******065:

Rafe can be a loud, boisterous kid when he wants to--- or he can be the very professional, networking, out going, performing singer and actor, or---- he can be this quiet, subtle, gentle, thinking person---- I prefer to think that person is the one I know the best, the one I fell in love with---

It's all of him, I know.

But I think the quiet guy is very appealing.

We went home. The snow had stopped, but it was six inches deeper than it had been, and the clouds swirled around us in the dark. We'd driven down, so we invited Ben and Antonia to drive back up with us. All the lights in the studio were low and everything was quiet. There were folks in the cafeteria, but none of ours.

I shivered as we waited for the car to warm up. Ben was also being his relaxed self. Lately, he'd been pushing---- really pushing his agenda. It was heartbreaking and comical--- and really annoying. I hated that I had seemingly done that to him--- made him insecure and envious and distracted.

But right now he was being his relaxed self. He was kidding around with Antonia--- not flirting at all. I think he'd given up after the fiasco with Victorine and Chyma. And then there was Shellie.

I stopped listening to them as the jeep popped into four wheel drive and Rafe--- who was working hard to become an expert snow driver--- gunned it out of the plowed parking area, waved two fingers at our pickup truck plow guy, and turned down the main road to our cut off and up the hill.

Trees looked like specters in the gloom, the clouds were so low they literally hung in heavy gray curtains over the hills and the valley. The lights of Rosewood were muted, like a Thomas Kincade picture. The whole valley was covered in soft snow.

I wondered if Rafe's idea to spend a few days relaxing was grounded in the fact that we might be snowed in. I wondered if Lance and Mutt had caught a plane south.

Our garage door was open--- a vehicle was parked in it, and off to the side, the second garage was also open and two cars were inside. Lights were on all over the entire house. Ben introduced the house as his own----which was amusing and alarming. Our house he'd said, as if it were his as well as ours. I glanced at Rafe to see if he'd caught it, and he had. He quirked his lips, like the tolerant big brother. I think Ben is actually older than Rafe.

"Being the owner comes with perks, like parking in the closest garage so we don't have to trudge through the snow." Rafe said easily, Ben didn't notice. He probably still thought it was his house. He had his own room downstairs, he had food in the fridge, he had a car in the second garage, he had helped build it sort of. Everything Rafe had was essentially his--- I knew that.

When we went in we were met with Abbie and Jeremy and Macy in the kitchen and dining area with the kids at the bar, setting up the main table, which had been pulled out to accommodate a sit-down meal for twelve or more people---- fluted glasses were being poured by Levi with sparkling cider. It smelled heavenly. Rafe took off his jacket in the mud room, and pulled off his boots, and then bent, and I lifted my foot like the Queen of Sheba while he pulled off mine too.

Lights from the really big living areas indicated where others were. I looked in there as we passed, on our way to see the kids. Jeff and Justine were near the giant fireplace, which was roaring cheerily. Mutt and Lance were also standing, drinking something in cans, and mugs, talking animatedly. My Mom and Dad, Kell and Maille and two or three kids were also there. I leaned over far to see who else might have ended up here. Rafe was looking also.

"There's a crowd." He said, noting a few others from the studio who I didn't know. I saw guys from Draft Jam---- they had been up here a few times while they worked in the studio at Rafe's request. They were staying in their own cottage, though. I had actually not been introduced, even though they'd been working with Rafe even in LA for about four months.

I greeted Abbie and Macy. Rein instantly wanted me--- I was gratified that I took precedence, even though I was missing in action occasionally. He knew I was the mommy. He slept in my bed most nights, I supposed. It was obvious that we were a unit, even to the three-year-old.

Ben was introducing Antonia around. Macy explained the food and that she'd brought two of the servers from Rosewood to dish up and clean up since our housekeeper had left for home due to the weather. Tonight was a special night. Jeff and Justine were engaged, ring and all, I noticed when she came into the kitchen to refresh her glass.

And the other two girls were noticeably absent.

I made my way to Justine. "Hey, Justine. Congratulations." I said and hugged her. She reciprocated, easily---- she wasn't harboring any of Victorine's hard feelings.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh thank you. We are so happy! I hope Victorine's outburst when I told her I was leaving the band didn't bother you. It's not your fault at all, Aubrey. I was already planning on leaving the band--- maybe to go back to school. But then I met Jeff and it's just perfect--- it's so right, I can hardly believe it."

"I was a little worried." I admitted with a small smile. I jostled Rein as he wanted to go back to his high chair and his food. Rafe came to my side, took Rein and situated him.

"Well, don't be. I feel like meeting Jeff was supposed to happen. He's absolutely perfect for me, we are into all the same stuff, and it's crazy how much we think alike. I'm very happy, and Victorine Alissa was winding down anyway. Chantel already left and Rowanne was getting hard to deal with. So yeah. No worries."

Her speech sort of made me feel better, but not totally, as I thought about the guys who had had to put up with Victorine and Chyma for two weeks.

The talking wasn't loud, Rafe called everyone in for dinner at the table, and with raised brows I joined him, surprised as heck, seeing Axis, and Draft Jam and who knows who else, coming in for a sit down meal in this giant dining area we'd built, at the giant table we'd also had installed. It was a sight I'd not expected to see--- maybe ever.

Rafe was being the perfect host--- introducing people--- there were quite a few I didn't know. And since they'd all been working down there, I felt like they all knew each other, and I was the one they were being introduced to. There was a producer and his family--- wife and three children who had met Parker on his mission in Slovakia. But they spoke perfect English--- so no issue there. And Draft Jam was actually from Germany--- I had not realized that. Rafe had met them in LA, though.

Why Kell and my parents were there was beyond me, till I realized this was a celebration to honor Jeff and Justine. Did Kell know Jeff and Justine? Did my Mom and Dad?

Why was I so out of it?

After the blessing, which Rafe offered, Macy and her two servers began bringing in the dishes, to serve family style at the huge table. The china and silver were set as if I'd chosen them myself, which I realized I had not. Likely Mom had--- or I don't know--- Rafe....

I sat beside Rafe with Rein on my other side and Felicity on his other side. Virgil beside Felicity, and Ben next to him. The dinner was scrumptious--- smelling.

I realized at once that the proposal had not been random, or inspired by the announcement that we were leaving like I'd originally thought. Jeff had planned it all--- and invited the adults staying at the main house---- ie: Mom and Dad and Kell and Maille. That made more sense. He'd arranged this dinner in Justine's honor. That made me very happy. Although I still felt like Mom-zilla. I knew I had to be looking as bad or worse than I did earlier. I inadvertently smoothed my hair as the first toast was offered by Ben.

Draft Jam are not members of the church. I saw them looking at the glasses and at the sparkling cider curiously, after realizing it wasn't alcoholic. Had no one told them?

Macy set the appetizers in front of me, along with my smaller plate and then stood back to tell us about her creation.

"Shrimp tarragon edamame puree; smoked trout rillettes on toast, teriyaki quail legs, duck confit, fig jam, picador fennel toast." She set each plate in front of Rafe as the head of house, but looked to Jeff for approval. He nodded circumspectly, as I allowed my eyes to widen. It was fitting that we christen the new table and dining area with our first formal dinner being his engagement celebration. I truly was beginning to feel happy for them. I wish I'd dressed for dinner and done my make-up--- if I'd had a little warning....

I leaned over and asked Rafe if I could take a moment to freshen up, as there had literally been no time. He smiled benevolently, telling everyone what an amazing chef Macy was , and how he'd met her initially, etc. I excused myself and hurried upstairs.

I wanted to shower, but that would literally take too long. So, I went into our dressing rooms, and bathroom, put my hair up and ran the shower for a quick rinse-off. When I got out, I felt a gazillion times better, and donned fresh underclothes and a nice blue skirt and white top, with some gold bling on top----

I turned to see Rafe's phone on the dressing table, beeping and flashing. I knew he'd accidentally left it and picked it up. It was an unfamiliar number, so I answered it for him, saying this was Aubrey Stryker.

"Hello, Mrs. Stryker. This is Madona Darajan, have you heard of me?" The accent was Russian, I thought, and I had not heard of her, but it was apparent she had heard of me.

"No." I answered politely. "Can I help you? I assume you want to talk to Rafe, he's not available."

"No, it is fine. I will leave a message. He had said he'd return my call when I talked to him yesterday, and he has not. Please announce to him that I am still awaiting his return call. We have arrangements that can be made outside of the courtroom if he will honor his obligations. I will give him until this time tomorrow. May I be assured you will give him this message?"

"Courtroom?" I felt a sudden wariness.

"In regard to arrangements made for custody of our son, Besarion. Surely he has told you he has a son with me?" her voice was so foreign, I almost didn't understand her, but the last little bit was loud and clear. He had a son with her?

I stammered out that I would relay her message and then as I clicked off I sat down very hard on my dressing room vanity chair. The brush was in front of me. I gingerly set down his phone--- his private phone--- and picked up my brush.

Rafe had a son? Rafe had been in contact with a former lover with whom he had a son?

I picked up the phone and clicked to the number again. Then clicked to all calls and saw that there had been about eight calls shared back and forth just yesterday with a 714 number in between. I dialed the 714 number--- it was in California--- and a voicemail picked it up right away. A lawyer--- a law firm.

I swallowed hard and then set his phone down. Then I reached mechanically for my make-up and shallowly applied the bare minimum, before putting my hair up again and twisting on the little gold brocade stool and staring at my reflection in the double mirrors. My face was pale with blush high on the cheekbones. My eyes were unnaturally bright--- likely from crying earlier.

Rafe had a son.

Had he just found out, or had he known all along? I should have asked. He probably would have told me if he'd known before. That meant he did not know.

That's what happens when you're rich and promiscuous. Everybody wants to get a piece of you.

What a witchy thought!

Courtroom? Had she been threatening him? What did she want?

I felt my knees go weak. I'd once heard my dad discuss rich people and poor people. He said that poor people worried about money--- about paying the electric bill, about affording food for the table, buying car parts, and paying medical bills. I'd seen plenty of those who lived from pay check to pay check. I'd even paid some of those medical bills to alleviate some of that stress. And rich people--- what did they worry about? Money as well. Only they worried about being sued. There was a long list of very rich people who had lost it all through poor investments, being sued, declaring bankruptcy, lots of things.

Was Rafe being blackmailed?

No, she'd said courtroom.

Did she not want her child? Was she selling him to Rafe? What did she want?

I glided into close toed slip-ons and made it down the stairs as Macy announced the salad: Arugula, smoked elk carpaccio, blue cheese, shallot and whole grain mustard.

The thought made me feel nauseated.

I slid into my seat and Rafe leaned in to whisper, "You look ravishing enough to eat."

I spread my napkin in my lap and reached for my sparkling cider, indicating that I only wanted a very teeny taste of the elk carpaccio and blue cheese.

Conversation flowed around me like a glacial river, covered in pointy rocks and ice blue shards of crystal ice. I couldn't hear for the roaring of the river.

My children were not impressed with the food, and Rafe only made them try a bite of each thing and then Macy brought them the healthy snack they were used to: rolled up sun dried tomato and chicken quesadilla, with carrot sticks and apple slices. That kept them occupied and fairly quiet. They weren't noisy at the dinner table anyway. The other children present also preferred Macy's healthy snack choices. She brought out sweet potato fries as a treat.

I had left Rafe's phone, now I slid mine out of my pocket and rudely--- since using one's cell phone at the dinner table with guests especially was a no-no--- I looked up Madonna Darajan, and sure enough, it pulled her right up, along with America and Camilla. Elite Forum models--- super models.

I slipped the phone into my pocket again, as my untouched plate was taken, and replaced with the main dish of roast leg of lamb, port jus, feta, oregano, olive oil, and poached ratatouille with hazel nuts, grilled asparagus with garlic and citrus, zucchini mozzarella gratin. I sighed looking at my plate.

Rafe's hand was sitting in front of me--- palm up. My eyes snapped up to meet his and he blinked long and slow.

"What?"

"What were you looking at?"

"My phone."

"Yeah, let me see it."

"It's okay." I picked up my fork.

"Now."

"Seriously, Rafe, stop this."

"It's a guy."

"I would bring the phone and a guy to the dinner table?"

His palm was still there. I handed him the phone and he simply pressed the light, it brought up the picture of Madonna Darajan. I looked away.

His tightly indrawn breath alerted me to his irritation.

"Why didn't you ask me about her?"

"I intercepted a call upstairs accidentally. You left your phone. I was supposed to relay a message about your son. You have---."

"Yes, I know. Hours or better yet--- Aubrey--- it's not what you think."

"What do I think?"

"That I have a son, that I didn't tell you about."

"Do you?"

"No, dammit. No."

"Oh really?"

"Yes really. I don't have a son that you don't know about."

"But it's possible then that you have a son that you didn't know about? How long have you known?"

"A couple of days, that's all."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You're in a very delicate condition, and I don't know anything yet for sure." He blew out his breath in exasperation.

"Or, maybe it's possible that you loved this girl---- more than say: America, or Camilla, or others. And you wanted to keep----." I looked away. I was being snide and witchy.

"That's not it, Aubrey." He stared around at the dinner, at the people talking, at our children fidgeting. "Let's put the kids to bed." He scooched back his chair.

"We haven't eaten."

"We need to talk."

"It's a big deal then."

"Yeah, it's a big deal, come on."

I smiled, made apologies, retrieved Felicity and hoisted her to my hip which I hardly ever do. In my defense, she had been poking Virgil with her fork, and needed to be removed. We'd made a playroom upstairs, and it was here we went, eventually letting the kids run and play, we spoke low and in English, sitting on the floor while I changed Rein's poopy diaper.

"So----." He began. "I get this call from Madonna a couple of days ago. She's in Bolivia or some such and she figures it's time for me to acknowledge my son."

"She found out you are married." I countered, quirking a brow his direction, still feeling miffed, but also completely mollified that he was choosing to address it right away.

"And she wants me to formally adopt him--- change his name to mine and have visiting rights."

"How old is this kid?"

"He's twelve."

"Twelve." I repeated dumbly. "Does he think you're his father?"

"I don't know. I haven't even seen a picture." He shook his head. "So, I told her I'd get back with her and took her number. Then I called John Crimmons--- our lawyer in case you forgot—and put him right on it. He's hired a detective as well, and is demanding a paternity test. I get another call from Madonna--- she's all sticky sweet, saying she's come to LA, and she wants to meet with me."

"And we are conveniently heading to LA tomorrow." I rolled my eyes, knowing that the decision to go home had not come because of Rafe's phone calls.

"That's not the point." He was a little exasperated at my annoyance, knowing I had no such reason to be annoyed. "I told her no. She threatened to force me to acknowledge this kid by going to the courts and making a media circus out of it."

"And you said?"

"See you in court."

"So, it's about money? She wants money?"

"Maybe. John is checking that stuff out--- how much she's worth right now, what she's been doing, if she's financially hurting--- and all that stuff."

"Does she know you want a paternity test?"

"Not yet I don't think. I just told John about her coming to LA. But honestly, I don't even know if the kid is with her."

I looked at Virgil, then let my eyes travel over to Rein who was zooming his car down the Little Tykes slide that had been mine as a child--- mine in my bedroom. I used to love to slide. It was about three feet high. Yeah. I felt like I was on a slide right now.

"Do you want to---- meet with her?"

"No--- well, yeah. Kind of."

"Is it possible you're the father of her child?"

"Pretty impossible. I'm actually very careful. I can honestly say I've never had unprotected sex."

"So, even if they say they're on the pill, you used a condom?"

He stared me down frankly, maybe trying to recall--- I don't know. Confronting the actual thought of him in bed with another woman--- even though I've known it--- really known it--- unfortunately hurt. Our intimate life flashed in front of my eyes and---- heaven help me--- it would have been better if I hadn't pictured me watching him and another woman. I covered my mouth with my hand to still the sudden trembling.

Rafe knocked himself in the forehead. "And this is why I didn't want to get you all riled up. It's probably nothing."

"Rafe!" I did feel the sting of tears and tried to keep them checked. "It's not nothing. It wouldn't have been nothing, ever. It's a child--- it's real. And even if it were fake--- you don't keep secrets from me to spare me---. You just don't."

He rubbed his forehead hard, bouncing his knees against mine. Rein came over and tumbled into his lap. He lifted him to his shoulder and buried his face against the sweet little flailing arms and chest. Rein squirmed to get down and Rafe blew raspberries on his tummy, while he giggled and squirmed.

"No--- you're right." He let Rein run off again--- and he ran a few feet, turned and waited to see if Rafe was going to get him. Now Felicity and Virgil were aware, and wanting attention too. Rafe got on his hands and knees and made his hand into a tickly claw. They all three ran around and giggled, and attacked him from behind, or even the front as he whipped Rein off his feet to loud growls. I remember my dad playing with me and Brianna this way.

Was there a boy out there who had never played tickle tiger with his dad?

Oh, Heavenly Father! How do I understand this one? What do I do?

The answer came instantly. You don't do anything--- together you do everything.

I rolled to my knees and caught his attention as he rolled on his back with all three kids on top of him. He was tickling them all.

"Help me!" He cried with one hand momentarily out to me, his eyes twinkling.

I crawled over to them and dug in--- tickling first Virgil, who squirmed and got away, and then tried to tickle me back. And in seconds I was embroiled in it too, and when my eyes met Rafe's ---- they were free of fear and recriminations. I was fine.

*****