Aubrey came outside, dressed in jeans and a hoodie, her hair curling around her shoulders and arms. The kids were either asleep or watching a movie in the den, where we could hear them.

We'd gathered rocks and made a fire ring, I had some wood and Aubrey had more, and we started a fire and put our folding chairs out there, or simply sat on blankets on the sand. Of course, we had our guitars.

Hannah, who had hit it off as expected with Jeremy, started singing one of Axis' more ballad type songs. Ben joined her, and Jeff began the bass line. It sounded pretty awesome in acoustic the way she was playing it. Jeremy moved in to sit behind her, his legs framing her butt, his arms loosely available, and eventually helping her with chords and fingering. Inevitable.

It turned out Abby could sing as well, and the three Mann girls blended in perfect harmony, so beautifully it was all I could do not to disturb them with my propensity for lead vocals. I couldn't help it. I loved singing with Aubrey-- loved it. I loved hearing her support me. She was more intuitive than Jeff and Ben, who never professed to be great singers and had very little vocal coaching. Her voice blended with mine and I had a pretty distinctive voice. I usually had to tone it to blend with others.

Aubrey and her two nieces sounded like angels.

Hence Aubrey Angel.

Everybody there knew it as well.

Kareem was fairly sitting on the edge of his seat, his dark eyes darting back and forth, or his fingers steepled in front of him, his eyes closed as he memorized each sound. Occasionally he stopped us and sang, showing us the cadence changes that made the song more distinct.

I knew he'd be calling Hannah soon. They were always looking for artists.

Aubrey wasn't as musically aware. She sang for fun just to be with others. She enjoyed it, but in a different way than the rest of us. Eventually, she got up to check the kids and brought Jaden out for his momma. She brought out marshmallows and sticks-- I have no idea where they came from. I hadn't roasted a marshmallow on a stick since I was twelve. Aubrey handed them out as if it was the most natural thing to do, and everybody wanted one. The fire had burned down to embers and was perfect for roasting.

Aubrey sat beside me on the sand, (I was in a chair) and Lance was on the ground beside her, sitting between Darnel's legs. It seemed natural to me, but I noticed her gaze light a little longer on their close proximity. So did Lance. He smiled serenely, trusting, I know, in the girl I'd married, the girl who defended his right to be whatever and whoever he wanted to be.

I thought I could see the gears turning in her mind, the way she glanced not once, but three or four times.

I felt my dander rising.

Against her?

No.

Not exactly.

But in favor of tolerance and love and living together in peace. At least that was what I thought.

I'd never even asked myself if I agreed with the homosexual lifestyle. I knew it wasn't for me. I knew I wasn't attracted to guys. I wasn't afraid of guys who were attracted to other guys. I'd become immune to that as well. It wasn't so much a choice to be pro, or con. It was that it was part of my life.

Daniel had been open about his preferences.

Suddenly that word stuck in my craw.

Preferences.

I thought about the temple. I thought about the covenants I'd made. I thought about marriage being between a man and a woman. I'd agreed to that premise with all my heart while sitting in front of a Bishop and a Stake President and a Temple President. I'd wanted to marry Aubrey.

But here was my brother-- sitting between the legs of the man he loved and had been with for six years, and their three kids were in my house and would someday sit beside my kids. Would my kids then see the example set for them and think it was natural and normal?

Was it?

Frankly--- I'd watched guys.

It wasn't exactly normal.

No, it had turned me on at the time, but I think it had also repulsed me. And I tried not to think of it ever again.

I'd made love to a lot of women. No matter how you did it-- what position-- anything about it-- making love to a woman was normal. It went where it was supposed to go and it had a purpose. There was machinery up there that accepted and welcomed it.

Not so with guys on guys. There was nothing up there made for accepting that.

My eyes strayed to Lance's, whose were on Aubrey speculatively. For Lance it wasn't about how you had sex, and how badly you were attracted to someone-- anyone-- it was about falling in love, and he'd fallen in love with Darnel. Was he wondering how long Aubrey's lack of prejudice would last?

Probably. He was very, very aware of people's intolerances.

And he was very prone to fight intolerance. He had very strong beliefs about it. Many of my beliefs had stemmed from his and Darnel's relationship. Of course, they would. Think about it. He'd fallen in love.

I tried to put that in perspective. I loved-- really loved Ben.

But I didn't want to have sex with him-- even in the crazy mixed up way of teenagers-- I didn't want to have sex with him—and I did want to have sex with women.

I hadn't fallen in love with a woman-- until now.

In fact, feeling the way I did about Aubrey and everything that was mixed up around loving her-- I don't even think I've ever loved another woman.

Contemplating love was giving me a headache.

I looked at Hannah singing with Jeremy and Kareem.

Now there was a man who understood love. I should talk to him about it. Kareem had loved many times-- men, women--- he loved--- loved hard, loved heavy--- loved intensely, and a lot, in the most unique way---

His way was quiet--- not out there. Not pushy. He didn't care if anyone else ever acknowledged his love. He didn't need to. For him--- his love was enough. And he gave his love and his affection--- I thought about affection---

Fondness.

I felt fond feelings for some people.

Attraction for others.

Kareem gave these things freely.

I think--

I don't.

I don't show love-- not love really-- I show lust. And freaking attraction, and fondness sometimes-- maybe just for family and close friends. How I managed to fall head over heels in love with Aubrey--

Because she weathered the storm.

And apparently, she respected my right to keep choosing how I felt and thought.

Where did that uneasiness come from really?

I didn't feel uneasy loving women. They were made for me to love. It was perfectly suitable. It was right. I think if I thought I loved a guy, I might feel a natural uneasiness--

I shook myself.

I might be falling asleep.

What time is it?

Only ten.

I was ready to relax with my baby, or else party--

Lance and Darnel must have got the clue from my glance at the watch. Ronda was already loading up her stuff.

Aubrey--- ever gracious--- was up and helping pack stuff. Levi and what is her name? Anne? Something. They said goodbye.

Kareem and Jonathon barely budged, so engrossed were they talking to Hannah and Abby. I wondered how long they'd stay, and if I had to stay out here with them.

Hannah, however, was aware of others leaving and looked at me to see what my feelings were.

I had a feeling Jeremy was about to ask them to go club dancing with him.

Aubrey came back after saying goodbye to those with children, and I'd appropriately hugged everybody I was supposed to. She fit herself under my arm and smiled at the girls and Kareem.

"Getting lots of good pointers?" She asked Hannah who smiled happily, a genuinely sweet smile. I could see that Jeremy was enchanted.

"Kareem has a lot of good ideas. He's worked with Parker, did you know?"

"I assumed he had. They are both at the top of their game. Speaking of Parker... are you guys going to finish up the recording stuff that never happened in Mexico?"

Ben and Jeremy looked at me. "Yeah, yeah. I know we've got some gigs set up really soon. Stateside. You know. I wanted to do some recording. I've got enough stuff I think to make it worth it."

Everyone there nodded. So I added, "Aubrey and I need to talk about it."

Ben was nodding, not looking at me. It was one of those married things you took for granted, but it was my first time really considering that Aubrey needed to have a say.

For her part, she simply snuggled in under my arm, and hooked her fingers in my belt loops that way I often did to hers.

"Are you guys coming to the Alaska reunion?"

Before I could answer yes, Aubrey reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She had a text and she whirled around and read it privately, and then dialed a number. She plugged her ear against the wind and sound of waves. But I listened intently--- as I found myself doing more and more often.

"Yes, how far along?" "On a scale of one to ten what is her pain?" "You did the ultrasound? And?" "It's possible the fallopian tube has ruptured. She should go to the hospital." "I see. Why?" "I see."

She turned to me and shrugged. As she clicked off she smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry to have to cut this short for myself, but work calls."

They were all gracious about it, and Hannah and Abby agreed to go dancing with Jeremy. Kareem and Jonathon were heading home. Aubrey had started into the house. I caught up to her. "What is it?"

"Most likely an ectopic pregnancy--- in the fallopian tube, but she waited through severe pain, and it's possible her tube has ruptured. I told them to send her to the hospital, but her mother is on call at the closest one--- a sensitive issue."

"How long will you be gone?"

"Om.... A couple of hours. Not too long. You can go dancing with Hannah and Abby if you want." She was to the bedroom now, and stripping, to change into her work clothes.

I stood in the doorway, my hands on my hips. "That really wasn't what I had in mind tonight."

She pulled on her scrubs, looking up at me. "Nature calls, Rafe. I can't leave this woman to die."

"It's that serious? Is it at your Mom's place?"

"No, she's over at USC."

I nodded. So that meant that there really wasn't anybody else with as skilled hands as Aubrey's.

"Please, Rafe. I know you understand." She straightened and looked at me long and hard.

"I do." I said. "I don't like it. But I do understand."

She brushed past me, tying her hair back. "Okay then. I'll call you."

She ran out the door, and I was left standing there, feeling annoyed, abandoned.

******