In love

I was quickly typing a message to Melissa that I don't want to continue our concerted talks anymore. I didn't expect that I would end up like this. 

But who am I kidding? I laughed at myself for being in denial of the truth.

Me:

Hi, Melissa. I'm sorry for being unreachable for these past few months. I've been having a hard time here. And I want to say that, I won't continue our talks anymore. I hope you could understand, thank you.

I immediately sent the message to Melissa as I started fixing myself. I've deactivated my social media accounts and I even turned off my old phone but I'm planning to buy a new one.. 

I don't feel like contacting her even my mother just to have a piece of mind. I sighed heavily and slowly walked in front of the mirror. I stared at myself with my weary eyes. 

"Please be true to yourself. You're hiding in the shadows just so other people don't see who you are. It's time to show who you truly are!" I mumbled to myself.

Mabilis na akong nag-ayos ng sarili. I'm wearing a maroon fitted dress up to thigh length with a pair of black stilettos. I put some light makeup on and apply nude maroon matte lipstick. 

Mabilis kong kinuha ang plantsa ng buhok at kinulot ang dulong bahagi. Pagkatapos ng halos isang oras na nakatutok sa salamin tapos na ako sa ginagawa ko at saktong may kumatok sa labas ng unit ko. 

Nakangiti akong naglalakad patungo roon at pinagbuksan ng pinto.

"Hi," bungad ko.

Napansin ko ang bahagya niyang pagkatulala sa akin at pagkatulos sa kinatatayuan. Napalabi ako at hinila na siya papasok at sinarado ang pinto.

Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang suot niya. He's wearing a long polo shirt na kulay asul at nakatupi ito ang hanggang siko. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa suot niya black slacks with a pair of black shoes.

"Ang formal mo naman masyado…" sabi ko.

Bumalik ang tingin ko sa mukha niya, sa mata niya. He's wearing a black contact lense again. He doesn't want to show his real eyes in public.

Nakatitig pa rin siya sa akin at napapalunok sa sariling laway habang pinapasadahan ako ng tingin mula ulo hanggang paa.

"Ayan ka na naman!" sikmat ko at tinalikuran siya.

Diretso akong nagtungo sa kwarto. Kinuha ko ang sling bag nang mapansin ang pag-iilaw ng lumang cellphone. 

Since I started being in a relationship with Alex, I changed my phone and my phone number. So no one could contact me, no one could disturb me. 

I grabbed my old phone and I was about to read the message arrived when Alex's presence interrupted. Nabitawan ko ang cellphone at mabilis na bumaling sa likuran ko.

"Let's go?"

He pouted as he walked closer to me. He slowly embraced his arms on my waistline and he gently pressed our foreheads together. He smiled at me as he kissed the tip toe of my nose. 

Pumungay ang mata kong nakatitig sa kaniya. "I wanna kiss your lips but I might ruin your lipstick..." he frowned.

"You shouldn't wear it next time or whenever you're with me," reklamo niya. 

Tumaas ang kilay ko at tinawanan siya. Dahan-dahang pumulupot ang braso ko sa batok niya at marahang pinatakan ng halik ang labi niya na ikinasinghap niya.

"You can still kiss me, it's just matte lipstick and it won't be messy..." I chuckled.

He licked his lips as he smirked playfully. "Gusto ko 'yan, Serna. Pero baka mas malala pa ang magagawa ko..." 

Nag-init ang mukha ko at malakas na tumambol ang puso. Parang buong katawan ko ang unti-unting nag-iinit kaya mahina ko siyang naitulak palayo.

"Sira! Tara nga na, baka magbago pa isip ko!" 

Tumalikod na ako sa kaniya at malakas siyang humalakhak bago narinig ang yabag niyang sumusunod sa akin.

"I think it's that way better. I would love to snuggle with you the whole day..."

"Tumigil ka, Alexander! Namumuro ka na! Ang hilig hilig mo..."

"Kasi sinanay mo ako..."

"H-Hoy hindi—"

"Yes you do. You can push me away, yet, you always respond to my kisses until it eventually comes to love making..."

L-Love making.

I just rolled my eyes because of a sudden embarrassment. "Let's go now! I'm craving ice cream..." I said as I walked out first. 

I heard him snickered. "Yes, Ma'am..."

I was waiting in the ice cream store when Alexander went to the washroom. But it's almost twenty minute but he hasn't yet come back.

Yumuko ako at sinilip ang ice cream na medyo natutunaw na. Ngumuso ako at ipinagpatuloy ang pagkain, ngunit agad napaangat ang ulo ko ng may dumilim na bulto ng tao sa harapan ko.

I immediately smiled as thought of it were Alex but I was wrong. 

"Hi," he greeted. 

My gaze stared at him intently as I nodded. "Hello." I simply responded.

"Are you alone?" 

Tumaas ang kilay ko sa kaniya. I sighed to make him feel that I'm not interested in talking to him.

Unang kita ko pa lang talaga sa kaniya sa kasal ni Krizza iba na pakiramdam ko. Ewan ko ba parang naiinis ako sa presensya niya.

"Hindi! May kasama ako," kaswal na sinabi ko ngunit may riin sa tinig ko.

Bumalik ang tingin ko sa ice cream na kinakain at tahimik na sumubo. I don't care even if he's still in front of me. I'm not going to entertain him nor interested in talking to him, not even a bit. I just feel massive annoyance at his presence.

"Then where is he now? Iniwan niya pa rin ang ganito kagandang babae?" may pag-uuyam sa tinig niya.

"Ano bang kailangan mo?!" tuluyan ng tumaas ang boses ko at malamig siyang tinitigan.

Ngumisi ito at nagkakamot ng ilong. Okay naman sana siya may itsura, moreno, matangos ilong at medyo bilugan ang itim na mga mata na bumagay naman sa hugis ng mukha niya. 

Mabilis kong naiwaksi ang ulo at nagkibit balikat na yumuko. Hindi ko talaga alam pero inis ang nararamdaman ko sa kaniya at hindi ko alam kung bakit.

"Where's Alexander? I thought you were with him?"

Nag-igting ang bagang ko at seryoso muling nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya. "How did you know that I'm with him? Are you a stalker?"

He laughed loudly and it roamed a bit inside the ice cream store. "Let's say... yes!"

"Ang why?" tumaas ang kilay ko at tumalim ang tingin sa kaniya.

"Wala lang. Natutuwa lang ako kapag may umiiyak sa kanyang babae at naghahabol sa huli. Lalong lalo na kapag iniwan niya na..."

Lihim kong nabitawan ang kubyertos ng ice cream. Bahagyang napa kuyom ang kaliwang kamao ko at sinamaan siya ng tingin.

"Hindi ako naghahabol sa kaniya! At hinding—hindi niya ako iiwan!" mariing sinabi ko.

Lumapad ang ngisi nito sa labi at tinitigan ako na parang natutuwa sa reaksyon ko. "Well, lets see." He laughed. "You look so in love, Shan. But I don't know if you can still feel the same way if you find out the truth..."

Unti-unting nangunit ang noo. "W—What do you m-mean?"

Umiling ito sa akin at dahan-dahang tumayo. "Find him first so you'll know."

"Kung may balak kang sirain kami hindi ka magtatagumpay!" anas ko at inirapan siya ng mata bagi ibinalik ang atensyon sa pagkain ng ice cream. Nawawalan na ako ng gana!

Mahina pa siyang humalakhak habang dahan-dahang tumatayo, at napansin ko na lamang ang papalayo niyang bulto. 

Humugot ako ng hangin at muling tumingin sa relo na nasa palapulsuhan. Ang tagal niya naman mag CR. Kanina pa siya nagpaalam pero hindi pa rin nakakabalik hanggang ngayon.

Ipinagpatuloy ko ang pag-ubos sa ice cream at muling sinilip ang oras. Tumayo na ako at inayos ang sarili. Naisipan kong tingnan siya sa labas ng male washroom baka sakaling may nangyari sa kanya.

Nagpalinga-linga pa ako sa paligid hanggang sa hindi ko napansin na nasa harap na ako ng make washroom. 

Medyo mahaba ang pila kaya pumasok muna ako sa female washroom at inayos ang sarili.

Nanatili ako sa loob ng ng washroom habang nakaharap sa salamin. I was muttering my words. I was practicing what should I'm planning to say to him. 

This time I'm planning to confess my real feelings for him. Not just only with it but everything. From the very beginning and the reason why I should let him be my boyfriend in an instant.

I am massively watching my posture in the mirror. He deserves to know what I felt. He never fails to make me smile everyday so this time... I want to make him happy. I want to see his smile that I'm the reason and confessing my real feelings is the only way. 

I took a deep breath as I smiled widely. "I can do it. He deserves to know since he's part of my half already" 

Huling pasada ang ginawa ko sa buhok ko bago tuluyang lumabas mg washroom nangunot ang noo ko dahil wala ng pila. 

I was stuck wondering if I should wait for him here or should I go back to our table. 

A couple of minutes passed when I decided to go back. I walked directly to our table but I rapidly stopped when I noticed the familiar body built in the side of my gaze.

My eyes immediately were shocked with a mix of pain. My mouth opened a bit but no words came out. Suddenly, my tears began to slowly roll down my cheeks as my knees trembled. 

"I—I thought..."

"I told you, Shan. He was just using you." A deep baritone voice appeared. 

I immediately darted my gaze to him as I narrowed my eyes. "Sino ka ba talaga?! At anong Gusto mong sabihin?!"

He raised his eyebrows on me as he chortled. "Let's say... I witnessed how he planned to get rid of you."

Nangunot ang noo ko sa kaniya. Mabilis kung pinalis ang luha sa mga mata at ibinigay ang buong atensyon. "A—Anong ibig mang sabihin?"

He sighed. "Fine, I'll tell you..." he said as he slowly glanced in Alexander's direction as soon as I slowly looked at them too. 

"Let's say... he planned everything from the very beginning. Haven't you noticed him suddenly approaching you?"

"Pwede ba diretsahin mo na ako!' sikmat ko dahil sa inis.

He smirked. "Remember the night you've been feeling dizzy like a crazy woman who is craving for something, it happened at Trevious son's birthday party..."

Nakuha niya ang atensyon ko dahil naalala ko agad iyob kaya binalingan ko siya ng ulo na bakas ang pagtataka sa mukha ko. "Anong meron?"

He laughed playfully. "Well, he planned to put something unusual on your drinks..."

My eyes literally widened as I was frozen where I was standing. How does this man know about it? He said...

Was it a sex liquor that I'd mistaken to drink? I asked myself.

"Do you remember now?" he asked. "He planned that too... to get rid of you without suspicious intention..." he said as he walked away.

Parang gumuho ang mundo ko dahil sa mga nalaman. I thought his intention was pure and real but then... we are still the same. But he's the worst!

I'd decided to stop it just because of my unfolding feelings for him! Oh damn it!

Mabilis akong tumalikod at pinigilan ang pagtulo ng luha sa mata. Naninikip ang dibdib ko sa mga nalaman. Kaya pala biglaan ang lahat at biglaan din ang pakikipag-lapit niya sa akin.

Gumapang ang kamay ko papasok sa sling bag na nasa kaliwang balikat at agad kinapa ang cellphone sa loob.

Sandali akng pumikit at dumilat. Pagkuwa'y taas noo akong naglakad palabas ng mall huwag lang ipakita sa mga taong naroroon na nasasaktan ako.

Pero wala na yatang mas sasakit pa na makita ang taong mahal mo na may kahalikang ibang babae at sa harap-harapan ko pa!

I hate to admit this… but I'm so fucking inlove with him!

Damn you, self! You stupid! "Ikaw ang bumigay! Ikaw ang natalo sa sarili mong laro!" I castigate myself!