*****046:

But the conversation wasn't over. I had thought about it in my dreams. I thought I was coming up with a monumental answer to all our problems.

"So, we're going to change the routine a little." I started as soon as I heard her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks. I'd been awake longer--- studying the ceiling with flow charts and calendars. I'd solved issues before with flow charts and calendars---making room for everything and including it all in an organized way. It was proven to have an effect on me. Routine and organization.

"Oh?" Now she leaned up on an elbow, and looked down at me in the starlight from our sunroof window.

"First thing in the morning--- still scriptures and prayers and songs. Then yoga--- but then grandpa watches them while we do a real run, not this little three-mile dilly dally we've been doing. And if not grandpa--- then a nanny. Then we shower and eat together---- they can eat with grandpa if they want--- you and I will eat together, our smoothies. Then we will do spinning or taekwondo as a family, or something together. Then---- our day begins--- whatever you choose, but we'll eat dinner together, and then on Tuesday, and Thursday and Friday---- you and me--- we go out. At some point in the afternoon or evening. Three date nights.... We are still newlyweds. It will be fine."

"Tuesday is Temple day."

"Yes, before yoga. We will have to get a nanny."

"No protest from me." She yawned. "I'm down with the nanny."

I chuckled. "And you--- should plan vacations for us. Really awesome ones--- things to break up the monotony and give us something to look forward to. I learned that on the tour. That was what made it amazing."

"Okay." She yawned again and then flicked her fingers over my chest, tracing the ink the way she liked to. "I'll do it."

"No qualms?"

"None. You have the best ideas. I'm all for them."

I sighed in peace finally--- realizing that being the head of house had its advantages. Then I drifted off.

******

We'd been up all night with Rein, throwing up and coughing and sneezing. He cried and cried and scared the crap out of me on more than one occasion when he simply choked on his own snot. Aubrey put up a cool air humidifier---- let him sleep on her chest sitting up in a recliner she'd had put up in our room. We were both exhausted and I had interviews with the band in the a.m., some charity work--- again for Christmas, with the band--- a Christmas TV special for the show--- and contestants..... rehearsals--- etc. Hectic time.

Two weeks of this schedule. Plus our album was scheduled for release--- and wasn't finished. And--- I'd been working with Pace Curry and Draft Jam extensively in my time off--- oh yeah--- when was that?

Me and Aubrey----

We stuck to our schedule like glue, afraid not to, afraid to lose what we had.

We hired a nanny--- an older woman who didn't stay or sleep at our house, but who fixed meals, kept things picked up and spoke fluent Spanish. We asked Mona Tate, the housekeeper to come an extra day and get some more deep cleaning done---- according to our specifications--- both of us being clean freaks.

I had these nagging issues in the back of my head as well. Ben and Shellie were controversial--- Shellie was one of those very judgmental Mormons--- it seemed like she thought every word out of Joseph Smith's mouth was to be taken literally. It really bugged me and we'd had more than one discussion not to diss on Joseph Smith, but what about following the living prophet?

My dad was despondent--- my mother incommunicado--- bitchy.

Lance and Darnel separated, and Lance moved out, splitting the kids three or four days a week. Not ideal--- not even remotely happy. He was speaking to me, though--- that was a plus.

Jeremy and Hannah were pathetic and love-sick. Annoying as all get out, making me wonder how Axis had managed to watch the sticky sweet sap between me and Aubrey if there had been any.

Stress---- I felt unsettled--- not Aubrey- and not the kids who were adjusting amazingly for what they'd been through and what we'd expected.

So when I came down with the bug on the night of Axis' performance at the Madison Square Garden Christmas special with about six other amazing bands--- completely sold out--- it wasn't a big surprise.

Aubrey had scheduled a vacation--- just like I asked her to--- directly after the concert. But at this point in time, neither of us thought about going. We were exhausted and stressed and just wanting to go home. A doctor had been in to see me, diagnosing me with bacterial bronchitis, and laryngitis. How does a world-class singer keep singing with laryngitis?

Jeremy was in the green room with us, he and Hannah and Abbie. Hannah was there for him--- Abbie was there in place of a nanny for the kids. Our home nanny did not travel with us.

"Dude, you're just gonna go on stage like that?" He was sipping his own hot tea.

"You have a better solution?" I croaked taking the tiny cupful of nasty concoction Aubrey had just made according to her mother's herbal expertise. Raw apple cider vinegar, with honey, lemon, and cayenne pepper. There was one other herb---- "Aubrey, what the f- is this?"

Her eyebrows rose, and she turned her back on me. I was just sick enough and just irritated enough to be unkind.

"Abbie, would you take the kids to the outer rooms, please. I left their IPAD so they can watch a movie." Abbie instantly moved to get Rein who was sitting on the floor, playing with a mini-truck. Both the other kids gave me a look, but obeyed Aubrey. In the weeks since we'd had them--- it had been established that I was the push over nice dad, and Aubrey was the strict, sensible mom. But if you had to obey someone--- it would be her---

"It's ginger." She announced after the kids had left, she capped the concoction and put it back in her purse. Then she came and felt my head, shaking hers as she did. She didn't have to voice the obvious--- I was sick.

"You go on in fifteen minutes." Ben said from the doorway. I was to go on before the band and sing a duet with Christina Martinson. I looked over at Aubrey who wasn't smiling.

Her brows rose again. "You want my suggestion?" I nodded. "Do some jumping jacks--- some yoga--- here...." She put down her purse, and came to me. "I'll do it with you. Get your mind set... you're going out there. You're giving your hundred percent like always. You never let the audience down. Show me your energy."

Initially, I wanted to shake her. What a stupid suggestion. I should be quiet, resting. But then her eyes were so damn compelling---- so knowing as she took my hands.

"Would everybody please step out for a few minutes?" She shook my palms down, stretched her neck back and forth, so I did too. Then she started pumping her knees up and down. I stepped back and began to do the same. I instantly started coughing. I stopped.

"Don't stop." She commanded. "Cough it up."

After ten minutes—she was right--- I had coughed up a lungful--- but I could breathe. I stared at her incredulously. "How'd you know to do that?"

She still wasn't smiling. She backed away from me in fact, and shrugged. "I just do."

My hands on my hips I confronted her. "What's pissing you off?"

She turned and grabbed her purse, slinging it over her shoulder. "I'll see you out there."

"Aubrey."

Her eyes sought mine. "You're sick, and being a jerk, and that might excuse your irritation, but it doesn't excuse you cussing." She swung her hair off her shoulder and reached for the door.

I grabbed her, and pulled her in, her back to my chest. "I didn't cuss." I whispered low, with a sexy raspy thing going on.

Exasperation oozed off her and she reached for the door handle again.

I covered her hand with mine and curled her fingers inward.

"You know, Rafe, confidence with a woman is one thing, and you have it. You're very confident and that's appealing, it really is. But taking advantage and using a woman is another. I don't want to get into it right now, so you go on out there, keep up your energy, and we'll talk about it later."

"I didn't cuss."

She flipped around in my arms, her eyes blazing. "For your information---- what the f- is this---- is cussing. Everyone, including the kids knew what you meant. You either stop--- even when you're sick and irritated or that might be a deal breaker."

I stepped back from her.

"You're kidding right?"

She just stared at me, those solemn eyes staring piercingly into mine.

"You're threatening to divorce me?"

She still stared, not rushing to change my thoughts, or the statement. Her eyes were dead serious.

I hung my head. Rage poured through me. My fists clenched and Aubrey--- to her credit--- simply turned and left the room--- left me to myself.

A string of foul language issued forth--- inside my head---- lots of it---- nice combinations--- real strong sailor cussing, and then I flipped open the door and rushed out on stage to sing Christmas songs with Christina.

*****