044:

Rafe's eyes slid to mine. I wasn't pushing it, maybe he wanted me to ask questions. I asked Felicity which Disney she wanted to watch, and put it in for them. Rein quieted instantly.

"Is it.... The LGBT issue?" I guessed. What else could it be? Logically---- really--- he couldn't be pissed because of our adoptions--- all their kids were adopted.

Rafe nodded. "They think I've sold out."

I bit my lips.

"Maybe I have. At least I can see it from their point of view. But what I don't get is their anger. I'm not gay. I don't have to support gay ventures only. It's not required."

"No, not required, but it probably made them feel really safe in your affection to see you openly declaring support for their ---- chosen--- lifestyle." I stumbled over the words, knowing that they didn't consider it a choice, but a genetic, biological part of their life. They felt persecuted for being themselves. They felt that awareness of their persecution should be made known to every living person on the planet--- and in fact, a stop should be put to it. That as well as the thought that every living person should also accept and believe the same as they did. That being homosexual is normal, natural, and just as God-given as any other biological condition.

"Aubrey." He glanced at me sideways. "I know how you feel about it."

"I don't hate gays."

"I didn't say you did. But I know you don't agree with them."

"Not in their quest to make me accept their choices as normal and acceptable to God. That's like saying--- for me anyway--- that any other listed sin--- any sin that anybody wants to choose--- is normal and acceptable. It's a humanistic view. Humans are their own little Gods, they make all the rules. But unfortunately they don't make the laws, nor do they choose the ultimate consequences."

"I will still fight for their right to choose that lifestyle."

"Their association with you does not obligate you to financially or otherwise support them. You are required to love them--- unconditionally, Rafe. And you do. You have always loved them, and been there for them. They are the ones putting conditions on it."

He thought about that, but his lips were a solid thin line. "Aubrey--- I will fight for their right to choose."

"Fine." I said. "What does that mean to you?" He could tell my patience was wearing thin. Not on purpose, but just the highly charged subject.

He bit his top lip and showed his teeth. "It means that if they are being persecuted I will fight to see that the wrongs are made right."

"In employment? In education? In housing?"

"Yes, all those things."

"I support you in that endeavor."

He glanced at me, blowing out his breath. "Not just them--- but anyone who chooses that lifestyle."

I sucked in a breath audibly, then bit the inside of my lip on the corner. "How will you show your support?"

"However the situation warrants at the time."

"Even if that contradicts your covenants?"

He screwed up his lips. "I don't think so. I suppose I will cross that bridge when I come to it."

My brows rose and I crossed my arms over my chest. "I think you need to make up your mind ahead of time to do what the Lord has counseled you."

He blinked, and then his hands tightened perceptibly on the steering wheel. I cringed inside, but outwardly kept a stern expression.

"Rafe..." I went on inexorably, heedless of his agitation. "I picture you in the war in heaven as a front line fighter.... I've told you that before. You're out there, standing for things, you're a leader--- an example. Not just to the pop industry, but to your family and now my family and our family."

"Don't spout religion at me right now." He ground out.

I pursed my lips, feeling like I needed to make this point, keep his ball in my court. "I'm not spouting religion, I'm just explaining how I feel about you."

"That War in Heaven shit, that's religion. You're using it to coerce me."

"Coerce you? I would never...." I felt my breath bottling up in my chest, getting ready to cry, and hated myself for the instant flood of emotion. Why couldn't I be less emotional?

"And shit is not a cuss word." He added, giving me a sidelong glance. He knew it was. He did that to get at me.

"It is in my book, and you won't be using it in front of me and the kids."

"Now, you're telling me what I can and can't say? You used to use a more persuasive approach."

"Oh, you'd rather I decked you again? I went easy on you last time, Stryker, I can and will do it again--- in private of course."

He grunt laughed angrily. "I just don't like being told what to do, I don't like the whole reminder of religious obligations, I know what my religious obligations are--- and Aubrey, since I've married you I have never--- never--- given you any reason to doubt my commitment."

I kept my arms crossed and stared straight ahead, my shoulders stiff and painful with the weight of his censor.

I sensed he kept looking sideways at me, and I refused to give him even one glance.

We drove in silence--- pulling up at Marshall and Angie's to the running, flying frenzy that was Celestine, Flinn and Frazier. Felicity perked up and I saw Virgil's eyes dart to his new companions with interest.

At least the kids were on good terms. We could all take lessons from them.

It was probably why God said to be like little children: humble, meek, easily entreated, full of love and patience.

Rafe came around to my side, holding Rein, who didn't and couldn't run off as quickly as the others. I saw him give Virgil the thumbs up sign to let him know it was okay for him to go with the boys---- you could see that he really wanted to. But he was worried about leaving Rein.

"Are we in a cold war fight?" Rafe asked me quickly, and quietly before we got inside.

I scrunched up my lips. Were we? Maybe. This was the issue between us, wasn't it? Maybe we would always see differently about this topic. What if it came between us in a major way? Like made us violate covenants? What would that look like to me?

I had stopped walking and leaned against the car, squinting up at the afternoon sun. "A cold war fight?" I repeated, and let my eyes slide down to meet his.

"Cold war--- a standoff?"

"A standoff?" I tapped my fingers on the hood of his car and watched as his eyes narrowed. He'd expected refutation--- reassurance.

"Do you doubt my commitment to our marriage?"

My eyes widened. "No. Absolutely not. I don't doubt you at all, Rafe."

His shoulders relaxed. "Good."

"But I worry about your commitment to the commandments. Lance and Darnel's views mean a lot to you."

He glanced away, at the front door, at the Japanese Boxwood adorning Marshall's front walk.

I shrugged. "It's okay. I knew that when I married you."

"You knew what?"

"That this would be hard for you."

"Hard for me? Hard for just me? Because what? You're right, and I'm wrong?"

My eyes shot daggers at him. "I'm not doing this today."

"What? A cold war?"

"Yeah--- a cold war. I'm not fighting with you. Not over this. It's not resolved easily, and we both know it."

"You don't even know what was said recently--- or why Lance isn't coming today."

"No--- I don't. Apparently, you don't trust me enough to fill me in on the details."

Now his eyes widened, the blues became dark and turbulent, and his whole face infused with color. Which is a lot from a guy as typically pale as Rafe---- even his forehead shot through with red. He handed me the baby. I took him, feeling horrible--- wanting to take back my stupid sarcastic remark.

Rafe got back in the car and literally peeled out, shooting more daggers my direction. Really? Really? This is how we're going to deal with it?

I pulled my phone out and dialed him. He picked up, as the tail lights flashed and he turned out of the housing tract and I lost sight of him. "Where are you going?"

"To cool off." He gritted out. "How can you say I don't trust you?"

"Well, you didn't see fit to tell me about Lance and Darnel."

"Aubrey.... You know there hasn't been time. And that conversation takes time for us."

"So, you're going to drive away and leave me here to put on a happy face for my family and our very insecure kids? Thanks." I hung up, feeling that throat choking wedge of anger shooting red welts into my stomach.

Angie came out the door as I clicked off, and seeing me there without Rafe, she threw out a confused expression.

"He forgot a pie. He wanted a special pie, so he is going to get it." I lied lamely and she nodded, without believing me, but put an arm around my shoulders anyway, and kissed Rein's nose, chucking him under the chin, calling him every cute name she could think of.

We went inside. The kids had already raced off to the basement where every toy imaginable was located and the kids bedrooms to goof around in. Felicity would be in heaven. I tried to keep my breathing even--- tried vainly.

I hadn't been this mad at Rafe since that horrible day at his parent's house. And he hadn't been mad enough at me ever to leave me.

I only made it about fifteen minutes and then told Angie I had to go find Rafe. I borrowed their car, and gave Rein to fourteen-year-old Alex. He didn't protest--- too awed by the surrounding noise and cacophony to care who had him.

I pulled out, dialing his number again.

Everything had changed in that fifteen minutes. I was contrite--- anxious--- not just anxious---

Downright scared.

Had he really left me?

Left me for good?

Was he just cooling off?

Without me?

How could he cool off without me?

We'd only cooled off playing basketball or making out--- even bad sex---- sex inspired by anger, or confusion, or just plain old stress---- I thought I got that---

But this.....

He picked up. But he didn't say anything.

I felt the seething annoyance under the surface. But obviously, we were on different pages. We had to get back on the same page. This couldn't be us----this really can't be us.

"Rafe?"

"Hm."

"Where are you? I've borrowed the car, I'm coming to find you."

"Don't bother."

"Please! I can't do this. Not--- not cold war--- not without you."

"I know."

"Rafe, please!"

"I'm just down the street. You can see me from where you just turned. I'm parked."

I did see him. He was parked and sitting there, across from a very small green park area, meant for walking the dogs or something. No kiddie toys. I pulled up behind him and got out.

I felt such exquisite relief---- just finding him----

My hand covered my mouth as my eyes welled up with tears and I didn't care--- no I didn't care that I was crying--- always crying....

He got out and intercepted me, holding me tightly, burying his face in my hair and my shoulder and his hands in my top.

"I'm sorry." I got out as he shook with the effort not to cry.

"I'm sorry as well." His voice was very choked up. I scrunched my tears into his shirt, my hands rubbing his back hard.

"That's not how we fight. No cold war."

"No." He held me back to look into my eyes. His darted back and forth across my face, piercing---- wanting reassurance---

I nodded, over and over and kissed him finally, cupping his cheeks with my palms. "I can't do that whole running off thing anymore. There has to be a better cool off cue."

He nodded in tiny affirmative jerks. "'Cause we both suffer from hot tempers."

I snort/ laughed and then choked on a sob. His hands holding me to him became gentler with each passing second.

"You can support whatever cause you want." I said, hiccupping.

"Thanks. You too."

"Even if my cause is the opposite of your cause?"

"Like--- you're going to actively support traditional marriage versus gay marriage."

"I don't have any current plans to actively do any such thing. Like lobbying, and rallying? No. Not right now. Is that what Lance and Darnel want you to do?" I really was fairly horrified.

He nodded. "It's who I am."

"Who you were." I corrected. He dropped his hands and shoved them in his own pockets.

"I don't get why this has to be an issue. People have their personal preferences as to what they want to do with their own lives, and they have every right to do that. It's not anyone's business except the people involved."

"I agree." I said.

"Then why does the church oppose gay marriage?"

"Because it is against God's laws. Marriage can't be redefined to mean something else. Marriage is a term used to describe the union of man and woman. Whoever wants to have sex with whoever---- fine--- whoever wants to live with whoever--- also fine--- it's none of my business. But why call it marriage? Marriage is between a man and a woman."

"Who says marriage is between only a man and woman?" Rafe blurted angrily.

"God does!" I cried. "God gave marriage to man and woman--- to Adam and Eve. God is the one who told them what it meant and that it was the law of this world, and the law of the universe. It's God's law. Man can't simply redefine it."

"But what if men don't care about God's laws? If they just want to have the companionship of their chosen spouse whoever that may be? They want the state to recognize them. They want the state and government benefits awarded to those who are married. Marriage is legal--- it's a contract--- it might have been God's law in the beginning, but now it is just a man- made thing."

I backed up. "Marriage is not a man-made thing. Or else why did we get married in the temple?"

He sighed and shook his head.

"And they can name whoever they want to be their beneficiary. They cannot legally be discriminated against based on gender, housing, employment, education--- those things are already protected. Redefining marriage is simply Satan's way of confusing and destroying the human race."

"So, now my brother is Satan? Following Satan? Gees, Aubrey!"

"I totally did not say that!"

"Basically you did."

"You can read whatever you want into it, but that is not what I said!"

He stood there, rocking back on his heels. "I don't necessarily think homosexuality is right--- but I think people should have the right to choose whatever they want."

"Okay--- well--- I think homosexuality is wrong. I think it is a terrible trial for some people, but not really for all the people who espouse to it. I think people who choose to give in to temptation are just that---- choosing to give in. Some things are just wrong. And those things are guarded."

"Guarded by what?" Rafe was tight and controlled.

"Well---- sex--- sex is guarded by the fact that doing it meshes--- men and women go together. They fit. Same sex---- doesn't. Pardon my example--- but it's like a screw. A round screw cannot go in a square nut. And vice versa. And it has the lovely purpose of making babies--- a testimony that it is right when enjoyed properly. You can't really get around that. All of nature affirms that. We don't have to go far to see that for ourselves. God's plan for us to get back to Him involves families, Rafe."

Rafe looked at the sky.

"Rafe. This is Thanksgiving. Can we just let it go for today? Get back to it tomorrow?"

"Yes, but I just don't get why someone's sexual preference cannot just be their sexual preference. Why can't we all just move on?"

I laughed. "In our case, Rafe, we are the ones letting them just move on. They are the ones with something to prove. If it doesn't affect the way you view a person, then why are they so excited about forcing you to acknowledge them publically?"

"It shouldn't matter. I believe everyone is on a level playing field and we're all crazy with some stupid trial or quirk, whatever."

"But it does matter. Because they won't just let you have your own opinion, and let you live by it. They want you to be out there advocating for their opinion. Like selling 'fresh creamery butter' endorsing it--- and having it taste like crap."

"Shit--- like shit, Aubrey, the line is shit."

I smiled because he knew the movie reference--- Kate and Leopold--- one of my favorite time travel movies. I started laughing and Rafe encircled me in his arms.

"I will owe you fifteen bucks for that, won't I?"

I nodded.

His hands on my back were comforting.

"Aubrey---- I will try to cool off some other way in the future."

"Okay--- me too."

"Thanks for coming after me."

I blinked back the sudden tears, and when they fell anyway, I simply wiped them on his shirt. His arms tightened and he breathed in my scent loudly, and then dropped his lips to mine carefully.

Our kiss was in place. Sealed there with mutual misunderstanding, this time. And there would be more to talk about for sure.

******