Cold.

My heart is cold. It cant feel anything, I thought it was a good feeling, to feel warm again after years, after someone died in front of my eyes, and its all because of my fault. Because I am such a stupid person when it come to words.

If only I could assuring her, she will still be alive. And be beside me.

I still remember, when she nods as I propose to her, I feel like having no goal anymore but to make her happy. I forget everything, my latest love, my brothers. Just me and her.

I dream about such beautiful thing, shamefully, not knowing that god say it was too good for me to be happen.

She died. She left.

And just like what her, another sun just coming, melting the ice in my heart. But the same thing happen. And I got my shoes inside the same hole.

How funny the phrase said that only a stupid donkey fall into the same hole.

I am not donkey, I am not stupid, but I did it.

And now I am afraid,

That she'll left too.

Just like her sister.

Stupid Min Yoongi.

--
"I am pregnant." She said, and he can do nothing aside laughing. Hard.

He know that this will come. Fucking her once, and she will pretend to get pregnant. Or really pregnant and saying that the thing inside her stomach was his. He knew it. Every woman are the same, cunning, greed was all they made from.

"Wow." He said faking his shock stated while his hand circling his new girlfriend shoulder, sitting calmly in the cafeteria. "Congratulation Yuqi, you'll be a mother."

The said girl only stand there, biting her lips pressing the anger and jealousy that rise inside of her watching him, acting innocent with a new girl beside him.

Minnie is right, he is so bad.

"And you'll be the father."

"What? How can I be the father of that thing inside your womb?"

"Dont you remember? That night?" Honestly she was so shy, embarrassing, but she should say that, for the sake of the baby inside her. And how could he referring their baby with a thing?

"Oh, that night. Yeah. We fuck." He answered calmly. "Once." He pointing his finger on his boyfriend then. "I fuck her more than once, and she doesn't pregnant."

"Kookie. This is yours. Believe me." Her voice cracked. She knows that he loves someone else now, she only want him to acknowledge their baby. That's it. Because she cant take everything alone. She was too young and small.

"How can I believe you? Where is the proof that its mine? How I know with who you were get laid with."

"No." She spoke with a sad and pathetic voice. Wiping her tears. And she looks around. So many eyes looking at her, and she become her old self, hating the attention. They look at her with disgust.

All of them.

And she look at his back, looking for place to hide from her friends, his friends. But they stay still. Taehyung and Jimin looking their book, pretending to read something, Jin and Namjoon also Hoseok look away. Yoongi look down at his hand while biting his lips. Jennie hissed. Jisoo looks blank and Rosé only looking at Jungkook.

No one care.

"You need to learn to eat an after morning pills, that's my advice if you are not wanting to pregnant again." Jungkook said make her focus back to his feature. "But I am not going to have that baby. Its not mine. You can go."

--
Her days, was normal. Meaning no attention, as if she wore an invisible cloak like in Harry potter. No one see her as an important thing to look twice.

And she feels boring.

She always jealous with her sister. Lisa. Every time and everywhere she goes, every eyes will look at her in awe. Just like how girls looking at Jungkook.

She was full of charm and cute at the same time even thought her heart was dark, Lisa, and Yuqi loves Lisa.

Maybe that's why she immediately falling for Jungkook the first day of their school. Looking so bright and kind. Jeon Jungkook. The heart catcher.

She was so happy a year after that, her feeling seems noticed by him. He become closer and closer. Her sun is approaching her.

And she is blind.

And she got burn now, got stained, and she cant take it alone. Coming to the street after school, she doesn't feel to go home. Turning off her phone and just walking.

She doesn't want to live anymore.

But she doesn't want to be a coward. She doesn't want to hurt and leave her dad, but what can she do? She cant embarrassing her family. Her only dad. And also Lisa.

She was thinking and walking without knowing where she will be until horn startling her. She was expected to be hits by the car, so she only holding her ears and closing her eyes.

Maybe this is the best.

"Shit, what are you doing? You wanna die? Want me to kill you huh?" And there she is right now, on someone embrace, in a man embrace, with a pale skin and small eyes. He looks so mad with his raging breath.

"Oppa." She call him innocently. Not knowing why did the man look so mad. "Yoongi oppa." She call him again once the problem pop out inside her mind again. "Yoongi-ah."

--
"So its Kookie's child." He ask. And she nods. They were eating dimsum because when Yoongi offering her to send her home, she suddenly want to eat dimsum. So they went for it.

"What will you do next?" He ask again and her mood swing just come back. She huffed with a sad eyes, her heart clenching tightly make her feel cant breath.

"I don't know." She said truthfully. "But I cant keep it."

"Why?"

"Because Kookie doesn't want it, and dad will probably killing me. Its enough for my parents to worried about my older sister. Not with me too."

"Yuqi."

"I am okay, oppa." She smiles thinly, she want to tell herself too. That she is fine. "I just need time to think."

"But its living now." He spoke looking straight at her stomach. "You cant kill the baby. Its yours anyway." He looks so furious and looking at her eyes wanting her to stop doing something stupid.

"I am alone, oppa."

"I am here."

"What?"

"You heard me, Yuqi. I am here. Lets get married. Let raise the child together."

"Why do you want so? What about Jennie unnie?"

"She is strong. She will be okay without me." He spoke weakly. "Beside, there is someone who love her already."

"But its not yours."

"It will be mine once we married. So lets do this. Lets talk to your parents, I'll come tomorrow to your house. Wait for me there. Okay?"

"But-" she hesitant at first. But the he felt his hand squeezing her hand tightly. And he smiles genuinely. Maybe this is what god want. "I am sorry. And thank you, oppa." She said and then hugging him tightly.

"Anytime, Yuqi." He smiles and hugging her back, looking through the glass window of the small restaurant in Hongdae. Eyes to eyes, with Jungkook from the outside.

The said boy looking at them, emotionless. And then, he smirk when Yoongi looking at him.

Why it should be you, hyung?

--

His eyes widened when I open the door and met his eyes. He was standing in front of the door of my dorm, do nothing and now he is startled maybe doesn't expecting me to be inside.

I look at him, poker face, and then the will in my heart to ask about yuqi coming back.

But Miyeon told me to not.

And I should listen to her.

She was the only person be beside Yuqi all the time, she knows what's should and shouldn't to do. And when she said no, then I wont do that.

But my heart want to ask him so bad, I want to know why. And how.

So without I could processing my words its already come out.

"What's Yuqi for you?" I ask, doesn't really care anymore, if he know who I am or not now, its all ruined already, what will make difference.

Right?

"The woman I was going to be married with." He said honestly. Standing freezing still.

"You know its not yours." She refers to the baby. He nods. "Then why? Is it guilt? Or pity?"

"Its pure love." She bits her lips.

"Then why you let him touching her?"

"I don't know." He answered again. "Maybe because she looks the happiest when she was with him."

"And how about your feeling?"

"Mine isn't important. As long as she is happy, I will feel the same." He spoke and looking down at her shoes. "That was me who gave her, her birthday present." She looks at him confused. "The shoes." He pointed at her shoes with his eyes. She smiles.

"I miss her."

"Don't ever ask me about that too." He spoke again.

"Why you let her go?"

"She runs away." He spoke and then stepping closer at her when he sees her tears, he wipes it and the caressing her cheeks. "I was on my way to your house, try to ask your parents to marry her."

She sniffed. "But when I arrived she had been there, I can see her lifeless body from the window of her room."

"Why did she kill herself?" She asked confused while looking at him.

"I don't know, Lis." He spoke and then bracing himself to hug her. Hoping that she wont rejecting him. "Maybe because I am not him."

She hugs herself and whimpered, holding her cry and drowning herself into his scent.

He is someone who try to save you, Yuqi. Why did I hurt him too?

"You can stop now." He spoke as he caressing her hair. "Whatever you are doing with Miyeon, stop it, please. I beg you." He sounds so desperate and she can feel warm thing dropping on her ear so she looks up.

He is crying

For who?

And then when she was guessing the answer her eyes catching something, someone, and her heart burned.

So without hesitation she cup Yoongi's jaw and kiss him passionately. The said man moan lightly and his hand automatically run down to her hips and neck. His world just muted now.

Don't do things like what Yuqi did. Please.
Don't leave like her.

The kiss was longer than he expected. And he can feel her jaw clenched, and its weird. So, hesitantly he stops the kiss and then looking at her eyes. And for a second his heart stop its beat.

He look back. Watching bunch of Lily flower on the floor.

Its you again, hyung.