Kabanata 12

Dream

I never thought that in just a blink of an eye, everything about us would change abruptly.

Ang akala kong tao na makakasama ko habang buhay ay hindi pala ang taong pinangarap ko noong bata ako.

I was mistaken by what I saw. And maybe they're right. Not all we can see are true because we have feelings. Feelings that would tell the truth more than what we see. Our mouths could say falsehoods, but our eyes and feelings can't lie.

Nakadungaw ako sa teresa ng aking kuwarto habang pinapanood ang mga makinang na bituin sa kalangitan.

Madilim ang kalangitan ngunit napakagandang tingnan dahil sa maliit na nagniningning na mga bituin.

And I felt comfy while watching those stars.

It's already late at night but I still awake. Tumayo ako at tahimik na naglakad pabalik sa kama kung nasaan siya natutulog.

Kanina pa ako nakatitig sa kaniya habang minememorya ang kaniyang mukha pero heto na naman ako umuulit.

Umangat ang kamay ko upang haplusin ang kaniyang mukha. Marahan iyon para hindi siya magising.

Kay sarap niyang pagmasdan.

Kay sarap niyang hawakan.

Kay sarap niyang kasama.

Siguro nga hindi ko napapansin noon o talagang nakatago lamang ang totoo kong nararamdaman para sa kaniya dahil may karelasyon ako.

Pinipilit kong maging tamang tao sa araw-araw ngunit sa pagdaan ng araw hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili na gustuhin siyang makasama kahit na mali.

Mali sa mata ng lahat.

Nangilid ang luha sa aking mga mata.

Dahil sa pilit kong pagtatago ng totoo, tuluyan akong nagkamali. May masasaktan kaming tao kaya siguro karma na itong nangyayari sa akin.

I gently touched his face trying to hold back my tears yet it has already fallen. My tears dropped to his face.

Napatingala ako nang gumalaw siya. Akmang pupunasan ko ang luha sa kaniyang mata nang maunahan niya ako.

He woke up.

"You are crying again..." he whispered.

I lowered my gaze as I smiled bitterly. Umiling ako sa kaniya at dahan-dahan na humiga.

"Napuwing lang," sambit ko.

"Hm, you can't lie to me, Fiel..."

Umunan ako sa kaniyang nakalahad na braso at diretsong humarap sa kaniya. Nanuot agad sa ilong ko ang kaniyang pamilyar na amoy.

Our eyes met and content was written on his narrowed eyes. Content sensations that we are together despite our guilty situation.

"What's on your mind?" he asked.

Humaplos ang palad niya sa mukha ko, napapikit ako. Dinama ko iyon na para bang ito na ang huling araw na magkakasama kami.

We've been together for a month which was supposed to be a week only. We live here peacefully.

We live freely but we couldn't deny the fact that this is forbidden.

We are forbidden.

"Are you tired of staying here?" tanong niya.

Hindi.

"I told you, Fiel. I can face them. I can face Trevious, his family, our friends-"

"Pero kapag ginawa mo iyon masisira ka, Liam," agap ko. "Lahat masisira. Pangalan mo, reputasyon mo at ang pagtrato sa'yo ng kaibigan mo."

"But it doesn't matter to me anymore. I don't care if they hate me for what I did, for what we did. I am happy with you," he said sincerely.

Another fresh tear rolled down my cheeks.

"Please stop crying."

"Can't help it..." I sobbed. "Until when we hide?"

"Shh, we don't need to hide, Fiel. Kaya kitang ipaglaban sa kahit anong paran..."

"P-Pero hindi ko pa kaya Liam. I'm scared of people's judgment, especially of Daddy. You know how much I am eager to gain his trust."

"I am just following what you wanted, Fiel. But if you ask me what I wanted to do?"

"Ano?" napatitig ako sa kaniya at naghihintay ng sagot.

"I won't hesitate to reveal us-"

"But this is a sin, Liam. If they find out what happened between the cancellation of the wedding. I'm too close to Tita Trina and the fact that Tito Trevor is in the hospital, I can tell yet. Unless Trevious would tell the truth," I said.

"I know. That's why I am respecting what you want to happen," he mumbled as he caressed my face.

Napasubsob ako sa kaniyang dibdib. I felt calm, peaceful, and free whenever I'm in his arms but my mind can't stop feeling conscientious of the fact that we made a mistake.

I silently cried while embracing his arms. He showered me with kisses that made me calm down.

"Shh, don't worry, I'm just here, Fiona..." he whispered genuinely.

I hugged him back as soon as we both fell asleep.

Another day came, I woke up in the morning when I felt someone showering a gentle kiss on me.

I smiled a little as I familiarize his smell.

"Good morning, cutie bird..." he greeted.

Dahan-dahan akong nagmulat at bumungad sa akin ang bagong ligo niyang mukha dahil sa basa pang ulo.

"Morning... ang aga mo yata nagising," komento ko at dahan-dahang bumangon.

Umupo ako sa kama na agad niyang tinabihan. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at walang pagtutol akong naramdaman kaya hinayaan ko na lang.

"How's your sleep?"

My eyes darted up on him as I smiled a little when our eyes met. Umangat din ang kaniyang kamay at marahan na hinaplos ang mata ko.

"Okay lang..."

"Your eyes are a bit swollen," he noticed. "Does it hurt?"

Mabilis akong umiling, tumayo at lumayo sa kaniya. "Hindi naman. Maghuhugas muna ako ng mukha, hintayin mo na lang ako sa ibaba."

"Nah, I'll wait for you here," aniya.

Sumimangot ako. "Sa baba na lang. Saglit lang ako at susunod agad."

He chuckled while slowly standing up. "Fine. I'll prepare our breakfast."

"Thank you," I said.

I was about to turn my back on him when he called my name in his casual tone.

"Fiel?"

Napabalik-sulyap ako sa kaniya, nagtataka.

"Bakit?"

"Don't you want to go out? Maraming pasyalan sa lugar na ito baka lang naman gusto mo," aniya.

Ngumiti ako at tumango. "Puwede naman Liam. Hm, let's go hiking?"

"Sure, I know an exquisite mountain we can visit."

"Talaga?" kumislap ang aking mga mata.

"Yes."

"Sige. Pagkatapos natin mag breakfast. Magbibihis na rin ako," sabi ko.

"Alright. I will prepare our stuff, too," tugon niya.

Tumango-tango ako bago tumalikod, dali-dali akong pumasok sa banyo ng may ngiti sa labi.

After my morning routine, I immediately go down to ask Liam what we should bring with us or what we need to buy that we could bring.

Halos patakbo akong bumaba sa hagdanan dahil sa excitement. At nang nakarating sa prontera ng kusina ay agad ko siyang nakita sa lamesa.

He's preparing our breakfast.

And as usual. He was the one who always cook for us.

"Ang bango naman," sambit ko at naglakad palapit sa kaniya.

Sumulyap siya sa akin sabay ngiti sa akin. Bahagya pa akong natigilan dahil sa madalas niyang nakangiting mukha.

"Let's eat first. Then I'll check what we should bring to us," aniya.

"Malayo ba ang mountain na sinasabi mo? Magpapalipas ba tayo ng gabi?"

Umupo ako sa bakanteng upuan habang naghihintay ng sagot niya.

"I don't know yet since I haven't been there. But I heard, red valley mountain is indeed a captivating place," imporma niya kaya napangiti ako.

"Maybe we can bring clothes and food."

"Yeah, but let's eat first," saad niya at umupo na rin sa harap ko.

"You always cook, Liam. Dapat ginigising mo ako para ako naman magluluto," sabi ko.

Mahina siyang natawa habang nilalagyan ng pagkain ang pinggan ko.

He cooks pasta again.

"Maybe next time..."

Nabalot kami ng katahimikan nang mag-umpisa na kaming kumain. Yumuko ako at inumpisahang galawin ang pagkain.

Nakakailang subo pa lamang ako ng may bigla akong naalala. Umangat ang ulo ko at diretsong tumitig sa kaniya.

I chewed my food properly and swallowed it before I spoke.

"Ano pala ang nangyari sa restaurant? Bakit biglang nagsara lahat ng branch?" usisa ko.

Agad siyang natigilan. Nabitawan niya ang hawak na kubyertos, inabot ang tubig at mabilis na nilagok ang isang basong tubig.

Nangunot ang noo ko dahil sa mabilis na pagbabago ng ekspresiyon ng kaniyang mukha na para bang may nasabi akong hindi maganda.

Tumikhim ako.

"Liam? May naging problema ba? Maayos naman iyon no'ng umalis ako 'di ba?" ulit kong sinabi.

Nang naubos niya ang tubig ay agad naman siyang sumagot.

"It's stable and running great."

"Bakit mo pinasara kung gano'n?"

Muli siyang nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin. Yumuko konti ang kaniyang ulo at tiningnan ang kaniyang pagkain.

"I'm asking Liam," kalmado kong sinabi.

He sighed heavily as he looked back at me. He licked his lips as he was hesitant to say something.

"Bakit? May nangyari ba?" ulit ko muli.

"I was supposed to be planning to leave and migrate to Japan with my parents..." malat niyang sinabi.

Unti-unti kong nabitawan ang kubyertos. Mabilis na nag-init ang mata ko sa narinig. Nanikip ang dibdib ko ngunit pinilit ko pa rin ang maging kalmado.

"Ah... so when will you l-leave?" I asked, almost whispering in surprise as I lowered my gaze.

l though he won't leave me? I thought...

"I already changed my mind, Fiel—"

"Bakit?" I laughed fakely to avoid awkwardness. "It's a good decision. You will finally spend more time with your family..." sabi ko kahit na parang may bumabara sa aking lalamunan.

Pinilit kong ibalik ang atensiyon sa pagkain kahit na nawalan ako bigla ng gana kahit gaano kasarap ang inihain niya.

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas, nabalot kami ng katahimikan sa hapag-kainan ng muli siyang nagsalita.

"Hindi na ako tutuloy, Fiel. Dito na ako mananatili," marahan niyang sinabi ngunit mababakas ang panghihinayang sa tinig.

Ayoko siyang pangunahan, pero isa iyon sa mga pangarap niya noon pa man. Ang bumalik ang mata sa kaniya ng sariling ama.

When her biological mother died, his father remarried someone, secretly. But the most painful part was, his father impregnated the woman while Liam's mother is still alive, and lives now as his present wife.

In other words, his father cheated on his mother. He has a half-brother who is just a year younger than him.

And since then, he has been ignored by his father. And that was the reason why he chooses to stay here in the Philippines rather than dwell under his father's roof.

It's good news for him but there's a part of me that I don't want him to leave. But I'm not selfish to stop him.

"But that was your dream, wasn't it? To be finally accepted by your father again? To be appreciated and loved?"

Suminghap ako nang nanlabo bigla ang mga mata dahil sa luhang nagbabadya.

"It was not my dream anymore. I am already content here."

"Liar! We both know that it was your objective. You always tell it to me..." I pointed out.

"Believe me, Fiona. Hindi na ako aalis. I am also planning to re-open the restaurant. Though it would be better if I renovate it first, that's why until now all the branches are still closed," he explained with full sincerity.

Dahan-dahan akong napatayo, umiiling ang ulo sa kaniya. I can't be selfish.

"It was your dream, Liam. You should take the opportunity. You are the one who has rights to your father 'cause you're the older son—"

"I don't care about my father's wealth, Fiel..."

"Attention. I was talking about..." I clarified.

"But I already got your attention, Fiona. That was beyond my dreams, to be noticed by you. And now I'm already satisfied with it as long as you will stay with me."

Payak akong natawa sa mga sinabi niya.

"Think wise, Liam. It's your chance to be with your father..." I said as I immediately turned my back at the same time my tears rapidly fell.

I felt so heavy knowing about it. Knowing that he was planning to leave if I didn't discover it early.

Masiyado akong nakampante na buong buwan na magkasama kami. Hindi ko naisip na posibleng magbago ang lahat.

Maybe this is really my karma for what I've done. To be left by somebody. To be alone.

Pinalis ko ang luha sa mga mata bago humakbang palabas ng kusina ngunit hindi pa man ako nakakalayo ng may mga braso ang pumulupot payakap sa aking baywang.

"Fiel..." he whispered tenderly into my ear.

I bitterly smiled as I was trying to remove his hands but instead, he hugged me tighter.

"Take it, Liam," I said.

"No. I won't leave you. I just decided to do it because I thought you can't be mine anymore..." he said huskily.

"Hindi naman ako sa'yo, Liam. Nandito lang naman tayo-"

"Because you do like me, privately," he interrupted. "I have been noticing that for the past weeks..."

"No. It's not true..."

"Sinong sinungaling sa atin, Fiel? Why do you always let me hug you? Kiss you? And we are always in the same bed during bedtime. Maybe your mouth can lie but not your eyes..."

Dahan-dahan akong humarap sa kaniya at hindi na naitago ang totoo.

"But loving you is a mistake, Liam!"

"No. It's not a mistake for me Fiona. We might just fall in love at the wrong time, in the wrong situation because there's someone involved."

"And it's your best friend!" I cut him.

"So what are you trying to point out again?" His voice was still gentle but his facial expression darkened.

Dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ang kamay niya. Bumakas ang sakit sa kaniyang mga mata habang tumitig sa akin.

"Let's end this shit, Liam. This is just all about lust. Maybe I am here letting myself be with you because Trevious couldn't bed me yet. Because Trevious couldn't pleasure me the way you do. So that's it..."

"Really, huh?" he smirked.

"Yes."

"Then why are you crying when you heard that I'm leaving?"

"Dahil pinangarap mo iyon, Liam. Matagal mong pinangarap."

"Pero ikaw ang pangarap na hindi ko kayang ipagpalit kahit kanino," aniya.

Umawang ang labi ko. Malakas na tumambol ang dibdib ko. Umangat ang kamay niya at pinahiran ang natuyo't na luha sa mga mata.

He gently caressed it. Namalayan ko na lamang ang kaniyang mukha na unti-unti nang lumalapit sa akin.

"Ikaw ang pangarap ko na hindi mapapantayan ng kahit na sino, Fiel..." napapaos niyang bulong at mabilis na inangkin ang aking labi sa masuyong paraan.