I drove down the road that led to the lake houses. It was full of branches and twigs that had been blown down by the wind. At one point a large branch was obstructing the road so I had to get out of the car and move it. When I got back into the car I pulled ahead and stopped again. I moved the branch back. The lake seemed like a different place in the early spring. The trees were still mostly bare but I knew they getting ready for leaves to create a canopy. It was wet and cold. I didn't like being out there alone. I didn't think Jeff would find us, except my conversation with Mildred lingered and echoed in my mind. I didn't think Jeff would possibly go to the Art Institute. I knew he would be preoccupied with finding me; first questioning Elise and Mariam and then he'd look for me at the train station not Ed's lake house. By then Ed would arrive there. I was nervous. I was afraid he would find me even though I knew it was nearly impossible. We pulled in front of the cabin and when we got out of the car, the lake seemed much closer to the property than I remembered. I wonder if it had risen with all the rain. I didn't know but it was just a few wooden stairs to the shore and the shore was maybe twenty feet from the stairs.

"I'm hungry momma. I want to go home." I realized I hadn't packed anything for Charlie. What was I doing bringing Charlie out here? My plan was not sound. I supposed if I'd had more time. If Jeff had been in the hospital a week as the doctor had told me when he was unconscious, then it would have worked out better. I would have been on the train. I would have been in Portland by then. Even if he came for us in Portland, I would have Harry and the boys I knew from high school. They'd beaten Jeff once before. They'd put him in the hospital after he'd forced me. My mind ran in this sort of stream of ideas. They were ruminations. I was terrified.

"Well we'll see what there is to eat inside." I offered. He trudged along behind me as I led him to the porch and opened the door to the cottage. It was empty and smelled musty. Things were in the same places, but it had a sinister silence, closed up for winter. Freezing air rather than summer warmth filling the house. The wind whistled through the thin wooden walls. The sun was falling quickly.

"Mama I'm hungry!" Charlie whined, impatient and tired.

I rummaged through the cabinets and found a can of tomato soup.

"This is all there is darling." It was nearly dark and suddenly I felt completely exposed as if I was being watched from every window. I lit the stove and even the snap of the sulfur catching on the side of the box caused me to jump. My hands shook as I lit the stove. While the soup was heating up I made sure both the front and back doors were locked. I thought of barricading them with furniture but realized that was going too far. I closed the café curtains in every room. I wondered if I should leave the lights on and thought better of it. I turned them off and of course Charlie objected. The house was almost dark with just the glow of the stove. I turned off the burner and poured the soup into a bowl and placed it on the table with a spoon. Charlie sat down and gulped it down.

"Momma turn the lights on. " he said between sips of soup. "Play cards with me."

'Not now sweetheart. Be quiet so momma can think."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Please Charlie. Shhh." I was short with him. He looked down at the bowl in the darkness while he ate. When he finished he sat on the floor near the couch with a deck of cards. In an instant my mind flashed on the day Charlie had found a loaded gun in a box on the shelf upstairs. I put my coat on. "I'm going upstairs for a moment."
"Can I turn a light on?"

"No. Keep them off and stay on the floor."

I immediately found the gun and a wave of relief washed over me. Of course, I didn't want to use it, but I would if Jeff tried to kill me. What a thought. He wouldn't try to kill me despite his threats when he was jealous. I turned the barrel as I'd seen Jeff do and I saw there were bullets in the gun. I removed the safety lock just as Jeff had done when he flipped it back and forth having found it unlocked while it was in Charlie's hand. I started down the stairs again. I wished I hadn't parked the car in front of the cottage. I considered going outside and moving it to another drive way. I knew it would be shrouded in the night. I was too afraid to leave the cottage to venture out into the darkness. As I started down the stairs Charlie met me half way.

"Daddy's here." He said.

"What?" The air escaped rapidly from my lungs. I walked to the door and looked out the panes of glass. Charlie stood right behind me.

"See that's daddy's car parked outside."

Jeff stepped out of the car and walked towards the house.

I turned to Charlie, "Go upstairs and hide in the closet. Now!"

"I want to see Daddy," Charlie insisted.

"No go hide. It's a game you don't want daddy to find you. Remember that. No matter what happens stay quiet. Go upstairs now and hide."

Charlie walked upstairs and disappeared. I knew it would take little effort for Jeff to find him. Really, all he would have to do is call him and Charlie would come. I hid behind the kitchen wall. I closed my eyes for a moment and there was a gentle knock on the door.

There was another knock at the door and it was calm, not pounding. Not frantic or angry. It was as though there was nothing wrong at all. But, I knew there was something wrong. I felt the weight of the gun in my pocket. I looked down; it did not seem obvious buried in the wool. I moved to the door and stood behind the panes of glass.

"What are you doing up here Eve?" He was so calm in the moment. I would almost have thought it was the remorseful Jeff and not the angry one. His face was relaxed and he was almost smiling but when I looked in his eyes, I recognized the hatred towards me. He turned the knob.

"Go away Jeff. I'm not letting you in."

He scoffed, barely a laugh. "I came to make sure you're all right, darling." He acted like he has all the time in the world. "Open the door, Eve."

"No. You know I'm all right. I want you to leave."

"Eve. It seemed like you were the one leaving." I could hear him perfectly through the thin glass. Seeing the rotted panes, I knew it would take nothing to pop a window. I knew that's exactly what he was going to do if I didn't let him in.

He shook his head. "Mildred was completely confused when you'd told her to deliver a message to Ed. Ed? I thought. Why would you be asking her to tell Ed to meet you at his Lake house? Why were there suitcases under the bed? And you took all my money? Of course I had to make sure you're all right."

"Stop it." I said. "Just stop. You know why I'm here. You've gone crazy. You're still delirious. How could you accuse me of having an affair with your friend? How could you ever say I would poison you? Jeff you're the one who's gone crazy."

He shrugged his shoulders "Open the Goddamned door. You're a liar. I knew all along. I knew Eve. I just didn't know who."

I'd broken down. "Please Jeff. Please leave me."

"We both know I'm not leaving Eve. Are you going to open the door or should I pop this little window here and come in?"

"What are you going to do?" I asked.

"Which is it?" I unlocked the door and opened it.

He looked perfectly healthy again. He was well dressed. He didn't look sick at all. I wondered if they'd found the poison. I wondered about the little berries in the jar. I thought perhaps the police were on their way too. Maybe Jeff was here to keep me until they arrived. I put my hand in my coat pocket and felt the revolver. It was heavy and I worried its weight was pulling her coat down on one side. I backed away as Jeff entered.

"No need to take my hat," he says feigning friendliness "We're going outside. I see you still have your coat on."

I was shaking. "I didn't bring Charlie," I said and as soon as the words came out I realized how obvious it was that Charlie was there.

He just laughed. "Yes you did."

"What do you want?"

"I want the truth. Then I want you to take a short walk with me. I want us to talk things over. We have to settle things. If we are really going to end this thing then we have to discuss the details."

"I've been telling you the truth. End what thing?" There was a moment of silence then the sounds of the autumn lake rose, mostly rustling leaves whistling through the thin wooden walls. . A chill had set in and I knew it was getting colder. I was worried about Charlie.

"This marriage, of course."

I swallowed. I wished it were true. I wished we could be civilized about it and just end things. "Can't we talk here?" I said softly, deferring to him again. I was absolutely alone and keenly aware of the vulnerability.

He shook his head, his face became sad, "the thing that really tipped me off was that you told Mildred not to tell me. God, Eve. Why Ed?"

"I didn't." I insisted. I examined him. "Please take me home. I don't want to do this with you here."

"Honestly I don't know about poison. It seems far fetched, but it was the doctor who suggested I'd ingested something. Just the pattern of symptoms he told me. He'd only seen it in the one man who he treated for poisoning. Of course I don't know. Of course you're a liar so asking you won't get me far." He raised his eye brows then shook it off. "He thought it was plausible enough that they are testing my blood." He squinted at me and examined me. He looked up and down. "You do look very nice for your lover. I suppose you took the two days while I was in the hospital to get your hair done and buy a new outfit."

"I didn't go get my hair done. You know these clothes aren't new. You've seen them a million times."

"Should I go up and find Charlie? I know he'd love a game of hide and seek? He'd probably love to join us down at the lake shore" The hairs on my skin stood up.

"No. If you want to go for a walk, I'll walk with you."

He smiled. "Eve. I never wanted things to end this way. I was always the bad one, but if you were honest with yourself-which I know is impossible for you-but if you were to you'd know you were bad too." I looked down. I'm sure I looked guilty. It was true. "But I told you if you slept with another man I'd kill you. Don't you remember that? Or were you and Ed already at it by then." I couldn't lift my head and meet his eyes, I'd never admit it but it was likely I seemed guilty.

"Let's go." He held the door open and waited for me to go outside. The air was ice cold and the wind had picked up.

"It almost -- almost looks like you came out here to end your own life. Everyone knows you've been very down. Couldn't even join me for social events for the last two months." The only sense of hope I had was the gun and he kept acting like a lunatic I would use it.

He grabbed my arm and said "Here let's go down to the lake." He wasn't forceful but firm as he led me down the stairs.

I considered reaching into my coat and keeping my finger on the trigger but I knew that the minute I revealed the weapon I'd have to act quickly, it was more likely he could have overpowered me and taken it, than I could use it effectively. I didn't want to raise suspicion and I didn't want to wait too long. I suspected he would push me down into the water. I didn't know if the gun would work if it were submerged. I didn't know if I'd be able to reach for it should he put his hands around my neck and try to drown me. If he held me under.

I stopped on the stairs and he tightened his grip. I was crying, "Jeff, please. I don't want to get my shoes wet. I don't want to go all the way down to the shore."

"Of course you don't care about that. What happened to the carefree girl I knew back in Sellwood?"

To my surprise he released my arm and walked in front of me down the path. I considered running back up but there was no way to go. I looked back towards the house hoping Ed had gotten the message, hoping he was coming up the road.

"Come on now darling, don't make me come up there and get you."

When I got to the rocks that lined the perimeter of the lakeshore, there was another couple of narrow wooden stairs. The wind howled.

"What a night," he commented holding out his hand for me.

I stared at him for a moment. "I know I can't get away, but I don't want to go." The only thought I had was 'I have a gun. I have a gun.' As I stood there looking at him, his handsome silhouette under the moonlight, the wind blowing his hair and loosening his shirt, I didn't think I'd have the courage to use it. I feared that I couldn't muster the strength it would take to stand up to him. "I'm not going any further. Jeff please, don't you know that you've made this whole thing up and you're crazy with jealousy? I'll go home with you. We can talk there."

"Eve. There was a man's glove in the cottage. There has never been an explanation. Truth be told a few months ago Ed became distant. He hardly came by my studio. I don't think we went out for a drink for two months. He started being friendly again after he started seeing Elizabeth. I suppose that's when it ended. Then, Eve darling what would you think if you were me? If Mildred had given you that message."

I grew angry, "I wouldn't need a message to know you were sleeping with other women. You flaunted it! You've humiliated me this whole time."

"That is how the game is played darling. I'm the man. You're the woman. Now get down here."

"I know what you want to do to me."

"No. I don't think you possibly could have any idea." With I froze. I turned back towards the house and I felt his hand grab the arm of her long coat. He pulled me down, over the rocks and I fell down cutting my arm just as I hit the shore. He pulled me back up to my feet. I shook with fear. I was so relieved that the gun hadn't gone off. I was unable to think. I was freezing and terrified. The sand below my feet was soft but it was nearly frozen. Wet and icy. Instinctively, I stepped out of my shoes. I would have to run soon.

"All right. I'm here. What do you want to talk about?"

He walked close to me. Stood an inch from me. He didn't say anything. "Eve I'm going to kill you, you know that don't you?" Sounds became amplified and even the little swish of water caused by a fish or falling leaved caused the hair on my skin to raise.

I was breathing heavily. "Why would you say that?" I whispered. He grabbed my hair and started pulling me towards the water. Just as we got close enough for him to push me in, music started up from somewhere along the shore. It was a country song that I recognized it but didn't know the name. Jeff let go of my hair and turned towards the music. "It's Hank Williams 'hey good lookin.'" Jeff started laughing.

I backed away and put my hand in my coat. Immediately the gun grew warm and moist from my sweating hand.

"Isn't that funny? Eve, you have to find it amusing."

The twang of the guitar and crooning added an eerie nightmare quality to the scene. My hand was on the gun; all of my awareness was on him. On his every move. I knew he had completely gone crazy. Maybe from the belladonna. He was not himself; he wasn't even his angry self. Even the Jeff that could strike me across the face, hold me down and force me to be intimate with him. My thoughts turned to using the gun and Charlie. I began making a plan in a rapid succession of thoughts.

Jeff walked a little further away. "Which house do you think it is?" He turned and made his hand into a visor and scanned the shore. There was a little cottage a short distance away, but further up in the woods. A little orange light glowed from its window. "Oh look it's right there." He turned back to me. I'd backed even further and was almost at the stairs.

"Someone's here." I said. "Don't' you know I'll scream and they'll come running down. They'll see you trying to drown me."

"We can hardly see their place. The music is loud enough for us to hear all the way out here. Besides, they wouldn't' know where the scream was coming from." He nodded and turned back to me. "But, maybe you're right."

"I know you wouldn't seriously hurt me-you wouldn't risk-you would get in trouble with the police."

"Eve they'd think I came here to save you."

I just stared at him. He looked so crazy.

He continued after he lit a cigarette. Something about the fact that he'd lit a cigarette calmed me for a moment. It made me feel as if I had some time to negotiate.

"Why would they?" I asked.

"Think that I'd come to save you? Darling you've haven't been well for some time. They'll go to the house. If there was poison they'd find it. Then, there's the copy of Mrs. Dalloway on your bedside table." He tossed the cigarette to the ground. "When they found you here in the water with your pockets full of stones-"
"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't. I don't have time to go over the plot with you darling, but you do know how Virginia Woolf died?"

"No."

"It was in all the papers. Not even ten years ago. She drowned herself. Put stones in her pocket and just walked into the river." He turned his head and stared at me.

"You're acting mad. What's wrong with you?" My feet felt frozen; I could barely walk backwards. I didn't know how I would run when the time came.

"Eve you were with Ed. What were you thinking?" He began walking towards me again. He looked back towards the house and then at me. "You know what I was just thinking? If we were still in love, we'd be sitting listening to the music, happy to be in each other's arms. We'd build a fire and wrap ourselves in blankets. Do you think you would have fixed us a thermos of coffee or cocoa? At one time you probably would have. You were raised to be a good wife. But now a flask of scotch would do. Now that you're sleeping with my closest friend."

"Jeff. I think whatever made you sick has made you delirious. You are hardly making sense. Please let me take care of you. It will pass, but this isn't you." If it was from the belladonna, then it would be my fault. All of this I would have brought on myself.

The song stopped and a moment later, Eddie Arnold Bouquet of Roses started up. I imagined a stack of 45s dropping one at a time providing the score to the nightmare that was unfolding.

He smiled and walked closer, "This is a sweet song."

"Please leave me be, Jeff." I said. He stood a short distance from me. "Please. I don't want this to go any further." I started trembling. I started to cry. "Please let me go."

"I like this song." He said, looking back at the house. "It's about an unfaithful wife. Did you know that?"

"No. I don't know the song. Please"

If you did know, you'd know the song its about a cheating wife. I suppose Mrs. Dalloway is too in a way." He let out a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm going to ask you one more time to leave me alone, Jeff." I was now standing tall and feeling stronger. I'd decided to use the gun or at least scare him with it. At least create enough time to get Charlie and drive away. If I had to I'd shoot his leg. I didn't even know if I could aim in the dark. I thought maybe if I shot at the ground in his direction, maybe I could stop him.

He laughed out loud. He started towards me again and I removed the gun from my coat.

"Where did you get that? Did Ed set up with it?"

"Move away. I will use it. I will. Jeff I will if I have to. I don't want to."

"You wouldn't know how to. All you're going to do is get yourself killed by gunshot rather than drowning." He started to walk towards me.

"Don't com any closer!" I pointed the gun directly at his head. I was not shaking or even frightened anymore, I was so keenly focused on the barrel of the gun and I was ready to pull the trigger. Then I had a flash of regret, instantly seeing the memory of him lying in bed. Sick from the poison. Letting him die.

He stepped back.

I said in a calm, firm tone. My eyes fixed on him. "I want you to walk towards the house with the music and keep walking in that direction." I contemplated how far away he needed to be for me to run back to the house and get Charlie, then get into the car. It would be hard to use the gun and try to manage all of the details in that split second. He stood staring at me for a long moment. Make the World Go away starts up.

"God, we couldn't have planned it. This music really is great, isn't it?"

"Please Jeff, just do as I tell you. I will use the gun. I just want to leave. I don't want to hurt you. I've just wanted to leave. Don't you know how cruel you've been towards me? It's all right if you don't love me. I--"

"On the contrary. It's bad enough that you cheated, Eve. But with Ed? On the contrary Eve. I do love you. God damn it I love you." His voice was cracking as if he would cry. I'd never seen him cry. It made me want to drop the gun and run to him and console him.

"You poisoned me. You say I was cruel, was I that cruel to you?"

"That's not true. You're still ill. That's your mind. I would never do something like that to you."

He wiped his eyes and turned away from me. "Why would you do this to me?" He looked up. I felt as if he were going to rush towards me and tackle me. I felt in that moment that he was putting on an act. "I don't know if you tried to poison me. I'll never know. Because you're such a God damned liar."

Jeff start walking towards me again. I pointed the gun towards the lake and pulled the trigger.

He jumped back. "Jesus, Eve. You would do it, wouldn't you?" He turned and started walking. I felt a breath release and my hands start shaking. I dropped the gun in the sand but scrambled to pick it up and saw that he was far enough away for me to run. I turned, leaving my shoes on the sand and ran as fast as I could towards the cottage. I ran the short distance up the wooden stairs to the cottage. I opened the door and yelled for Charlie to come down. I saw him at the top of the stairs, starting down. He was dragging his feet.

"Hurry! I yelled, "Charlie Please run." He became scared and ran quickly towards me. I took his hand and moved so fast I was almost dragging him. I took him to my car and there was Jeff's behind it. I tried to think. I thought maybe I should run with Charlie to the house with the music, Then I realized that Jeff was going in that direction. I began to shake more violently and moved to his car. I opened the door and told Charlie to climb in back and hide on the floor. I didn't see Jeff coming. I took a deep breath of relief. His keys were in the car. I was almost out. I would drive as fast as I could. I would drive until I saw a police station.

I looked in the rearview mirror. Charlie was sitting up in the back seat.

"Lay down on the floor!"

"I don't want to." Charlie said.

"Do as I say!" When Charlie's eye met mine, I realized he is frozen with terror and couldn't do as he was told. Just as I started the car, I felt the driver's side door open and felt someone grab my arm and pull me out and away from the car. I felt the gravel scrape my legs and I was so off balance that I could do nothing to get my bearings. I was able to pull the gun from my pocket but still could not get myself steady. I fell again and felt a sharp object pierce me just above my knee. Again, he was pulling me towards the shore, dragging me. I held the gun up and I couldn't see what I was aiming at, but I pulled the trigger a second time. Instantly, I landed on the ground with a hard thud. I hit my head on a rock. I stood up and the blood obscuring my vision in one eye. Once standing, I saw Jeff huddled over, I saw blood but I didn't know where it was coming from.

I screamed "Oh god, no!" I looked at him again and he raised his head and his eyes met mine. He started to stand. Once he was almost up, I could see that it was his leg that was bleeding, but he was still able to put weight on it. My heart began to explode in my chest. I moved from him. I was faster than I thought and rushed back to the car. He was gaining on me and grabbed my arm. The gun went off again and this time I dropped it. I heard myself repeating "Oh God!" I heard the words but they seemed to be coming from the dark night, not from me. Somehow my arm was free. I didn't look back to see if Jeff was still behind me. I got into the car, and this time locked the door. I started the engine and could see that Jeff was still alive and approaching the car, this time not limping. I start crying and shaking, still bleeding from my head and my leg. He had the gun and was holding it out, directly pointing it at me. Charlie started to say something from behind the seat. I screamed, "Lay on the floor." My hands were trembling as I somehow pulled the transmission gear into "R" and started to back out. Jeff was now standing in front of the car, the gun pointed at me through the windshield. He stood right in front of the hood. Reflexively I put the car into "D" and pull forward. I was only a few feet away from my car which was parked in front of us. I hit Jeff and there is a low thud. The gun fell out of his hand and metal clanged on the hood of the car. It landed close to the windshield. I continued to pull forward until Jeff was wedged between the two cars. He was reaching for the gun but he couldn't quite get to it. The gun was just out of reach. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, Jeff was still in between the cars. He was struggling to get loose. I didn't know if I should leave him there and run with Charlie to the house in the woods. I didn't know if I should grab the gun and shoot him.

When I looked at him again, his eyes met mine through the windshield. They had changed. He had come back to his senses. I knew it was over. I let out a deep. If things took their usual course, we would now fall into the long descent of him convincing me forgive what he'd done. Making me feel sorry for him. And, I did feel sorry. I felt sorry because of the things I had done. I shook my head and started violently crying. I could hear Charlie whimpering from the back seat, moaning and weeping. I wanted to tell him to come up front. I wanted to hold him but I didn't want him to see his father like that.

"Eve, back the car up." I could hear Jeff's voice but I felt, when I looked out the windshield that it was all just a dream. Not just the events of that night, but the whole thing. I thought for certain that Mary had never died, that I hadn't taken the train to Chicago. In my mind, it was all some nightmare that I would wake from. Just as in a nightmare I could hear his words echo, delayed. I saw his lips move but the sound came out a few seconds later. I thought maybe I was going crazy from the wound to my head. I wished we were back in bed two days ago, the poison running through his blood. I didn't want him dying. I wanted him reaching for me again, so vulnerable.

"Please Eve. I know that what I've done is incomprehensible. I don't expect forgiveness. But, you have too. You know you have."

Guilt pierced my consciousness and brought me back to reality. All I could do was shake my head. I wouldn't let him free. I would wait for Ed. I would wait for Ed to come retrieve the gun from the hood, handling it as if it were a hot coal. He'd guide Charlie and me out of the car and he'd take us away from there. Then, he'd call the police and tell them what happened. Jeff would survive.

Just then I saw red and blue lights fill the black night. It was police cars. Two cruisers pulled up behind me. Then, I saw that Ed was walking towards us. Over a speaker, a policeman announced "all of you keep your hands up." They obviously didn't know how many people were involved. I put my hands up and I could see Jeff doing the same. Relief washed over me. He wasn't dead. One officer walked towards the car with his gun drawn. "Step out and Keep you hands up."

"My son's in the back seat, she says "He's only 5."

"All right ma'am. Step out and go have a seat on the porch." He called to another officer to get to Charlie. "Sit with them on the porch. Don't let her go anywhere." Jeff kept his eyes on me as I walked passed him. I stared at him too. He had compassion in his eyes. I didn't even know what had happened. I knew I wouldn't be able to give the police an accurate report. There were so many lies I would have to omit.

The officer then went into Jeff's car, started it and pulled back slowly. Jeff walked from the trap I'd put him in. He seemed all right. Despite that the bottom half of his pants were blood soaked, even his leg seemed fine. When he fell after the gunshot it must have been to protect himself. He stood against a tree while another officer looked at the wound on my forehead. "It looks superficial. You should still get it checked." He placed a white cloth over the wound, "Hold it there." He then looked at my knee and did the same. My knee had stopped bleeding.

For me, I knew it was the start of it. They would take me to jail and then an asylum. There was nothing else that could be done. They must have known I'd poisoned Jeff. Jeff must have told them I'd been committed to a hospital before. He'd explain that I wasn't rational. Maybe they had already found the jar of berries. Maybe Jeff had somehow hid my coat all along; the jar of belladonna fruit in the pocket. One officer picked up the loaded revolver, emptied the bullets and wrapped both in a handkerchief. He handed the lethal sack to another officer who carried it back to one of the patrol cars.

"Who's gun is this?"

"It's mine sir," Ed said and walked towards the officer.

"Who are you?"

"He's the man whose been sleeping with my wife." Jeff said full of contempt. Ed turned and looked right at me as if to say, 'Did you confess? Does Jeff know?'

I looked at Ed for a long moment, and then turned to the officer. "That's not true, officer. My husband was ill. He was just released from the hospital. He was very sick and was very confused. Ed is a good friend of the family. He has a fiancé. We are nothing but friends."

Jeff was glaring at Ed. I thought at any moment he'd lunge for him.

"Then why are you here?" the officer turned his attention to me.

"I was afraid. I felt I needed to get away from my husband. He's beaten me and the last time he said he would kill me." I knew I still had bruises on my face and neck. That was strong evidence.

The officer walked over to Jeff. "Did you threaten your wife tonight? Did you do this to her?"

Jeff looked down, "I did. She's having an affair. I'm not confused at all." I felt a wave of relief when Jeff omitted the poison. I realized he didn't believe I'd done it at all despite what the doctor said. I knew he somehow still trusted that I loved him.

Ed approached the other officer, a rotund man who appeared to be in charge. The officer was standing near to me and Charlie. "I think she is in danger, sir. I've seen him strike her. I've seen him mistreat her. Please at least let her spend the night at my fiancé's house. Let him cool down?"

Jeff was calm but firm "Ed, get the hell away from my wife. Don't you touch her." Ed wasn't touching me, he was standing near me, but not attending to me.

Jeff covered his face with his hands for a moment and rubbed his cheeks. He let out a breath before he brought his hands back down. Then he looked at me. There was confusion and compassion in his eyes. I knew from how he looked that the events that had taken place were because he'd gone crazy. I even thought it was the poison still affecting him. He'd never acted so violent before and I believed as much as he hit me in the past and had affairs, he could never really hurt me.

"Officer, let me speak to my wife, please. We've had a fight. It's a family problem."

Ed tried to convince the officer. "Please, let her go to my fiancé's tonight. Let them both cool off. She's in danger."

The officer squinted his eyes, looked from Jeff to me. "I don't know, this is a family matter. I don't want to get involved. We'll investigate because a weapon was involved, but this is really an issue for Mr. Lambert to settle with his wife.

I could feel myself panicking again, "Please sir. I'll speak with my husband tomorrow. I will go home then. Just let him cool off."

There was quiet. Jeff was now talking with the other officer saying something that I couldn't hear. It was the officer one who appeared to be in charge. I knew the police had no reason to let me go to Elizabeth's house. The truth was that as soon as I arrived at her house, and the police left Ed and Elizabeth would drive me out of town and put me on a train. Likely Jeff knew that too. For such a long time he'd tried so hard to prevent me from leaving. Made it almost impossible. I knew he knew that if I'd had time away from him I'd run away. Why else would I have Charlie with me? And, a part of me realized he really did know about Ed. There was nothing concrete but he'd grown suspicious. I was sure Ed couldn't contain a façade of friendship after what he'd seen and after what I'd told him. I also knew Jeff really didn't believe I'd poisoned him. I doubted that's the way the doctor put it. I'm sure the doctor mentioned it, but it was likely one of many possible explanations for Jeff's sudden illness. He had been so full of jealousy that he'd put the whole story together and even began believing it was all true, he'd never know for sure.

Jeff was shaking his head. "I want my wife to go home with me. She's not going to his house. We just had a fight. We often do."

The rotund officer walked over to Jeff and the other officer. I overheard him say "We're going to take her over to the gentleman's fiancé's house. We understand the way you feel. You have every right to want your wife to come home. You can see your wife tomorrow. Your son needs some rest too."

Charlie had been crying since I retrieved him from the guesthouse. He was in my arms holding me tightly and crying into my shoulder. Ed didn't move closer to me but occasionally he looked at me with a look of sorrow and regret. I was too numb to respond in kind. He must have felt he'd caused all of this. Not the violence and chaos in my life, but the end result. I put my head in my hands and wept.

"All right." The rotund one said. "We're all in agreement." He gestured to me, half looking at me, mostly speaking to Jeff. "Mrs. Lambert, you'll take the boy to his fiancé's house. Officer Lane will drive you over there in the cruiser. We'll send a truck over to tow your car back. And, Mrs. Lambert, it wasn't wise for you to use the gun on your husband. He can press charges against you. He said he wouldn't but you're lucky that he doesn't." I felt a sinking feeling. Yet another situation where Jeff took the reigns, had power. Ed moved away from me some.

Jeff approached me and I could see Ed tighten, almost move in to protect me. With the police there he wouldn't need to, but it seemed instinctive. He was the kind of man who held contempt for men like Jeff. He had just never known his close friend did such things.

Jeff approached me slowly. He Stood in front of me and his eyes examined me with kindness. "Eve may I speak privately with you for a moment? May I please have a moment with you?"

The red and blue lights flashed against the dark wooded surroundings. I was nervous. "Of course," I said trying to appear reasonable in front of the police. I was still without my shoes and my stockings were torn up and my feet were ice cold, they'd grown numb. "Charlie is it all right if I leave you with Mr. Brandt for a moment, so I can talk with daddy? Will you be all right? It won't be a moment." He nodded and leaned against the porch railing and curled up in a ball, hiding his head in his hands.

Ed watched us as we walked past him, jut beyond the cars. He looked at me the way he did right after one of the times we'd made love. As if to say, "The pieces don't fit together. Why would you go back to him?" Jeff only walked far enough that the others couldn't hear our conversation.

"Eve. I want you to come back with me tonight. I'm not angry any more."

I shook my head. "I'll see you tomorrow. You scared me. I know you would have killed me. You were dragging me to the lake." For some reason I was whispering and it made the conversation with Jeff feel intimate.

"If you go over there, you won't come home in the morning. You'll leave. Ed and Elizabeth will put you on a train. I know they will."

I didn't say anything.

"Eve, when Clara and Jeffery came home with Elise, they were hysterical. We couldn't calm them. They knew you'd left them. They were begging for you, especially Clara. You're their mother. The least you could do is wait to leave. We'll talk to a lawyer and if you want to leave, let's do it the right way."

Inside it hurt to hear, but I knew I'd have to come back for them if there was any way. My body hurt and I bit my lip to prevent from crying for them, for their sadness, having lost one mother and now to lose another. I'd lost my own mother. My pain fused with theirs. And then my love for them struck me and burned through my body. Settled inside of me. To take Charlie would see to them that he was my favorite. That I didn't love them equally. My eyes filled with tears and I looked at him for a long moment.

His eyes looked at mine compassionately and he turned and lowered his head keeping his eyes on me, "Eve?"

I couldn't say anything for a few seconds. I looked away, back at the scene. I wanted to get back to Charlie. "You were going to kill me. You dragged by my hair me to the water. I know you would have drowned me. You were so crazy."

"It was a terrible fight. I'll admit that, but it was not just me. Eve, you were acting crazy too. Do you think I really could have killed you?"

I didn't agree on the surface that I was culpable too. From how it looked none of his suspicious were true. It was all him. It was his violence, but under the surface, buried in my lies, it was just as much my violence. We were both poison.

"Either way, Eve, you have to tell me the truth. You owe it to me, You really didn't have an affair? You weren't with Ed?"

"Of course not." I said. I was starting to believe it. "Do you really think I would do that to you? I've always been faithful to you. Through your marriage to Margaret and through your affairs. I watched act in love with other women while you rejected me publicly."

"I was so jealous. I lost my mind."

"All right. Charlie's cold. I'm still going with the officer to Elizabeth's. You can pick me up in the morning. I promise I'll be there."

"Eve. We can make it so things don't get so bad for you. So, if you feel you need you can leave freely."

"How?"

"Eve. You know that half of everything I have is yours?"

"No. I didn't know that."

"If we were to divorce half would go to you. I never had you sign a prenuptial agreement. Eve, my attorney wanted me to given the circumstances." Inside I flinched at his statement. It was always what I'd done wrong, but I wasn't the one who had been guilty of infidelity. I wasn't the only parent to Charlie.

"And right away I will wire money to Carmen so you will not be without a means to take care of yourself. Eve. We can have papers drawn up so you can adopt my children. That way they belong to us both."

I examined him. "When will we do all this?"

"We will go to the attorney fist thing in the morning."

I nodded.

"I won't keep you prisoner any more. I'm sorry our fight got so crazy tonight. I'm sorry. It was as if it were leading up to this for a long time. We were both so suspicious of each other. We wont ever be like that again. It went too far."

"I will go with you to the attorney tomorrow. Please."

"You know you won't. Ed will convince you to leave. He'll tell you I'm dangerous." Eve. He was gentle, "You can drive the car yourself from now on and we will look for a shop for your floral arrangements as soon as possible."

I stared up at the night sky. "We've got to get Charlie home."

"Will you come home with me tonight?"

It took a moment for me to answer. How could I really have believed him again? I can't ever say I knew why I couldn't get out of his web. He didn't have control of himself. Despite my bad choices as Carmen and Ed had accused me of, where was I to go? He likely would do the things he promised me. The money to Carmen, the car and shop. Most importantly the adoption. Then I would have more security. He might take some of these privileges away, slowly trying to make me a prisoner again, but he couldn't take money away if he'd given to Carmen. If I were the children's legal mother it would make it easier to be able to see them should Jeff and I divorce. And, if it were true that I was entitled to half of his money, then it seemed it was a good investment at least in the short term. The other option was worse for me and the children. Taking Charlie on a train to Oregon, back to a life I was no longer accustomed to. Besides, I loved Jeff despite all he'd done.

I looked him directly in the eyes. He looked vulnerable to me. Finally I said, "We'll go to the attorney in the morning? You really mean it?"
"Yes. I promise."

I looked back at Ed and the officers who were all now in a circle. Charlie was standing by Ed, only half as tall as him, but Ed had his arm around Charlie's shoulder and Charlie's face was buried in Ed's side. Ed looked back at Jeff and me. I bit my lip and I knew he knew.

"All right, I'll go home with you tonight."

I rode back home with Jeff. Charlie sat in the front with us and despite being seven, he fell asleep on my lap. He was breathing irregular breaths. I knew he was still traumatized. Jeff and I didn't speak. About half way home, he reached over and rubbed Charlie's leg. He looked at me with affection. I had my arm wrapped around Charlie, more to comfort him than to keep him from slipping off me. Jeff gently took my hand and moved it down and on the seat between us. I left it there with his hand covering mine. He caressed my skin. He ran his fingers over my wedding ring then lifted my hand up towards his lips. He softly kissed it.

                                                                  The End