*****028:

Rafe is like my mom and Kell when he wants to be. He needs very little time to make things happen. He sees things as conveniences to be mastered and changed about as needed. People matter.

We don't normally have James on Saturdays. So while Rafe was on the phone and the internet making some purchases---- after I'd given it a look and chosen a few things for him to go through as far as den and bedroom furniture. I'd left it up to him. I knew he wanted to make arrangements for the remodel next door and run that thought by Ben, Jeff, and the band.

I went out on the patio, I didn't know if Felicity would follow me. She didn't seem quite as shy or uncomfortable with me, now that we'd had one crazy bizarre intimate bonding moment.

She watched me go. Keeping an eye on Rafe in the kitchen on the phone and the computer.

"Hey! Why don't we just move your furniture in here?" Rafe yelled out the door.

"Fine." I called back. I actually had a couple of twin beds in one room for when nieces had come to stay--- but we'd already ordered Felicity's bedroom set. It didn't matter. "We can walk through in a bit and see what you want to keep. I'm not super attached.

"We should have done this awhile ago." Rafe admitted and gave me a lop-sided smile.

"I'm going out to collect sea shells," I said in English and in Spanish. "Felicity can come if she wants to."

I saw her perk up and then I turned my back and walked out on the patio. Rafe had a longer than normal patio, with lovely lounge chairs, the barbecue and just a different approach to patio looks. He had some plants---- so I got the water can and filled it from the spigot. That was when Felicity came out and stood there watching me.

"You want to do it?" I asked in English and in Spanish.

She reached for the can, dropping the mermaid doll.

"Rafe, we'll have to go out anyway later. She doesn't have church clothes."

"Okay." He replied distractedly. "She doesn't have a swimming suit either."

I looked at her ridiculous yellow dress, and white sweater. I'd gone through the backpack they'd given me and wanted to throw it all away and start over.

"I'm going to trash the backpack and start over," I told him.

"Yep." He was on the phone with someone else. I helped Felicity handle the watering can as we spilled water over the plants she could reach.

There was a bee in one flower and she screeched and stepped back, but I was right behind her, and I caught her and smiled gently. "Just a bee." I said the words for it in both languages and then did the sign--- in sign language. It might be easier to learn both languages at the same time.

She watched it buzz around, somewhat fearfully.

I had my phone in my back pocket and it buzzed.

Felicity whirled to me. "Momma? Papa?"

"No." I said in disappointment, feeling bad for giving her the impression they existed in the phone somewhere. I answered it.

"Hi, this is Fred. How are you?" His voice was gruff on the phone, and it was hard to remember he was a very successful clothing boutique owner. He seemed like a mechanic or a lumberjack to me.

"I'm fine." I said. "How are you?"

"Well, Janice and I are doing good. I understand you're back in town, and we were wondering if you'd want to come to dinner tonight?"

"Have you talked to Rafe?"

"His line is not picking up."

"Oh, well, let me ask him. It sounds fine to me, but we have news and he should be the one to tell you." I started back in the house, leaving Felicity with the watering can. She turned to look at me and I held up one finger. "Be right back, baby."

I got in Rafe's face and stuck my tongue at him, then proceeded to stick my tongue in his ear and his nose and anywhere I could reach--- he kept trying to hold me back while he spoke on the phone.

"Just a second." He said into the receiver. "Aubrey----."

"Your dad has invited us to dinner. You want to go?" I held up my phone so he could see it.

He nodded absently.

"Do you want to tell him?"

"No, go ahead." He said quickly, so I shrugged.

"Hey Fred. Rafe's on the phone busy remodeling my house next door to be his new production studio--- so he asked me to relay our thanks and-- what should we bring tonight?"

"Nothing, Aubrey. Janice has it all cooked up already. It'll be you guys and Chris and Doug and their kids, and Lance and Darnel and their kids."

"Well, that's just it. We'll be bringing our kid too."

I'm sure that shocked him, since the last time he saw me I had just had the miscarriage.

"What?"

"Rafe and I adopted a four-year-old daughter yesterday. You're a grandpa again. Her name is Felicity, and she speaks Spanish only."

There was a silly silence as Fred sputtered to a halt in his thought processes. I guess it would be one thing if I'd said we adopted a dog, or a cat, or a mouse, or anything---- He asked if I'd repeat myself and then when I did he yelled for Janice and he had me repeat it to her. She was flabbergasted, and I was reluctant to talk to her. She hadn't spoken to me since the night of our reception. Not even when I'd had the miscarriage. Not a peep.

"What kind of a fool thing have you gone and got him to do now? Wasn't it enough to lose his own baby?" She screeched.

Rafe happened to be looking out the patio door as my eyes widened and I blew out my breath.

"Janice----I----." I didn't know what I could possibly say.

Rafe pocketed his phone and grabbed mine. "I heard that. I heard that, mother."

I don't know what she said, but I know what Rafe said. "You and I---- mother--- we're estranged. Have you heard that word before? It means we're not talking anymore. It means we aren't socializing. It means I don't want anything to do with you." He clicked off and handed me my phone back.

He was shaking.

"I'm sorry." I said stupidly and glanced at where Felicity had found the spigot and was filling the watering can to overflowing.

Rafe ran his hands through his hair. He was shaking his head back and forth quickly. Under his breath, he had a few choice words to say.

I shushed him, and then used my phone to take some pics of Felicity trying to valiantly water the rest of the plants.

Rafe went to help her. His anger forgotten as he helped her give the plants a drink. A few minutes later his phone buzzed.

He looked at the screen and almost didn't answer it.

"Yeah?"

"I need a place to stay." It was Fred's voice.

"Sure, dad. Come on up. We've got more than enough room." His voice was still shaky, and I felt terrible for the whole thing. "If you want you can stay next door. It'll be more private for you. Yeah, I understand."

He let his silent eyes question me and I simply nodded.

Felicity was being adorable. Rafe helped her refill the water can and then helped her tip it. She was speaking quick and fluid Spanish, faster than Rafe or I could tell her the English or the sign, and frankly we were too stunned to correct her. Janice had just been extremely callous and rude to me--- Rafe had just told her they were estranged, and planned to never see her again, and Fred was moving out of their house--- a separation--- and moving in with us. I swallowed hard. The sky looked pretty wispy cloudy at the moment, my eyes found a seagull, and I watched it.

Rafe slowly turned to me. I held his gaze.

"She had no call to be so rude." He said.

"Right?" I had to agree. I'd done nothing to warrant being accused of losing his child--- like I'd done it on purpose or something. What did she know? Nothing.

Felicity saw another bee, and squealed, doing a little dancing step on her toes, fluttering her hands as she looked for a safe place. Rafe had her this time and knelt to cuddle her safely, explaining about the bee.

"I think I should go get her some clothes alone." I said with regret, but recalling last night's fiasco, I was sure I could get what we needed for right now, and then go online and find the rest. "What about next door? Where is Fred going to stay?"

Rafe nodded. "Yeah, he'll stay downstairs, but with us. I'm having the contractors in Monday morning. He doesn't really want to be over there with the remodel going on. I've got Ben and Jeff and Mutt coming over right now to see the place and give their input."

"So, this is an all of you endeavor? Not just you?" I followed them around the corner to the sand, and Felicity dug her toes in and smiled in sheer joy. Her sweet excited little smiles were to die for---- and somebody already had----

Ugh, why did my mind have to supply the negative for me?

"It's me, Ben, Jeff, and Mutt. Jeremy and Levi aren't nearly set up enough for a buy in." he stopped our daughter from falling over with the weight of the can and then grinned. "We should be videoing this."

I agreed, so we started videoing. But when she stopped and they were sliding their feet in the sand I told him I was sorry about his dad moving out. "Do you think he's leaving for good?"

"I don't know. I would if I was him. This has been going on for years. She's treated him like crap since----."

I looked away. This was a story I'd not heard and now wasn't the time. "Well, anyway."

"Yeah--- let's just focus on the good stuff, and this is the really good stuff." He looked at Felicity's hair blowing into her face and asked if I had a hair tie for her. I did, so I went into the house and got one, and Rafe insisted on braiding it himself. I got more video.

Ben, Jeff, and Mutt appeared, dressed like their old selves--- in basketball shorts and over-sized t-shirts and hoodies. Their hair was growing out as well. All of it.

They came out back where Rafe and Felicity were watering, and stood there staring at this poignant reminder to all of us how short and precarious life can be.

Rafe introduced them to her again in Spanish, and had her repeat their names in English and say hello in English. I excused myself and went upstairs to change and go to the store. I told him I would be back soon.

As I pulled out of our driveway and saw all the cars parked in front of the other house I wondered where they'd park if this were their studio.

Then I called Mommy.

"Hello, Aubrey Angel." She said. "You left before I could even say goodbye the other day. So this is goodbye and hello, and I suppose it is congratulations as well. How did it all go?"

What I really wanted to vent about was Rafe's dad moving in and why, but it was easier to tell the story of our adoption and about the ride home and about today. Mommy was sweet and understanding.

"Well, Charcie and Arielle were much older when I adopted them. Seven and six. Dad did speak their language, but because I don't, they picked up English pretty easily as we spoke to each other in English. I spoke to them in English. Gordy, Marshall and Ammon were younger, like four, three and two. They had an easy time learning. And they're not nearly as bi-lingual as the girls. They didn't have as hard of a time adjusting either."

"Can you tell me why they were all put up for adoption? Did their parents die?"

"Charcie and Arielle had been in the orphanage for three years already. I don't know anything about their parents. They are not biological sisters, like the boys are biological brothers, and the boys were a private adoption. No, none of their parents died, they just couldn't afford them."

"They abandoned them." I stated flatly.

"Yes."

"Did they have to have counseling for that?"

"No. I stayed home with them, or took them everywhere I went. I slept with them, ate with them, did their schooling with them, and played with them. Eventually, they became accustomed to the family. It was easier in our family--- there were already established siblings and rules and lifestyle. They just looked around and did what everyone else was doing. I think your little one will want counseling. Trauma--- trauma can demand counseling and a lot of love and attention. I suppose this means you are retiring?"

"Retiring? I'm only twenty-nine."

"Retiring to be a stay at home mom."

"I'm taking a leave of absence."

"I see. Is that permissible in your profession? I mean, it is in mine, but I don't have to go back and recertify when I decide to come back."

I sighed. "I don't know. I may just keep my position at ABCSC."

"Well, you'll be very welcome."

"I may need help with Felicity."

"I'm here. You have only to ask."

"So, you don't think anything she did so far is unusual? You don't think she's got hang ups with me?" I suddenly remembered the reason my boob was stinging, and wondered about telling anyone. I opted out.

"I don't. I think all your reasoning is sound. Keep your perspective. It will all be worth it in the end. Traditionally we have a party to welcome the new little one, but in your case, I think we will simply wait till Christmas, and you can either come home for the twelve, or we will come visit if crowds are too much."

I said my goodbye and got out at a local mall. There weren't many cars, and I wondered if malls were a thing of the past, or if I were early. Either way, I was able to walk the mall, looking for church clothes and shoes, tights and panties. I had gotten her size from her other clothes and now set about getting her a few fall outfits and so forth until we could do a little serious shopping.

*****