119R:

That afternoon the music swirled around us. Ben was in rare form, busting out unusual accompaniment that more than thrilled me, that gave me incredible joy in creativity. Jeff and Mutt were amiable, really helpful, and very into it. I concentrated on perfecting vocals, and melody, and trying new things. Aubrey used Mutt's little keyboard and messed around, often allowing her own creativity to shine, and often just listening and offering suggestions when it seemed like we got ourselves off track.

I needed the music. It was my supreme outlet. Nothing compared to it except maybe sex--- and even then, it wasn't necessarily the sex, it was the feeling of being wanted--- and in the past it never lasted. At least the music lasted. I needed the music to last. I needed it to share itself with me. I practically worshipped it, the way it came to me and the absolute security of coming back to it and sharing it.

Soon enough it was time to head over to the Cuarteto Minueto Festival Theater, and get ready to go amaze some fans and hopefully make some new ones. On the way over I held Aubrey's hand and finally, when I couldn't stand it anymore, I leaned into her, held our combined fingers up to my heart and asked: "Aubrey, I have to know something. Can you be super honest and not embarrassed?"

I saw her swallow convulsively and squeezed her fingers over my heart.

She nodded.

"Baby, that first night. The first taekwondo session, and the massage and you were so tired... you remember?"

I saw her eyes brighten with recollection. She smiled gently, her eyes shining. That had been a good ground breaking memory for both of us, and the following day had pretty much solidified the relationship.

"You caught on that I'm a clean freak at home. And you washed the sheets and remade the bed, and vacuumed, and wiped down everything... and there was one thing missing when I got home." I caught her eye, and let mine crinkle in a deep knowing smile.

Her lips curved in answer. "Yes. I took it. I took your pillow."

"Why?"

"It smelled like you."

I tossed back my head. "I hoped that was your reason!" I grinned at her. "Aubrey, you are so adorable!"

"Rafe--- you smell so good!" She buried her face in the juncture of my chest and underarm, and I laughed and jerked away from her in embarrassment. Not that we didn't share smells already. How could we not? We slept in the same bed. I didn't fart often, but I'm a guy, and I sometimes eat weird things, and I sometimes fart. I have to go outside still to keep my farts out of her presence. She on the other hand, apparently never farts, and hasn't got morning breath, and manages to smell like jasmine and peppermint every morning. And her sweat must be specially designed to turn me on.

We entered the back stage area, and could hear the buzz and hum of the audience. Lights were low, and lights were bright in the arena. I saw Holli coming toward me. I turned and placed Aubrey's hand in Jake's. He nodded gravely, and I saluted him, bowing slightly, then I took her by the back of the head and kissed her long and lovingly in front of everybody. And of course, my girl, this girl, responded as if no one else mattered in the world.

Ben started our set with a quiet rocker, and let the show escalate from there. Every chance I got I sang to my girl, even going to the side stage and singing directly to her as she stood there, with Jake, singing along and cheering me on, looking ravishing in her holey jeans, her concert t-shirt and her ponytail baseball cap. I wondered how much she could see through those dark glasses. I wondered about her the whole time. Every deep emotion in every song I pictured her.

I just wanted to be where she was. And it was okay to be this close, but I wanted her to be closer. I wanted her to be with me. I wondered how she'd feel about that. Wanting her to be out here, wanting her to be part of everything. Would she ever agree to sing with me on stage? Would she sometimes come out and play keyboards with Mutt? Would she ever consider writing music with me?

Having the music... having Aubrey. It was all beginning to blend into the same thing. I had to have them both. I had to be her man, I had to be the man for the music.

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