131: R

I handed the driver the card President had written the address of the chapel on. "Church is at ten tomorrow."

Then we got inside the van, drove back to the buses and dressed in our street clothes which felt somehow worldlier than I'd ever pictured them, and Aubrey was breaking her fast, and fixing us fruit smoothies.

Ben came out, unable to talk about his experience yet either, unable to even look at me.

Jeremy was curious, but said very little.

Levi suggested we go out to Lake Chapala and golf or swim or play tennis, and then hit the Libertad Market in the afternoon, the largest public market in the Western Hemisphere. We all agreed eagerly, feeling tired, weary, and as Aubrey said, in need of letting off steam.

I wondered if there was a basketball court near the golf and tennis courts. I drank my smoothie slowly. The guys that were planning the excursion were already getting in the van. Aubrey sipped her smoothie too. She saw my vacant eyes and deliberately held my gaze, taking another sip, and coming away with a big mustache.

I finished mine off, also left a big mustache, and went to her quickly and kissed her with our smeary faced mustaches. In typical Aubrey fashion, she didn't pull away or say gross or anything, but simply twined our tongues, wrapped her arms around my neck and played with the little hair she'd left on my neck.

I let my hand wander down to her butt and cupped one silky cheek. She didn't hesitate, but for the first time, did the same to me. I was startled though, and backed up, to find her grinning at me.

"You're the devil."

"No, I'm Aubrey Angel, as you so kindly pointed out."

"You're not setting a good example for the kids." She squeezed my butt again, giving me that shimmering glint.

"They're all taking their naps right now."

I tossed my head back and laughed. "Are we going on this thing to the Lake? I'm kind of tired."

"Fresh air will do you good. Then we can----."

"Check into our hotel."

"Okay."

I pulled her toward the exit and when she was off balance in the stairwell, I stopped, turned and picked her up, letting her slide down my body, while I kissed her roughly, exuberantly.

I slept on the hour long trip out to Lake Chalupa. Aubrey kept saying Chapala, and I kept whispering Chalupa, till she thought she'd go crazy and she left me alone to sleep. There was a beautiful lake, very large, with a huge modern golf course, tennis courts and a resort. We weren't staying at this one though, so some of the guys went to golf, and Aubrey decided after she saw some people riding horses that she wanted to ride horses.

I'll admit, I'm not proficient on horses. I grew up in Southern California in the city. There wasn't a lot of opportunity to ride horses, and my family wasn't the horsey type. But Aubrey had grown up in Montana, on a ranch. She had her own horse.

As we mounted and rode our beasts --- I say that because mine tried to nip me--up the trail above the resort where others had gone, on these well trained, very domestic horses, who plodded along one after the other, as if they were bored and weary, I was impressed with Aubrey's skill. I realized her parents had been able to provide a near perfect childhood for her. She'd had home school, or something very like it, sports, music and art, outdoor activities, and travel. She'd been exposed to all kinds of experiences, but she was very sheltered. She had not been exposed to people. She'd been more than sheltered, she'd been protected and her exposure to people had been deliberately limited. I suddenly wondered if she had fallen for me because I was the quintessential bad boy. The thought bothered me.

I wondered how our kids would be raised. We'd live in Southern California, where would they get to go horseback riding? How would they be homeschooled with a mom who was a surgeon? A dad who was a rocker producer?

Something was nagging at me.

We rode up the trail quite a way, slowly, not talking, and I felt drowsy. Mutt and Ben were with us, Jeff had stayed at the resort on the patio with his lemonade and his pillow. He wanted to sleep. The others, and there were quite a few, had gone to golf. Jeremy had just started golfing, and was trying to get Levi into it.

I looked behind me to see Jake and Tim also following on horses. I realized there wasn't anything they couldn't do as well.

I think I did doze off. Because I don't remember getting to the look out, where Aubrey dismounted, and tied up her horse.

She handed me the reins of my horse and expected me to tie him up to the wooden railing, while she got a bucket provided and pumped the spigot for water. The view up here was pretty amazing. I yawned uncomfortably. I figured the sun was directly above us.

"How does Jeremy figure we have time to do the largest market in the western hemisphere? He won't even be halfway through his game of golf." I leaned against the railing, stretching, feeling my backside protesting.

Mutt was beside me. "Jeff had the best idea."

"I agree. I'm too tired for this."

Aubrey finished watering all the horses and put the bucket back for others. She walked to the look out which wasn't but a few paces and stood looking over the railing in the opposite direction. I watched her lean, her lightweight blouse pressing against her slim--- no--- flat stomach, and gently dipping from hip to waist. Her arms were slender, but well muscled. Her hair was in a ponytail, but stragglies wisped across her face. I got out the phone and took a picture. I wanted to remember her like this forever. I felt choked up for just a second and decided I was very glad she was already mine, the idea of trying to convince her at this point, like start over--- was too hard to imagine.

I went to her, stood beside her.

"These mountains are the Sierra Madre." She pointed behind us. "The lake has an island, there, called Maria. And that bay is Bandera's Bay."

I covered her hand with mine and pried each finger up slowly. The guys had gone to the other side of the rounded mosaic covered look out building. I wound her fingers around in mine.

"Do you mind that I'm still not completely worthy of you?"

She didn't look at me. Her hair wisped again, and she caught it, but didn't turn. "Rafe, you are worthy. It isn't a matter of being worthy of me. We are equal. We are the same. In God's eyes we are infinitely important, both of us. Not one more than the other."

I nodded, grateful, not wanting to say anything else. Except maybe---- this.

I lifted her leg, the way I used to when we were in Montana. I hadn't since then—things had been happening too fast to be as sexy as we were then. And--- she'd said yes. It made it harder--- harder in its own way--- to stop. I was wary of my ability to stay respectful. It occurred to me, that just a few days ago, someone had said to me that I wanted Aubrey as an object of lust. I don't think that applied anymore.

Nevertheless, changing my tune about wanting her in some way doesn't change the fact that I did.

I'm the kind of guy that wants my woman to know--- always, how sexy she is to me. I held her firmly with one hand under her outer thigh, holding that leg up, so I could press against her deeply. Aubrey is the type of woman that embraces each and every moment. She didn't disappoint.

She wrapped me in her arms and pressed her lips to mine---open.

I shuddered, holding her butt, insinuating one knee. Aubrey deepened our kiss.

I beg to differ with those who say location doesn't matter. The combination of wind on the peak, the horses snorting below us, the raucous cry of sea gulls, the heat of the sun---- all enhanced the ambiance. I couldn't bear to let her go.

I felt the steps as Ben came around. I cupped Aubrey's cheek, focused on the willing and happy feel of her against me and slowly let her leg down. Now I couldn't bear to allow another man – any man--- to see how much she turned me on.

"Rafe. Aubrey. It's like you said. We don't have time to go to the market. We've gotta get back to the venue." Ben said, not the least bit phased by seeing us locked in each other's very warm embrace. What was a little phasing was that the camera guys had caught up with us.

It's bad enough that they are in our faces almost 24-7 on tour.... In the lounge, in the bathrooms, everywhere. You get where you don't see them all that much, and I don't always mind as much as Ben, who doesn't like the attention. But with Aubrey and me doing our courting... the whole on screen thing is wearing me down.

I had the feeling when I saw this guy--- I don't even know his name--- but I had the feeling, I was going to start my fake bizarre unnatural forced stuff--- stuff Aubrey hadn't seen before.

Aubrey had seen him too. "Is he with us? I feel like I've seen him before." She whispered.

I nodded.

"But not everywhere. He's not been everywhere. But has he been in the lounge?"

"Yes, he's on the tour." I lead her back to the horses, looking hard at the cameraman, knowing it was necessary, and knowing that we'd been lucky so far in avoiding quite so much unwanted invasive documenting. Holli had to have finally found her game, two weeks in.

"He didn't come on the walk with us--- the armadillo walk, right?" I was gratified that that had been one of her highlights. Being almost completely alone. It had been one of mine too.

"No. We gave him the slip. But he's been at a distance quite a bit of the time. You just aren't super aware."

"Mom doesn't allow----."

"Thought you said you didn't follow your mom's videos, and tour stuff."

"I don't."
"So how would you know?"

She shrugged and bit her lip. "I don't know, actually. It's just so intrusive. Mom is so private."

"I bet her earlier stuff. The stuff you never watch."

"I'm gonna go back to the bus, just so you know, and watch it. I want to know if she really did have some guy out there filming her every move."

"For sure in her videos."

"I bet for sure, not." She could mount her horse by herself, but she made sure she checked every bridle and saddle and horse's comfort around the bit, before she let any of us ride. She also talked to the horses. It was heating up around us, and Aubrey was busy with the horses. I saw Ben and Mutt give each other the look, and I wondered what it would be like for Aubrey if we were to actually start acting the way we normally did.

I occurred to me that none of us acted normal because she was around. It was because she was so---- good.

But usually--- well, we argued all the time--- good-naturedly, mostly because we stayed on the freaking buses and got bored. Boredom in guys like us leads to weird stuff.

The other thing that made us not exactly be ourselves, is that she was new and different. She was so different that we were all fascinated. I had to sit back and enjoy these thoughts on the way back down that maze like hill in the summer heat, with my butt starting to feel blistered or rubbed wrong. And to check my theory that the guys were missing our old behavior, and not acting the same as we used to I started riding with no hands.

Now, Aubrey was in front of us. She wasn't paying attention. I was next and Ben was behind me. I started rubbing my butt.

Ben was snickering. I could hear him. Then I started singing--- making up words to the tune of one of our songs, but words about this horse---

"This horse has taken its toll on me

I said no way

Then gave in like I always do

My butt is rubbing the shit

Out of me

This saddle and horse

Are breaking my ass

Oh man

This horse is-----."

Aubrey turned around. The guys started busting up laughing, and the look she gave me was so curious, so bemused...

The guys were singing the song behind me now--- embellishing the way we like to.

Honestly, it felt pretty good. This was a side of me that Aubrey needed to see. Not that she hadn't seen some weird stuff at the park--- or--- on stage--- or--- well, she hadn't seen it all. Maybe I was just missing the guys. Or maybe I was just tired. This part of the tour often found me pretty damn near exhausted, and keeping up the pace of going sightseeing every day was nearly impossible. But--- I wanted to do it.

The water stuff the other day had been so cool, so relaxing.

Ben started loosening up--- feeling the connection we normally had on tour when we were together all the time. He started remembering stuff that had happened in the past, and Mutt was adding his two cents worth, and I looked at Aubrey's back, there was a lot of good-natured cussing--- we cussed all the time.

And then I thought of this morning. The temple. There was no cussing there, and people who went there wouldn't be cussing right now. I felt another weird vibe as I realized I actually didn't want to cuss anymore. Not now--- and I wasn't particularly ashamed, just--- bored with it.

I did the quiet sign to the guys behind me, and stopped the music. Ben was laughing, but then he said slowly--- "That's a relief. I was having a hard time coming up with anything new."

"And cuss worthy." Mutt added.

"It felt forced." Ben said with a strange little laugh.

"It felt like old times." Mutt put in.

"Maybe these are new times." I stated, and then realized that was the truth. We were changing and honestly--- for the better. I'd rather go sightseeing, like this, on freaking horse back with my ass killing me, than sit on the freaking bus all day, bitching with the guys.

"I'd give anything for a pizza, right now." Aubrey called back to us, her back swaying with the gait of the horse, her hair bobbing, her shoulders moving.

"Aubrey? Does your ass hurt?"

"That word is a cuss word, Rafe, and no, my butt doesn't hurt. Stop sitting on your butt if it's hurting. Use the stirrups, use your legs, keep the weight off your butt, and keep yourself from pounding into the saddle. Straighten your legs."

The guys all laughed uproariously. I heard mimicking back along the line like 'ass is a cuss word'--- which made me laugh.

******