*****084:

Aubrey

He came out of the ICU, head up, staring straight ahead. I could see reporters, or photo journalists or whatever they call themselves down the hall. Our area was swarming with security, and the family, of course.

I was there. Kind of rooted to the spot. Not knowing if he was hanging on by a thread, or if he wanted comfort. Normally I can read him better, he was an emotional man--- but he could also be stoic and strong.

I think he was choosing to be stoic and strong. Ben stood up, shook down the wrinkles in his pants and pulled Rafe into a rough embrace.

"Sorry, brother. I'm so sorry. What a tragedy. She was a troubled woman, but a very good mom. I'm really sorry. I loved her like my own mom."

Rafe was hugging Ben back, not crying or anything, but his eyes were squeezed shut. Jeff joined them in the embrace and he lifted his arm to include me. In seconds Lance was also included. We rocked back and forth, murmuring more words of comfort. Then Rafe moved so that it was only me in his arms and his halting steps took him away from the mass group hug.

"What time is it?" He asked woodenly, his eyes glazed with fatigue. He had propped his guitar case against a wall, and now he turned to retrieve it.

"It's seven."

"In the morning?" He was bewildered. "I played to her all night."

I patted his chest, kissed his neck. "It was the right thing to do."

"You stayed here all night, waiting for me?"

I smiled, and we stopped walking and looked at each other. "Yes, of course."

"I'm all grieved out." He said and his voice held a lot of acceptance. "Where's Dad and Chris?"

"Your Dad left about two. He said to call him."

Rafe nodded. "And Chris?"

"She also left to go see to her kids."

He pulled out his phone and dialed her. "Hi, it's me. Yeah, she's gone. She didn't make it."

I could hear the low moaning from the speaker and my heart broke for his feisty and opinionated sister.

Then he clicked off without another word and I gave him my raised brow look. "What?"

"She couldn't talk. She---- she hung up." He had the phone in front of him. I saw him press a few buttons with his thumb--- for his dad.

"Hi, it's me. Mom died this morning. I'm really sorry. I stayed with her, but she didn't have the strength. What do you want me to do?"

I looked over his shoulder as Lance approached and tried to disengage myself, so he could stand closer to his brother if he wanted, but he pulled me back. I could hear Fred's answer: do whatever you want, I'm out of it.

I felt my throat close up tightly--- how callous, how horrible. Fred should not have said that to Rafe, to his son. He must be in shock, and grieving.

Lance had heard also. His soft eyes overflowed with tears and he clasped Rafe on the back. Rafe turned and hugged him briefly. He was not crying--- still.

"Let's go get some breakfast." Rafe said slowly, his voice far too normal.

"There might be papers or something to sign." I said. I knew there was. Rafe was now completely in charge of everything. I knew what had to be done.

A hospital counselor was even waiting discreetly to talk to him.

I urged him over to her.

"I'm so sorry for your loss Mr. Stryker." She included both the Mr. Stryker's in her glance. "There is a calmer room just around the corner where we can speak freely, would you join me?"

It was just the three of us in the room, and the amenities were quickly dispensed with. Rafe and Lance easily made arrangements for the funeral home, the autopsy, and payments.

Rafe called his dad again, and this time in a very crisp monotone told his dad he needed access to their will--- their financial and insurance records, and he'd be sending his attorney over for them right away. He asked if his dad wanted the house, and when Fred said no--- Rafe and Lance nodded sadly.

I called my mom as soon as we were walking down the hall. "Hi."

"How is she, darling?"

"She didn't make it." I felt choked up again. "How are the kids?"

"I'm so sorry, dear, give Rafe and Lance my love. If there is anything we can do...." Her voice was reassuring. I pictured mom already on her laptop ordering food and flowers.

"Can you keep the kids a little longer?"

"Of course. They are all fine. Up and dressed. They've done yoga with Anita, but I didn't take them swimming. I've rearranged my schedule. I can be at your disposal all day. Do they have other obligations? Or can we just play on the beach?"

"Is dad with you?"

"No, dad is technically still on location."

"Okay, well, we are just going to go get breakfast and then I'll call you if we make other plans."

We said good-bye and then Rafe and Lance, who had been discussing Chris and her reaction, followed me out to the main lobby. There we were greeted by far too many music journalists and others wanting to hear Rafe's account and report on it on social media. I even saw a network reporter. It made me uneasy to see them all hovering like vultures. Rafe's security cleared a path and someone brought a van---

"Where do you want to eat, Aubrey?" Rafe asked, his hand holding mine in his lap. I didn't have a lap.

"Nick's." I answered promptly.

"Nick's?"

"It's about a half an hour away."

"Okay, give Aidan the directions." I had to have two tries to get into this commercial van, and then it was awkward getting my seat, so we had to rearrange so that I had the easiest seat. Ben said I was getting big.

"What'd you think? I've got five kids in here!"

He grinned at me.

Then Rafe closed his eyes and said he was going to sleep till we got there. Lance put some music on, and everyone did their best to be quiet and create no drama or stress.

The café had been there since 1948. It was old--- and charming in a really kind of run down sort of way. Rafe was skeptical, but I assured him the food was good. The deco was train themed, since the old depot used to be across the street--- but since we were on the edge of Chinatown, we encountered nothing but Asian signs and Asian looking parks outside.

The guys ordered big ham and eggs breakfasts, and I got my regenerative herbs and pills out of my bag, just ordering some herbal tea, fruit and oatmeal.

They scoffed at this, and I assured them I was more concerned with feeding the kids I was carrying than their scoffs.

Rafe kept nodding to himself and finally turned to Lance. "Dad's being a dick. He's no comfort at all. I think he's pissed at her."

"I think he's feeling guilty as hell." Lance answered drinking his coffee.

Rafe swallowed. "I agree. But that doesn't excuse that he's not there for his children when their mother dies."

"I'm worried about Chris." I said.

Rafe turned to me. "She's in la la land."

"She's in incredible pain, and she left, she wasn't there, that won't sit well. She probably needs her brothers."

Rafe shrugged his shoulders diffidently, not willing to commit. "We meet with the funeral home in about two hours. We can invite her to that, if she can get herself together."

"Has anyone called Roger, or Oliver?"

Ben held up his phone. "Tour delayed--- the buses will leave, and we will meet them at the venues, starting in Arizona, and then on to Utah."

"When do you see the funeral happening? Are you going to be okay to tour?" Jeff asked carefully. "It would be understandable if you have to cancel. There's so much going on.... Your mom, the babies. We get it, Rafe."

"No--- things are already set. I can tour. I'm going to tour. Thanks for calling Roger, and thanks for arranging the transport differently." He sipped his water.

He patted my hand as I lifted my spoon to eat my oatmeal. "Happy Birthday, Aubrey. I guess all my plans ae changed now. Maybe we can pick a different day and celebrate both of our birthdays. I feel like we really missed out on all the baptisms too. I'll have to call all those kids and apologize and send them presents."

I realized he was focusing on irrelevant details, probably still processing, and somewhat in shock. I set a handful of herbal supplements at his water glass discreetly.

"What was your mom's favorite color? I'd like to find her a really nice dress." I said, opening my internet connection on the phone.

"You'd have to ask Chris." Lance said. "She might want to choose the dress."

I shut the phone. Of course, she would. She was her daughter.

There was a stilted silence for about two minutes and then Lance shook his head. "I hate this."

Rafe slapped his palm on the table. "Me too. I hate it. Just call Chris and tell her to get her butt to the funeral home."

"Don't treat her that way, bro, she's hurting."

"I'm sick of the selfishness exhibited in this family. First Mom and her stupid prejudices, and Dad and his raunchy divorce and subsequent dating. Chris's weirdness. My own weirdness. I just feel torn up inside."

"I get what you mean, Rafe." Lance said softly, his eyes clouding with unshed emotion. "But we just have to be strong now and pull together." He looked at me. "I'm really sorry about your birthday. It won't always be this way. There's just been far too much death in our family recently."

"It's okay. No worries. I'm not that attached to this day anyway. We can always pick another one. You know, my own mom didn't even remember. No worries." I tried to be light, but it sounded rather pathetic. We were all exhausted. Yesterday had been so bittersweet--- could have been so different. Rafe's birthday--- could have been so much better.

I looked out the window. We'd been spotted, or followed most likely. People inside were staring as well. Don't they have anything better to do with their time?

"I think we should go home and shower and change." I looked over at Mutt, he'd been absolutely silent.

"Somebody should tell Jeremy. He doesn't have to cut the honeymoon short--- they were just going for the two days. Tour--- you know." Levi said. I'd forgotten he was with us.

"You do that." Rafe said blowing out his breath. "I just can't do this." He muttered. "Really."

Lance pushed back his chair, glanced at Mutt and then looked away in disgust. His eyebrows rose as he realized we were being photographed. Our security guys were handling what they could, but it was time to leave.

"You guys--- thanks for hanging around. It means so much. We've always stuck together, and we're family, you know. I think just Lance and Aubrey and I will head over to the funeral home. We'll get Chris as well. So, you guys get some sleep, and we'll catch up on details later tonight." Rafe was fingering his phone and I could see he had about forty texts.

We all got up at the same time, more hugs, and then we told the security folks we were splitting up. The whole thing seemed surreal. I wondered afterward if we'd even remember this time. Probably not.

*****