Was

"What? Wait, where are you?" I could sense his worry.

"I'm sorry, Ken. I'm really sorry. I... I made a mistake," I said more as I silently cried.

"What are you talking about? Why so sudden Fiona? Is there any problem? Is your daddy-"

"No, Ken. This is my choice. My parents doesn't know this..." tuluyan nang namalabis ang aking luha.

He breathed out heavily but he didn't say anything.

Nabalot kami nang saglit na katahimikan pero maya-maya lang ay binasag niya iyon.

"Why?" his voice changed into serious.

"I'm sorry, Ken..."

"Will you be happy if I set you free?"

Napaawang ang labi ko sa sinabi niyang iyon. Hindi ko inaasahan na magiging ganoon ang sasabihin niya.

My heart clenched at the same time, happy.

"I know you're not happy with me anymore. And thank you for being honest this time, Fiona," he said.

"Ken?"

He sighed. "If you want to be free then I will let you go. But I just don't want what you did for cheating behind my back, Fiona. I felt insulted."

"Ken..." my mouth opened a bit as I trailed off.

"I know everything, Fiona. I know that you are with my bestfriend, Liam. I'm just waiting for your words."

I cried harder with his unexpected words. "I'm so sorry, Ken. I'm sorry... I just don't know how to face you."

He laughed slightly. "I'm not mad, but I feel insulted. You are stepping on my ego. If you just say it early to me-"

"I'm really sorry Ken..."

"It's okay. It's already happened. We can't change the things that you've already done. I will just cancel everything at our wedding. I will also call your mommy to inform you about this," aniya na mas ikinagulat ko.

'Di ba dapat magalit siya? Dapat pagsalitaan niya ako ng masakit dahil niloko ko siya? Pero bakit hindi niya ginawa?

"Bakit Ken? You should be mad at me," usal ko.

"Why would I be mad if setting you free will make you happy? I always wanted you to be happy, Fiona. And if I'm not the reason then why would I still be holding you?"

Mas lalong bumuhos ang luha ko. Gulong-gulo sa kaniyang mga sinasabi.

"Pero bakit wala lang sa'yo?"

"I felt insulted, Fiona. Pero hindi ko naman ipagkakait kung anong gusto mo. Kung saan ka sasaya. Marami rin akong pagkukulang sa'yo kaya naiintindihan ko," aniya.

Nilingon ko si Liam na bakas din ang gulat sa mga mata dahil naririnig niya rin ang mga sinasabi ni Ken.

"But I have a question," Ken said so my attention gets back to him.

"Can Ishikawa protect you from anyone?"

"What are you talking about, b-buddy?" sabat ni Liam.

"Oh, you're there. Let me talk you in private," ani Ken kaya nagtaka ako pero inabot ko na lang din ang cellphone sa kaniya.

Bahagyang lumayo si Liam sa akin kaya napatingin ako sa kawalan. I never thought that our parting would be this peaceful.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko dahil sa malakas na kabog. Pero maya-maya lang ay may yumapos paikot sa aking baywang.

"Fiel, Trevious set you free now. So it means-"

"No!"

Napaharap ako sa kaniya.

"Hindi dahil sa naghiwalay kami ay puwede na tayo. Mali pa rin ang nagawa natin Liam. We still cheated. We made a mistake," I said.

He slowly nodded. "So what's your plan?"

"I want to find myself, Liam. I want to heal first. I want to start without hiding something from anyone."

"Do you like me?"

I gulped. "I-I love Ken-"

"You don't love him, Fiel," putol niya. "Dahil kung mahal mo siya ay hindi ka mag chi-cheat sa pangalawang pagkakataon. Hindi mo ako hahayaang kasama ka rito. Hindi mo ako hahayaang hawakan ka ng ganito," he pointed out.

Napatigalgal ako.

"Maybe you're just feeling in love with him because he was always there before until he changed. But in the deeper part of you, you were not," aniya.

Hindi ako nakaimik.

Ayoko nang makipagtalo pa sa kaniya dahil kahit ang sarili ko ay naguluhan sa sariling nararamdaman.

Napabuntong hininga ako bago nagsalita.

"I want to go somewhere. Somewhere that no one could know me. But don't follow me, don't come near me either. I just want to be alone," sunod-sunod kong sinabi.

"Why do you still need to do that?" nakasimangot niyang sinabi.

"I want to forgive myself, Liam, for what we've done. A mistake is a mistake. And we did it twice while I'm engaged with Ken. And I couldn't start a peaceful life if I didn't do it..."

He immediately cupped my face. "But will you come back right?"

Tumango ako.

"I'll wait for you until you finally healed, Fiel. But can we be together for the whole week before you go? I just want to spend more time with you..."

Napatango akong muli nang hindi ko makapa ang paglabag sa kalooban.

Napatitig ako sa kaniyang mukha habang lumulukso sa tuwa ang puso ko na para bang nakawala ito sa hawla.

"Hihintayin mo pa rin ba ako kahit matagal? Mamahalin mo pa rin ako kahit na nasa malayo?"

I surprisingly utter those words.

I close my eyes when I imagine the girl he's with that night in the club.

Paano kung sa pag-alis ko ay makahanap siya ng iba?

Mahina siyang natawa at hinaplos ang aking mukha. "Minahal nga kita kahit hawak ka na ng iba, ngayon pa kayang malaya ka na?"

Nag-init ang mukha ko at hindi maitago ang ngiti sa labi.

Bakit pakiramdam ko ngayon ay mas takot akong mawala siya kaysa kay Ken na nakarelasyon ko ng halos ilang taon?

Bakit kung kailan komplikado ang sitwasyon ngayon ko pa nararamdaman ang ganitong bagay? Bakit ngayon pa.

"Oo, Fiel. Kahit gaano katagal. Maghihintay ako hanggang sa mahalin mo..."

He grabbed my waist and pulled me a tight hug.

"I know this is not the right time. But please be true to yourself, Fiona Elysse. Be true while we are together. I know you already felt something on me, you're just scared to admit it..." he whispered.

My hands trembled as I hugged him back. I am still confused about what I really felt for him.

-

"Fiona?"

I heard someone calling my name so I went out in front of the kitchen. I wiped my sweaty hands as I saw Aling Marites.

"Naku, Fiona, pasensya ka na kahapon at hindi kami nakabalik pa. Hindi na ako pinakawalan ni Senyora Claudia nang magkita kami," natatawang anito.

"Okay lang po, Nay," sambit ko.

"Nga pala iyong pinabili mo ay ihahatid mamaya ni Tanyo. Naipit na naman sa traffic sa bayan."

"Ganoon po ba karami ang tao sa bayan?"

"Oo, ineng dahil utos ng mga Ravas. At saka mamaya pa pala ang okasyon. May libreng diskuhan mamaya. Masaya iyon kaya isasama kita," sabi pa ng Ginang.

"Sige po..."

"Ay teka may dala akong pagkain. Baka ka ko gutom ka na," aniya at inabot ang tupperware na naka-plastic.

"Salamat. Pasok po kayo, nagluluto po ako sa kusina," sabi ko.

"Abay, marunong ka pala magluto?"

"Opo. May kasama rin po ako."

Tiningnan ako ni Aling Marites at sabay na kaming naglakad paungo sa kusina.

Nang nakarating sa hamba ang saktong nakasalubong namin si Liam na papalabas.

"Ay, kasama mo pala ang nobyo mo, hija? Nakakahiya naman at pang-isang tao lang ang nadala kong pagkain," turan ng Ginang.

"Okay lang po. Chef naman po iyan at marunong magluto," tawa ko sabay lingon kay Liam na sinimangutan ako.

Napaiwas agad ako nang tingin dahil sa kakaibang epekto no'n sa akin.

"Ang guwapo ng nobyo mo-"

"Hindi po kami mag..." napasinghap ako nang kabigin ni Liam ang baywang ko at pinisil iyon.

Napalunok ako sa kaniyang ginawa.

"Anong hindi?"

"Hindi raw po ako guwapo, Nay, sabi ni Fiona," si Liam.

Bumuka ang bibig ko ngunit walang lumabas na salita.

Mahinang natawa ang ginang bago umiling-iling. "Naku, ganoon talaga ang mga babae hijo, kunwari napapangitan sa nobyo nila pero kapag nilapitan naman ng ibang babae ay todo selos."

Napangiwi ako.

"'Nay, kapag po ba may lumapit sa aking babae ay magseselos ang nobya ko?"

Mahina kong nakurot ang braso ni Liam dahil sa mga sinasabi niya ngunit pinisil niya lang muli ang balakang ko.

"Abay, oo naman, hijo. Lalo na at maraming magaganda sa lugar na ito. Ang iba pa nga ay pinag-aagawan ng dalawang pamilya."

Napasimangot ako nang marinig iyon.

Parang ginagatungan pa ni Aling Marites si Liam.

Kinalas ko ang kamay niyang nakapulupot sa akin at naglakad patungo sa kalan.

Narinig kong mahinang nagtawanan ang dalawa pero hindi ko na pinansin pa.

Hindi ko naman masisisi si Liam kung makahanap siya ng iba.

There's no clarification about us. And I know being with him on this day is still a sin. I just broke up with Ken in hours yet I still let myself be with Liam.

"Anak biro lang namin iyon. Nakakatuwa ang iyong nobyo," natatawang ani Aling Marites. "Mas maganda ka pa rin sa ibang dalaga rito," dagdag nito.

"Okay lang po, ingat po kayo. Sasama po ako mamaya," sabi ko.

"Sige, ineng. Susunduin ko kayo."

Tuluyan nang nagpaalam ang ginang kaya naiwan kaming dalawa ni Liam. Siguro nga ay naghatid lang ng pagkain ko.

I sighed heavily as I turned my back but unexpectedly Liam grabbed my waist and hugged me from behind.

He embraced his arms at the same time, a cold wind spank on us.

Napapikit ako nang pumatong ang kaniyang ulo sa aking balikat.

"Bakit mo naman ginatungan ang sinabi ni Aling Marites? Pinaniwala mo pang magkarelasyon tayo..." sambit ko.

"Hm, this is a province, Fiel. You don't know what beliefs they have. And the fact that they're traditional people, for sure they wouldn't like if you tell them that we're just nothing..." he pointed out.

Sabagay, halos nakita rin ni Aling Marites sang ginawa kanina ni Liam.

"O-Okay..."

"Have you regretted it?" he asked.

"Regret?"

"For canceling your wedding, for breaking Trevious' heart. For choosing me-"

"No. I did it for myself, Liam. I want to forgive myself for what I've done. And maybe soon, if I already have the strength to confidently and personally apologize to Ken-"

"We'll apologize together, Fiel. You won't do it alone. Hindi kita iiwan mag-isa sa bagay na pareho nating ginawa..."

I smiled painfully but felt surreal.

Iyong pakiramdam na sa kabila ng mga mali naming nagawa ay parang kami lang din ang nagkakaintindihan.

"Ikaw? Nagsisisi ka ba? Hindi lang pagkakaibigan ninyo ang masisira kapag nalaman ng lahat ang nagawa natin. Pati na rin ang mga magulang ninyo," nakokonsensya kong sinabi.

Napakagat labi ako nang umangat ang kaniyang ulo. He gently kissed the back of head and went back to my neck.

"Nope. Hinding-hindi ako magsisising mahalin ka kahit hawak ka na ng iba, Fiel," he whispered into my ear.

My tears slowly fell. "Bakit ako pa Liam? Kasalanan ang mahalin ako."

"That was also my question, Fiel. There's no exact answer, I don't even know the reason. But I am sure from the bottom of my heart, that I am deeply in love with you..."

My heart felt a massive warmth. Those words from him, I never heard of Ken even just once, even before.

Napayuko ang ulo ko at napahawak sa kaniyang brasong nakayakap.

"Puwede ka namang maghanap ng iba. Iyong hindi kayo masisira-"

"I only love once in this lifetime, Fiel. And it's only you. Since then," he whispered. "Flying bird..." he chuckled.

My mouth opened a bit as I turned my face on him shockingly.

"Flying bird?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "Because I was the one who gave you a bird when you were young. I was the one you fought because you thought I made your bird fly. And I was the one who bought a bird in exchange..." he said.

I blinked.

"And I was that kid, you said... that you will wait for me until we grew up..." he whispered in agony.

His eyes slowly teared up as he cupped my face.

"Liam..." I mumbled.

"It's Liam Travis Ishikawa, Fiel. That you might have thought was Trevious..." he asserted and made gulped.

My tears fell as I recognized something. Travis and Trevious.

"It's y-you?"

"Yes," he laughed.

He then laughed suddenly. "I thought, you would recognize me since, Trevious and I have different shapes of eyes-"

"I don't remember the shaped, but the colors-"

"I was using a brown contact lens even though it's risky since I'm still young. But I wanted to show Trevious how beautiful his eyes are because he hates the color. So I always put it on..." he confessed.

I trailed off.

I stepped backward while shaking my head with his confession but he just pulled me again a tight hug.

He snorted. "Now you know. I miss you so much, Fiel. My cutie little bird..."