******078:

I was having trouble sleeping. The babies were moving around now--- at least I think they were. I'm only seventeen weeks, but I'm bigger than any seventeen week mom to be I'd ever seen.

I rolled heavily to my side, felt my back cramp up, and went to check on Felicity.

A couple of times when I'd woken unexpectedly---- which this wasn't exactly unexpected since I'd been fitfully dozing, tossing and turning for over an hour--- I'd found that Felicity was awake and sobbing in her bed. After the first few months with her, she'd not come in our bed anymore. But tonight she was dreaming peacefully.

I stood in the hall listening. Even breathing all the way around, and Rafe was snoring---- his snores are not really snores. Just deep breathing. But when he wakes up, he'll have a slight sore throat from it. That was another reason for the special throat tea he always drank.

I went down the padded stairs. The light was on over the range in the kitchen. I thought about this house. I'd really be sad to leave it. I loved it. It held a lot of memories for me. The first taekwondo session, the sleeping on the couch night, our food fight, our first prayer back there in the non-furnished living room.

In the kitchen, I started to get out the Nutella. The bread machine was whizzing away on the counter, but no fresh bread was ready. It was too early. I stood staring out at the ocean through the window overlooking the shore. The overhead light actually cast my shadow reflection starkly. I leaned further to see me better. I could see me. I could see the baby bump.

I could see Rafe standing behind me.

He was holding up the tablet. I turned. He smiled and indicated I should hold still.

He set the tablet on the counter and slipped his arms around me.

"What's up, baby momma?" His facial hair rubbing softly against my neck did not bite or burn.

"Restless." I murmured.

"Thinking too much?" He continued nuzzling me.

"Maybe."

"You need an outlet for sure. All that brain power being sucked dry by the quints."

"Brain suckers." I agreed. His hands cupped the mound, his fingers rubbed rhythmically. I felt the ease of pressure as his skin connected to mine. As always--- Rafe--- the touch, the warmth, the coolness, the perfect movement--- soothed.

He cuddled me closer to him, molding his lean flanks to my back where the dull ache resided. He splayed fingers, while pressing his chin against my spine--- easing the discomfort that had taken up residence in my shoulder blades.

And that was when the fluttery first gliding little touch occurred.

I held my breath.

Rafe held his.

It came again--- a stretching, wondering type of movement under his entire hand, as if two of them were vying for daddy's attention. He didn't move.

I felt the wonder, the smile inside me as we two experienced this intimate first together.

"Who is it?"

"They could have moved again. But probably Sereniti and Peyton."

His thumb smoothed the little wrigglers and his breath caught again. We savored the entire moment until they relaxed and settled back to sleep.

"Here's to many more such moments." Rafe whispered and I turned to receive his kiss. I nodded.

He urged me to the den--- indicated the patio with his eyes, and seeing fog and white caps farther out, I declined and went to the couch.

"Let's chat." Rafe made himself comfortable beside me, as opposed to the normal sprawled all over me, around me and on top of me.

"Aren't you tired?"

"Not if you're not. You should know by now I don't sleep well without you."

I nodded, realizing that I did know this. It was the same for me. I don't know when that phenomenon actually started, but definitely on tour last year--- at some point.

"John Crimmons sent me the three finalized adoption papers." Rafe murmured low. I turned to him--- surprised he'd kept it a secret even overnight.

"When?" I was delighted, ecstatic, so happy. It had been my hope to have the kids sealed to us before he left on tour and before I got too big to kneel at the alter for sure.

"They're at the office next door. I had all the mail sent there, so you won't have to worry about it."

"I don't worry about it anyway. Nobody sends real mail these days... we text!"

"Birthday cards." Rafe reminded me. His birthday was tomorrow, and he'd been getting huge bags full of cards from fans. Axis had a fan club, and there was a president and she normally kept track of these things, but---- and her name was Heather--- and she was in her mid-thirties, single and good looking--- but she'd gotten rather miffed when Rafe became unavailable. And even though there was a service that got paid--- to go through mail from true fans of Axis, the piles had gotten rather large.

"Maybe I should be the one answering all the fan mail?"

"Maybe you should---- not."

I laughed. "It would give me something else to do besides blog about the quints moving today."

"That's the only thing you should do." He growled. "You don't want to get into the fan mail business."

"Oh, it's a business? Do you read your fan mail?"

"The service and Heather usually go through it, and send me a cross section of letters they feel I should look at."

"I never see you looking at them. Where are they?"

"They're over at the studio."

"Really! I'm serious. I want to see them. I want to ---- maybe answer them. Why not? It would brighten someone's day. Please, Rafe! It's for times like these when I can't sleep."

He snuggled his face into the space between my breasts and my stomach with both arms around me. "You have enough to do taking care of me and the kiddos, and matchmaking for Ben and, keeping up with my parents, and Lance, and inspiring me to write ever more amazing music."

I was super uncomfortable. I had noticed that the strain of heavy tummy often caused back pain I wasn't used to. I felt the need to stretch out. I squirmed, and he moved. "I am interested in them."

"Aubrey."

"I don't have a first blog post yet."

He chuckled. "Sensible that."

"You haven't liked any of them. You say they're too personal, but what else do I have? I'm just a person."

"You've never been just anything, my love." He finally got the hint and sat up. "Are we meeting with Gerald today?"

"And planning your party."

He threw himself back on the couch, his hand covering his eyes. "No party."

"It's not me who's planning it. You told Roger and Oliver they could simply plan things and you'd show up."

"I just want to stay home." He pulled a couch pillow onto his stomach and crossed his legs on the ottoman.

"Then you shouldn't have-----." He threw the pillow at me. I caught it and threw it back, slapping him with it playfully.

"Why don't we shop for a house and shop for the kids? I enjoy those things."

I laughed out loud. "You do?" It seemed to me, he had liked shopping for the first baby, and studiously avoided it now. Maybe afraid to lose them--- again. And the house? He could do it in his sleep. That was how he rolled with large purchases. He got it in his head, he researched it and then he acted--- quick, decisive. I found out about it afterward. Like his recent sale of the Ferrari, and two of his vintage cars downtown. Why had he sold them? He didn't know. He just thought it was time, and he'd gotten an offer. Simple.

He didn't really enjoy shopping. Downtown with the family had become annoying and claustrophobic---- online shopping was easier and less personal--- and ----

"What you used to like was eating out."

He sat up. "I love eating." He'd felt restricted with my diet. I drank smoothies--- 1500 calorie smoothies, and ate regenerative herbs---- and fruits and veggies--- all organic. We had hired a chef that specialized in these things, and who showed up around eleven to fix me a healthy lunch and dinner, and snacks... and....

Rafe yawned. "I don't care what we do. But the next day---- I've got it all planned."

The day after his day was my birthday. It was my thirtieth, and so he felt it was a big day, a rite of passage day. He said he'd planned it all out and was excited about it. Even thinking about it now got him hyped up.

"You're supposed to be relaxing me, this is sleep time." I reminded as he leaped up and looked animated.

His whole body relaxed again. "You're right." He knelt in front of me and pushed my legs apart, insinuating himself between them. "I do know how to relax you."

"You're going to get my blood pressure up." I warned with a smile as his hands unerringly pulled my clothing aside. I wriggled to give him better access. His eyes held mine in the dim light, sexy--- commanding---

Rafe.

*****