing and structural integrity, it could become great. Needs lots of work, but I would enjoy this book if edited in the right areas.

Grammar: 4/10, errors in structure, it’s every other sentence. Syntax is off, as well. Tenses are misused in areas. First person POV is hard to nail, so I understand that.

Vocabulary: 6/10, generally easy to follow along despite tense issues and chunky sentences.

Dialogues: 5/10, generally meandering. Too much information too fast. Uninteresting, and hard to follow in some areas. Very clunky with grammatical issues. Long-winded.

Characters: 7/10 I see the vision, and I know that with the right editing, the characters can improve in terms of depth and emotional structure.

Story Development: 7/10 the action isn’t paced well, but as stated before, the vision is there. All that needs work is the structure and the writing.

Total: 64/100

The A$$hole App by Cocosghost

Title: 5/5 - wordplay is nice

Cover:  3/5, generally not eye-catching. Doesn’t stand out against a sea of the same stock backgrounds.

Blurb: 2/5 - misspelling, missing important narratives, weak hook

Presentation: 3/5 - unable to tell ironic from unironic within the realm of what is presented as satire.

Opening Chapter: 7/10. Despite writing, I can see the vision.

Plot: 14/20 - is a little bit meandering, missing elements important for keeping a reader engaged. It feels like it was only written for a certain type of person, and no one else. Difficult to stay with.

Grammar: 4/10, misspellings every few paragraphs, grammatical mistakes frequent, clunky paragraphs

Vocabulary: 6/10, words weave together well but some are unnecessarily complex, or unnecessarily simple. Syntax is lacking in smooth transitions. Sentence structure is too uniform, hard to follow along with.

Dialogues: 7/10, even if unrealistic, very witty and personable. Points off for having entire paragraphs of dialogue with no action breaks or pauses.

Characters: 5/10, surface level. No emotional depth. Hard to connect and empathize with. Unsure if this is on purpose or is a result of how it is written.

Story Development: 7/10. It develops in action and time. Everything else feels very static.

Total: 63/100

Funniest Dialogue

Generally, the dialogue has good quips and witty responses. However, there are errors that make it feel clunky and hard to follow. The small witty remarks are the best part but in equal, the long-winded parts are hard to keep up with. Points off for grammar, sentence structure, and remarks that are generally not typical of dialogue even if it is “witty.” I do want to take the satirical element of the book into account, so I am keeping that in mind when I rate it a 7/10.

World On Fire by AdrielleReina

Title: 5/5, feels accurate right now

Cover: 5/5, is true to the blurb + character

Blurb: 4/5 - relatively well written, okay hook. Points off for revealing almost too much about the story. Still leaves enough up to the imagination though, so only one point.

Presentation: 5/5, generally good for what is typical of Wattpad.

Opening Chapter: 2/5, because it opens with dialogue and a dream, which is typically a big no-no for stories trying to get published. It’s a cliche that is overused, but I can also understand WHY it’s used in this context. It's a preference for publishers to start with a hook, rather than dialogue. There’s no sustenance for this chapter, but the later chapters do pick up the speed. I’d recommend this one be rewritten to draw the readers in, in a way that is less surface-level. It’s also a HUGE info-dump, which is a common struggle for beginner writers.

Plot: 17/20. The plot is there, and the chapters are staying true to it. Points off for the syntax, sentence structure, and overall writing ability. It’s difficult to knock too many points off solely because of how it is written, because typically people on Wattpad are not trained writers with a college level writing education. Could be a 20/20 if the writing is improved and easier to follow.

Grammar: 6/10. Sentence structure and syntax is struggling in areas of sentence length and structure. A few grammatical errors every couple paragraphs or so.

Vocabulary: 6/10. Unnecessary filler words are significantly high in every paragraph. (Words like Just, Actually, etc). Cutting these is important for a final draft. Simple writing, which is good for inclusivity of readers. Easy to follow along if you’re not focused on grammar and structure. Diction issues are present as well.

Dialogues: 7/10, generally easy to follow along with. Nothing too long or clunky. Some areas with choppiness + grammar issues, but nothing that can’t be fixed with some edits.

Characters: 8/10. Emotionally written, which readers are typically drawn to. 

Story Development: 6/10. Once past the info dumps and cliches, it develops in a natural, logical way. Needs to be edited in a way that allows a trail of information through the chapters, rather than dumping it all in one, or in big paragraphs with no sense of time or action. It tends to overload the readers and is hard to get past. It gets better once the foundations have been laid. I would advise this writer to look into story structure and how to let information linger along, rather than pooling it all in one place for readers to sort through and try to remember later on.

Total: 71/100

Best Female Lead
Best Couple

Presentation: 7/10, generally good, but doesn’t stand out.

Character Description: 6/10, lacking in a natural, logical way to reveal a character’s looks. Cliche and uninteresting introduction + description.

Character Development: 6/10. Missing a few key elements to a natural succession of character development. When I read, I did not feel much growth over the course of each chapter. Words spoke more than actions, which is typically backwards to what is expected of successful character development.

Plot: 18/20. Writing needs a lot of work, as does structure and syntax. But the vision is there, and I would love to see this story receive the right edits.

Dialogues: 7/10, relatively sensible and easy to follow along despite issues in grammar.

Story Development: 7/10. It develops in a logical way, but lacks the sort of development that keeps readers engaged. I understand that it’s Wattpad and expectations should not be high for stories, but I do feel like the author should look into editors like “ProWritingAid” to help structure the work in a more meaningful, easy to follow way.

Grammar: 5/10. It needs work.

Vocabulary: 6/10, generally good vocabulary despite a few areas in which unnecessary words are present. GO FOR SIMPLE rather than overly complex. Filler words are by far where most of the issues are, but that can always be fixed with editing.

Best female lead: I say Emma Sandalwood is a good character that needs work to be great. She’s witty but missing a few key areas of depth I would like to see a female lead have. She’s not a mary-sue, so big points for that. I just wish there was a tad more sustenance to her progression and emotional depth. 7/10 because I can’t feel myself in her shoes, which is what I would expect from a powerful female lead. All she needs is some careful edits surrounding dialogue and inner-dialogue, so that readers can become more attached. Not a memorable character, but could be with the right writing.

Best Couple: They’re very, very cute. The progression is nice, and I see the vision. I’d say 7/10 because it feels like Caleb was given less effort into his character than Emma. I don’t feel very much depth with him, but he is still written okay. He needs more work, but there is plenty of potential. The author should look into books written by Sacha Black, who is an incredibly insightful writer and does an amazing job explaining protagonists, antagonists, and how to write them in a meaningful way.

Search by ASG_JK

Title: 2/5 isn’t appealing to the story-line. Doesn’t reach the level it needs to.

Cover: 4/5 point off because it doesn’t stand out amongst others with similar designs, but it is very nicely designed.

Blurb: 3/5 - isn’t reaching the emotional depth it is trying to, feels a tad shallow with no indicators to what the plot is actually about. Is sort of a guessing game just from the first look. There’s also a spelling error. Generally confusing, with no idea of what to expect or what the story is about or what it’s trying to achieve.

Presentation: 3/5 - missing a lot. No hook, nothing of interest besides a few pretty words. Is lacking in the depth it needs to present an interesting concept. Needs a more logical succession of information. 3 points for the mystery, I guess?

Opening Chapter: 5/10. Start off with dialogue (not recommended). Missing tone. Uses overly complex words for sentences that don’t need them. Syntax is suffering greatly. The sentence structure is alright and has variation, which is a good thing. Points off for the general voice of the writing. I understand that it’s written by someone of the GenZ class (I am also GenZ), but it’s lacking in clarity nonetheless. Does a good job of introducing the initial conflict of death. The writing is generally alright, but needs work.

Plot: 13/20. It’s a good idea, but it is lacking in subplots, theme, and clarity. The author’s voice is missing the depth it needs to maintain an emotionally captivating story. It needs more foundation. I would recommend this author read books by Sacha Black as well as “The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing” by the editors of writers digest. They cover all areas that are important, and this author would benefit greatly from it. I see a lot of my old-self in this writing, and would love to see this author grow as they learn the ins and outs of how to structure a plot and what is important to plot and what should be cut.

Grammar: 5/10. Missing in important areas such as sentence structure and diction. It’s important to remember to not start too many sentences with “I,” and to maintain a logical succession of action. A few spelling mistakes are present in every other paragraph. Syntax is also a tad lackluster. Nothing that editing can’t help.

Vocabulary: 6/10. Good words, but it’s also important to recognize what words are more logical to a sentence and what aren’t. Complex words should not be used to convey simple ideas and vice versa.

Dialogues: 6/10. Rather unnatural, but I understand if the author may not be a native English speaker. Clunky, too. Internal dialogue also feels unnatural and hard to follow.

Characters: 6/10. There’s depth but it’s flickering. Some areas lack depth, while others are rife with it. It needs work to maintain a more streamlined level of growth. As stated earlier, nothing that some edits can’t fix.

Story Development: 5/10. Feels a bit sluggish after initial conflict is introduced. Mystery is okay, but it’s important to look into red herrings and how to include them in a plot to create a more successful development.

Total: 58/100

Top Of The World by the_mf_world

Title: 4/5

Cover: 3/5 is OK but needs some work to be great

Blurb: 3/5 the plot is there but it’s missing some key elements. There’s a hook, but generally it’s not a very captivating blurb.

Presentation: 3/5 - it’s missing some elements in areas that are important for including necessary information

Opening Chapter: 0/10. I don’t even know where to begin. All of it needs work. It’s extremely difficult to follow. There’s no depth. No logical dialogue. There’s no dialogue quotes. The grammar is null. I don’t even know how to grade this because it’s not written like a book, or like anything I’ve ever read before. I genuinely can’t give this any points. 

Plot: 5/20. The idea and vision is there. The execution ruins every shred of credibility to it, though. I feel like I’m reading something written by someone no older than 12. I don’t want to be too harsh, but this is not something that should ever be submitted for a serious contest. There’s no sustenance. It’s completely surface level. It’s just bad.

Grammar: 1/10. Nothing is written like a book. No structure. Dialogue is written incorrectly. 1 point only because there’s not a whole lot of misspellings. “???” is also not a correct way to represent an unknown character. Dialogue should be put in quotes, not as *character*: *words*

Should be written like:

Character action followed by “words and words.” end sentence.

I could see this being meant for a comic, but not a piece of writing.

Vocabulary: 3/10. Three points for words being spelled correctly.

Dialogues: 1/10 for grammar, illogical succession of dialogue, generally inaccurate ways people speak to each other.

Characters: 4/10. Protagonist is lacking in natural flaws that every protagonist should have. Doesn’t have any voice or natural internal dialogue. Is missing A LOT in terms of emotional depth or just depth in general. Poorly written. Needs to be scrapped and re-written in a way that is less chunky and surface level.

Story Development: 5/10. It develops! That’s about it.

Total: 32/100

Best Protagonist
Best Antagonist
Funniest Dialogue
Best Fight Scenes (6/7/11/13/14/15)

Presentation: 2/5- this just isn’t a character I am able to root for. From his dialogue to the lack of realism, it’s just hard to connect with any of the characters presented in the story.

Character Description: 5/10. The description is there. Sort of. 

Character Development: 4/10
There’s really not much in terms of flaws or traits. It’s missing very key elements to creating dynamic characters with depth and relatability.

Plot: 10/20
It has a plot

Dialogues: 1/10
Unnatural, clunky, and very difficult to follow with. Some of the chapters are 90% lines of dialogue with no action. Extremely hard to follow. 1 point because at least there’s dialogue.

Story Development: 5/10
The characters don’t develop, but the story at least has areas in which it does.

Grammar: 1/10 I genuinely don’t know where to begin. The entire thing needs to be re-written.

Vocabulary: 1/10
Unnatural usages and sentence structure. Illogical word choice. Sticky sentences. Adverbs out the wazoo. There’s just nothing enticing about this story.

Best protagonist:

1/10. There’s no flaws or negative traits that I can pick out, which makes a character hard to connect with. Genuinely, I believe these characters are missing very, very important traits that one needs to be a killer protagonist. This is just generally not a good way to write a meaningful character.

Best antagonist:

1/10. Lacking in antagonistic depth. Is just one of those evil people that do evil things just to be evil. It’s a swing and a miss for the same reasons listed for best protagonist.

Best fight scenes:

I read each and every fight scene. As an avid lover and writer of fight scenes, I feel confident in saying they need lots of work. Or just scrapped and re-written. They’re hard to follow. Generally clunky. The structure is lackluster. The sentences are hard to connect with. I can’t picture a thing. Nothing is realistic. It’s incredibly difficult to sit through.

0/10.

Funniest dialogue

I can see areas that I feel the author may find funny, but a lot of them are just memes put in a different format. Nothing feels original. The dialogue is already poorly written, so it’s difficult to even picture anything happening. I can see this being a meme in and of itself just from the cringe. I consider myself a fan of shitposting and memes that are generally dumb, but this is just unoriginal and poorly executed.

1/10. 1 point for the baked beans meme mentioned in the first chapter. I did enjoy that one.

《○》

Judged by Anunimouse96

Property of Valentino Rossi by IcyMoonSword

Title 5/5
Cover 4/5
Blurb 5/5
Presentation 4/5
Character description 8/10
Character development 8/10
Plot 16/20
Grammar 8/10
Vocabulary 7/10
Dialogues 7/10
Story development 6/10

Total 78/100

Demon Sniper by Ocedit

Title 5/5
Cover 4/5
Blurb 3/5
Presentation 3/5
Opening chapter 6/10
Plot 10/20
Grammar 7/10
Vocabulary 6/10
Dialogues 6/10
Characters 6/10
Story development 5/10

Total 71/100

Enigma by withyejide

Title 4/5
Cover 5/5
Blurb 4/5
Presentation 4/5
Opening chapter 10/10
Plot 16/20
Grammar 10/10
Vocabulary 9/10
Dialogues 8/10
Characters 10/10
Story development 8/10

Total 88/100

Cierra's Tale by Snowheart19__3

Title 5/5
Cover 5/5
Blurb 3/5
Presentation 5/5
Opening chapter 10/10
Plot 17/20
Grammar 10/10
Vocabulary 10/10
Dialogues 0/10
Characters 7/10
Story development 7/10

Total 78/100

Time Warrior by AwesomeOmokwe

Title 5/5
Cover 2/5
Blurb 2/5
Presentation 2/5
Opening chapter 4/10
Plot 8/20; The story looks more like a script or a draft for a webcomic than an actual book. Consider improving your writing style. Read stories in the same genre as your book and find ways to make your story more engaging instead of “dialogue,” scripted move.
Grammar 6/10
Vocabulary 7/10
Dialogues 8/10
Characters 7/10
Story development 6/10

Total 57/100

《○》

1st Place goes to withyejide

2nd Place go to IcyMoonSword & Snowheart19__3

3rd Place go to AdrielleReina & Ocedit

And for those who didn't win get a sticker.